Chapter 17 - Stryder

My cheek still stings long after I’ve left the study. The humiliation in front of my brothers also smarts, but not as much as being blatantly rejected by Olivia.

With my heart racing, I leave the castle in search of the fresh air outside. But even that does little to ease my condition.

I’m about to lose someone important to me.

“Stryder…” Stryker follows me outside.

I groan in frustration. The last thing I need is to be around any one of them.

“Go away, Stryker…” I grunt. “I’m in no mood to be lectured by you.”

“She’ll calm down and–”

“No!” I roar, spinning on my heels and glowering at him. “She wants to leave, and this time, I won’t stop her.”

“Fine,” he relents, his eyes swirling as he sends a mind link to someone else – a message I can’t hear. “Do you want me to take her back home?” he asks when his natural eye color returns.

“No!” I roar again, this time in disbelief. “Are you crazy, huh?!” I march forward and grab him by the collar, threatening him with a villainous glare. “What do you wanna do, huh? Show her that you’re the better twin?!”

“Stryder! You’re acting crazy!” he yells at me, grabbing my wrists and pulling me off him. “This is your mess! I’m only trying to help.”

I take a deep breath to calm myself, recognizing that I’m acting out only because I’ve dug my own grave. I have no right to take my frustration out on him. This is all on me.

“I’m sorry…” I finally apologize to Stryker, noticing the band of Vulkans peeping at us through the living room window. I could have prevented having an audience present during my downfall only if I’d been honest with Olivia before their arrival.

It would have saved me the humiliation if they weren’t around to witness her anger.

Anger that’s more valid than I care to admit right now. My mind dwells on the slap, my flesh tingling with the residual burn of her capable hand. A hand I only ever saw swiftly moving a brush or stroking my bare chest. I never thought a hand so dainty could wield so much power. Never expected that a mouth so sweet and sultry could speak so venomously to me.

Hanging my head, it’s defeat I have to accept when Olivia comes storming out with a bag in one hand. Despite what just happened, I still feel the need to rush over to her, the gentleman in me unwavering as I offer to take her bag.

“Don’t,” she refuses, tilting her chin defiantly and avoiding making eye contact. “Just get me out of here.”

I nod, even though she doesn’t see it. I hope she takes my silence as acceptance of her demand, closing my eyes before I can gauge her reaction. The inner dragon flashes out, taking dominance of my being.

It’s something I’m grateful for. The inner dragon that once split from my being isn’t cowering right now. Some deep part of me was hoping it would – that I’d try to shift into dragon form and fail. Not even the humiliation of that in front of all to see would have been as bad as what’s happening right now.

If my dragon didn’t come out, it would save me from having to take Olivia back home. But it seems even my inner dragon has lost hope. There’s nothing that either part of me can do to amend this mess.

I feel defeated, reclining my arm to fit her safely inside my embrace before holding her to my chest. Her body is stiff, guarding herself against my scales as I lift us into the air.

She doesn’t say a word as we make the flight of shame out of the island. She doesn’t even look up at me the way she often did when I flew her to the mountaintop where she’d paint me.

Now, she’s as cold as ice, the sharp shards of the icicles of her coldness puncturing my soul. All I can do is watch her through my dragon's eyes, my heart beating as if counting down the seconds before I have to leave her in the mortal world.

The thought clouds my vision with a warmth I’d never felt before. Not in dragon form, at least. I didn’t even think it was possible for my dragon to feel sad enough to have tears forming in my eyes.

We enter the Los Angeles air, a whimper escaping me as we near her apartment building. Olivia remains uninterested, staring at the rooftop of the building as we phase through the ceiling, landing in front of apartment number twenty-two. Olivia immediately hops off my arm, pushing her door open without having to unlock it. As I release the cloak of invisibility, I shift into human form, and hesitate to take a step forward to follow her.

“Olivia…?” I call out gently, but the door comes flying in my face.

Without a word, or even a goodbye, she’s firmly shut off communication with me.

It’s not something I’m willing to accept. Not yet, anyway. But I don’t have the heart to kick down the door the way I did when I was determined to find a way to appease her. My heart feels too torn right now – a feeling I’d avoided all my life.

I knew it…

I knew that for me, love meant heartbreak. This is why I could never love someone, or allow them to love me. I always knew that it would lead to this.

But along with the heartbreak comes a shocking realization, knocking me in the gut as if it’s Olivia’s curled fist plummeting into my belly with all the might and force of her slap.

I’m only as heartbroken as I’ve allowed myself to feel. I allowed this to go as far as developing real feelings for her.

