Chapter 14

14

E yela

Two Days Later

We went diving at Big Blue yesterday, and I still couldn’t get over the sights or experience. Seeing the sharks, rays, and sea turtles up close was almost mythical. I got a little emotional at the sight of sea turtles, because Daddy always told me to be like them—soft on the inside but hard on the outside. He taught me to keep my emotions in check so no one would know what I was thinking or feeling unless I allowed them to. I’d allowed Karrington into that side of me, and he had his moments where he let me in, but I could tell he was starting to shut down.

After hearing about his ranch life in Massie Manor, we didn’t have to give the farm excursion a second thought. Today, we spent the afternoon touring their coconut and banana groves. As we had lunch, Karrington appeared to be going back into his shell. I was conflicted and unsure if I wanted to leave him alone or talk to him about it. Since tomorrow was our last day and we’d be spending it on a private yacht, I figured it would be best to talk now so tomorrow wouldn’t be awkward.

“I’ve enjoyed my time with you,” I started, swirling my straw around my drink. “Thank you for this. I know you’re busy, so I appreciate you making the sacrifice.”

“It’s not a sacrifice to please and prioritize you. You’re my wife.” Blushing, I took another sip of my drink. “I know that’s not what’s on your mind though,” he continued. “Just like you can read me, I can read you.”

“I was just wondering if you’ve started to shut down because we’ll be leaving soon. It seemed like we both started to come out of our shelves over the last couple of days but you’re going back into yours.”

Karrington sat back in his seat. “This time with you has been bittersweet. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you, but I’m conflicted. It’s showing me why arranged marriages work for our lifestyle, but I still can’t overlook the damage that has been done in my life because of them. Not to mention the fact that not everyone will be as lucky as we are.”

“What have you lost?” When he finished telling me about the life he planned to live as an artist with his ex, I ached for him. I couldn’t imagine how it felt to plan a life and watch it vanish before your eyes.

“I know I should have told her who I was from the beginning, but I couldn’t.”

“I mean, that’s not exactly a first date conversation topic.”

He smiled like I hoped he would. “No, it isn’t, but still. I should have told Lulu. I didn’t because a part of me knew she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. That’s what’s driving the conflict.”

“How so?”

Karrington took my hand into his. “It seems like you might be perfect for me. Or at least the perfect partner for the life I’ve chosen to live. That truth makes me want to keep arranged marriages in place but…”

“Everyone won’t have the luck we’ve had.” He nodded. “That’s a tough spot to be in, baby.”

“Yeah, I know. And the more time we spend together, the closer I get to you, the more I fear losing you too. I know that’s probably paranoia from losing Pops but if something were to happen to you because of this, because of me—”

“I don’t want you even thinking about that, but I know that’s easier said than done.” He nodded his agreement. “So that’s why it seems like you’re hot and cold… because even though you like me, you don’t really want to?”

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Some days I want to give us a real chance and others I want to stay away from you.”

While I was glad to finally know why he’d been moving the way he was, knowing the truth didn’t exactly make me feel better. “Well, you’ll have to let me know what you decide.”

“How do you feel about what I said?” he asked before taking a sip of his drink.

“I get where you’re coming from. I hate that you don’t feel comfortable enough to be a practicing artist because of your role in the organization. And I get the loss of your love and your father. Though I have both parents, I’ve lost a lot of close family members and even two friends, so I get your hesitation. But… I do like you, Karrington, and I hope we can have a real marriage. If not, I understand.”

“I’m sure this isn’t how you saw our honeymoon ending…”

“It’s fine. I appreciate us being able to have a conversation like this.”

We finished eating in silence before going back to the residence. While I wished I had the confidence in us I had when we first got here, I could admit the space we were now in was better. It was raw and honest, and a part of me still believed it would lead to us having a happy, healthy marriage.