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Chapter 19 - Stryder

“Have you heard the news?” Stryker asks when he finds me in the hallway. “Felix and Sierra are heading back to the island. The twins will be born soon.”

“Twins?” I ask nonchalantly, stepping into the elevator with a sigh.

“Yeah… The twins, remember?” Stryker asks with deep confusion, prompting me to look up and find him frowning at me.

“Ah, yes, the twins,” I chuckle nervously to hide my sudden bout of ignorance. I’d almost forgotten that Sierra was heavily pregnant on her wedding day. She’s spent the rest of her pregnancy traveling with Felix for their honeymoon. Soon, the Vulkan family will meet the new set of twins.

Perhaps then, I won’t feel so guilty for giving up my turn in the human mating process. It’s not like I have much of a choice. I’d deceived my human mate to the extent of no forgiveness for me. With no other suitable prospects as my mate besides Olivia, I have to live with the consequence of never producing dragonspirit children of my own.

It’s what I initially hoped for, anyway. But now that it is my reality, it’s not something I’ve made peace with. It’s been a week since I had to take Olivia back to the mortal world, and I have yet to fully come to terms with never seeing her again.

Stryker simply nods his nods his head and becomes silent. He doesn’t seem to press me for my reasoning behind forgetting about the twins that will be born to Felix and Sierra. He can probably sense that I’m still in mourning, quietly observing from the sidelines as he always does.

The need to speak to him and open up about how I’m feeling hangs on the tip of my tongue. But ever since he left me with some food for thought, I’d realized my true feelings for Olivia.

It’s pointless, however, mulling over the past. It’s not like there’s anything I can do anymore. Olivia’s gone, and her silence when I took her to her apartment spoke volumes. The fact that she’d left behind her painting of me only drove in what I already sensed.

She never wants to see me again; I cannot blame her. Right now, all that’s left is for me to accept my mistakes and grieve the most important relationship of my life. Not like the one-night stands I always chased; Olivia was the only one who showed me what real love felt like.

Losing her was probably what I deserved when I was so determined to avoid such feelings at all costs. Now, I’m left with a gaping hole in my chest, her absence only digging deeper with every passing day.

Stryker remains silent even as we head to the training arena. With Draco and Aragon back on the island, we’ve resumed our weekly training. As soon as I enter the center, I’m swarmed by the recollection of frustratedly trying to invoke my dragon in the training simulator. All it took was one kiss from Olivia to reunite my momentarily lost inner dragon.

As I shift into dragon form for the sake of trailing, I wonder why it hasn’t cowered away like it did when I’d been adamant not to feel the inevitable for Olivia. Perhaps now that I’m aware of my feelings, the dragon taunts me over my misgivings.

You’re up next, Stryder, Draco instructs me through the mind link. The Alpha of the Aurora Dragons is back to his old, domineering self, despite having a human mate with their second dragonspirit child on the way. I can’t help but notice, always believing I’d lose myself to the claws of love with a human mate. Watching him in action now has me realizing it isn’t all that bad.

Forsaking my freedom with other women wasn’t the great sacrifice I thought it would be. In hindsight, I would have gladly given up my freedom if it meant that I didn’t have to nurse this wound that Olivia’s absence has created.

I was wrong to think so poorly of love. Now, I’m reaping the seeds I had sown. Seeds that grow a vast empty expanse, lacking the determination to set foot in the ring. Still, I persevere to stand off against Landon – a warrior dragon shifter in my group, and a close friend. We’d been close enough to frequent the mortal world for baseless escapades. Seeing him in dragon form now has me recalling all those times I wasted on women who meant nothing to me.

And… Begin… Draco signals the start of our round, and I’m forced to fight in the name of training.

Despite my dragon form, my bones feel meek, and I am barely capable of lifting a scaled arm in attack. My lackluster approach to training earns me a curled fist squaring into my pointed jaw.

Gods! Landon exclaims mentally while his dragon puffs a cloud of apologetic smoke. Are you alright, Stryder?

My jaw twitches from the tightness of the impact, but I nod my dragon head. Yeah, I’m good. I take a huge breath through my dragon nostrils and fill my chest with strength. When I glance over my shoulder, I see my twin and Aragon speaking in their human forms, their brows furrowed intently. Though some of me suspects that they’re speaking about me, I decide to pay little attention and focus on training – as if focusing is possible. Let’s go, I tell Landon mentally, cracking my neck on my shoulders.

