Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

LO

I stick close to Caulder, hoping I can entice him to come back to the room with me. Maybe if I emphasize come enough times and make my intent clear, I can coax him back. Mattias falls into line with him before I can catch up and I'm following them down the chute.

Since I was the player to beat for a hot minute for the obstacle course line, there are several people wanting to talk to me as I sit on the bench and begin unlacing my skates. At least with Caulder finishing just later than me, there are also journalists around him, and he can't slip away.

Interviews last for several minutes and I'm asked the same questions repeatedly. What was my strategy? How do I feel about Max winning? How has my experience been at my first All-Star Games so far?

Blah, blah, blah. Finally, they are ushered out of the locker room, and we can get back to freeing our junk from the cups they've been locked in for several hours and shower. I'm careful to pace myself with how quickly Caulder undresses so he doesn't get away before I can get him back to the room.

Is it too much to join him in the shower? That's crossing a line, right? Probably. Instead of trying that, I slip into the shower across from him, keeping my eyes trained on the tile just beyond the curtain in hopes that I catch his feet.

I'm too anxious that I'm going to miss him though, which is stupid since we're both headed to the damn bus. Still, I'd like to score a seat with him before he becomes convinced to go celebrate with others.

Wow. I'm becoming obsessed. That's lame. For a second, I stand under the water and try to decide whether I want to force myself to let this go or not. I mean, we have two more nights. That's it. It's not like this thing we're doing goes beyond this weekend. We said as much last night.

Then yeah, I'm totally going to allow this three-day obsession.

What I'm not going to do is stalk him in the showers. I clean thoroughly, but quickly, then wrap my towel around my waist and get back to the bench. My clothes are where I left them, so I spend a minute drying off before slipping into my underwear and onto the bench.

I can stall a little because it's not a lie that I hate putting wet feet into socks. That's gross. I let my feet air dry as I tap on my phone for a few minutes.

Caulder is there a minute later. His eyes meet mine and fuck, I want to bend him over the bench right now. One corner of his lips curls as if he knows what I'm thinking. But again, before I can say anything, Ethan is on his other side and is talking about something.

Keeping my scowl contained, I focus on matching my pace with Caulder's so I'm on my feet and following him out of the locker room by the time he's finished. I don't manage a seat with him on the bus, but when he sits, his eyes meet mine when I walk by.

I don't pretend not to stare. I fucking stare. I'm at least partially confident he feels the same need I do, since his gaze doesn't leave mine as I walk by until we're forced to break eye contact. I end up a few rows back, but sit at the edge so I can still see him. I'm slightly irritated by how Ethan is keeping him engaged.

In the row beside me, a phone rings and I reflexively look over. Max is sitting at the window with Noah next to him. It's Max's phone and he pulls it out. A smile climbs his face as he answers on video.

"Hey," Max greets.

"Hi. You won, Max. I'm so fucking proud of you."

"You watched it all?" Max asks.

"Of course, I did. Come here, Ez. Tell Daddy you're proud of him."

There's no answer. I'm not sure if that's a kid or an animal Deryke's putting on the screen. I'm not at the right angle to see.

"Hi, Ezzy. You haven't grown, have you? You're not allowed to grow when Daddy's gone!" Max teases.

I find I'm smiling.

"Tell Daddy how proud of him we are," Deryke says.

This time I hear a quick hum or something. Definitely human. I shift in my seat to try to peek at the screen. I'm not the only one being nosy, which is comforting. Behind them, Larson is leaning over the seat.

"You going back to the hotel?" Deryke asks.

Noah reaches over and pulls the phone toward him. "I'm taking him out to celebrate," he says. "Ezloooo!" he coos, his voice morphing into that tone that adults use to speak to babies, further confirming this is a child and not a pet. "Hey, sweet baby. Tell your Dad that I'm taking your Daddy out to celebrate. They're just going to have to dirty their screens later."

"Inappropriate," Max mutters, pulling his phone away. "Ugh. Ignore him, Ez."

I can barely make out Deryke's chuckle. "Have fun, Max. Be good."

"I will," Max promises.

"His days of crazy are over," Noah says.

