Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“ Y e accepted this? On me behalf?” Ava stood beside the horse, staring with her mouth agape at her father.

“I did.” Laird MacKinnon was nodding, looking more at the track which was being cleared of snow ready for her journey, than at her. “Laird Grant wishes tae visit ye back home. Ye can go there today tae prepare his stay, and I will follow tomorrow. Laird Domhnall and I need tae about the English and our strategies afore I leave. Laird Grant will join us when I come back.”

“Ye accepted his visit? Without asking me if I want tae see him?” Ava murmured in amazement.

“Aye, I did. Ye agreed this was a good plan, Ava.”

“Aye, aye, I ken I did.” She was irritable as she pulled her fur cloak around her body tightly and turned to the horse. She couldn’t explain what was upsetting her so much. The night before had gone well. Laird Grant had paid more attention to her than any other woman all night long, but she had not enjoyed her evening.

More than once had she found herself looking for Kai across the room, only she had been unable to find him.

“So, I’ll ride home alone.”

“Nay, ye willnae.” Laird MacKinnon nodded behind her. She turned in the saddle to see Kai striding out of the keep and into the courtyard. He was dressed in another of his thick fur-lined cloaks, belted around the waist to emphasize his lean figure. She was distracted, staring at him and watching the way he tussled his chestnut hair as he approached the two of them. “Ye remember our discussion, dae ye nae?” Laird MacKinnon hissed rather angrily at Kai.

Ava stared at her father in amazement at the tone.

“I will never forget it.” Kai bowed to her father with deference. “I’ll escort her tae yer castle, me Laird. She will be safe. I’d sooner die than have anything happen tae her.”

Ava felt a warmth in her chest at the words. She tried to catch Kai’s eye, to smile at him, but he seemed oddly intent on looking anywhere else than at her.

“Good, good. Well, on ye go. In a day or two, I shall join ye with Laird Grant.”

“Me laird, could ye bring me sister, Thora, with ye too,” Kai said as he reached for a second horse that had been prepared. “She longs tae see Lyla and yer home again.”

“Aye, aye, as ye wish. Now, safe journey. Be careful in this snow.”

Ava bent down and kissed her father on the cheek, wishing him well before she steered the horse to follow Kai down the track. They left Dunvegan castle behind, heading across the bumpy land and toward the forest. There was no fresh snowfall that day, though the wind whipped up repeatedly, reminding them that it was never far away. As they rode, Ava became all too aware of the distance between them. Kai rode a short distance ahead, his hand frequently darting to the crossbow latched at his saddle as he watched the land around them.

“Kai?” Ava called after what felt like an hour of riding. “Kai?”

“Aye?” He didn’t turn around in the saddle but continued to face forward.

“Why did ye ask Thora tae come tae me faither’s castle with Laird Grant and him? She said nothing tae me about wishing tae come.”

“Maybe I think it wise ye have another friend there,” Kai called back. “Ye should always be surrounded by people ye trust, Ava. Especially when…”

“When what?” she urged him on.

“It doesnae matter.” He pointed ahead to the grey clouds billowing in the distance across the mountains. “It looks like there’s another snowstorm coming. Let’s get tae a valley quickly and hunt fer shelter. We willnae want tae be up on the mountains when the snow comes.”

Her mind dwelling on what Kai had said, Ava pulled the fur she wore tight around her shoulders and rode close behind him. As they reached the valley, the snow came. It fell to the earth in great clumps of fluffy white ice. It would have been beautiful, had the wind not been so bitter. It started slow, before the snow came faster and faster, and was soon driving at them in a blizzard.

“Kai!” Ava called to be heard above the wind. “We cannae keep riding in this.”

“I ken. There’s a croft up ahead. I’ve spent a night there before. We’ll find it.”

She buried her mouth in the fur line of her cloak. The whole world seemed white, and Ava couldn’t discern anything in the valley. She couldn’t see the mountains on either side of them, the peaks and trees had morphed together into nothing but greyish shadows.

“There. Up ahead.” Kai pointed forward, though Ava could see nothing. With the ice landing in her eyelashes, her eyes ached and she was forced to close them again. “It’s nae far now.”

Ava started to wonder if she was wearing a cloak at all. She was sodden, her bones feeling as if they were made of icicles.

“Stop, Ava.” Kai’s voice spoke much closer than she had been expecting it to.

She opened her eyes, finding they had halted beside a croft that was sagging so much under snow, it was nigh on impossible to see. Kai jumped down first and led his horse around the back to a small stable. Ava struggled to get down from her own mare, for her body was now so numb. She staggered in the snow, about to fall when a pair of hands caught her around the waist.

“Kai?” she whispered, her voice stuttering in the cold.

“I’ve got ye,” he murmured, his lips much nearer to her ear than she had been prepared for. Her eyes fluttered closed, just wanting to indulge in the feeling of his lips so near. “I’ll always have ye, Ava.” He steered her toward the croft. She leaned against the wall as he took her horse around to the small stable too, then returned. The door opened with one light push and they stumbled inside.

Kai threw logs from a bucket into a fire as Ava shut the door and tried to block up the gaps around it with spare blankets she found folded in another basket.

“It’s so cold,” Ava whispered, dropping to her knees in front of the door when her legs wouldn’t move anymore.

“We’ll be warm soon. Just come near the fire. Ava? Ava?”

She could barely hear his words though. Whether it was exhaustion or the cold, she didn’t know, but her whole body was seizing up as she closed her eyes. Was she tipping toward the door? Falling to the ground?

There was a pair of arms around her, that much was certain, though little else she could make sense of for some minutes. There seemed to be this infernal blackness around her, until she felt a heat on her front. It was so hot it was burning, a great contrast to the cold air behind her. Then something warm moved behind her too. It was someone’s body.