Despite my determination to act as if I’m strong enough to take on Landon right now, I don’t intercept his next round of attacks and narrowly escape a puff of hot flames. Still, I persevere, readying myself for another round of humiliation when Aragon steps into the ring.

That’s enough for today, he solemnly declares through the mind link, standing in dragon form between Landon and me.

I know how bad this looks, but I don’t even care that much right now. Before, I’d be petrified of making myself look bad. Afraid of humiliation. I just don’t care now.

Stryder, why don’t you join us on the rugby field later on?

I stare blankly at Aragon when he makes the suggestion, deep down knowing that this is something he planned with Stryker. My twin brother must be deeply concerned about me and wants to help distract me by organizing a rugby match.

It’s not something I look forward to, so I decline with a shake of my dragon head. If I’m useless at training today, I’ll be terrible on the rugby field. It’s not my face I care to save, but I just don’t have the desire and urge in my bones. Nothing interests me anymore, and it doesn’t help that I’m hopeless at everything I attempt now.

I’m in no mood to play rugby, Brother, I say, hanging my dragon head shamefully. I know you’re only trying to lift my spirits, but I’m afraid there’s nothing anyone can do.

I look up to find Aragon’s worried dragon eyes staring at me. Are you sure? H e asks.

I shake my head again, growing so regretful that I fear I might just erupt into fiery dragon tears on the spot. It’s something I’ve never been guilty of and something which I don’t want to happen.

Not in front of an arena full of dragon shifters. I’ve already humiliated myself enough to last me the rest of eternity. An eternity in which Olivia will not be a part.

That’s the painful truth that I can’t wrap my head around. One that has me hurrying out of the training arena and, without giving it a second thought, flapping my wings once. Every ounce of power hidden inside me goes through my wings, sending me up toward the clouds in a tornado of dust I leave behind.

Once I’m safely above the clouds, I turn to gaze over the island from outside the dome. Only I’m able to see it from out here since the protective dome shields our existence from the humans like the finest cloak of invisibility.

My dragon sighs despondently, the once beautiful Aurora Island no longer appealing to me. Despite my frequent travels to the mortal world in the past, I'd always return to the place I call home, basking in its ethereal beauty. Seeing the island through the lens of a broken heart makes it lose its appeal. The island appears bland, not as stunning as it usually is. All because the one aspect that made it complete, magnified its beauty, is gone now.

Olivia Jackson.

I hadn't realized it before, but Olivia was the one who made everything even better than it was before. Not just the island, but I, as a dragon shifter and as a man. With her, I was slowly able to forget about the freedom I so strongly desired, finding the freedom I craved on her lips. Her kisses ignited something so deeply buried inside me, that I didn't realize how much I was missing when she wasn't a part of my life.

My dragon sighs, my slitted eyes growing despondent as I turn my gaze away from the island. Olivia might have served as a catalyst for my growth as a man, but she's not here anymore. She left me and didn't give me a chance to explain myself. All I can do now is try to salvage what's left of my life, even if it isn't much.

***

“Can I get you something to drink, Sir?” the bartender across the counter asks.

Pulled from my thoughts, I turn back to him and stare at my fingers steepled in front of me. It's so unusual to find myself seated at a bar without a drink to quench my thoughts. Chuckling under my breath with little amusement, I nod at the waiting bartender.

“Whiskey on the rocks,” I tell him while I reach into my jacket to extract the bag filled with dragonclaw. But once it comes out, I barely feel the usual excitement I do when I'm about to get shit-faced on the herb.

Sighing discontentedly, I pour the contents of the bag into my drink as soon as the bartender passes it across the counter. I notice him staring, but all I do is offer him a shrug and a wistful smile, signaling for him to go about his work without asking any questions.

Even if he did become suspicious of me, what's the worst that could happen? He might call for the authorities, have me searched, or better yet, arrested for the possession of narcotics.

Spending the night in a mortal prison cell doesn't sound like such a bad idea. It's not like I have much to look forward to, and experiencing something I've steered clear of for decades might be the one thing that sparks my interest.

