17. Sophie

17

SOPHIE

I wake with a jolt, my body stiff and disoriented. My eyes snap open, and for a second, I have no idea where I am. The fluorescent lights above buzz faintly, flickering like they’re struggling to stay on. I stare at the ceiling, trying to shake the fog from my brain. The remnants of a dream are still there, just out of reach, like it’s teasing me. I can't remember it fully, but I know it was intense—faces and sounds blurring together, leaving a cold, tight knot in my stomach.

I glance at my phone. 8:46 p.m.

Panic hits me hard. I’m going to be late. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Just an hour, a quick nap, that’s all I needed to clear my head. But now, I’ve wasted the evening.

I throw the sheets off and swing my legs over the side of the bed. The floor is cool, but the air in the room feels thick, like it’s trying to smother me. I shake it off. I’m supposed to be out the door, ready for my first solo assignment—visiting the nightclub, working my way into the VIP section, getting an invite to the afterparty. Simple, right?

But I’ve still got a million things to do.

I pull myself together as quickly as I can, trying not to freak out. The last few days have been too much, too fast. This city, the noise, everything moving a thousand miles an hour—it’s starting to feel normal, too normal. But the tension? The edge that doesn’t go away? That’s still there.

Lily’s at her desk, her back to me as she types away on her laptop. She’s got that fresh-faced college girl vibe, the kind of person who looks totally out of place in my world of secrets and lies. When I first met her, I wasn’t sure what to make of her. Too cheerful, too friendly, too open. But after these past few days, I find myself grudgingly warming to her. She makes me feel like I’m someone who could use a friend, even if I don’t really know how to be one.

“Hey, you’re up.” Lily turns her head toward me, that same easy smile on her face. “You headed out?”

I nod, swallowing hard to clear the dryness in my throat. “Yeah. I’m supposed to check out this bar called The Raven with a girl I met in biology. Seems interesting.”

She raises an eyebrow, smile still lingering on her lips. “ The Raven ?”

“I think that’s what she said.”

This is a lie, of course. There is no girl from biology.

“She also mentioned something about an afterparty…” I add, already mentally shifting into work mode. But Lily’s not done.

“Wait, afterparty at—?” She doesn’t finish, but her expression changes. Something clicks, and I realize where this is going before she even says it.

“I’ve been invited to one of those before,” she says casually. “It’s actually a great time. Should be fun.”

Her excitement is palpable, and for a moment, I envy how easily she fits into her world. She’s a college girl, social, genuine. Not like me. I’m not going to have fun. I’m going to get the photos, get in, get the intel, and get out.

That’s the plan. But the moment she mentions it, I can feel an opportunity slide into place.

“Who’s going?” I ask, keeping my voice casual, though my mind is already calculating. “To the afterparty, I mean? Anyone I might know?” If she’s been there before, she knows people. She’s been in those circles. She can be the key to getting the access I need. I just have to use that.

Lily doesn’t pick up on my shift in tone, though. She’s all smiles, all chatter. “Oh, you know. A few people from the scene. Models, influencers, the usual.”

I keep my expression neutral. Perfect.

She’s excited. I’m calculating. As usual.

“You wanna tag along?” I ask, feeling the cold calculation slip into my tone.

She doesn’t seem to notice. “Yes! I’ll help you pick out something to wear,” she gestures at my clothes. “For sure—you can’t wear that. You’ve gotta stand out.”

I force a smile. “Right.”

She’s already at her closet, pulling things out—tight dresses, heels, stuff I don’t usually wear. I grab one that looks halfway bearable, black, fitted, a little lower cut than I’d like, but it’ll work. Lily’s bouncing around me, her energy like static, making my head spin. I hate the way it pulls at me, but I don’t let it show.

“I think this one’s it,” she says, pushing it at me. It fits like a second skin, and I feel naked the second I slip it on. Too much, too little, all wrong.

“You good?” Lily calls from across the room, already throwing on her own outfit. “You look—” She pauses when I step out of the bathroom, one eyebrow raised. “Okay, maybe that’s too much, but it’ll definitely get us in.”

We leave the dorm together. I’m wearing the too-much dress, my stomach a tight ball of nerves and something else I can’t name. Lily, on the other hand, is glowing. She’s stepping into the night like it’s just another weekend, her life still intact, still free of complications.

And I wonder if I’ll ever be able to live like that again.