"Someone tied his ass down!" Larson says with a cackle.

Max sighs. "Love you. I'll call you when I get back to the hotel."

"Okay. Love you."

The call ends and Max glares at Larson before looking at Noah.

"Why didn't they come to the game?" Larson asks.

"Ezlo's too little. In a couple years, it'd be fine, but this wouldn't be fun for him," Max explains.

"I didn't know you had a kid," Lamar comments from the seat in front of me. He's half in the aisle now, leaning over.

Max nods, a smile splitting his face. He turns the phone around and shows us his home screen, a picture of him, Deryke, and a newborn. "This is from Christmas, just after bringing him home. He was just a couple weeks old."

There's a chorus of aww and I'm amused at how sweet it is when his phone gets passed around so everyone can look at his son.

"You going to get him on skates?" Larson asks.

"Yep. Probably early this summer. We'll be working on his balance and core muscles with a bunch of toys when he's a little older. Bouncy things that I swear should be made for adults, too. And sitting. Deryke's already bought little rubber-bladed training skates that we'll get on his feet once he starts toddling around."

Max is content to talk about Ezlo as long as people continue asking questions. And they do. All the players in the seats around us are turned to face him, and everyone wants to know about his baby.

I've never had the occasion to speak to Max much. My knowledge of Max Latham has been from afar. His wild days and then disappearance followed by his abrupt change the summer the St. Andrew's Cross video leaked. As I watch him now, all I see is a proud father. He clearly adores his child and is content to sit there and brag about a two-month-old instead of the incredible win he took an hour ago.

My gaze drifts up to Caulder and lazily, I wonder if that's the kind of father he'll be, too. I may not know him well, but I think I know enough about his character to confidently confirm that yes, that's the exact kind of father Caulder would be.

I'm still lazily musing over this when we get back to the hotel. We have almost no luggage and yet, this feels like the slow funneling off an airplane as I wait toward the back. I stare out the window, not seeing Caulder.

Once again, I muse about how ridiculous I'm being. It's not like he won't come back to the room at some point. I could just wait there.

By the time I step off the bus, he's obviously already inside. I follow the other hockey players through the front doors and pause when I see Ethan and his husbands. Ethan's head is tipped slightly back, his eyes closed, a happy smile on his face. Jakub's lips are pressed to his forehead. Creed's are against his jaw.

I'm unfamiliar with the longing that settles in my chest. There's never been a drive in me to settle down. I've never given the idea of having a serious partner or marriage or relationship of any kind much thought. There's plenty of time for that.

Looking at them, I can't help but wonder what it would have been like to step into the hotel lobby after a day of competing to someone waiting for me. Proud of me. Ready to wrap me in their arms and tell me how amazing I did, even if I sucked.

Ethan didn't suck. I'm not saying that. But I imagine even if Max scored dead last in points, Deryke would have told him how proud they were of him. Creed and Jakub would too.

I'm jostled and shift to find Mattias frowning at me. "You don't hate on gay men," he grumbles. "They kiss if want to."

The shock of his words makes me stare at him. How was I looking at them? My eyes flicker to them again, none of which are looking this way, thankfully.

Then Caulder is there, gently pushing Mattias back. "He's not hating on them," Caulder says, laughing. "Boy is jealous. Look at them—who wouldn't want to be loved like that?"

Mattias looks at the trio and nods. "I do," he agrees, nodding. He gives me another glare and turns for the elevator. "Meet in twenty minutes, yeah?"

"We'll be down here," Caulder says.

Mattias nods again while walking away, and Caulder looks at me with amusement. "Why were you glaring?"

"I wasn't. Not intentionally anyway."

"You were definitely staring. Why?"

I give him a bemused look. "You know I'm not homophobic, Caulder," I deadpan. There's silent laughter in his eyes. "Actually, it was more along the lines of what you said. I was caught wondering what it would be like to walk into the lobby and into the arms of someone who loves me."

Caulder glances their way and nods.

"You going out?" I ask.

He sighs. "Yeah for a while. We haven't seen Mattias much since he was traded, so we're going out. Probably with Noah and Max and… their Gays Can Play crew."

