22. Amy

22

AMY

F or the next three days, I was pampered. I was still imprisoned but treated like a princess.

Dr. Francis instructed me to rest. I did. I wasn't given any other option. But I wasn't sure she intended for me to go through this bliss, too.

Nik didn't leave me for a long stretch of time. He remained present in his personal wing with me, seeing to my every need.

Well, not my every need. I didn't know if it was a pregnancy hormone thing or if I was reacting from the aftermath of all this stress, but I wanted him on a feral level of lust I'd never experienced to this degree. Maybe this suggestion of a truce, of peace between us, had me wishing for something more.

I wanted Nik, but he gave me zero sign of reciprocating this desire. It felt like a one-way-street of torture. He was here, within reach, but he gave no signal that he was affected by me.

When he caught me staring at him and checking him out, he looked away. If our hands accidentally brushed when he brought me breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, he didn't flinch or gasp like I caught myself from doing.

I refused to be so jaded as to think I had no effect on him. How could that be possible when he was so doting, responsible, and determined to see to my rest period?

On the first day after we learned that we were expecting twins, he left to deal with the ever-so-vague explanation of "business". I didn't pry for answers. It wasn't my business to know, and given his position in the Bratva, it wasn't hard for me to assume his duties were of a violent or illegal nature.

The less I knew, the better. Even if I was to be in his life and within the Bratva for good, I didn't want to think I was complicit in anything. Ignorance, I determined, would be my bliss.

"I'll be right back," he'd say when he had to step out. Each time, he had Margie or another kindly housekeeper-slash-maid stay with me.

By the second day, I convinced him that I could be alone and nap without a babysitter for whatever he had to deal with outside this room.

He didn't seem happy about my protest to his decision, but he must have realized that I wasn't in any danger by staying with my own company, and I was granted peace to nap and not feel awkward with someone watching over me like a hawk.

I doubted Dr. Francis expected me to be confined to the bed, either. I knew from working at the vet clinic that rest was an important instruction to give or follow, but within reason. Over the three days, I walked through Nik's rooms at a comfortable, gentle pace—at least to avoid blood clots or any other issues from lying down for so long.

"Is this what it will be like?" I wondered aloud in a quiet mumble as I finished my "laps" around his suite. Staying in here, having no job, going nowhere ?

I smiled, rubbing my tummy. Soon, I would have a job, undoubtedly the most important one of my life. I would be a mother in several months, and I would be busier than ever, doing the best I could with the introduction to parenthood.

And I won't be alone.

Nik would be here. Mila, too.

Cousins! I smiled wider, realizing that my babies would have a cousin the same age. They'd never have to go through life alone like I had, and that was the greatest blessing to count on.

Ignoring the violent and brutal way I'd come to be here, I had it good. I wasn't so jaded as to deny that fact.

Men were armed and prepared to protect me. This luxurious suite was so unlike the crappy, rundown apartments I usually lived in that it could have been a whole different universe that I'd stumbled upon.

Food was delivered to me. I had quality medical care, and I doubted I'd have to worry about a co-pay or hospital bill. Even my clothes, they were nicer than any hand-me-downs or thrift shop finds, and Margie was almost like a fairy godmother, giving me advice about what to choose or what else I might want to order. I almost felt like she enjoyed having me here, and I wondered if she'd been eager for female companionship.

"Oh, Pavel was terrible," she said, shaking her head as she took out the laundry later in the afternoon. "He and his son nearly brought the Bratva to ruins!"

I'd only asked how long Nik had lived here, curious if this was where I'd raise the twins. She didn't know how to answer me with anything other than an information dump of the more recent Bratva history. It included Alek overthrowing a villain of an uncle when he married Mila. It sounded like a love story I might try to ask Mila about at another time .

Nik and the other three brothers had been instrumental in overthrowing this Pavel leader, a Pakhan , as Margie explained of the title. The crime boss. The leader.

I didn't need any more fodder to believe that Nik was a hero. He was mine. I loathed the thought that I was his damsel in distress to save. I wasn't. We'd happened to cross paths again in the weirdest circumstances.

Little by little, as Nik spent his time comforting me and seeing to my every need while I rested, I knew that my guards were lowering so quickly for him. I no longer viewed him as only a cutthroat man capable of killing. He was more. So much more.

But he was determined to avoid being my lover.

He'd helped me shower and clean up from that initial scare of blood while the sheets were changed and the floor was treated. Yet, he didn't initiate any intimacy.

He smiled at me as we talked about what we thought it would be like to have twins, if they'd be the same gender or one of each. Yet, he didn't roll over on the bed and snuggle or kiss me.

Even when he brought me books and a tablet to watch movies on, he didn't join me and treat any of our time together like a date.

