14. Almost Midnight

14

ALMOST MIDNIGHT

After a much-needed nap, the three of us got ready for our New Year's Eve dinner. It was already close to nine, the infamous countdown to midnight looming close. Flora cranked up the volume on a dance mix, then began prepping the food. The cabin slowly filled with the smells of baking bread and sizzling onions, which was only improved by the sounds of Flora, singing along to her favorite songs.

Meanwhile, my wet post-shower hair had dried into a snarled nest of tangles, so I hopped in the shower to wash it again. As the hot water cascaded down my skin, I took note of the bites and bruises, my slightly aching back, and the delicious burn between my legs.

I had so much to ask them. So much to worry about, once reality set in. And while the questions were many, the overall theme was: how do we do this, and what if we break up and ruin everything in our life that was good?

Still, my stomach flipped like a gymnast when Beau and Flora clapped and cheered for my New Year's Eve outfit in the kitchen. I came out to their wolf whistles and twirled beneath the tiny disco ball Beau had hung in the doorway. He looked absurdly handsome in an aquamarine suit over a plain white tee, the sleeves of his jacket pushed up to show off the ink on his forearms.

Flora had donned a sparkly magenta minidress and a rhinestone tiara shaped like stars. And I was decked out in a long, sequin-covered blazer, with a lace crop top beneath and high-waisted trouser pants. Angel that she was, Flora had packed multiple choices for this weekend's celebration and let me shop her suitcase for the right outfit.

Beau did a sexy half-turn in his dress shoes. He'd brushed a pale, shimmery glitter across his cheekbones which only highlighted the intensity of his green eyes. "It's official. This is the hottest and queerest we've ever looked."

"You might be right." I grabbed him by the lapels and made a show of examining him from head to toe. "Though it's close. Clothing-wise, I slightly prefer you naked and tied to our bed."

He hooked his finger beneath my chin, tilting up so he could kiss me. "You know I can't wait to marry you, right?"

A smile burst across my face, and he matched it.

Flora appeared next to us. She clicked her tongue and tipped my face her way. "You smeared Paige's lipstick."

"Worth it," he called over his shoulder, moving to open a bottle of champagne.

"Give me the lipstick you always keep in your pocket," Flora said, palm open.

I rolled my eyes and complied. "It's not always there."

"Yes, it is. And you've been wearing this shade the entire time I've known you." She twisted it up and peeked at the bottom. " Rogue Runaway. I knew it. Every time I watched you apply this, I would get a little horny."

I pursed my lips and tried not to laugh. "Stop being so adorable, Flora. I cannot fucking handle it."

She gripped my chin and arched a dramatic brow. " Shhh . Let me live out this fantasy."

Our eyes met as she dragged the lipstick along my bottom lip. Her smooth skin shimmered against the magenta of her dress. Pale glitter highlighted the curve of her cheekbones beneath the disco ball, and her hair was loose and wavy. I wanted to bury my face in it, strip her out of this dress, and bend her right over the kitchen table.

Her brow lifted higher. "Are you thinking filthy thoughts about me, Paige Presley?"

"I've always been a sucker for a pretty girl in a minidress."

She angled my head side to side, assessing her work. "And I've always been a sucker for a pretty girl in a blazer." She rolled the tube back down, and I popped my lips together. "That's much better. You're officially New Year's Eve-worthy."

I took her hand in mine. "Here's to new and enchanting possibilities."

Beau appeared behind me, squeezing my shoulders. "Like finally telling our best friend that we're madly in love with her?"

Flora laughed, a bright and luminous sound. I bit the tip of my thumb, still completely baffled that they were talking about me.

"This weekend being New Year's Eve was especially fortuitous," she replied, shooting me a look of pure affection. The kind of look she regularly gave to Beau, an expression that said I love you and I like you, a whole hell of a lot.

I followed them to the high-top table, now pulled up to the floor-to-ceiling window that looked out upon the snowy wilderness. The flickering Christmas tree was reflected in the panes, as was the fireplace and the tiny, dazzling disco ball. A trio of candles sat in the middle of the table, surrounded by the meal that Flora had so lovingly prepared for us. A homemade pizza with the perfect amount of grease. A cutting board of cheeses with drizzled honey and almonds. A green salad, and a loaf of crispy bread.

Our glasses were refilled with fizzy champagne, and when we sat down together, our knees touching beneath the table, my worries about our future softened yet again. This moment—tender and flirty and comfortable—was one of a million moments between the three of us since we'd met, comprising the very foundation of our love. At first denied and forbidden, and now something I desperately wanted to fight for.

Almost immediately, our hunger took over, all of us starved after our day of hot sex and sledding in the cold. And as we ate, we reminisced about the many holidays we'd spent as friends since we met. The Christmases in cabins like this one. The boozy Pride parades followed by nights out dancing. Birthday camping trips and summer vacations spent kayaking down crisp, rushing rivers.

We shared shy smiles across the table, bejeweled in our New Year's Eve finest. They were everything I ever wanted. I just had to be brave enough to reach out and take it.

"The storm's passed, and we'll be leaving this weekend paradise soon," I said, drumming my nails against my glass. "And I want this to work between us, I really do. But I still have plenty of questions and worries, and I was hoping we could talk about them."

