9. Nikolai

9

NIKOLAI

F or the second time in as many days, I struggled to get over the gut-twisting surprise of actually running into Amy. All that time, I cursed not having a way to find her, and boom. I was finding her in the unlikeliest of places.

In the unlikeliest circumstance.

Seeing her at the strip club seemed like a coincidence. I'd never believed in them, but spotting her in that gross room at the Ortezes' building?

I'd never get over the shock of finding her there.

I glanced at her in the passenger seat again, intimidated a bit by her complete silence.

Shock. I felt plenty of it. She seemed stuck in a deep pit of it.

I sped away from the warehouse, confident my Valkov brothers would ensure we all left safely. We'd gunned them all down, and those who lived were in no condition to fire at our vehicles as we left .

In the vans, the women were secure and loaded into the cargo spaces. Amy had shotgun in here, seated next to me but avoiding my proximity.

As soon as I pushed her clumsy, sluggish body inside then got in the driver's seat, she reared back, pressing against the window and damn near trying to plaster herself to the door panel.

She'd gone silent and docile as soon as I urged her through that main room where my men and I had taken down the majority of the Cartel members. They'd lain there, a bloody, sickening mess, and it was the sight of that stark violence that locked Amy into a deep, zoned-out state of frozen fear.

It was another reminder that I didn't need of how unfit she was for this life. For me. She was a good girl, an innocent woman. Thrusting her into the bowels of a crime organization had to be a shock to her system, but I knew it wasn't by choice.

Instead of speeding away with my men in the direction Dmitri and Ivan drove the vans with the others, I turned and hurried to another location.

There was no fucking way I would let her be lumped in with the other women. No way in hell. And that soldier who'd tried to feel her up and whispered something no doubt lewd and nasty to her to cause that expression of horror on her face, he would be punished. We'd been clear. We were not taking those women for us. We wouldn't be whoring them out or selling them. Alek was still trying to figure out how we'd get rid of them, but that soldier would be punished for misinterpreting the reason for our mission tonight.

And Amy, of all of them. He had to try to feel her up.

Possessive anger still thrummed through me, hot and wild. I was livid at the idea of one of the Valkov men pawing at her. And I was enraged that the fucking Cartel got their hands on her at all.

"Amy. "

It was the first time I spoke to her since I ordered her to come with me. There was no denying that she recognized me. I saw the instant she made the connection. Her eyes widened. Her mouth parted in fear and disbelief.

She knew who I was. She knew that I knew who she was, too.

Dmitri and Ivan would be confused and maybe concerned that I'd taken her alone. They didn't question me, though. All that ensured was the need to explain to them. Them and Alek. They'd tell him that I wasn't there with the rest of them to supervise transferring the women to a building on our turf, where they would be guarded and kept in place.

I just couldn't leave her. I refused to entertain the idea of not keeping her close and making sure she was all right—physically, at least.

"Amy!" I repeated louder when she didn't reply. "Did they touch you?" I dared a look down toward her legs. That scrape still bled, but it didn't seem that deep. The thought of this woman being hurt or?—

I gritted my teeth. "Did they hurt you? Did they?—"

She cowered, trying to phase through the door and escape my attention.

I couldn't blame her. I was furious. I had never been consumed with so much raw, frantic rage as I was at this moment. Thinking that another man could have had her, could have defiled her or used her…

I growled. "Answer me!"

"Your friend," she spat, still sassy despite the apparent fear. "Your friend wanted to sample me."

I clenched the steering wheel harder, physically shaking with anger, as I turned into the parking area for one of my residences. Before Alek threw Pavel out of power, we all made sure to have our own properties that the rest of the Bratva didn't know about. That was how little we'd trusted our uncle. In case things went south, all of us five brothers had our own places to retreat to.

Alek knew about this apartment of mine. But he wouldn't come here looking for me now.

Amy was alone with me, and I needed that privacy, that moment to think about what I could do with her. I stopped the car and led her to the basement suite, annoyed that she'd snapped out of her trance-like status of fear to resist my prodding. She didn't protest, not out loud while I dragged her by that short length of rope, but her glowering looks spoke loud enough. I felt the burn of her stare, but it didn't penetrate deep enough to make me change my mind about my actions.

Even if that fucking soldier hadn't run his mouth about "sampling" her and thought these women could be ours for any personal enjoyment, I wouldn't have let Amy go back with the group.

She was too good. She deserved something good. That intrinsic and instant connection I'd felt with her that one night had me convinced that she deserved the whole world, the stars and the goddamn moon, too.

But I wouldn't be the man to give it to her. Now, more than ever, it was crystal clear how she would never belong in my life. Her reaction of pure dismay at the horrendous and grisly violence of a gunfight proved it. She was too damn sweet and innocent. While she sure as hell had the backbone to fight and try to get away, she would never harden her soul to the bleak darkness that was a necessity in my life.

She was stiff, recoiling from my touch after I opened the door and brought her into the one-room apartment. I locked the door to this windowless unit, and I tried not to take it personally when she slipped to the furthest corner of the living room.

