Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

CAULDER

I have never in my life been more aware of someone. Keeping my head down, I untie my shoes and slip them off, shoving them under the bench. The time we get to change is usually a mental game for me, getting myself into the hockey zone.

But Lo is sitting right next to me doing the same. Stripping off his clothes, one piece at a time. I remember watching him put them on, covering up his sexy body inch by inch. A body that was dripping wet against mine not two hours ago.

Blinking those memories away, I force myself to focus on what I'm doing. Of all places to be caught looking at someone, the locker room where everyone is changing isn't one of them. Nope. Just going to pay attention to what I'm doing.

I get down to my underwear as I internally recite my stats to make sure my cock remains unfluffed. Lo standing so close and undressing makes that a more difficult task than it should be. So I determinedly think of nothing else but my stats from the last time I looked at them. Goal attempts. Goals made. Assists.

Once I slip into my cup, I feel better. If I chub a little, only I will know and it's going to be uncomfortable enough that it'll keep my mind far away from any sexy ideas.

Lo wanting his hands on me can get addicting. Knowing someone wants you is consuming. It's not something I'd ever given much thought to but now, feeling his gaze constantly on me makes me burn just under my skin. And as I climb into each layer, I am very aware of him beside me.

Stealing glances at me.

By the time I get my jersey on, I'm exhausted. Not from dressing, though wrangling myself into the pads can be exhausting too, but from trying not to think about Lo. Once he's in uniform, I look up at him. I'm not sure if that smirk is flirty or just him. But it makes my stomach flutter.

He sits next to me, bumping his knee into mine. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not.

"What events are you doing?" I ask, just to try to make it appear less awkward.

"Hardest shot, one timers, passing challenge, and accuracy shot. You?"

"Fastest skater instead of hardest shot, otherwise the same."

"Which do you think you'll do best in?" he asks.

I shrug. "Dunno. Accuracy maybe. I used to spend a lot of time trying to hit specific targets in high school. I think that's why I ended up being drafted as a wingman instead of defense, though I naturally default to defense sometimes."

"You're a switch," he says.

My eyes flicker around the room and then narrow on him. His smile widens slyly.

"It's really cool that you can switch between offense and defense when needed with equal skill," he continues. "Makes you a really valuable player."

"Probably why Buffalo refuses to let him go," Ethan jumps in, tapping his stick to mine. "He can play any position except goalie. And I'd wager a guess he'd do pretty damn well there too."

I roll my eyes. "I don't think I could move in goalie gear," I say, glancing at Lamar and Azure. Lamar is balancing the base of his stick on his palm, looking up to watch it and moving to make sure it remains upright.

Azure is watching him indifferently, blank-faced, with eyes half hooded. Maybe he's not really seeing Lamar, but doing some goalie zone mental exercise. Although his skills won't get to be seen until the second round. I feel like the goalies should have more events to showcase their skills, too. One event compared to everyone else getting upwards of six seems woefully unfair.

"We should try it one day," Ethan suggests. He plants his stick on the ground and leans on the handle as he looks at me. "Just for fun. I bet Asael would let you wear his gear. You two could trade positions and we can see how you do."

I give him a bemused look. "Right. We can table that for a while."

He laughs. My gaze flickers to Lo and he's grinning too. Watching me. Not looking between us as the conversation dictates but just me. My cheeks heat as I look at Ethan again.

"Just trying to imagine you in goalie gear," Lo comments. "I think it'd swallow you."

"I'm really not small," I retort, frowning.

Ethan laughs. "It wouldn't swallow him. He's no smaller than Azure."

The three of us turn to look at Azure. Noah's beside him now and Azure's expression is almost comical. I swear, it almost looks like he's trying to figure out what makes Noah tick.

His eyes flicker this way when he feels us watching him. There's no question when he looks at us. He just returns our stare.

I shiver and bring my focus back.

"Pacific, Atlantic. When you're ready, this way," a man calls as he steps into the door.