Beau released a shaky breath and nodded over at Flora. "We've got our own list of worries, but maybe you could go first? I'd love to hear what you're thinkin'."

I took a long sip of champagne before setting it down. "There's a lot of them. But I…" I swallowed hard. "I want the three of us together, committed and monogamous, if that continues to work for us. I want it to be equal, and I want us to love each other as passionately as we do now…but in public. Out to our community and our families. Is that what you want?"

Beau gave a crooked grin. "That's all we want. I'll tell the whole world as soon as we can. My sister already knows how we feel."

"Wait, you told Lily?" I asked, surprised.

"She was visiting us a few months ago. Got a little too drunk on tequila shots and yelled at me and Flora, asking when we were finally gonna make an honest woman out of you."

"She said that… out loud ?"

He passed a hand over his jaw, still smiling. "It just about stunned us stupid. Made us wonder how obvious we'd been about our feelings whenever you were around. My parents are another story, but they adore you, Paige. Getting them to know what this is will be a huge hurdle. I'm not afraid of it though. Coming out as bi to them when I was sixteen wasn't easy either, but they approached it with open minds and have gone to more Pride parades than I have. What I want is for them to see that being in love with you has nothing to do with loving Flora less ."

Flora took Beau's hand and squeezed. "My mom might be easier, since my sister is poly and often brings her partners over to Mom's house for dinner. She might not understand it, it might take time, but she knows there are people who love more than one person."

I propped my chin in my palm and stared at the flickering candles. "I'm ready to tell my dads…though I'm nervous, so if you want to be there with me, I'd appreciate it."

"Of course," she said.

"They think the world of you both, and I've been wondering, lately, if they've suspected something else going on. In some ways, they might not be surprised. But it'll still take some getting used to." I raised my gaze to study them both. "Do you think we'll get jealous?"

"Definitely," Flora said as Beau nodded emphatically. "I think we'll get jealous and have conflict and be in shitty moods sometimes. We've seen each other grumpy and exhausted and overwhelmed as friends. This will be no different. We'll need to set boundaries and communicate, go through all the growing pains of a new relationship. But it'll be more fun to argue with Beau about how he folds our laundry if you're there, Paige."

"Let the record show, I fold it the correct way," he said, index finger raised.

"It's the wrong way," she mouthed.

He laughed and dragged her to his chest as she squealed. "Paige will be our deciding vote."

I shrugged. "Who says I even fold my clothes? I believe in full-on laundry anarchy."

" Oh no ," Flora wailed.

Beau grinned wolfishly. "Oh, I can't wait."

I chewed over my next wish, finally opting to listen to my instincts instead of the squeaky fears in my brain. Fears that I understood were normal, no matter how much I loved them.

But my instincts were very, very clear.

"I want us to live together, just like this," I said. "Preferably if we could find a new place. Something we make and decorate as our own."

Flora cocked her head to one side. "Are you asking us to move into a big, happy house with you?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "Maybe not right away, but also…I wouldn't say no to doing it soon."

"So, like, does tomorrow work for you?" Beau asked, lips twitching.

I threw my napkin at his face. "You got it bad."

"I really, really do," he said, clutching his chest. "I'm an impatient man, and I want what I want. And that's to love the hell out of you both in as many ways as I can."

I couldn't stop the cheesy smile that spread across my face. Or the way my heart glowed when they leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

"Beau captured my thoughts exactly," Flora said softly. "I'm ready for our love, no matter how messy."

"Are you afraid of anything though?" I asked. "Because I am."

His face darkened. "I'm afraid of a lot. Mostly that you'll leave us and we'll never recover, that we'll always be heartbroken."

Those words landed heavily between the three of us.

Flora nodded and said, "That's my fear. That for whatever reason, you won't love us back, and once you leave, our friendship and our relationship will be ruined."

"A situation like this has a lot of unique challenges," I said. "We'll need to communicate often and trust each other and even rebuild how to interact. I believe we can do that, and I'm ready to give it my all, but there's no sense in pretending as if it's always going to be easy."

Beau shook his head. "It won't always be easy. But it'll always be worth the risks we took to get there."

An anxious breath rushed from my lungs. "My biggest fear is that you'll leave me…but stay together. I know how close we are and how much our friendship has shaped me over the years. But I'm still the one coming into an already existing relationship. The power dynamic is there, even if we don't want it to be. And because of Em and Dorothy, it's hard for me to trust that I won't be abandoned again. When they left me for each other…" I trailed off, the emotions clogging my already tight throat. "I, uh…well, I don't ever want to feel so small and easily disposable ever again."

Beau cupped my face, his expression turning serious. "Then Flora and I will need to continue earning your trust to keep you. We're less without you, Paige. You're what's been missing all along, and whatever we need to do to even out that dynamic, we'll do, okay?"

"Okay," I said, already feeling a bit lighter having spoken the words out loud. "I'm not sure we can do much in the way of promises when it comes to things like this. We can't predict the future or how we'll grow and change. But I can say confidently that this feels right and natural and so beautiful already. I haven't felt this at ease in a long time, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm not spending all this energy fighting my feelings for you. I want to fight for our love instead."

Flora stood and wrapped her arms around me from behind. Beau kissed my forehead, pulling us to his chest.

"Then let's fight for our love," he echoed.

"And I might have an idea that could help," Flora said.