I open my mouth when the word I deftly avoided all my life hangs on the tip of my tongue. It’s not as if it would change anything. Things have already gone too far.

This is something I need to reel in and bury for good. I refuse to say the word, or even think it. I shake my head, inadvertently shaking the thought away. All I can manage is lifting my hand to the door and knocking gently.

“Olivia… If you can hear me…” I call out, hoping my voice can carry as far into the apartment as she’s disappeared, hoping it can carry over her anger. ‘I’m truly sorry.”

That’s all I can offer her, I decide. It’s not like I chose for her to be my mate. The Cube of Knowledge decided that. I couldn’t even give her honesty, let alone love. I’d long decided against love. I’m only responsible for my dishonesty.

I waited for a while, a part of me hoping she’d open the door and forgive me. Or, at least, say goodbye. That way, I’d cure the inner dragon’s need to see her face one last time, as if it doesn’t have the image of her face etched into memory.

I always thought of this as a casual fling, a fun thing that would eventually stop being fun. I just didn’t imagine she’d return to the mortal world. Ever since we discovered our deep passion, she never spoke about coming back.

It’s something I’d taken for granted.

“Goodbye, Olivia…” I bid softly this time. As I turn to leave, I wear the cloak of invisibility and shift into dragon form, taking myself sullenly out of the mortal world and swearing to never come back.

***

“You told her, didn’t you?” I look deadpan into Kairo’s eyes, gripping the fork so tightly, that I feel the metal bending between my fingers. Ever since I arrived back in Aurora Island, my family has been traversing over imaginary eggshells around me; no one has breathed a word about Olivia, simply ignoring the fact that just over an hour ago, the woman meant to be my mate had left the island.

“Yes, I did,” Kairo bravely admits, placing down her fork and setting the tone of silence all around us.

“Why?” I ask, eyes focused on my sister as if she’s the only one in the room.

“It’s not as if my intentions were cruel, Brother,” Kairo shrugs. “It simply slipped.”

“It’s a slip that has cost me dearly,” I grouch. “I was the one who was supposed to tell her.”

“Yet, you didn’t,” she scoffs, glaring at me with equal disdain. “The mere fact that she was on the island had me naturally believing she knew why she was here.”

“You shouldn’t have gone to her,” I shake my head. “I didn’t ask for your help.”

“Well, none of us got the memo, did we?” Kairo throws back. “How were we to know that you were keeping it a secret from her?”

“What did anyone expect from me?!” I bellow, slamming a palm on the table angrily. “I was doing the best I could to salvage the situation!”

“By lying to her?”

I drop my head in shame, my chest rising and falling with each panting breath I take in frustration. Kairo doesn’t seem to understand. “It’s what the Council wanted from me, in any case. To have her fall in love with me in the mortal world and then agree to be my mate on the island. Things didn’t go as planned, and I failed at both.” I throw my hands up defeatedly. “I am a failure.”

“Brother, you’re not–”

“Save it, Draco!” I spit indignantly as I shove my weight off the chair and hear it fall behind me. “You’re in your love bubble and never realized that this is something I didn’t want! We’ve had to always follow in your footsteps! Gods save us if we actually have an identity of our own!”

With the air bitter from my venomous words, I spin on my heel and march out of the dining room, leaving my family in the silence that stretches out behind them. I know I shouldn’t be angry with them. I should be angry with myself. My bruised ego won’t allow me to admit my fault in all of this.

It’s easier to blame Kairo or the Council and Draco for their expectations of me. But truthfully, I was the one who’d kept the secret from Olivia despite her being on the island for two weeks already. If she’d known the truth, she could have decided for herself if she wanted to continue staying here.

Before everything that happened between us. Before I…

“Stryder!” Stryker calls out from the bottom of the hallway, setting into a jog toward me when he spots me at the elevator.

Groaning, I hit the button to call the lift again, hoping the doors would open in time to save me from having to face my twin.

A direct mirror of me in appearance, though we’re so much different at heart. I can’t even imagine what’s going through his mind now that he knows how I truly feel about the human mating process.

He’s only halfway down the hall when the elevator doors open up. I step inside to avoid him, relief washing over me when the doors begin sliding closed in front of me. But when his arm appears between the two doors to stop them from shutting, my heart skips a beat.

There’s no way out of here unless I shift and phase through the walls. But the effort it would take is too daunting in my current state of mind, so I relent with a hefty sigh.

“I’m sorry, Stryker,” I begin, unable to meet his gaze but feeling it boring into me as I stare at the floor. “I should–”

“Sorry?” he interjects confusedly, prompting me to look up to find him frowning. “What for?”