Lo and I get to our feet and follow the crowd out. The first stop is photographs. Not like we haven't taken a bunch, but most of those were back home. Now that we're together, we can take some as a division, and as individual All Star teams, plus some competing poses that really play up the drama, etc.

The room we're led into is large with one end set up with benches where we file to take seats. I'm sitting between Ethan and Lo. At least when we're pressed this close together, I can imagine that Lo's leg against mine is a necessity because of the space and pads. After all, my other leg is pressed against Ethan's.

There are two clothing racks set up off to the side, one with teal jerseys and the other with maroon.

"Captains first," a man says.

Ethan gives me a wink and gets to his feet. The Pacific captain is Brian Teethis of Calgary. We watch as they take shots together. Ethan always has a smile because that's just who he is. Something that Brian doesn't share, although he does give Ethan an amused look from time to time.

"Is he always happy?" Lo asks.

I nod. "Always. Unless you're pushing one of his husbands out of the way—then he's a bear."

"I saw that," Lo says, shaking his head. "How did that idiot ever think it was a good idea to shove Creed out of the way? How did he not think that was going to go unanswered?"

"Mmm," I agree. "People are crazy. Then he had the audacity to get fired up because Ethan hit him and then sued him. And won."

Lo grins. "The world might have been upset about the whole thing, but they also love Buffalo's Wildman."

"Yep."

We watch the goalies for a while and honestly, no one is as extra as Lamar Gibbon. The man does a fucking handstand in his gear and tries to convince the other four to join him. None of which act entirely impressed with his handstand, though I don't see them trying.

I bet Azure could do it, though. He's just too cool to prove it.

After a while, we're paired up to take some shots. I get paired with Mattias J?nsson first, which I love because I've missed him. I don't miss the flashes of the camera when we hug after we perform their scripted poses.

"Dinner later," Mattias says. "And Ethan. Yes?"

"Definitely. Creed and Jakub are here too."

"Yes, good. All Buffalo."

He sits with us when Lo gets up to have his shot with Noah Kain. Noah is a fucking pretty man and I don't get jealous when I imagine Lo admiring this about him. I definitely don't see that he thinks Noah is hot. And I certainly do not stare the entire time they're posing.

I think perhaps one of the guys orchestrating this entire thing must have misinterpreted my expression because he keeps Lo up there and calls me to join him. As I move toward him, my heart races. His incredibly light eyes are trained on me, his ever-present smirk on his lips. Lips I've kissed. Lips that have been wrapped around my cock.

Swallowing, I stand beside him. There are flashes as they capture whatever they see between us. Fuck, I hope I'm not giving myself away right now.

"Back to back."

I turn my back on Lo, thankful to be out of his stare. His back presses against mine and I keep a stoic face as much as I can as I stare straight ahead. When instructed, I turn my attention to the camera. And then glare at Lo over my shoulder when he taps my thigh, the one not facing the camera. Even though he's not looking at me, I can see his smirk as he stares into the camera while I continue to glare at him over my shoulder.

"Good. Face each other."

We do and I try very hard to keep my glare. His smirk is bigger now while I continue to try to appear hostile. I have animosity in me, right?

Not jealousy. He can look at whoever he wants and appreciate how hot they are. Noah is pretty. That's just a fact. Anyone can see it. Lo is allowed to appreciate that.

He steps closer and our foreheads come together. "What's wrong, Caulder?" he murmurs, just above a whisper. I'm not sure if he can be overheard so I don't answer.

Lo chuckles, his hands tangling in my jersey at my chest.

Heat rushes through me. Fuck. Even through this damn padding, I can feel the heat of his hands on my chest. Just as they were right before we left our room!

"What're you thinking about?" he whispers.

"I'm going to wipe your face on the ice," I mutter. "Stop."

He pulls me closer, and I finally respond by bringing my hands up to shove at him. Because neither of us are wearing our gloves and don't have our sticks, his grip on me is tight. I shove at him harder, but he just laughs.

