Chapter 1

The Saucy Swallow made light work of the timid waves. Summer had a firm grip on Brighton. The sea was reassuringly calm.

"You look a bit green," Eddie Channing said to his flatmate and best friend, Scott Fitzgerald.

"I hate bloody boats," he replied through gritted teeth. "The shame of puking up in front of the Queen when I was in Sea Scouts has given me PTSD."

Eddie chuckled and let the sea air blow over his face. He found it refreshing to be on the open sea.

"Here you go."

Tyler Jones, Eddie and Scott's other best friend and also flatmate, handed Scott a glass of lemonade.

"It cures nausea," he said.

Scott took it.

"Thanks. I'm a terrible sailor."

Tyler sat down on the other side of Scott. "There was me thinking you'd be at home with a load of seamen."

"I haven't the energy to scold you for that terrible joke."

"Hush," Eddie said. "Bossman is giving his speech."

Alistair Webb, the chief executive of Pleasure Seekers, cleared his throat into a microphone.

"Can you all hear me?"

Murmurs in the affirmative rippled through the passengers, who all faced him.

"Thank you for attending the Pleasure Seekers summer social," Alistair said. "I'm so pleased to be celebrating another wonderful year with you all."

"We're so lucky he fitted us in between ski holidays and cruising the Med," Scott muttered.

It appeared his seasickness hadn't paralysed his ability to make sly digs.

"I am so proud to say that I work for Pleasure Seekers and I hope you are too," Alistair continued. "We are on a mission to spice up the sex lives of Britain. Judging by the financials, my goodness, we are achieving that."

Pleasure Seekers was the country's leading online adult store. Eddie had worked in the sales department for a few years and absolutely loved it.

"With that in mind, I'd like to announce that we will be giving you all a bonus of five hundred pounds. I would urge you all to put it towards a holiday. I want you fighting fit for the Christmas season."

The higher powers were based in Singapore and saw Pleasure Seekers as just another brand in their collection. They rarely visited. Alistair tended to do their bidding, although he was missing in action more than actually here.

"I wish he'd get on with it," Scott said. "I'm sure there're too many people on this boat. Eddie, do you think we could swim to shore?"

"No, and shut up," Eddie replied.

"All that is left for me to say is to wish you all a wonderful evening. We'll be returning to the marina in an hour or so. Then taxis will take us to The Grand where I've arranged for a buffet and free bar. You all deserve it."

The small crowd of colleagues clapped politely.

"A fucking hour?" Scott wailed.

"You'll be fine. Think nice thoughts," Tyler replied, rubbing Scott's back.

The people were dispersing a little. Eddie spotted his team congregating by a waiter holding a tray of drinks.

"I'd better go and speak to my lot," he said.

"Thanks. Abandon me in my hour of need," Scott replied.

Tyler grinned at Eddie. "Don't worry," he said. "I'll take Popeye here to the side. Maybe some fresh air will help."

Eddie frowned at Scott. He was looking worse.

"Focus on the horizon," he suggested.

He didn't wait for Scott's reply, which was probably for the best.

"What's up with Scott?" Kat asked when he reached them.

"The high seas don't agree with him," Eddie replied. "You guys having fun?"

"Yeah," Brad replied, draining his glass. "Anyone want another?"

Judging by the way he was slurring his words, Brad was making the most of the free drinks.

"It's classier to sip champagne," Kat replied.

"I'll try and remember that," Brad sneered.

Unsteadily, he pushed past them to chase after the waiter.

"He's fucked," Eddie said.

Kat shook her head. "It's the Christmas do all over again."

Eddie shuddered. Brad had got himself so drunk, he had fallen asleep on the toilet with his pants around his ankles. It had been down to Eddie and the director of sales, James Bennett, to get him dressed and home. A favour Brad had never bothered to thank them for.

James appeared at their side. "Is he all right?" he asked, frowning at Brad.

"Just a little over-excited," Eddie replied.

"Again?"

"He likes to get his money's worth."

James sipped from his glass. "I want you all on your best behaviour," he said. "I've had a meeting with Alistair. There's going to be some changes around here."

Eddie snapped instantly to attention. He wasn't much of a fan of change.

"Such as?"

"I'll tell you on Monday," James replied. "Now, does someone want to rescue Charlotte?"

Eddie glanced over. Brad was leering at Charlotte, the receptionist.

"I'll go," he said with a sigh.

He nodded to a few people as he made his way over. Charlotte had a face like thunder.

"You're a cheeky bastard," she said to Brad.

"What?" Brad replied, staggering back a little. "You should be grateful."