"You join them often?" I ask, raising a brow.

Caulder grins. "No. But I think tonight we're just going out as a big group instead of splitting into their smaller group and everyone else."

I nod, staring at him. Willing him to stay here with me instead.

"Want to come with us?" he asks instead.

What I want is to go upstairs. Drag this man with me. I want to fuck him.

There's no way he doesn't know this. Caulder takes a step closer to me. "I'm not going to stay long. Come with me."

I shiver at his words. "Yeah, fine."

He shifts his position so he's standing beside me and shoves his hands into his pockets. We wait quietly, not talking, for the next twenty minutes as the guys we're meeting join us. There are a few wives and girlfriends too. I wonder what the hotel did with that information when some of these people who they were trying to make share a room showed up with families in tow.

What a fuckshow.

The place we go to is close by. A ten-minute walk, only a handful of blocks down the road. There's loud music and a dance floor, but there are also a bunch of booths and tables around two walls, a large bar, and a door that has people coming and going. I think maybe it's a dining room when I watch a waitress go in with a tray filled with food.

We don't head for that room, but crowd around a handful of high-top tables, sliding them together and dragging chairs over. I end up across from Caulder. It's loud, so any conversation is practically yelling.

It's a struggle to keep my attention moving around instead of staring at him, but Mattias is still shooting me dirty looks so I try my best. My fingers itch to touch him. Anywhere. I'm not picky right now. When I can't take it anymore, I slide my chair further into the table and reach my foot across to hook along his chair.

His eyes snap up to mine when I rub the inside of my leg against his. Heat flares brightly in his eyes. I'm annoyed that the moment's broken when a group of women gather around us. One steals Caulder's attention.

I can see his polite detachment. He smiles and talks, leans in to hear her and to speak. I don't stop rubbing his leg with mine until his ankle hooks around me to keep me still. A smirk curls my lips, but he doesn't look my way and his attention doesn't waver from the girl in front of him.

Then the girls are dragging some of our group onto the dance floor—Mattias, Link, Menlo, Niklas… and Caulder. Caulder allows himself to be pulled away, but he turns and meets Creed's eyes. Creed nods.

"Is that code?" I yell across the table.

Creed looks at me and nods again. "Yep. He's a nice guy, so he rarely denies a dance as long as they're not drunk and trying to grope. But if he's not into the girl, he'll meet my eyes on his way out and then the gay boys will rescue him in a minute."

"He likes nice girls," Ethan says. "But he's pretty picky."

I have to say, I'm rather impressed that Caulder's managed to keep his sexuality hidden from these three. Then again, I'm not sure I'd have figured it out if he hadn't told me. I was ready to write off his freakout as a straight man instantly regretting liking another man sucking his dick.

"All right," Ethan announces, getting to his feet and stretching with his arms over his head. "Time for the gay kids to dance with their straight boo for a bit. Coming Noah? Max?"

Noah nods, dragging Max and Azure with him. I glance at Jakub and he smiles. "I don't dance. Usually, it's me and Lix sitting out on the occasions where dancing comes up."

"Ah."

"You can join them," Jakub says. "It won't be long before Mattias does."

"Yeah?"

He nods again. "More times than not, our team dances together forgetting whoever they'd gone to the dance floor with. Just a vibe. Skidmoss is a close family."

Shrugging, I get to my feet and head for the dance floor. Sure enough, Creed has already pulled Caulder away from the girl and between him, Ethan, and Max. Caulder doesn't look uncomfortable. He's laughing, leaning in close to hear and be heard, his hand is on Creed's chest as he does.

There are light touches. Definitely close dancing. And sure enough, Mattias joins them, then Menlo and Link. I didn't see Lamar at the table, but it isn't long before he's in the group, too.

Noah pulls me in when I get close, wrapping an arm around my waist, and dancing. I match his energy, but it isn't long before he backs away and finds a different partner. I dance with Lamar and then Creed.

Finally, Caulder is pressed against me and that's where we stay for a long fucking time until he leans in, lips at my ear and says, "It's time to go."

Yes. Yes, it is. My dick is straining right now. I have plans for this man and it sure as fuck doesn't include a dance floor.