I chuckle to myself again when the bartender instead moves along to the new patrons who enter. I only mildly take note of the group of ladies, lifting my whiskey glass to my lips and taking the biggest gulp.

The burning sensation of the liquor, coupled with the amalgamation of the dragonclaw as it slips down my throat, isn't as welcome as I thought it would be. When I exhale sharply, I can only hope that it takes its course and intoxicates me as much as I need on a night like this.

“Excuse me, Sir,” the bartender comes over and taps on the counter to draw my measly attention to him. I drag my eyes up reluctantly, feeling only mildly sedated by what should have my head spinning by now.

“Y-yeah?” I murmur disinterestedly.

“The lady over there wanted me to give you this,” he says, sliding over a fresh glass of whiskey.

My lips curl into a smirk, but the amusement doesn't touch the rest of my being. For the sake of appearances, I pull the glass closer and follow the bartender's pointed finger.

It leads to a woman who wiggles her fingers at me from across the bar. She's my usual type, with dark hair curled to immaculately frame her face. Her eyes sparkle serenely with amber as she watches me take a small sip of the drink.

I've only played the part she was expecting, like every other woman who sent me a drink in a bar. If it was one of those nights I went out in pursuit of a one-night-entanglement, I would have lapped up the attention and sauntered with lavish charms. But tonight, there's not a bone in my body that has the urge to head over.

Unless…

I cannot dismiss the idea that perhaps I can forget about Olivia altogether if I did something as heinous as pursuing the dark-haired woman. Instead of wallowing in my sorrows and grief, I could forget her between the sheets shared with someone else tonight.

I have nothing to lose now that I've lost the desire for life when I lost the woman I love. I chug down the rest of the gifted drink, squaring my shoulders as I prepare to approach the woman.

When I turn toward her, my vision becomes hazy. Groaning, I know my blurred vision isn't a product of my inebriated state. I've felt this way before, back when I tried to forget about Olivia while she explored Aurora Island all by herself. My blurred vision led to hallucinating and seeing the pale face of the redhead like a siren haunting my every move.

Suddenly, I'm no longer reluctant to pursue the woman. Instead, I eagerly strolled down the bar, my heart pounding with anticipation.

Maybe, by a stroke of luck, I might see Olivia again. Even if it's not really her, I'll see her face again, and hear her voice as if it's her lips that speak the words. For a fleeting moment, I'll fill in the space that remains pining for her, kissing foreign lips and imagining they belong to the woman I love.

I stay still for a moment, allowing the effects of my hallucinatory vision to fully take the reins so that I might see Olivia's face again. But the blurred vision turns out to be nothing more than the effects of the spiked liquor I consumed, and the woman ogling me doesn't morph into the face I hoped I'd see. Even when I blink to fully surrender to whatever my mind brings to the fore of my eyes, all I see is the tanned face of the woman at the bar.

Not the pale skin painted with rosy blushed cheeks and perfectly blended pink lips I was hoping for. Muttering a string of incohesive curses under my breath, I storm out of the bar without sparing another glance at the woman.

As soon as I’m outside, I take a deep breath of crisp night air, filling my lungs to reel back the lump forming in my throat. I’d been trying to avoid this by avoiding my turn in the human mating process. Falling in love was inevitable, as I witnessed my older brothers falling mindlessly in love with their human mates. I knew what would happen once I opened my heart to it, and here I am now, nursing the greatest wound I’ve ever faced.

Heartbreak.

It’s taken the freedom I enjoyed before I met her, giving me only a taste of the freedom I would have had with her if I wasn’t foolish enough to think I could escape it. Here I am now, somewhere in the mortal world, lost to the earthly qualms of heartbreak. I lift my head, wanting to find an alley dark enough to shift into dragon form and escape this prison, when I spot a familiar face giggling behind a clear window across the street.

It’s Olivia lightheartedly giggling as she sits with a dark-haired man at a table. Fury builds up inside my chest, hot flames licking at my hands and curling them into fists.

Is this the reason she demanded to come back to the mortal world? I think with rage filling my gut. All because of another man?

Did I mean nothing to her at all, except a casual pass-time to fill her days on the island?

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