Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

A va stared into the fire that Kai had made up by the mouth of the cave. The warmth was filling it so that it was actually rather comfortable. Despite the heated air and the comfort of the yellow flames, Ava sat huddled by the fire, her arms wrapped tightly around her body.

She had shed her weapons and her cloak, all laid nearby, the weapons within easy reach if she needed to grab them. Any time there was a sound beyond the cave, her fingers inched to grab the basilard, only for Kai to go and investigate, then return with a shake of his head.

“It was a fox,” he said after his latest investigation. He sat down beside her, his knees close to the fire, and reached into a saddle bag, pulling out some muslin-wrapped packs of food. He passed the first to Ava, encouraging her to eat with a wave of his hand. As she slowly nibbled at the salted ham, she shifted her gaze from staring endlessly into the fire to Kai instead.

He’d been mostly silent. He’d given up talking to her about the bandits or her future marriage, and now focused on just eating instead.

“Why have ye stopped?” she asked, pausing with her food as he ate with plain hunger.

“Stopped what?”

“Asking me. I ken ye.” She gestured to him. “Ye usually always persuade people tae tell ye things they think they willnae tell ye. It’s one of yer skills, isnae it? It’s why ye make such a good scout. Ye’re good at… manipulating people.”

He looked up sharply from the food.

“Have I ever manipulated ye, Ava?” His words left a hollow feeling in her chest, accompanied with guilt. Hurriedly, she shook her head. “Good. If ye wanted tae tell me anything, ye ken ye always can, but I seem to understand there is something ye dinnae wish tae discuss with me. I’ll make me peace with that.” He returned to eating, leaving Ava staring at him in wonder.

Since she was young, Kai had been there for her. Even when she was a child. When she had first talked about learning to be a warrior, rather than a lady who concerned herself with embroidering tapestries, he had supported her before any other had done. He had been the person she could trust most in the world.

That feeling of guilt spread through every part of her body until the salted ham was left quite forgotten in her lap.

“Something happened tae me.” The words came with great difficulty. She decided to focus on staring into the fire instead. Though she could not understand why, it was easier to look at the flames than Kai. “It happened years ago though it feels as if it happened just last week.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she was aware that Kai had stopped eating too. He didn’t move a muscle as he waited for her to go on.

“I was walking in the forest outside me faither’s castle. I’d always felt safe there, hunting. I didnae think anything about it when I came across a man. I dinnae even ken who he was.” She screwed up her nose, trying not to think of his face, though it was burned in her mind as if it had been scalded there with a hot iron. “Maybe he was a traveler, I dinnae ken, but we started talking. The moment I put down me bow and arrow to go and tae look at a rabbit I’d fired at, he moved toward me and grabbed this wrist.”

She held her hand up in the air, bearing the pink marks that the bandit had put there today. “He wouldnae let it go. He used it tae tussle me first against a tree, and then tae the ground. He… he ripped me skirt.” She paused, needing the break. Lifting her eyes from the fire she now saw Kai was holding his breath. He was the one who was now staring at the flames. “He didnae get what he wanted.”

The moment the words were out of her mouth, he breathed again. He discarded the muslin pack in front of him and ran a hand across his face, scratching the stubble on his chin rather harshly. His face was contorted, as if he was in agony all of his own.

“I fought him off, though I struggle really tae remember how. I think there were rocks. I remember throwing one at his face with me other hand. I kicked him, a lot. He left a mark on me.” She brushed her thigh through the skirt of her gown. No one ever saw that mark but her. “He ran away with blood pouring from his temple, staggering.”

Kai bent forward, his face in his hands.

Ava didn’t know what more to say. She hadn’t ever told anyone else that story before, not even Lyla, but now that the words were out there, she felt a strange sort of lightness. As if a heavy plaque of ice that had been frozen on her back was starting to melt.

“Ava, I’m so sorry,” Kai whispered suddenly, his voice breathy and weak. “I dinnae ken what tae say.”

“Ye dinnae need tae say anything.” She shook her head. “Ye are the only one I’ve ever told, Kai.”

He turned his head to face her, blinking rapidly. She was startled to see the pure anger shimmering in his eyes, though he was plainly doing his best to stop it from pouring out.

He sighed heavily and threw himself back onto the ground, above the cloak he had laid out. With his hands over his face, he just lay there, breathing heavily. Shaking.

Ava tried to busy herself. She tidied away their food, but she couldn’t leave him lying like that alone. He looked depleted, as if what had happened to her had crumpled his spine.

Shifting back to sit beside him, she then laid down beside him on her own cloak. At first, there was space between them. It seemed like a great gulf.

I cannae go tae sleep like this.

As Kai lowered his hands from his face, she gently took hold of one of his arms. Instead of allowing him to bring it down between them, she ushered it up a little. He shifted toward her, taking her silent cue. Wordlessly, Ava tucked herself into Kai’s side, resting her head on his shoulder. When Kai’s arms came up around her, they were firm, in a way that she loved, for they were possessive in their protectiveness.

Kai’s eyes shot open.

The dream was still with him, making his heartbeat echo in his ears. It had started as many others, with him and Ava together, only, this time, it had become sexual very quickly indeed. They had no longer been in this cave, but in his bedchamber at Dunvegan Castle. He’d been delicate, even gentle with her, knowing now what she had been through and how any sort of physical intimacy might scare her.

