Chapter 22: Everly

Chapter

Twenty-Two

EVERLY

After finishing up my duties in the hot, stuffy cooking tent, I step out into the cool night air, grateful for the refreshing breeze. I don't pay much attention to where my feet carry me until I stumble across a sweat lodge. It's a domed tent about the height of Cenric, who stands nearly half a head taller than most men. Steam curls out from beneath the edges of the tightly sealed flaps.

Kassandra loves visiting the sweat lodges in Astarobane. She says the heat cleanses her skin and clears her mind. For me, the extreme heat only makes me sweat in the most uncomfortable places.

My curiosity gets the better of me, and I inch closer, wondering if it's empty. I reach out, and before I can talk myself out of it, I pull it open and peek inside.

Oh!

Cenric sits cross-legged in the center of the lodge, his eyes closed in deep meditation. He wears nothing but a pair of loose-fitting pants, leaving his sculpted chest and arms bare.

I stand there, frozen, my eyes traveling over the strong lines of his jaw, down to his impressive shoulders, and across his taut abdomen.

His eyes open, and our gazes lock. Embarrassment floods through me as I turn on my heel and flee, my feet carrying me away as fast as they can.

I don't stop until I'm well out of sight.

I lean against a tree, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart. As my breathing steadies, the sky transforms into a breathtaking array of colors. Streaks of fiery orange and deep crimson stretch across the sky, fading into softer hues of pink and lavender.

If Kassandra were here with me, she'd probably laugh at my embarrassment and tell me to stop being foolish. It's just Cenric, she would say, but she doesn't know about my love for him.

If only she knew. If only he knew.

Would it make a difference?

Would I burn less for him? His touch, his taste, the feeling of his mouth against mine.

A sigh escapes me as I push off the tree. This is getting ridiculous—this infatuation. I would be better off returning to Astarobane and finding myself an outsider to wed.

I groan and bury my face in my hands. What was I thinking, peeking into that sweat lodge? I might as well have announced to Cenric that I'm hopelessly in love with him.

"Hello, Evie. Are you hiding? "

I turn at the sound of Praxis' voice and find him standing nearby, grinning at me.

"Why…no…" I shove loose strands of hair behind my ear and try to smile.

Merriment twinkles in Praxis' eyes as he steps closer. "I saw you scurrying away from the sweat lodge like a startled rabbit. What did you see in there that had you running so fast?"

Heat creeps up my neck. "Nothing. I was just exploring the camp."

"Exploring?" Praxis laughs. "And did your exploration happen to include a peek at my half-naked brother?"

"I...that's not..." I stammer, wishing the forest would open and swallow me whole.

Praxis' focus shifts over my shoulder. My stomach drops as I follow his line of sight. Cenric emerges from the sweat lodge, and my breath stutters. He's still only wearing a pair of pants. Beads of sweat cling to his bronzed skin, tracing paths down his chiseled chest and abs. His long black hair hangs loose and damp around his shoulders.

Praxis clears his throat, snapping me back to reality. I turn to find him watching me with a knowing smirk.

"You know," he says, lowering his voice, "my brother can be incredibly blind sometimes. He has no idea you're in love with him."

Shock ripples through me. "W-what? I'm not..."

"It's written all over your face every time you look at him. You're not exactly subtle."

Am I really that obvious? I thought I'd been doing a decent job of hiding my feelings .

Apparently not.

Praxis' expression shifts, his playfulness fading into something more somber. He steps closer, his eyes full of concern and something else I can't quite place. A tightness? Regret?

"I've always admired you," he says in a low, earnest voice. "But you can't pursue anything with Cenric."

Those words hit me like a dagger to the heart, piercing deep and twisting cruelly. I open my mouth to protest, to deny his words, but he holds up a hand to stop me.

"I know, I know. Trust me, I disagree with how outsiders are treated. It's not fair, and it's not right." He runs a hand through his blond hair. "But the reality is there can never be anything between you and my brother. You're—"

"—an outsider," I finish for him, the words like ashes in my mouth.

I've always known that I can never be with Cenric, but hearing it spoken aloud, especially by someone as kind and accepting as Praxis, makes it painfully real.

Praxis reaches out and gently squeezes my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he says, his voice thick with genuine regret. "I truly am."

And then he's gone, walking away and leaving me standing there alone, stunned and reeling as everything I've hoped for crashes down around me.

As I stumble toward my tent, I pass by a group of warriors near a fire. One of them turns to glare at me as I walk by.

Doran.

Chills race down my back as I stagger to my tent, my legs barely supporting me as Praxis' words echo through my mind.

My fingers tremble as I strip off my clothes, letting them fall to the ground in a heap. I don't bother folding them as neatly as I usually would.

What's the point?

I collapse onto my bed, curling into myself as the full force of Praxis' words hits me like a tidal wave. "There can never be anything between you and my brother."

A sob tears from my throat as I bury my face in my pillow, trying to muffle the sound, but it's useless.

I've always known that Cenric and I can never be together. Still, I clung to a tiny spark of hope, nurturing it in secret, allowing it to grow despite everything. Now, that spark has been extinguished, leaving nothing but dust where my heart used to be.

I take the fox from my bag and clutch it to my chest. Oh, how I wish Kassandra were here now. She'd know exactly what to say to make me feel better…or at least less alone.

I yank my blanket over my ears, as if it could somehow block out Praxis' words, but they're relentless, cutting deeper with each repetition.

A fresh wave of sobs wracks my body, and I curl tighter into myself. The fabric grows damp with my tears, but I can't stop them from falling.

Cenric's face flashes in my mind—his rare, genuine smile that lights up his eyes, the way his brow furrows when he's deep in thought.

I want him. I need him.

The realization crashes over me with a force that steals my breath. It's not just a silly crush or a fleeting infatuation. This is bone-deep, soul-searing love.

But it doesn't matter. It can never matter.

I'm an outsider. And he's a man who can never choose me.

The unfairness of it all scalds my chest. I want to scream, to rage against the cruel twist of Fate that has placed us on opposite sides of a thick, red line.

I tighten my fingers around the fox again. "Kass," I whisper, my voice breaking. "I need you. Please..."

But my sister isn't here. She can't hold me, can't soothe away this hurt with her gentle words and warm embrace.

I must do it alone.