Chapter 9

nine

Needing a moment to herself, Autumn excused herself, saying she needed to use the bathroom. Lord, Seth’s mother was a demon interrogator. She wasn’t sure what the older woman had done for the Pentagon, but Thelma must have been good at it.

She slipped through Merri Lee’s house. She had been here more than a few times. She told everyone it was for the fried rice, but as she passed the family photos lining the walls, it was actually for that. They were normal. Granted, Adam losing his father when he was young hadn’t been easy, but they had had each other. When she was in this house, it was easy to feel the love between the siblings and their mother.

She stopped at a photo of a very young Adam on his Police Academy graduation day. He was surrounded by family. It wasn’t just his sisters and mother, but uncles, aunties, cousins—both blood and not.

“I didn’t think you lurked in other people’s houses.”

She jumped at Merri’s voice. It wasn’t like her to miss someone sneaking up on her, but she always felt safe here.

“Not lurking, admiring,” she said without turning around.

“Potato-pot aa to,” she said.

Autumn chuckled. “I needed a break.”

“And you can do that anytime at my house.”

She would not cry. It was a sign of weakness. That was an unhealthy thought, but it was hard to beat out the training from birth.

“Thank you.”

“And I know that Thelma was giving you the third degree. Any reason for that?”

The speculation in her voice made Autumn’s stomach tighten. She couldn’t want that. Not ever. Seth was sexy and funny and when he had taken her out to breakfast, she’d wanted more. That was saying a lot. Never in all the years that she had been hunting Joseph had she had those thoughts of wanting to spend time getting to know a man.

“No.”

Merri sighed. “You can want more.”

Now, it was her turn to sigh. When she turned to face the older woman, she had to look down. Adam was a giant—something he got from his father. His mother was a petite woman. She just seemed like a giant because of her larger-than-life character.

“I don’t.”

One eyebrow rose up.

“Merri.” The warning was unmistakable.

“I know what you’ve said. You don’t want a serious relationship.”

“I don’t.” And if she told herself that enough times, she might just believe it.

“Maybe not before that man showed up. Of course, he’s been watching you all night.”

“He has not.”

“He has. From the moment he knew you were here, he has been tracking you.”

She didn’t know how she felt about that. Again, she was feeling off if Merri had noticed Seth tracking her and Autumn hadn’t.

“And I can see you’re trying to figure this out, but you don’t have to do that tonight.”

“There’s nothing to figure out.”

“Autumn, you can lie to me all you want, but before long, lying to yourself will bite you in the bum.”

She smiled, and then it faded. “I told you. I’m broken.”

“You are not broken, and I have told you I will banish you from this house for a month if you continue to say that. I mean it.”

“I’m not normal.”

Merri shrugged, her dark eyes filled with understanding. “Normal is boring, but I’ll leave you alone about it. Besides, I think I’ll go flirt with Sam.”

“Be careful.”

“Are you warning me off of him?”

“Good God, no. You’re both adults. Just, Adam will freak out a little.”

She knew that Adam’s mother hadn’t really dated much since his father was killed in the line of duty.

“Oh, good. You know…that accent,” she said, humming.

“Ick. I don’t want to know about that.”

Merri wrapped her arm around Autumn. “Come on, I know you didn’t need to use the bathroom.”

Seth hurried outside, his mind reeling at what he’d overheard. He knew she was attracted to him, but he had no idea Autumn thought she was broken. Why would she believe that? And just what the hell happened at the cult that made her feel that? He knew that cults fucked with people’s psyche, but he had no idea just how badly it had messed her up.

He had followed her into the house, worried that his mother had been rude, not on purpose. His mother had one of those personalities that could not let things go. Once she’d zeroed in on a topic, she would dig until she felt satisfied. He always knew to avoid the house when she was trying out new recipes. She was a horrible cook but never failed to find a new recipe she wanted to perfect.

“There you are,” the woman in question said as he stepped out on the deck. It took him back to sneaking into the house after making out with Trudy Abelson. There was nothing like having a mother who could track your every move on instinct alone.

“What’s up?”

He tried to sound casual, but from the look on his mother’s face, he knew he hadn’t achieved his goals.

