Chapter 8 - April

I had spent the entire night sleeping fitfully, alternating between rage and confusion as I considered our conversation and the kiss. Honestly, it was driving me crazy.

Jasper hadn't returned to the cabin afterwards, and I found myself wondering where he had slept. Had he found another she-wolf to cozy up with to erase the memory of my lips pressed against his? Or had he simply had too much business with the pack to bother with coming back home? Either way, I reminded myself, it was none of my business. Jasper and I may be mates, but we weren't bound to each other in a romantic sense. We weren't in love. He could do as he pleased—as much as that thought annoyed me.

My irritation was mainly aimed at myself. I couldn't believe I had allowed him to kiss me—encouraged it, even. Jasper had not proven himself to be worthy of my love and respect. And yet… there was something about that kiss. How could a jerk like the Dark Moon alpha make me feel so good? So alive?

I couldn't keep torturing myself with thoughts of it.

There was no way I was going to risk leaving the cabin today—not after the confrontation Jasper and I had in the commons yesterday. I felt especially bad that Killian had gotten involved, and I hoped that Jasper wouldn't take any of his anger out on his second-in-command.

Killian had been kind when I had asked for his help, and he hadn't made me feel like I was less worthy of help just because I was a female. Not like Jasper—

No, we aren't thinking about him today , my wolf reminded me. We have other things to concentrate on.

She was right. I vowed to forget about Jasper for the day and focus on my new project.I looked around the cabin and found some paper and a pencil. It had become clear to me that the women and children in the Dark Moon Pack needed more attention than they had been getting, and as luna, it was my duty to help them however I could.

For the rest of the day, I made a list of improvements that should be made to the lives of those who were less fortunate among the pack hierarchy.

At nightfall, Jasper returned. He opened the door quietly and sat at the kitchen table opposite me without a word. Slowly, I finished what I was doing and then stacked my work in a neat pile before folding my hands and leaning back in my chair. I was determined that he would be the one to speak first.

For another ten minutes, we sat in silence until Jasper finally broke.

"What have you been working on?" he asked.

"Plans for helping the women and children of the pack," I explained, smiling at the small victory of not being the first to crack under pressure from the silence.

He frowned in disapproval. "I told you, I don't want you leaving the cabin without me."

"I heard you," I said. "I stayed inside today. But I thought now that we have both had time to calm down a little, that we might reopen the discussion we were having last night before things got… heated."

Jasper raised one eyebrow but didn't comment on the kiss. "I am willing to hear what you have to say," he said, waving his hand as he indicated that I should continue.

"You have your hands full with the running of the pack, but as the luna, I feel it is my duty to care for the members of the pack who need extra help," I explained. "From what I could see yesterday, no one is looking after the children. I'd like your permission to spend time with them. Get to know what they need, and use whatever resources I have to make their lives easier and happier."

I had leaned heavily on the word "permission," hoping that by giving him the choice to say no, I was more likely to get a favorable outcome.

"And what would I get in return?" Jasper asked, placing his forearms on the table and leaning towards me. The muscles of his shoulders bulged as he inclined his chest toward me.

Stop getting distracted , Rae reminded me.

I cleared my throat and brought my gaze back to his face.

"Aside from a healthier pack, you also get a compliant luna," I told him. "I will not defy you in public or try to run away. I will do as you ask."

Jasper continued to stare at me as he considered my proposal. Suddenly, he reached one hand across the table.

"Shake on it," he said. "You will obey all my instructions, and you will stay near the cabins at all times. If you break your word, you will be publicly flogged. Do you agree?"

I reached a hand across and joined it with his. As we shook hands, I realized just how calloused his hands were. He had scars all over his arm, including a large round one near the crook of his elbow. But his grip was gentle and warm.

I dropped his hand and cleared my throat awkwardly, realizing we had been holding on for too long and that I had been staring at him while I did.

"I'm going to sleep. Goodnight." I stood from the table and retreated to my room.

As soon as the door was shut, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had gotten what I wanted, but my emotions were all over the place.

I changed into pajamas and got into bed, hoping that my mind would allow me to rest. After hours of lying in bed and thinking about Jasper in the next room, I finally felt myself drifting off.

***

In spite of my lack of sleep, I woke up energized. Now that Jasper had given me his blessing to mingle with the pack, I wanted to put some of my plans into place.

Jasper had already left for the day, so I made my way to the common area. When I arrived, everyone was sitting down for breakfast while the women cooked and cleaned. The children were running around in the grassy area just outside the tables, and I decided to join them.

None of them paid me much attention as I watched them. The younger ones, playing with sticks and rocks, sat closest to the women while the older children engaged in a game of tag. I sat down with the smallest child—a girl, no older than three.

"Want one?" she asked, holding out a flat rock the size of her palm for me to inspect.

"Thank you," I said. I smiled at her and was rewarded with a smile in return.

For the next few minutes, we worked together to stack rocks into a tower, restarting every time it fell down.

"Susan, come clear the tables," one of the women ordered.

The tallest of the girls playing tag grabbed the hand of the girl next to her, and the two rushed over to begin clearing the plates and forks.

I frowned, noting that there were a handful of boys who appeared to be older than the girls who were working. None of them made any motion to help.

I stood up and started to walk toward them with the intention of leading all the older children in helping with the clean-up efforts when I was stopped by a hand grabbing my elbow. I turned, startled by the sudden contact, and found myself face-to-face with Killian.

"Don't bother," he said, reading my intentions. "The boys won't do women's work. They've been told not to."

"By who?" I asked. "Why would someone tell them not to help?"

"The alpha," Killian replied.

I sighed, understanding what Killian was implying. Jasper wanted these young boys to grow up to be exactly like the rest of the men in the pack—strong and sexist. The girls were being trained to cater to the pack, taking orders without question.

"Everyone in the pack should do their part to help," I pointed out. "Life here would be a lot easier if everyone pitched in. As alpha, I'm sure Jasper wants the pack to thrive, don't you?"

Killian shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, knowing that I was questioning the alpha's orders. "Look, April," he began hesitantly. "I know that your situation isn't… ideal. But don't judge Jasper too quickly. There's more to him than meets the eye."

I raised an eyebrow and placed my hands on my hips. "You sure have a lot of nerve telling someone who was kidnapped not to judge their captor," I pointed out.

"You have a point there," Killian said as he smiled ruefully. "But I stand by what I said. Jasper and I have known each other since we were children, and we've been through a lot together. Get to know him a little, and you'll see. He does care about the pack, I promise you that."

As annoyed as I was about the girls' situation, Killian had piqued my curiosity about my mate. He didn't expand on their past, but I would certainly do my best to find out more as soon as I could.