“I–” I shrug. “I’ve been lying to you, too, Brother. I didn’t–”

Stryker cuts me off with a reassuring hand on my shoulder, shaking his head. “I am just glad you finally spoke your truth, Stryder. I knew something was bothering you since we learned about the human mating process.”

I frown at the recognition in his eyes, the pride that swells his chest. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“Have you known me to ever pry?” he chuckles, leaning against the wall and casually shoving his hands into his pockets. “No matter what goes on in this place, I just observe from the outside. Things usually take care of themselves.”

I stare long and hard at my brother, realizing that he’s more mature than I ever gave him credit for. It’s true; Stryker has always observed situations from the outside while not getting actively involved. With me, I thought I was just doing a really good job at pretending.

Of course, my twin brother saw right through me.

“Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I suppose the Council will address me soon enough,” I sneer. The elevator doors open on the thirteenth floor, and I proceed outside with my head hanging.

“They’ll probably cut you some slack,” Stryker offers as he follows me into the hallway of my quarters. “With Felix, they accepted that he wanted to hand over the Beta position to Aragon. We’re Vulkans, Stryder; they’re allowed to make exceptions to accommodate our needs.”

“Right…” I let out a slow exhale, coming up to my bedroom door. “It’s not necessary that I produce children for the clan or have a mate or any of that.” I throw him a convincing smile – one I have to force forward.

Stryker raises a skeptical brow. “Why do I sense your disappointment?”

“Disappointment?” I chuckle with nervous nonchalance. “I’m not disappointed. Relieved, yeah, but not disappointed.”

“You know I can tell you’re lying again, right?” he asks matter-of-factly.

I scoff bemusedly, a nervous hand reaching for the bedroom door. There’s no escaping what I truly feel - not from my twin brother. He knows me better than anyone else, so there’s no point in lying to him.

As I open the door to my bedroom, I sigh and turn to Stryker. “What if I am disappointed?” I wince as I ask the question. “I didn’t think I would be. After all, I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t want to care…”

“So you do care? Despite how you felt about the human mating process, you find yourself caring about Olivia?”

“Yes– I mean, no,” I shake my head. “I–I don’t know. It’s probably my dragonspirit needing to be protective of her.”

“What if it’s not?” he offers. “What if the need to protect her is more than that?”

“More than that?”

Stryker nods. “What if you actually do care about her?” With a pointed finger, he prods the left side of my chest. “What if your heart finally opened up?”

“My heart?” I scoff dismissively, swatting his hand away and entering my bedroom. “That’s not possible. There’s no place in my heart for love. I have you guys – my family – to love.”

“And to protect us, isn’t it?” Stryker raises a brow again. “That’s what love is. It’s protection, care, wanting to be around them.”

Stryker glances over his shoulder and peels himself off the doorframe. “Kairo’s on her way up here. I’ll tell her you need some time alone.” He throws me a warm smile before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

He’s just left me alone in my bedroom with some food for thought. Does protection mean love?

How is that even possible when the need to protect Olivia came about long before I knew her? All I knew was that I needed to protect her when I witnessed her being kidnapped.

Can it happen the other way around? Can protection lead to love? Or am I grappling at straws, trying to validate what I did by making excuses for my conflicted thoughts and desires?

Maybe I’d been too sheltered in my life as a dragon shifter on Aurora Island. It was comfortable. I was able to do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it, without cause for repercussion.

I was so adamant about hanging onto that feeling of uncaring freedom without being responsible for someone else’s life. That’s it. That’s what I’d been afraid of – having to protect someone else outside of the dragon clan. It was too much of a weight to bear, and that’s why my inner dragon severed ties with me for a fleeting moment. I needed to see that there’s more to life than just being a dragon shifter.

There’s more to just loving one’s family. I do have love in my heart that surpasses the dragonspirit in me. I, as a man, am capable of loving a human.

I know this because it’s love I feel for Olivia.

“Phew!” I blow out, sliding a hand through my hair in relief. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I’ve come to realize how I feel about the human woman who was meant to be my mate. But I hang my head in utter defeat, knowing that I have made the greatest mistake of my life.

Olivia is gone for good. There is no going back. And when I spot the painting laid out on the bed – the painting of me that remains incomplete – it serves as confirmation of what I already know.

She’s not coming back. Anything that might have reminded her of me, she’s left behind. I’d done the unthinkable, the unrepairable, by lying to her.

Only because I wasn’t being honest with myself.

Because of my own mistakes, I’ve lost the woman I love. I’m not used to it, but this is the one time in my life I have to take accountability for what I’ve done.

I have to accept that my reluctance, to be honest, has cost me the only love I’ve ever experienced. It’s time to finally be a man.