“We’re going to call a ride share. Your father and I are just not as young as we used to be.”

“It’s hard to get used to the time change after you move to Hawaii.”

That was the truth. He knew people who kept waking up at four in the morning even if they didn’t have to be awake.

“Hey, why don’t you take my car?”

“Are you sure? How will you get home?”

“I can get someone on the team to drop me off.”

“Are you sure? What will you do for transportation?”

“I have my work SUV if I get called in to work.” Which could always happen. They constantly had tourists getting lost, and it only took one bad storm or an injury to turn it into something that could end with death if not found soon enough.

“If you’re sure?”

He nodded. “No problem. You sure you don’t want me to show you around tomorrow?”

They had discussed it, but his mother said there was no rush.

She shook her head. “I think I just want to laze about tomorrow.”

“No worries.”

He kissed her cheek just as Autumn stepped onto the deck. As he straightened, he watched Autumn and Merri make their way over to them. His mother turned to look at what caught his attention.

“Oh, Merri, thank you so much for letting us join the celebration.”

“Are you leaving?” Merri asked.

“Yes, Dennis and I are still adjusting to the time change.”

“Of course. Let’s make up a plate for you to take back. That way, you don’t have to do much tomorrow.”

As the two women left him with Autumn, he realized she was looking anywhere but at him.

“You look nice.”

Her gaze zeroed in on him. His body reacted immediately.

“Thank you.”

And she did. She was a beautiful woman, but tonight, there was something different about her.

“So, your mom is abandoning you?”

He chuckled. “Seems like it.”

“Yeah, well, Merri told me she wanted to bang Sam.”

He barked out a laugh, and she smiled. Not the one he was used to. This one showed her dimples, and her eyes danced with amusement.

“Not sure how Adam is going to take that,” she said with a shrug. “Or Ian, for that matter. He’s kind of persnickety about his father dating—as if he can talk.”

It was that. The humor she found at Ian’s expense. A normal, mundane thing, but it put her on the outside again. It was as if she weren’t part of the family unit, even though Ian and Sam clearly saw her that way. That made him want to know more, to pull her into the fold and make her understand that people liked her for being her.

I’m broken .

Those two words still rattled around in his head…in his heart. Del was right. She had a lot going on beneath the surface. She was definitely up to something, from what he could tell. Beyond her work with Team Alpha, she was doing some other digging because she had always whispered conversations on the phone with Ian. But Del also hit on the fragility.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Because he’d just realized he might be falling for the woman, and he hadn’t even kissed her.

“I’m trying to figure out how to convince you to give me a ride back to my place tonight.”

She tilted her head and studied him. “You’re in luck because Sam and Ian came in Ian’s car.”

“Does that mean you’re going to take pity on me?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“First, is there food at your house? I always demand payment.”

He blinked and looked around him, then looked at her again. They had all sat down for dinner. There had been huli huli chicken, kalua pork, ribs, rice, tons of salads and vegetables, and Liliha Bakery Cocoa Puffs. She had eaten a lot.

“Hey, are you with me, Seth?”

“You ate a lot.”

“Way to romance a woman.”

He smiled. “You do have the appetite of a Hobbit.”

She rolled her eyes. “Have fun getting a ride home, loser.”

As she turned to walk away from him, panic set in. He didn’t know why, but something told him this was an important moment. Gently, he reached out for her arm. Soft, warm skin.

“Hey, sorry.” He couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice. She was smiling when she turned to look over her shoulder at him.

“I need a piece of Mrs. Lui’s haupia pie.” The Hawaiian treat was similar to a French silk pie.

“Okay. Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

She nodded, and he let her go.

“So, you don’t need a ride home?” Ryan said from behind him. Dammit. He turned to face his team member standing a few feet behind him, with Maya beside him. “No. I’m fine.”

“Nikki’s feeling guilty.”

And she should, but he shouldn’t have reprimanded her the way he did.

“Gotcha. I’ll take care of it.”

He nodded. “We’re headed out. Maya will get up at oh dark thirty.”

“And you need a plate,” Merri said as she hurried toward them, his mother beside her. “Do not leave me with all this food.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” Ryan said.