"Come here." I wished I could gentle my tone, but I was too mad and off-balance by this whole incident of finding her the way I had .

She didn't listen, determined to protest and disobey me, but I overpowered her anyway. I reached for her and dragged her toward the light. Flailing and dragging her feet, she tried to stay small and to the corner, but I got her near the brightest lamp.

A quick slice of my knife severed the rope at her wrists. She blinked, looking dumbly at the bindings falling to the carpet. Her bare feet were so pale, cutting a contrast to the dark-brown material covering the floor, and I scowled at the sight of the blood there.

"What—"

She flinched at my voice, retreating once more like she couldn't stand to be near.

Over a month ago, she'd clamored for my touch. My mouth, hands, and dick. Just last night, she'd arched up and reached high to kiss me back like the fiery, sensual woman she was.

Right now, she seemed to find the concept of standing within my reach abhorrent.

And I couldn't blame her.

It would never work between us, and this interaction solidified it in my head. I knew my stupid thoughts and fantasies about having her as my one woman for life were just that, dreams. Idyllic, ridiculous wishes for the impossible.

In my heart, though, I felt the now-familiar burn of wanting to see her happy and smiling. Lower, with my dick, I realized the return of desire, potent and feral, to feel her sweet heat.

I fisted my hands, angry with myself that I would let this lust control me. I needed her, but I wouldn't act on it.

"Tell me what happened."

"When?" She narrowed her gaze at me.

"Tell me what happened that led to my finding you there. "

She clamped her lips shut then lost her patience. "What the fuck does it look like? They took me when I was walking home from work. They snatched me right off the street and brought me there with those other women."

I pictured it so easily. She'd told me that she often walked.

"Did you move?"

She gaped at me, rubbing her raw wrists. "What?"

"I looked for you. At your apartment. The one where we?—"

"It's none of your goddamn business, Nate! I slept with you once , and you just disappeared on me."

"Nik."

She furrowed her brow.

"My name is Nik. Nikolai."

She shook her head, madder as she took a chance to come closer to lean her hand on a chair and peer at the cut on her lower leg. "I don't care. I don't want to know who you are. I saw who you are. I saw what you did. What you're capable of. You're a killer. A criminal, just like the ones who kidnapped me and tried to sell me off or whatever!"

I watched her panting, catching her breath as she glowered at me.

So bold. Feisty. And gorgeous. Despite the circumstances, she ensnared me, heart, mind, and soul.

"Tell me what they did."

"What's it to you!" She flung her hand up and shook her head. "They captured me and threw me in a van. Then they…" Her words faded as she furrowed her brow, but she regained her strength to continue with a trembling lip. "They stripped me. Searched me."

Fuck! I knew what she meant, and I hated the thought of any man touching her like that. She wasn't a virgin when we met. I wasn't the only man to ever have her or touch her, but goddammit, I got hung up on the thought that I'd be the last.

I'd killed the asshole who'd searched her, though, and it was a small, teeny balm on my dark soul. If I'd known, I wouldn't have. I would've kept him alive to torture him until he'd begged for death.

"Not like that. They didn't… violate me, but they checked me over after they took my clothes."

It doesn't matter. Any man trying to look at her was a dead one.

"Then your thugs showed up." She pinned me with her soulful stare. "You let that one go."

"She was just a child."

She stepped closer. "Then have mercy on me, too."

I hadn't. When we fucked, enjoying each other hard, neither of us showed mercy in that raw, intimate rush.

"Let me go." She licked her lips and dared another step closer.

"Please. Let me go, too. I want nothing to do with any of this." She slashed her hand through the air, and I snagged it.

Holding her fingers and tugging her closer, I watched the emotions cross over her face. Slight fear, but a lot more impatience. Some confusion, but mostly that unrelenting intrigue.

She lifted her defiant gaze to me as I encouraged her to come closer as I gently held her soft hands.

"Please, Nik. Let me go."

I'd fucking tried. I did my best to stop thinking about her all this time apart. I'd forced myself to give up the idea of her and end this curse of missing her.

But I'd failed .

I shook my head, tugging on her hand until she stumbled in her steps, almost crashing into me.

"I can't," I whispered, lowering my face toward hers.

She blinked, furrowing her brow as she marked the difference in my tone. I was telling the truth. I couldn't let her go.

Not when I wanted her with every fiber of my being.

"I can't stand the thought of ever letting you go," I whispered as I dragged my thumb along her plump lower lip.

Her breath hitched. She parted her lips, gazing up at me with a swift surge of desire I swore I could feel vibrating from her body.

I had yet to explain it to myself or own up to anyone else. I didn't know how to explain how badly I wanted to keep her in my life, as my one woman forever.

Her doe-like eyes disarmed me as we stood here suspended in the calm quiet of privacy. Staring right back at her, I let this simmering fire of unbridled awareness rekindle, and I wondered if I could resist her ever again—no matter the unlikeliest circumstances that could bring us back to each other's path.