Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Julian stared at Lilith, his hand clasping hers carefully so that he didn’t disturb the IV line. Her dark lashes rested against her cheeks, and her chest moved up and down in a hypnotizing motion.

It had been twelve hours since they’d stormed the cabin, and his world had stopped as he saw the blood coloring Lilith’s shirt. He’d made it to her side and held her tight as chaos reigned around him. His focus had totally been on the woman of his dreams. The woman he loved. For the second time in his life, he prayed to a God he struggled to believe in to save someone. The first had been to save Rose after their father had shot her, and this time, he needed Lilith saved because he didn’t think he could go on without her.

God had listened both times.

Rose was safe in San Antonio, and Lilith was recovering from surgery. The stab wound had nicked her spleen but hadn’t hit any other organs. She had been lucky. The woman who’d stabbed her hadn’t been. While he’d been holding Lilith, the team had subdued Micah and Richard. Stella though, she’d screamed a banshee’s cry and had raced toward Micah, her intent clear. Ox had shot her in the shoulder. She’d fallen to her knees, and as if she’d known that nothing would be the same for her again, took matters into her own hands and had ended her own life.

Julian should feel a little remorse for her, but he didn’t. Stella had tried to kill Lilith. In his mind, her ending was too quick. He would’ve rather seen her rot in jail for what she’d done.

Ox had filled him in on her part in Lilith’s kidnapping, how she’d been following Micah’s instructions. Micah had wanted to start his own following. He’d dreamed of being another Staunton Rello. Fortunately, he would rot in jail, and Lilith would be safe from him.

“Julian?”

He lifted his head from where he’d been studying her hand, and smiled at seeing Lilith’s beautiful green eyes, dulled a little from their brightness because of the aftereffects of the anesthesia. “Hey, yourself. How are you feeling?”

God, why did he ask that question? She certainly wouldn’t say she was feeling wonderful and like she could run and jump. “Don’t answer that. It was a stupid question.

She shifted and grimaced. “Sore, and not stupid. What happened?”

“How much do you remember?” What she recalled would determine how much he told her.

“I was stabbed. Stella was manic, ready to hurt anyone. Micah demanding. Richard was a follower.”

Even with her senses a little dull from her surgery, her observations were pretty accurate. He didn’t think he’d ever forget the look on her face when she lashed out at Stella. “Your knife wound, while serious, isn’t life threatening. You’ve got stitches in your spleen, but won’t have any future issues from it. As for the others, you don’t have to worry about any of them. Micah and Richard are in custody, and they will not get out anytime soon—I’m going to make sure of it. Stella, well, she’s not going to hurt anyone anymore either.”

Lilith nodded, her eyes drifting down again. “Good.”

“Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He picked up the hand he’d been holding and kissed the top of it. Her fingers closed around his, giving it a slight squeeze.

He wanted to climb up on the bed and lie next to her. Hold her while she slept, but he knew it wasn’t possible, and it wasn’t the best thing for Lilith either. So he’d stay where he was and keep his word, because he didn’t plan on ever letting Lilith down.

She’d given him a second chance, and he was going to make sure that he honored her like she deserved to be. She’d been through so much, but she was still standing. His Lilith was strong, and he was proud to call her his. The question was, did she feel the same way about him? Did she even remember him telling her he loved her? It didn’t matter if she did or didn’t, the next time she woke, he would tell her, and if she told him she didn’t feel the same, he'd walk away, even if it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done.

Lilith became aware of the low buzz of conversation. Of a hand on her wrist, checking her pulse. The last time she’d woken up, Julian had been holding her hand. He’d also told her he would be there when she woke next.

Had he gone back on his word?

Why wasn’t he there, holding her hand?

Her heart rate sped up a little, and she could hear it in the way the heart monitor beeped beeped quicker than it had been a few seconds ago.

“Lil?”

Julian .

He was there. That was his voice she’d heard. A tiny word, but it was her favorite. She loved it when he called her Lil.

“J?” she responded and forced her eyes open.

Lilith blinked a couple of times, and when her vision cleared, Julian was there, leaning over her, looking concerned. “You didn’t leave,” she said.

His smile was the sweetest thing she’d ever seen. She loved the way his eyes crinkled in the corner. “I told you I wouldn’t.”

“Good to see you awake, Ms. Kenny,” the nurse said, as she finished tapping her tablet. “What’s your pain level?”

Lilith turned her focus onto her body and how it was feeling. Her side ached and her head throbbed, but it was tolerable. “About a four or five.”

“Okay. That’s good. I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake.” She bustled out and then it was just her and Julian in the room.

Snippets of their previous conversation floated across her mind. Something about what he said about Stella stuck out to her. Now she felt a little more awake. More aware, she wanted to question him about it. And also something else she remembered from back in the cabin. His declaration to her. Lilith needed to know if hearing him say he loved her was something her pain-addled brain had conjured up, or if he had truly said it to her.

“Earlier you said Stella wouldn’t hurt anyone anymore. What did you mean by that?” She licked her dry lips, and Julian grabbed the jug of water and poured her some, holding the straw so that she could sip. Through it all, he didn’t say a word.

What was he hiding from her?

Did he think she wasn’t strong enough to hear what he had to say?

Did he think she cared about Stella? She didn’t. She didn’t care if the other woman would rot in jail right alongside Micah and Richard. Although, if that was the case, wouldn’t Julian have said that when he mentioned about what was happening with the other two?

Another scenario hit her. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

Julian sat and took her hand again. “Yeah, she is.”

Lilith pondered how she felt about that. “Is it bad that I don’t feel sympathy for her or the outcome?”

“No,” he said. “You can feel however you want. After what you’ve been through, it’s your right.”

“She tricked me. On the street on the way to the store. She burst into tears and told me she was lost. I couldn’t walk away, even though my instincts were telling me to. I’d been in her position. Or what I thought she was going through. I had to help.”

Julian smiled and brushed his knuckles down her cheek. “That’s what makes you so special. Even though you didn’t trust her, you couldn’t walk away.”

“Doesn’t that make me too stupid to live?” she countered, because that had been what she’d been feeling during her forced car journey.

“Some people might think that, but I don’t. If she hadn’t cried, you would’ve stayed strong and kept on walking. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. And if people think that way, then they’re not worth knowing. Do you know what else?”

“What?”

“I think you’re amazing. Strong. Beautiful. And I love you.”

Lilith’s heart swelled at hearing his declaration. “Did you say that to me before I passed out?”

“Yes. And if you don’t feel the same way, that’s okay. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. If you want me to walk away, I will. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

The fact this man was willing to give her space should she need it, reinforced the feelings she’d already acknowledged while she’d been held captive. “I don’t want you to go anywhere. I love you, too, Julian. I never thought I was worthy of someone feeling this way about me, but you’ve shown me I am. If you walk, I’m going to run right after you.”

“Oh, Lil, you make my life so much better. You give me purpose and drive. The only walking we’ll be doing is side by side for the rest of our lives.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Julian leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. “Me too.”