In his dream though, she hadn’t been scared of him. He’d entered her, her legs wrapped around his hips, her back arching with the pleasure of it. He couldn’t stop gripping to her in the dream, exploring her, his fingers trailing across her strong stomach, the perfect curve of her hips and the toned thighs. As he’d moved faster, her cheeks had blushed crimson red, her lips parting as she moaned, whispering his name.

“Hmm.” Ava made a sound in her sleep and Kai turned rigid.

Somehow, in the night, they’d ended up even closer to one another. They were both on their sides, with Ava tucked in front of him as his arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close. She was fast asleep, her blonde braid hanging down her back between them, the curve of her hip very noticeable beneath his arm that rested over her.

Kai tried to raise his head a little, move his chest, enough to peer at her, when he realized that his dream had had more of an effect on his body than he had been prepared for. His length was rock hard. In fact, he was even straining his trews, desperate to be free of them. Kai had to shift his hips back, suddenly terrified that Ava would notice in her sleep what she had done to him.

“Mmm. Kai?”

His movement had woken her. He stilled completely, his arms still around her, though at least now there was enough of a gap between their hips that she would not notice just how hard he was.

“Good morning,” he whispered, his voice gravelly and deep.

She didn’t pull away from him. She must have been awake enough by now to have noticed the way they were embracing one another.

He was aware that his lips were practically in her hair, ever so near to her neck. It would be so easy to shift his head and plant a heated kiss on it, but he would never do that to her. He would never take affection from her, especially not after what she had told him the night before. “Aye, it’s another good lesson fer ye.”

“A lesson? Ye wish tae give me a lesson in seduction now?” she said sleepily, stretching a little. It proved another distraction again, for her hips came tauntingly close to him. He had to grit his teeth, straining to keep his own hips away from her, even as his hand adjusted, marveling at the slim curve of her hip.

“Aye, I dae.” He quickly decided it would be a good distraction for himself. “The tone ye use with a man can be as seductive as the way ye look at him.”

“How?” She giggled a little, stretching once again. This time, he was forced to adjust one of his arms, his hand resting on her tartan skirt. It would have been so easy to lift that skirt and explore beneath, to hear her moan his name, cry out in pleasure as he entered her… only if she wanted him to.

He kept his hand as still as possible.

“Yer voice can be somewhat… challenging,” he began slowly.

“That’s what ye need tae be as a warrior.”

“Aye, I ken that, but ye are nay longer training tae be a warrior. Ye are training tae be something else,” he reminded her. “Talk tae me in a lower voice, a softer one.”

“Now?”

“Aye, now. Talk… softly.”

“And say what?” Her voice was a little sharp.

“Anything. Tell me, about yer dreams. What happened in them?” He hoped it would be a distraction. He was not particularly keen on the prospect of telling Ava his.

“Like this?” She had deepened her voice. “Ye wish me tae tell ye about me nightmares of riding through the snow?”

“Nightmares?” His hand tightened protectively on her hip. “And nay, nae like that. Ye sound like ye want tae clear yer throat.”

“Oh, I cannae dae it, Kai.” She huffed, wriggling a little where they lay. He looped his arm further around her, holding her close, moving his lips toward her ear.

“Ye can dae it,” he whispered in her ear. He was following every instinct he knew he should be pulling back from, but he couldn’t help it. “Soften yer voice and tell me about these nightmares.”

“I…” she said something so quietly it was completely unintelligible.

“Too quiet, Ava.”

“Oh, fer God’s sake, I cannae dae it!” she huffed once more, wriggling so much that he thought she might get up and march away.

“Ye can.” He held her close. Her hips were so near to his now, he was terrified she’d feel his length pressing against her, but he couldn’t resist holding onto her for a minute more. “Let me show ye.” He bent his head nearer to hers, whispering in her ear. “If I was trying tae seduce ye, Ava, I’d talk tae ye like this.” He deepened his voice to something he knew she hadn’t heard from him before. “I’d whisper yer name softly, love. Tell ye all the things I’d want tae dae tae ye, the way I’d want tae make ye smile, the way I’d want tae please ye. Dae ye hear it in me voice? What I want tae dae tae ye?”

I’m getting carried away, damn it!

Yet he couldn’t stop himself, he bent his lips down to her neck, trailing his lips there but not quite kissing her. She had gone as stiff as a board, but she wasn’t pulling away.

“Ye’re too good at this act, Kai.” Her voice had turned tremulous.

“I’m just showing ye how it’s done.” He raised himself up on his elbow, so he could look down at her as she rolled onto her back. “Now, it’s yer turn.” He waited, smiling at her encouragingly.

“What if…” she paused, chewing her lip momentarily before inhaling as if to gather courage. “What if I was tae tell ye all the things I wanted ye tae dae tae me?”

That is the tone.

She had nailed the perfect voice. It was seductive, low, like a caressing whisper. It was beautiful and sensual and what she had said left Kai’s heart beating so hard he thought it might just break through his ribcage.

She doesnae mean it. Remember that.

Yet she was looking up at him without breaking the connection of their gazes. For one second, Kai thought about kissing her, of throwing caution to the wind and showing her just how he felt about her, then she looked down and the moment was gone.

“See? Ye’re an excellent learner.” He jumped to his feet and turned away. He adjusted his trews as much as he could, being careful to constantly keep his back to her so she couldn’t see what she had done to him. “We should be on our way quickly. We dinnae want the snow tae get much worse or it will slow our journey tae the castle even more.”

“Kai?” Ava called, but he had to leave. If he turned back, she would see everything she had done to him.

“I’ll check on the horse.” He marched out of the cave, with the memory of Ava’s words still echoing in his ears.