His mother gave him another kiss, and his parents left.

He glanced over at Nikki, who looked a bit miserable, and he decided to talk to her. It took him about fifteen minutes to make it over to her.

“Hey, Nikki. Sorry, I got onto you earlier. I shouldn’t have.”

She shook her head. “No, you were right. I know that I push it sometimes.”

He studied her for a second or two. He saw the regret, but he also saw the self-loathing.

“You know you don’t have to fit in with us.”

She sighed as she studied the crowd. “That’s easy for you to say.”

“Have I made you feel you don’t belong with us?”

She pulled her attention from the crowd to look at him. “No. In fact, you’re the first commander I’ve ever had who has always made sure we felt like we belonged.”

He knew she had been a squared-away Coastie. Still, he also understood that being in any of the services could be difficult for women. There were a lot of men who would never accept a woman’s presence anywhere in the military except as a caregiver.

“Then…is there something someone else did?”

She sighed. “No. It’s growing up in a family of men. I know that I overcompensate because of my size and my gender. I always have.”

“You don’t have to. You’re our best team member.”

Her eyes widened at his statement.

“You didn’t really know?”

She shook her head. “I mean…even Kap?”

He nodded. “Don’t get me wrong. In a fight, you’re at a little bit of a disadvantage, mainly because of your stature. But I’ve seen you use that to your advantage. You did take Kap down just the other day. He’s got a foot in height and probably around a hundred pounds on you. And he wasn’t pulling any punches. That’s why I make you grapple with him. Rami, he pulls his punches with you.”

“What? He does not.”

“He does. I think it’s his upbringing. His mother is a bit of a terror, and while he respects you, it makes it hard to take you down.”

She frowned. “I don’t like that.”

“Hey, he would follow you into a firefight. He respects you in the field. That’s what’s important.”

He left unsaid that he was sure there was more behind Rami refusing to fight her at full strength, but that wasn’t any of his business as long as it didn’t interfere with work.

“But you fit in. Hell, I would say the team member closest to you in training and skills is probably Maya, but that’s because she’s a dog who can track by scent.”

She laughed. “I thought maybe you were going to say something about both of us being bitches.”

“I would never say that. But I’m guessing you had issues in the past with that?”

Her smile faded, and she nodded but didn’t explain. “Again, I’m sorry about earlier.”

“I was just being a little sensitive.”

She shook her head. “No, I went over the line.”

He knew there was something else she wanted to say. “Tell me.”

“Y’all would make a cute couple.”

He rolled his eyes. “I have a feeling Autumn wouldn’t like that description.”

Nikki laughed. “You should see the two of you together. She smiles a lot more around you.”

“She’s always cracking jokes.”

“Yes, but she rarely smiles. Not real ones. When she’s around you, she really smiles. And you do, too.”

“I don’t. I’m very stoic and manly.”

She let out a belly laugh. “You are so fucking funny sometimes. Just, I would take a chance if I were you. You buzz when you’re together. That’s rare in our line of work. It’s hard to trust someone and I have a feeling that you both trust each other.”

“You trying to play matchmaker?”

She shrugged. “I just like seeing people happy. You two seem to understand each other.”

“I don’t understand her at all.” The confession was out before he could control his tongue.

“Naw, you do. When Autumn was tweaking out the other day, you got her out of TFH and to a breakfast place.”

“I went along with her.”

“And let her talk. People always think she’s so funny, but there’s a loneliness beneath those sarcastic statements. I think you respond to it. You’re good for each other.”

“Oh, yeah, and what does she give me?”

“Someone to take care of. You’re a caregiver, boss. Just think about it.”

Then she left him, walking over to talk to Drew. He should think this through and step back, but then he heard Autumn laugh. It wasn’t that fake one she usually had, the one she used to distance herself from people. This was genuine. Sitting on the deck next to Maya, she talked to one of Del’s kids. He found himself smiling as the two seemed to be in a deep discussion about something—probably a particular blue Australian dog because he knew they both loved the show.

Oh, damn. He wasn’t falling for her. He had fallen headfirst for a woman he barely knew, who was keeping secrets from everyone.