Eddie stood close to Charlotte. "What's going on?"

"Brad here just made me the offer of my life," Charlotte replied.

"Brad?"

"Oh fuck off, Mother Superior. Who the hell do you think you are?"

"What did you say?"

Brad tried to straighten himself up. "I told her to come and find me at The Grand. I've got a room."

"That's not exactly what you said, is it?" Charlotte cut in. "It was more along the lines to find you at midnight and if you haven't pulled, you might fuck me."

Brad laughed. "I was only joking. I'll fuck you whatever."

He leant toward Charlotte but Eddie shoved him away. "Don't."

The boat hit a wave. Brad careered backward and sat on Agnes from accounts' knee. She let out a cry.

"Jesus Christ," Eddie muttered.

He yanked Brad to his feet.

"For your information," Charlotte said, "I wouldn't sleep with you for money. There are plenty of things in the warehouse at work that can show me a better time than you, limp dick."

She made a beeline for the other side of the boat.

"You are fucking disgusting," Eddie said. "If I ever catch you speaking to a female like that again, I'll kick your arse."

"I'd like to see you try," Brad slurred.

Eddie was already tired of this conversation. It was hard to reason with Brad at the best of times. Him being pissed on a boat made it impossible.

"Go to the bathroom and sober up," he said. "Try not to fall asleep this time. I don't need to see your penis again, thank you."

"You wish," Brad sneered.

"Come on."

Eddie took Brad by the arm and scanned around for the toilet sign. It was in the cabin at the centre of the deck.

With gritted teeth, he pulled Brad along with him.

"Eddie!"

Tyler was shouting him from the front of the boat. Eddie stared over to see Scott hanging over the rail as Tyler held on to him.

"What now?" Eddie cried. "You. Toilet. Now."

He gave Brad a shove in the right direction and scuttled off toward Tyler.

"Are you okay, Scott?"

Scott straightened up. He had sick all down his bright white T-shirt.

"No, I'm fucking not."

The next morning, the three flatmates were lying on Scott's huge super-king-sized bed. Scott had most of the attic as his bedroom. The rest was used as storage. An area where Tyler and Scott had suggested Eddie put his vast DVD collection that nearly filled one wall in the lounge.

Never going to happen.

They were all sipping coffee very tentatively. Eddie and Tyler were bookending a very rough-looking Scott.

"I needed that," Scott said, settling his head on his pillow. "God, I don't feel good."

"Me neither," Tyler replied.

Eddie didn't usually suffer from hangovers. It was nothing a McDonald's breakfast and Fanta orange couldn't cure.

"I've never been so embarrassed in all my life," Scott wailed.

"Calm down," Eddie replied. "You absolutely have. Loads of times."

Tyler giggled. "I'm not sure that's helping."

"I'm just trying to give a little perspective," Eddie said. "So you puked up? Hardly anyone saw."

"Lucky Kat had that old T-shirt in her bag."

Scott buried his head in his hands. "I could have died. Me walking into The Grand wearing a T-shirt saying Pleasure Seekers. Coming on your aisle. I want to crawl into my own skin."

Eddie and Tyler were silent. Eddie suspected his friend was struggling to keep it together, like he was.

"It was a very successful campaign," Eddie offered.

He was rewarded with a slap on his thigh from Scott.

"I don't know why you're worrying," Tyler said. "Brad made far more of a fool of himself. He'll be the topic of conversation on Monday."

"True," Scott replied. "What a prick. I don't know how you work with him every day."

Scott had opened all the skylights. It was a beautiful day out there.

"This is ridiculous," Eddie announced, making Scott and Tyler jump. "We're youngish men. I'm not spending all my weekends getting wasted and recovering."

Scott and Tyler turned to him, aghast.

"What do you intend to do then?" Scott asked.

"I don't know," Eddie replied. "How about getting fit?"

"Sounds good," Tyler said. "Danny is so fit and he does it all at work. Easy peasy. Not like us who sit on our arses all day."

Eddie got off the bed and walked over to the skylight. If he stuck his head out, the sea could be seen off to the right. It was sparkling.

"We're starting on Monday," he declared. "Meet me at lunchtime and we can power walk or something."

"It's Saturday," Tyler said, with a laugh. "Why not start this weekend?"

Eddie flopped down on the end of the bed. "Let's not be hasty. We're still very ill."

Scott nodded. "Now that I can get on board with. Anyway, imagine dating a gym bunny. How boring would that be?"

Eddie put his hands behind his head. He hadn't dated anyone for ages and had no intention of changing that.

"I think I'm safe," he replied.