10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten

T he rest of the date was…dare I say, fun? At one point, I even ate a funnel cake. Which was something that I'd never had before—as I avoided fairs and amusement parks at all costs. I didn't even allow myself to feel guilty, as for the most part, I ate healthy enough that I could afford to have sweet treats when I decided I'd earned them.

I certainly felt like I had today. Even though Felix was the one that had truly sacrificed, I was still here—in a place I abhorred. Doing something I never thought in a million years I'd enjoy.

Dating.

It was quite good.

The funnel cake, not the date.

Though the date was also good. Very good, actually.

Felix ate nothing—even though I offered and even got him his own plastic fork. Instead, he beamed adorably up at me—all boyish good looks, and bubbly excitement. Like he genuinely couldn't believe how lucky he was to be here. With me. At a carnival, of all places .

No matter what he did, he managed to look out of place, even wearing the new hat I'd bought him, and the t-shirt from the booth. Like there was something off about the way he walked, or talked. He was part of the crowd but separate also. Like I'd plucked him straight out of a time machine from the black and white television era my mother had loved.

Felix's eyes sparkled .

Like one of those horrible romantic comedies.

He didn't seem to notice the looks we received as he wandered around, playing games—germ factories, the lot of them, thank God for hand sanitizer—and dodging gaggles of teens and gossiping moms that wore matching running shoes.

Felix was good company.

My first impression of him when we'd gone body dumping had been that he talked too much. But I found now, as he chattered at me about how lovely the rides were—and "oh, gosh, Marshall, look how swell that stuffed dinosaur is!"—that I had been wrong.

He didn't talk too much.

In fact, I wished he'd talk more.

Every time I tried to pry sneakily into his past he'd casually sidestep the questions. It was fun. Even more fun than the funnel cake and seeing him drenched and sparkling had been.

Which was saying a lot, because… wow .

I didn't think I'd ever seen anything as pretty as Felix dripping wet, with his blond hair pushed back, and his eyes shining red. Contacts again. I was certain of it. I'd Googled it and I was quite certain that shade could not be natural. It wasn't as though he could have color changing eyes.

Ha!

What a ridiculous notion.

Almost as ridiculous as the fact that I heard the word vampire muttered at us at least five different times as he wandered through the nosy crowd. I hated everyone here. I hated the noises, the sounds, the lights. I hated the way the smell of popcorn and frying oil cluttered my nose and blocked out the pine needle scent that had drawn me to Beach Town in the first place.

There were a lot of things I hated.

But I didn't hate Felix Finley.

Maybe I never had.

At one point, I'd paid a good chunk of change so that Felix could play one of the stupid games that populated the fair. It was one of the ones where you had to throw rings over bottles. He was surprisingly good at it, and ended up winning a fat cat stuffed animal that's eyes were slightly too far apart. He clung to it tight, before ultimately giving it over to me so that he could play more games.

I didn't even complain, either.

Because he'd been so damn cute , cackling like a maniac as he tossed the rings. I'd been unable to even blink for fear of missing a single moment.

After each game he played, Felix reached over, gently stroking a finger over the cat's derpy face with a fond smile. He'd tip his head up so he could see me better, and though his eyes were shadowed, blocked by the brim of the baseball cap I'd bought him, they were bright.

I much preferred this cap to the floppy monstrosity he normally wore. Mostly because I could see his ears better.

God, they were cute ears.

I'd never thought that about someone else's ears before, but at this point I wasn't surprised.

Felix was my supernova. A phenomenon that was so bright it blinded, but rare enough one may never see one, in all their life.

We stayed till they turned the rides off, and the last dregs of the once thriving crowd began to wander toward the exit gates. Felix and I were one of the last couples left. We lingered at the back as the few remaining guests gathered their belongings, prizes, and leftover popcorn in hand before heading home.

Felix's hand was cool inside my own—warmer now than it had been when I'd first taken it, almost like he was leeching heat from me rather than exuding his own.

It was odd, but I didn't question it. Not when his skin felt so good against my own. Not overstimulating the way most people felt. If I was Goldilocks, then he was just right.

A couple walked in front of us, their fingers laced together like ours were. They grinned at each other, walking so close they might as well be one person.

