Chapter 19

The ball sailed past Eddie's head. Now it was down to the striker to score or Pleasure Seeker's goalie to deny him. Unfortunately, Alan in goal was a nervous man from the IT department who had been forced to play that position. The striker kicked the ball for all he was worth and Alan ducked as the ball hit the back of the net.

A ripple of cheers went around the touchline. They were playing the local fire station and the disparity in fitness levels was embarrassing.

Eddie glanced back to a red-faced Barry.

"What the fuck?" he mouthed.

Truth be told, Eddie had been miles away for most of the match. He had been replaying the conversation with Billy over in his mind for the thousandth time. It appeared that would be his lot in life from now on.

The referee blew the whistle. They had lost three goals to four. Eddie tried to ignore the scowls from his teammates as they made the long walk back to the changing rooms.

He noticed Barry shaking the hand of the other coach. Guilt stabbed away at him. At least it was directed at Barry this time instead of Billy. Eddie was making a real habit of letting people down.

Eddie had no intention of having a shower. He would grab his bag and go straight home. To listen to the lads analyse every kick and pass did not sound palatable. Especially knowing the meaningful stares that would accompany any review of his own performance.

He marched into the building and headed straight to his locker.

Tears of frustration welled up in his eyes as he slung his rucksack over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, guys," he said.

He got a few pats on the back as he walked back out. He hoped to make a quiet exit and face the music another time.

"Eddie!"

Fate, on the other hand, had a different plan for him.

"Yes, Barry."

The man in question jogged up to him. "I think we'd better have a little chat. Don't you?"

Eddie could see that running full pelt in the opposite direction might be seen as irrational behaviour. Whilst things weren't looking good, he certainly didn't want word getting back to James that he'd lost his mind over a game of football.

"Fine," he said.

Barry pointed to a bench. "Come on."

As Eddie trudged behind Barry, it reminded him of all the times he was sent to the headmaster's office for incessant talking in class. He thought he had left that behind.

He sat down on the bench and closed his eyes. It would be easier to let Barry get it all out and then Eddie could apologise and head home.

Yet all was silent. He opened one eye. Barry was just looking at him.

"Come on then," Eddie said. "Say your piece."

"I'd rather hear yours," Barry replied.

Eddie opened the other eye. "You wouldn't. Believe me."

"You've been away with the fairies all game," Barry said. "Something more than football is upsetting you. Talk to me."

Some kids were having a kick about on the pitch now. One girl was flying through the others with the ball fully within her control. He suspected that Crystal had probably been like that when she was younger.

A sob escaped him.

Oh fuck. I'm going to cry in front of Barry.

Another sob followed it.

Eddie managed to swallow the next one down. The other lads would be coming out soon.

"It's all gone a bit shit shaped, Barry," Eddie said, eventually.

"Is this to do with that man?"

Eddie nodded. "I fucked it up royally. Not that there was ever any doubt I would. I was expecting a little more happiness before the inevitable."

"What happened?"

"He caught me lying," Eddie said. Hearing the words made it all the more painful. "I stiffed him on the Pleasure Seekers deal. Now I've lost that and him. Oh, and I lost us the game. At least I'm consistent."

"Surely it's not as bad as all that."

"He stormed out of our flat and I haven't heard from him since. It's not looking good, is it?"

Barry frowned. "I can see how he might have reacted that way in the heat of the moment. You never know what the future holds."

"Oh Barry, I appreciate your optimism but I don't think that's the case. And the most stupid thing is I've shredded the contract. I'm left with nothing."

"I think that shows backbone. Does he know you've done that?"

"Yeah, I sent him a video."

"Still no response."

"Nope."

"Hmm. He's a tough one."

Eddie regarded his colleague. One good thing that had come from playing in this team had been getting to know Barry. Even just a little.

"You're a decent man, Barry."

"No I'm not," Barry replied. "I'm a bit of a joke. I know that."

Not that long ago, Eddie would have agreed with him.

"I don't think you are. I think you're a kind individual who wants us to have the best place to work in. There's nothing wrong in being dedicated to something."

This time Barry welled up with tears.

"That's very kind of you, Eddie. But this isn't about me. It's about you."

"I'm a lost cause," Eddie said. He stretched his legs out and enjoyed the warmth on his skin. "Maybe it's time for me to hit the road again. Brad's going to get this sodding job. It's clear as day."

"Running away isn't the answer although I can understand it. What if this gentleman has a change of heart? Sometimes just being near to them can be enough."

Eddie had no idea what Barry was going on about. "Not my style," he said. "I can't live with the threat of bumping into him whenever I go into town. Scott will kill me but I don't think I have a choice."

"I thought I was the one that did the drama around here," Scott said.

He'd followed Eddie into his bedroom and was sitting on the end of the bed, refusing to move.

"You are invading my space," Eddie said.

"I know."

Eddie lay back and made sure his feet were as close to Scott as he could get away with. He still hadn't had a shower.

"What else can I do?" he asked.

"At least wait and see what happens," Scott replied. "Bloody hell, Eddie. You've had a row with Billy. Look at Tyler and Danny. We had him moping for long enough then boom, love was back on the menu."

Eddie shook his head. "That was just Tyler's rotten mother stirring the pot and Danny's pig-headed ness. They hadn't tried to rip each other off."

Scott waved him away. "Nonsense. If you want me to tell Billy how many long, drawn-out conversations we've had over whether you should tell him the truth, you only have to say the word."

"You're all heart."

Eddie nudged him with his foot.

"Get those stinking trotters off me. How can you lie on your duvet in your football kit? Honestly."

"Stop nagging. I'm emotionally wounded."

"How many messages have you left on his voicemail?"

Eddie shifted. "None."

"None? How is he going to know you even care?"

"I sent a couple of WhatsApps asking if we could talk."

"That's pathetic. Call him. If you do, I will watch a movie of your choosing."

"Really?"

"Yes. Now get it done and please have a shower. I'll find alcohol. I fear I'm going to need it."

Scott jumped off the bed. He opened Eddie's window before giving him a pointed look and flouncing out of the room.

Eddie stared at his phone that he'd left on the side when Scott's head appeared around the doorframe.

"And don't even think about lying to me and not calling him. Because I will know."

He disappeared again. Despite the turmoil he had found himself in, Eddie would be nothing without that force of nature. Maybe it wouldn't be all that easy to up sticks and run away.

With a sigh, he got up off the bed. He grabbed his phone and dialled. His heart was racing. What if Billy actually answered? That wasn't part of the plan.

When it went to voicemail, Eddie wasn't sure if he was upset or relieved. Was Billy in his apartment watching his phone ring out? Or was he simply too busy?

"Hello, Billy here. You know what to do."

Just hearing his voice made Eddie want to cry. It had only been a day but already it was as though Billy had been firmly consigned to the past.

"Hello, it's me. Eddie."

He'll know it's me. The one who broke his heart.

"I just wanted to see how you were. I…oh I'm shit at doing this. Listen, I miss talking to you. Is there no way we can fix this? Please, just get in touch."

He terminated the call and threw the phone on the bed. Of course, he'd come across as desperate but he didn't care. He was desperate.

"The shower's running," Scott shouted through.

"Thanks. I'll be right there."

The world in the street below was going on as normal. A car drove down towards town while a cyclist headed for the promenade. The people across the way were sitting in the front garden, their faces firmly toward the sun.

And there was Eddie. He gripped the windowsill tightly as though he feared being deserted by gravity itself. With no one to see, he gave himself up to the sobs that had been clawing their way out of him all day.