Ava’s eyes shot open.

“Kai?” she whispered.

“Ye’re safe, Ava.” His lips were near her ear again.

Ava blinked, just concentrating on breathing in a level tone as she made sense of where she was. She was sitting in front of the fire that was now burning brightly. Behind her was Kai, his legs on either side of her, so she was leaning against his chest. He had propped the two of them up by leaning against an old chest. She was no longer wearing her damp cloak, only her gown. The cloak was thrown over a hook nearby, drying beside Kai’s own.

“What happened?”

“Ye passed out fer a minute. It’s probably the cold.” His arms came up around her, taking her hands in his own. He rubbed them beneath his palms, making them warm.

“Thank ye.”

“It’s naething.”

“Nay, it isnae. Thank ye, Kai,” she said again, earnestly. He always seemed to belittle what he did, even when he went to great lengths to protect her. She followed her instinct and threaded her fingers with his own for a moment, indulging in his warmth. “Thank ye. Truly.”

“Any time.” His voice was so quiet, it was almost indiscernible, his lips nearly touching the skin of her neck. She held her breath, wishing he would touch her, but then he leaned back an inch, and her stomach quivered all the more for the want of him.

“This gown… it’s wet.” She could feel the fire, but it was not enough to help her when the damp cloth was against her skin. “Ye’re wet too.”

“Aye, it’s me shirt.”

“Kai?”

“Dinnae say it.”

“Ye ken I dae.” She gritted her teeth. “We’re going tae have tae take them off if we want tae stay warm enough.”

“In the name of the wee man, Ava. What are ye doing tae me?”

“What dae ye mean?” She angled her head around to look at him. Would this be the moment? Would this be the time he’d tell her when all of this charged air between them added up to something more?

He leaned back and reached for his shirt, tugging it out of his trews. Ava held her breath, just watching him.

“Look at the fire, Ava,” he ordered, though his voice was soft.

She chewed her lip, but did as he asked and looked away, into the flames. She heard the shirt as it was thrown away though with a soft flump. She longed to lean back and feel his chest.

“Ye sure about yer gown?” he whispered.

“I am.” She nodded. “I’ll catch me death otherwise.”

She felt his fingers begin to work the laces at her back. Her breath came as short, stuttered sounds now as she indulged in the feeling of Kai being the one to undress her. When the laces were loose, he grabbed hold of the skirt and lifted it. The gown was tossed away too, near the fire where it would dry out, leaving Ava in nothing but her chemise.

She was suddenly aware that only a thin strip of woolen cloth hid her body from him.

“Ye can push me away at any point, aye?” Kai whispered, his voice deep and husky.

“I ken.”

“Good.” Then his arms came up around her fast and she was pulled into his chest.

A small sound escaped Ava’s lips. She prayed he didn’t think it was a moan of excitement, though that was indeed what it was as he held her close. She wrapped her own arms around his, her hands marveling at the toned muscle of his forearms as he buried his head on her shoulder.

There was so little between them now that as she closed her eyes, her mind whirred with possibilities.

There was a way the two of them could stay warm, if they had both wanted it. He could have loosened his trews and lifted her skirt, explored her, showed her what real love making was like. It wouldn’t be forceful or something ugly, but something beautifully exciting.

Well, it would certainly warm me up!

She even smiled at the thought, tipping his head back onto his shoulder. His arms shifted around her, one falling to the curve of her waist as he turned his head, resting his lips against her neck.

“Kai,” she whispered.

“Dinnae ask what I’m doing. Please, Ava,” he begged.

She changed tact instead, not wanting him to pull away from the slow movement of his arms. One hand was ever so gently exploring her, teasing her as it went from her hip to her waist, then back again.

This is nay longer the act of a friend, is it?

“Dae ye remember the first time we spent a night in each other’s company?” she whispered.

“We were just children.” He chuckled into her neck. “We spent the whole night in the kitchen, stealing food. We fell asleep cuddled up by the fire together.”

“Aye, we did.” Ava sighed as he moved his lips up her neck. It wasn’t quite a kiss, but it was something. “It wasnae quite a cuddle like this.”

“Dinnae think I didnae want tae hold ye like this, even then.” His voice was so husky, she could barely believe her ears.

“Kai…”

“Dinnae ask me anymore, Ava. Please,” he begged. “This is hard enough as it is, tae see ye choosing this path ahead of ye.”

She was floored by his words. She sat stock still as his hand continued to rub that teasing movement from her waist to her hip and back down again. He gripped firm, his fingers a tantalizing promise of what other touches there could be.

Oh God… Kai wants me too.

She was blinking fast as she stared at the fire, wondering how many times Kai might have thought about touching her like this in their lives, and yet had never said anything.

“Kai–”

“I ken what ye want tae say.” His voice broke a little as he moved his head and placed his lips in her hair. It was another near kiss, but not quite. It made her ache, longing for him as her heart thundered in her chest. “Ye are tae marry Laird Grant. A night’s exploration with me isnae worth the risk.” She closed her eyes, for she hadn’t just wanted one night. She had been hoping for more, deep down. Kai was the only man she had ever truly imagined making love to. “Just let me hold ye tonight, tae keep ye warm, and in the morning, I promise tae let ye go.”

She closed her eyes tight and pressed her lips together, to stop herself from asking him not to let her go.

When she said nothing, he just held her tighter, burying his head in her neck again. Ava leaned back into him, her hands splayed across his strong forearms as his hands held her body. It was the perfect thrill, the perfect intimacy, as they both fell asleep by the fire, so much unsaid between them.