"What are your views on marriage?" Felix asked me out of the blue, staring at the couple just like I had been. I hadn't expected the question, so it took me a second to respond. Glancing down at him—having to crane my neck, he was so short—I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

There was clearly something on his mind. He'd had fun too, I could tell—but there was always this… distance between us. Perhaps this was what had been bothering him?

He had his secrets.

I'd asked him out, despite the fact he didn't leave his house hardly ever.

Maybe he worried I wasn't…serious?

"Would you ever get married?" Felix asked, his eyes searching mine, his hand still clutched protectively in my own. He felt so…small. Despite this, the presence he had was unmistakable. Confident. Like he knew exactly who he was—though he hid it away from prying eyes. "Not everyone nowadays wants that."

"No," I scoffed immediately, shaking my head. Marriage was not something I had ever contemplated. Even though the fact that I was a thirty-eight-year-old single man was apparently appalling to some people—people who did not hesitate to comment about it. But then… then …I stopped thinking about those people. I stopped thinking about the unwelcome questions, the judgmental looks. The dating apps. The strangers. The people who would ruin my home's carefully cultivated ecosystem.

Instead, I thought about Felix .

His eyes had clouded over—the lovely swell of his lower lip and the dip at his throat both looked particularly soft. I licked my lips, heart racing.

" Yes ," I amended my statement, voice rough. "With the right person. Maybe."

All the while, I was completely unable to stop staring at the lovely splotchy flush that blossomed across Felix's throat—reacting to my words like he knew exactly who I'd been thinking about.

Felix shuffled forward, and I reacted immediately, willingly following his lead. The smile he offered me in exchange for my obedience was ridiculously sweet. The look in his eyes was so full of longing it made me ache.

Felix knew he was my exception.

It was written all over his face.

"What about you?" I asked, suddenly anxious to hear his answer.

"About…me?" He played it cool, and I glared at him till he laughed.

"Would you ever marry?" I reiterated, waiting eagerly for his response—though I did my very best not to look like it. His hand remained clutched in mine, the stupid cat stuffed animal tucked beneath my other arm.

Felix was quiet for a long, long time.

Long enough we passed through the gates that led to the carnival. Long enough that we had time to walk the path that led round the property to the parking lot. There was a…melancholy expression on his face. It was an expression I didn't truly understand, though I recognized it.

It reminded me of my father's face after my mother had died. As though Felix was mourning me before I'd even died.

Once again, I felt the distance between us keenly.

What was he thinking about?

There was a puddle in the way, probably from the rain shower that had splattered the crowd a few hours before I'd arrived. I'd been caught in it on my way home from work and was grateful when it passed. However, puddles were inevitable. This was a large one, and Felix had tiny legs.

Without thinking, I picked Felix up and carried him over it before setting him back on solid ground as though nothing had happened. The cat remained tucked safely in my grip.

Felix stared at me for a beat, obviously shocked and delighted by the manhandling. Had no one ever picked him up like that before? I'd have to make a habit to do so more.

Finally, when the parking lot came into view, Felix finally answered my question. His voice was sweet as honey and buttery smooth.

"I would marry," he said sadly, his hand once again tiny and perfect tucked inside my own. My heart fluttered, but my stomach swooped.

I didn't know what that tone of voice meant.

I wasn't sure I wanted to.

It wasn't rejection—but it wasn't…well, it wasn't good either .

"But I don't think that's in the cards for me," Felix tipped his head back, staring up at the stars as his lips twisted into a sad, flat line.

His declaration was so inaccurate I nearly scoffed, thinking he was joking at first. He didn't look like he was joking, however. And…I realized he was serious . For whatever idiotic reason, Felix—the actual embodiment of sunshine—thought he was not…worth committing to.

Was it because of the murders he'd committed?

As always, my mind immediately went to the bloodiest option.

No, no. That didn't seem…quite right.

There was something else there.

Something I didn't understand yet, but I wanted to.

"I think it is," I grunted. He'd made it clear how little he liked prying, so I wasn't about to push his buttons, not when he'd given me more than he'd probably intended to already. Not when the gravel crunched beneath our feet, quiet and unobtrusive. Not when he was holding the flowers I'd bought for him. And not when I had hope that perhaps… perhaps I'd kiss him tonight. Here, surrounded by trees, stars, and the empty parking lot.