He wasn't cold, but distanced. He was quiet and at times broody, and I worried that something other than saint-like patience was at play while I recovered from the scare.

Late into the night, he came and went from the suite, on the phone and talking with one of the brothers. I didn't intervene. I didn't speak up, trying my hardest to read this paperback that didn't hold my interest half as much as he did.

Curiosity propelled me to speak up when it seemed like he was preparing to go.

"I'm heading out. "

I set the book down. "This late?"

He nodded, pulling his shirt on and depriving me of the view of him in that undershirt that was stretched from the bulk of his muscles. "I need to take care of something."

I pressed my lips together, lowering my gaze. "Please be safe."

He paused, looking at me so intently that I felt like he was peering at my soul. "I always am."

"Good."

"My brothers will be with me, or near."

"Right."

He sighed, watching me closely. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just curious what you… do."

He approached the bed and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Mostly, I protect the businesses or spy on enemies." His gaze turned troubled. "I know you think the worst of me, that you're unlucky to have a criminal for the father of your children, but this is the only life I know, Amy. This is the life I was born into. The life I will die having lived."

"I don't think the worst of you."

He sat on the edge of the bed, pinning me with a hard stare. "You do. I know you do. It's why I tried to convince myself that one night was all I had any right to expect from you. You view me in horror and recoil from the idea of being with my family."

I shook my head. "No. That's not?—"

"I am a Bratva man. My duties lie in serving and protecting the interests of the Valkov Bratva. That will never change, but I wish you could understand that I'm not just a heartless person, a cruel killer who slaughters without reason. "

I know that. "I am aware. You've done so much for me that it's impossible to think you aren't a decent man." Even if you only do it out of duty, not because you want to. "And one day, you'll be a good father." I hope. I pray.

His smile was slow and genuine.

After a long moment of staring at each other, he took my hand and picked it up. "Dmitri is coming with me. We have a location for Diego, and we are going to eliminate him."

I blinked, threading my fingers with his and wishing for more than this simple touch. "To… kill him?"

"Yes. It's the only way. He's been on the hunt for you."

I sucked in a deeper breath, startled at this news. It was so easy to hide in here, behind these walls. Diego was out of sight and out of mind, but the reminder that the customer who bought me was still out there and feeling jilted scared me.

"He hasn't replied to Alek's offers to ‘buy' you from him. Diego hasn't entertained any message from the Bratva. He only insists that you be delivered to him now , or else. And that's not happening."

"You would kill him?" I asked.

"For you?" He nodded.

It felt wrong to be touched that he'd kill for me, but it was a sign of his commitment to my safety. I had no right or desire to wish anyone dead, but I was slowly coming to understand this facet of his world. In many ways, it was the same reality that applied to anyone. Kill or be killed.

"Amy, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you," he promised in a low, gravelly voice that kickstarted my libido all over again.

I watched his thumb on my hand as he stroked it back and forth, rubbing me and teasing me .

"I would do anything to make sure you are safe and happy."

Anything? Just not love? I felt so greedy, petulant for wishing for something I couldn't have. If he didn't feel love for me, he used to express desire.

Maybe that would have to be enough. Maybe it was the best we could hope for between us after all that had happened.

"And I appreciate it, Nik." I reached up to cup his face.

He exhaled a rush of air, flaring his nostrils. His blue eyes glittered with lust, and I felt like drowning in the tension that pulled me to him.

Sliding my fingers around the back of his head, I encouraged him to lean down to me as I sat up. We met in the middle, breathing hard with the heady suspense of being this close.

"Let me show you," I whispered against his lips. Brushing them lightly, I shivered at the teasing tickle of his touch. "Let me show you how much all that you've done means to me."

He growled, tilting his head to accommodate me as I crushed my mouth to his.

Heat blossomed and raced through me so instantly, I moaned at the thrill of desire. I'd been primed and aching for him for so long, no matter the fear and danger. Kissing him was all it took for me to burn for him and want to erupt under his mouth and hands, around his dick. Lust barreled into me with such a potent punch, I gasped against his mouth and parted my lips.

He speared his tongue in as he lifted his hand. His fingers snaked through my hair as he held me in place to plunder my mouth with his hot, skilled tongue.

"I want you," I begged after he pulled back to gaze at me .

"We shouldn't," he argued weakly, as though he hated to protest. "The doctor said you need to rest."

I crawled onto my knees, kneeling before him on the bed, and yanked off my nightgown.

"But I say that it's past time for me to show you exactly how much I appreciate you." I licked my lips as he brought his hands up to my sides, his smoldering stare crossing up my body.

It was agony to know he was here but keeping his distance. I was tired of wanting his touch and feeling the searing excitement of his ravenous gaze on me. I couldn't take it anymore. The temptation had to end.

"Right now," I vowed as I crawled closer.