Chapter 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

C iara stood in the center of her bedchamber looking at the bag she’d packed. She had originally thought to stay in Dunvegan until the spring, when the snow melted, and the temperatures warmed a bit. But the last few days had shown her that plan was untenable. She had spent the last few days avoiding Magnus because the connection between them had grown to the point that it felt like her heart might burst in her chest.

Worse, he had been acting strangely. Every time he went near her, Ciara’s heart had been sent racing and her insides had done somersaults. The desire to give in and kiss him had been overwhelming. It had taken every scrap of will she possessed to keep from doing what her heart and soul wanted her to do. She still tingled at the thought of it.

Thankfully though, in the past days, Ciara’s mind had finally managed to overrule her body and drown out her desires with logic. She knew if she gave in and kissed him, it would make it that much harder to leave. She knew something between them would shift if she let it happen. Something profound. And if she let that happen and listened to what her heart wanted her to do, she would then give in to her other desire, which was to stay at Dunvegan. With Magnus.

It was why she had to leave. Now. The storm that had lashed the lands for the past few days had finally released its hold and although the snow around them was piled high and it was still freezing out there, she had no choice but to leave, to protect everyone. As the days had passed, a cold certainty had gripped Ciara that Fairfax and her father would be coming for her, and she was determined to be far from the Isle of Skye when they arrived.

By removing their pretext for being there, she would prevent them from making war upon the MacLeods. Regardless of what Magnus and the others thought, she held firm to the belief in her heart that they would be safer without her in Dunvegan than they were with her there. She feared for them and would not be the reason her father and that English monster made war on them.

Despite the conviction of her belief, leaving the castle—leaving Magnus—was proving to be harder than she had expected. She had stood there staring at her bag for a while without moving. Her reluctance showed her just how desperately she didn’t want to leave him. But it also showed her the necessity. It wasn’t going to get any easier if she allowed herself to stay and grow even closer to him. It would only get more difficult, maybe even impossible.

Ciara exhaled sharply and gave herself a small shake. This was the right decision. Her heart might be telling her otherwise, but this was the best thing she could do for everybody involved. It was how she would protect Magnus and his family. She stepped forward and started to tie her bag closed when the door to her chamber squeaked behind her as it opened. She wheeled around, eyes wide, heart thumping with fear—a fear that intensified when she saw Magnus standing in the doorway. His gaze shifted from her to the bag on her bed.

“Goin’ somewhere?” he asked.

Ciara silently cursed herself for moving so slowly and reluctantly. If she hadn’t dawdled, wresting with the decision, she could have been leagues from Dunvegan already.

“I have tae go, Magnus.”

“Ye dinnae have tae go anywhere.”

“I dae.”

“Why?”

“Because I willnae be the reason yer family is attacked,” she said. “I willnae be the reason that ye are hurt. Or worse.”

“We’ve talked about that?—”

“And ye’ve always kent me mind. Ye’ve always kent that I had planned on leavin’ before me faither and Fairfax marched on ye.”

A shadow of emotion crossed his face, and Ciara felt her heart stutter. She saw that she’d hurt him. And she hated that. Ciara never wanted to hurt Magnus.

“Ciara—”

She shook her head. “I ken what ye’re goin’ tae say. And ye cannae convince me ye’re all nae safer without me here. If I’m nae here, Fairfax and me faither will have nae cause tae attack ye. And if they dae, ye have a grievance tae take up with the king.”

A wry smile curled the corner of his mouth. “If only things were that simple. If Fairfax were tae attack, and we’ve heard nae a word that they are, they’d nae leave any of us alive tae give a grievance tae the king. Again though, our scouts havenae reported an English army on the move. ‘Tis nae happenin’, Ciara. At least, nae while the snow is fallin’.”

“I cannae take that chance, Magnus. I willnae gamble with yer life or the lives of yer family.”

His frown deepened and a look of pure agony crossed his face, driving the lance of guilt deeper into Ciara’s heart. He looked as if she had wounded him deeper than any steel blade could. Her eyes stung as tears welled within them and she was forced to look away, biting the inside of her cheek viciously to keep them from falling. Her conviction was fraying, and she feared she would give into her emotions. She had to do this. For Magnus and for his entire family. Even if he couldn’t understand it right now. He would, eventually.

“I dinnae want ye tae leave,” he said.

“I have tae.”

“Ye dinnae have tae. Ye’re makin’ a choice tae leave,” he said, his voice tight and angry. “Even if Fairfax does attack us, dinnae ye think we cannae defend our own?”

“’Tis nae that?—”

“’Tis what it sounds like tae me.”

“Then ye’re nae hearin’ what I’m sayin’. I ken ye’re all capable warriors and that ye can defend yer own. I just dinnae want it tae come tae that. I dinnae want people getting hurt and dyin’ because of me.”

“If Fairfax has it in mind tae attack us, it will come tae that whether any of us wants it or nae. Ye bein’ here has naethin’ tae dae with it one way or the other.”

“Magnus—”

“I dinnae want ye tae leave, Ciara.”

“I have tae.”

He closed the door behind them then swiftly crossed the room. Taking her face in his hands, he backed Ciara up against the wall behind her, his icy blue eyes locked onto hers. Ciara’s heart raced like she’d just sprinted a mile and her stomach flip-flopped inside of her as fire flowed through her veins. Magnus’ full lips hovered tantalizingly close to hers and her throat grew dry as she was overwhelmed with the urge to press her mouth to his.

Knowing the danger of the moment and feeling her dam of resolve quickly crumbling, Ciara tried to pull back. But Magnus held her firm, his intense gaze burning into her. His breath was warm on her cheeks and smelled of wine. That liquid courage was perhaps the only reason he was there.

“Why dae ye want tae leave me?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“I only want tae protect ye. I never want anythin’ bad tae happen tae ye.”

“Naethin’ bad could ever happen tae me with ye by me side.”

His words caught her by surprise and Ciara’s eyes widened. It wasn’t exactly a declaration of love, but it was close enough to send a lance of emotion straight through her heart. Magnus had always been so aloof and seemed to strive to keep his emotions well in check. It was the first time she had ever seen him be vulnerable. It was a moment so profound, it stole the breath from her lungs and made her legs tremble so wildly, she feared if he let go of her, she would fall.

Ciara squirmed in his grasp, trying to pull back. “Magnus, we shouldnae?—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Magnus leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers. Time seemed to stop as Ciara’s body stiffened. Her lips felt like they were on fire and when Magnus’ tongue slid past her parted lips, she felt like she’d been struck by lightning. Her head spun and her legs quavered, threatening to give out beneath her. But Magnus pressed her against the wall harder, keeping her standing upright as their kiss deepened.

Ciara slid her hands up his brawny arms, gripping his shoulders tightly, her resolve melting away completely as she gave herself over to his kiss. It was magical. It was everything she’d ever dreamed her first kiss would be and more. It seemed to go on forever but when he slowly began pulling back, Ciara lamented it was not long enough. If she’d died in that moment, she would have been more than content.

When she opened her eyes though, she found Magnus looking back at her with something like shock and perhaps a touch of fear on his face. He gazed into her eyes and shook his head as if he didn’t understand what had just happened. It was a feeling Ciara could relate to. Her lips grew cold without his mouth on hers and Ciara wanted, more than anything, for him to kiss her again.

Before he could utter a word though, shrieks of alarm rang through the corridors beyond her bedchamber door. It was followed by the sound of a bell tolling then steel ringing on steel. Magnus’ body stiffened and he turned away as it sounded like battle had begun inside the castle.

“What in the bleedin’ hell?” she asked.

“We’re under attack.”