The secrets were piling up. The pile growing taller and more wobbly by the second.

One day, they'd all come tumbling down like a fucked up game of Jenga .

They'd spill on the floor, just like the condoms Winnie had sent me.

I'd see him for what he truly was behind the masks, behind the deflection.

Every part of him would be mine.

The pieces he was ashamed of. The pieces no one else had ever known. The parts that made him vulnerable and soft. The parts that made him human.

I'd see him, and maybe, when he knew how easily I bore his weight he'd realize how badly he needed me to do so.

He'd had a lot of opportunities recently to show me his strengths, but at the end of the day there was no forgetting that Felix was a deeply unstable person. I'd seen beneath his skin. Seen how pitiful and wretched he was. Brittle, broken, scared.

He needed to be loved.

I wanted to hold his secrets.

I wanted to keep him safe.

"I'm glad you think so," Felix laughed, and I jolted, unsure why he'd found my reassurance that he was marriageable—god, that did not feel like a word—funny of all things. He should've been relieved , right? Or happy? Not… amused .

An owl hooted, hidden somewhere in the line of trees that reached scraggly and dark above the parking lot.

I wasn't sure what the next socially acceptable thing to do would be.

Quick, do something romantic, Marshall .

Food was romantic, right?

I should give him more food.

He had to be hungry.

If I went more than six hours without eating, my stomach started to eat itself. He was small. Way too fucking small. Did he cook? He needed someone to cook for him.

Does he like chicken? God, I hope so. That's the only thing I know how to make.

Brow furrowed, I offered Felix the last of my bucket of cotton candy. He shook his head, but gave my hand a squeeze instead of taking the treat. "No thank you," Felix said softly. "I'm full."

Full of shit.

He hadn't eaten anything all night.

I struggled with the container, trying to get it open without dropping his cat. Then I popped a bite into my mouth, chewing it pointedly in his direction with one of my brows arched.

Felix's laughter once again echoed through the night. This time was louder than before, less masked. I could tell the difference. I could recognize it in the way his shoulders relaxed, in the way his throat bobbed, in the crinkle at the corner of his eyes and the way his dimples appeared.

The distance between us began to close, inch by inch.

There were only a handful of cars left in the parking lot. Mine was at the edge because I didn't mind walking, and despite running late, I hadn't trusted the plebeians that populated Beach Town not to scratch it. The people who parked at the back of the lot tended to be more careful, they gave more space.

"Where are you parked?" I glanced around, eager to see what car Felix drove—only to be—oh.

Oh .

Completely fucking stalled when he gently tugged me toward a vintage 1955 Studebaker Lark. It was…Jesus god, it was gorgeous. I'd always been a car guy. It was one of the things I'd inherited from my dad, along with my appreciation for sweater vests and my general hate for any and all people.

"This is yours?" I dropped my cotton candy bucket, pressing close to the vehicle with hearts in my eyes. "It's…"

"Pretty, right?" Felix hummed, voice obviously pleased. I twisted to look at him in disbelief.

" Pretty is what you'd call a chapel, or a potluck table at a barbecue. Pretty is for the flowers I gave you—or a newborn calf standing for the first time." I scoffed. "This is not pretty . This is…wow. This is gorgeous ."

"Gorgeous?" Felix repeated, obviously amused at my expense again.

Shithead.

"Majestic."

I couldn't even be mad because apparently Felix was gorgeous and had a gorgeous car—and wow. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

I'll marry him, I decided suddenly, thinking back on his recent question .

If I got this car in the bargain, I'll marry him tomorrow.

"Marshall," Felix laughed, leaning against the vehicle, his head tipped so I could see beneath the shadow cast over his eyes. They almost seemed to glow even in the dark, maybe especially then. I knew it was my eyes playing tricks on me—as I was currently half blind after witnessing one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

"What?" I asked, though I was paying more attention to the frankly magnificent shade of turquoise the exterior paint coating the car was.

"Would you like to drive it?"

Yes.

Yes .

I was marrying Felix.

I was marrying him, secrets be damned.