We end up in a scuffle as I try to peel him off me and Lo just holds tighter. After a few minutes, we're half wrestling and laughing. I manage to get him off me and onto the floor, on his back, with my knee to his chest. The triumph I feel as I stare down at him only magnifies when he rolls his eyes.

I'm pulled out of the moment when the flashes of the camera finally register again and I remember we're not alone. Fuck. A brief flash of panic surges through me. Lo's hand grips mine for a second and I stare into his eyes. It's okay. We're playing.

Taking a breath, I get to my feet and pull him with me by his pads.

"So strong," he teases.

I huff. "You're insufferable."

"Good job, guys," the man says. "Go ahead back."

My face is still flushed. My heart is racing, and my breathing is slightly shallow. But I can pretend it's from the exertion of all that energy in pads. Wrestling in hockey pads—brilliant idea.

We don't sit next to each other since it's not an option. Which is probably a good thing. I think my face would remain red as if I had to.

Ethan leans into me after I take a drink from one of the water bottles. "Everything okay between you two?" he asks, keeping his voice down.

I glance at the others around us. Not so much to see if they're listening, but to see if anyone's looking at me or Lo. No one is. Maybe that means most of what we did up there didn't look as… heated as it felt.

Not to anyone but someone who knows me better than just a passing figure. Like Ethan. And maybe Mattias.

"Yeah," I answer, trying to laugh. "Just messing around. Rivalry and all that."

He studies my face, and I don't think he's entirely convinced.

"Honestly, just in fun. We get along fine. I swear. No bad blood or arguments or anything."

Ethan nods slowly, his attention shifting to Lo a few bodies down on his other side. Lo, who's fucking watching me again!

I silently curse him, glaring at him from the other side of Ethan. His eyes meet mine and he grins, but finally turns away to talk to whoever's on his side. I don't know who because I can't look anywhere else.

Sitting back just before Ethan turns to me again and I can hide the fact that I was looking at Lo in return, I take another drink.

"Jakub says he's a nice guy," Ethan says.

"He is a nice guy," I agree. With a really fucking nice mouth. And a nice body. A nice smile. I shake my head. "I didn't come down this morning complaining like Drick was, did I?"

"No, but to be fair, that man complains about everything. I can't imagine Link is awful to room with, though I can't say that from experience."

"I'm not," Link says, probably having tuned in to his name. "I'm a considerate roommate. Drick is dick."

We laugh.

"You can join us," Lamar offers with a smile. "We'll watch movies all night and cuddle. It's a big king bed."

"Who's us?" Link asks.

"Leroy Wysik. Jersey."

Link frowns as he looks around. "Let us discuss later."

"Drick's that bad that you're considering sharing a bed with two other dudes instead of one?" Ethan asks.

Link scowls. "Yes." He doesn't expand, but I'm definitely curious now.

"Huh," Ethan mutters. "If it's that bad, Max might offer up the other side of his bed."

"Oh," Link muses, tilting his head. "Good thought. I speak to Max. If no, we talk, Gibbs."

"Sure," Lamar says.

We're finally released for lunch and while eating in gear isn't my favorite thing, I'm glad that this is the midday marker for the next set of events. The reason we're actually here. The skills competitions.

I'm as excited as I am nervous. The only thing I'm really hoping to get out of this is seeing how I perform. If I make it on the boards, then cool. Otherwise, this is totally for fun.

Just as we're finishing up eating, Lo sits next to me. I give him a wary look but he doesn't say anything at all. Just watches me with his knowing smirk. Knowing that he somehow managed to get the better of me in front of people and I let my guard down.

This man is dangerous to be around. I need to be extra guarded in his company in public. I don't want any questions.

I'm only Caulder Haines, pro hockey player for the Buffalo Skidmoss. Not Caulder Haines, gay pro hockey player. I refuse to be that. My sexuality shouldn't matter and I'm going to prove that it doesn't. If no one knows, I sure as hell can't be treated differently.

I'm just a hockey player and I will not let Lo jeopardize that.

My eyes flicker to him and my cheeks flush. Fuck's sake.