Prologue

S tretching in bed, my eyes pop open. I turn over, looking out the window. It's a lot lighter than it normally is.

Standing, I stretch some more as I yawn. Mother wouldn't have let me sleep in, would she?

"Okāsan."

I call out as I leave my bedroom. Mother usually wakes me by now. She doesn't like when I sleep in. She always says that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Sleeping late means wasting time. The morning is our busiest time. So why wouldn't she have woken me?

"Okāsan."

I keep calling out for her, but she isn't answering me, though. Where is she? Is she mad at me for oversleeping? I don't want her to be upset with me. When she is, I always feel really bad. I don't like feeling bad. I better make it up to her. I will be extra good today. I will give her no reason to be any more upset with me than she already is.

I continue down the hall toward the kitchen.

"Okāsan."

She's not here. She doesn't even have anything on the counter. When she is in the kitchen, she always has a mess around her. Father used to yell at her for it all the time. That was before he left. She has been sad since he has been gone. I have been too, but I like that he isn't yelling anymore. He liked to yell a lot. I would often hide in my room as he yelled at Mother. I would pretend I was in another world. I haven't had to do that recently, though. I like that.

I turn around, heading back down the hall to her bedroom. Maybe she slept in too. She might still be in bed. It doesn't happen often, but when she is sick, she sometimes doesn't get out of bed. I'll take good care of her if she is sick. I'll be the best son.

"Okāsan."

I call from her doorway. Only she isn't here. The bed is made, though. Something she does every morning when she gets up. She must be here somewhere, then. She wouldn't leave me. Even when I make her mad, she always tells me she still loves me. That I am her little man. She is probably doing something and forgot to wake me up.

"Okāsan."

I head down the hall toward the living room. The house is so quiet. It feels weird to not have any noise. Mother is always listening to something. Traditionally music. Her church readings. The news. This morning, there is none of that.

I round the corner to the living room and almost slip. Looking down, I see red liquid on the floor. I follow the liquid until I see her. There in the middle of the floor, is Mother lying in the middle of the liquid.

"Okāsan."

I giggle, wondering why she is being so odd. Mother doesn't like playing on the floor. Moving closer to her, I get on my knees, pushing on her shoulder. Any second, she is going to scare me like she does sometimes. It always makes my heart race, but I love it.

"Okāsan."

She isn't moving. Why isn't she moving? Isn't this what she wanted? For me to play with her? I can feel the liquid seeping into my sleep pants. I push on her again, laughing a little.

"Okāsan."

My laughter falls away as she doesn't answer me. I don't like this game she is playing. It's really scaring me. Why isn't she getting up? She should be making breakfast for us before she takes me to my lessons. I don't understand why Mother is lying still on the floor. Why won't she get up?

"Okāsan."

I push on her again. My chest is starting to hurt. I can feel my breathing speeding up. This is the feeling I get when she scares me, only it's not going away like normal. It's getting worse. I feel tears in my eyes. I need her to answer me. I need her to hug me and tell me everything is okay. I need her to be my mother. Why isn't she taking care of me?

"Okāsan."

My voice is getting louder. Tears are starting to fall down my face. Mother hates when I cry. She usually sings me a lullaby to help calm me. Why isn't she singing to me now? Does she not love me anymore? Did I make her really mad this time?

"Okāsan."

Every time I call for her, I call louder. I try to move closer to her, but the floor is sticky and red. Why did she make such a mess? Is that why she is sleeping so soundly?

"Okāsan."

I lay my head on her shoulder.

"Okāsan."

Sobs shake both of our bodies. I hope it is enough to wake her.

"Okāsan."

My throat is raw as I scream out for her over and over again. I cry and cry for her, but she won't come to. She won't wake up at all. Why isn't she waking up? What's wrong with her?

A pop of pain in my throat has me wanting her even more. I need her to make me feel better. She is the only thing that will make me better. Why is she still sleeping? She needs to wake up. Please wake up.

"Okāsan."

It's not until someone picks me up that I realize we aren't alone. Still, I don't stop crying out for her. If anything, my cries become more frantic as they walk me a few steps from her body.

"Okāsan."

"Shh, child. Everything will be okay."

I don't recognize the voice, but the face is of a woman I've met before. Mother takes me to see her sometimes. Her and Mother often chat while I play in her garden.

"Okāsan," I whimper out one more time.

"Let's get you checked out and cleaned up. You made a bit of a mess, huh?"

The woman leads me away, but I look back one last time.

The last thing I see is my mother's lifeless body laying in the middle of the floor, surrounded by the bright red liquid all around her.

She never did wake up.