Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

CAULDER HAINES

Creed takes a seat next to me and drops a paper bag in my lap. It's bigger than I expected.

"Take the burger out before the chocolate melts," he tells me, reaching into his own bag.

Clicking off my phone, I pocket it and open the bag. He didn't just bring back lunch, but now I have a bunch of snacks too. "We're only flying to Florida," I tease with a grin as I reach for the burger. "It's a two-hour flight."

Creed shrugs, his eyes rising as he watches Ethan and Jakub walking our way. I watch them too as I dig into my burger. Ethan always has a smile. Big, happy, ready for anything. Jakub is quieter, more reserved—another Daddy Lucien on the team. Though not to the same capacity. He's happy to be there for whoever needs something, but his primary focus is always on Ethan and Creed.

Both men's attention was on each other as they walked closer, but I witness the moment they both spot Creed. Their smiles change into something that's just for Creed. I know they are because I've watched these three closely since barging in on them over break three years ago.

The way they look at each other is sick. It makes my stomach roll.

But not because I hate romance or love or gay men. Because I'm lonely. I've spent a very long time alone and dedicated all of my energy to hockey.

Glancing at Creed, I wonder if my single-minded focus on hockey's been worth the tradeoff. There's no mistaking the love in his eyes when he looks at either man. I've seen this since he was drafted, and it's grown visibly for years. I saw the same in Ethan. It's been like watching a live-action Hallmark movie unfold right in front of me.

The thing is, I've been around couples my entire life. College was filled with couples and hookup culture. Since I've been in the NHL, I've seen my teammates and their families, most notably Lucien Medcalf and his wife, and how they take care of all of us. They're good people, and their love is deep. It's the kind that everyone can feel and wraps around those close by.

There's just something about seeing it on Creed, Ethan, and Jakub that makes my stomach twist with longing. Not for any of them. I adore them all—Creed's my best friend, after all—but their particular brand of love is the kind I dream about.

It's one of those loves that even the media has fallen in love with. Of course, there are still the polyamory haters and the bigots, but hockey's sweethearts have now expanded to the three of them. It's surreal and beautiful.

Not that I want a relationship in the spotlight. Which is part of the reason I've remained single and uninterested my entire life. The only focus I want on me is for my hockey career. Or other career related affairs, like my charity work or modeling.

Speaking of modeling. I pull out my phone to give myself a reason to look away from the sappy scene in front of me as Ethan and Jakub join us on Creed's other side. Logging into my email, I quickly delete all the spam shit until I find a new message from Rigo, my agent at Pride Sports.

I tease him that I should get a commission for all the clients I send his way, so I'm not surprised that the opening line is "Your incentive is getting the right of first refusal with this new line." I grin, but my stomach flips when I see it's a Pride line. It's not that I'm against supporting the LGBTQIA+ community. I'm not. Like at all.

But I've been very careful to keep a specific amount of distance between me and that community, so I won't face accusations. I want it clear that I support them, but that I'm not a part of them.

Not because I secretly don't support them, but am doing so visibly for my career because I am a part of them and the only person who knows that is me. The idea of coming out to anyone makes me sick to my stomach. Despite the shit that Ethan, Creed, and Jakub went through a few years ago, the world is a much better place for us now.

And it's constantly getting better too. Thanks to this new generation who will not be content to sit in silence in the closet—unseen and unheard—there's a movement that's getting bigger and bigger to accept everyone the way they are. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with it. Just turn the fuck around because it doesn't concern you.

That's not the generation I'm in, though. It's the generation I'm watching with awe. I overheard a conversation at the store the other day between a parent and their kid—eleven, twelve maybe—as they talked about gender. When it came to the point in the conversation where the mom asked what gender they are, the kid looked at her amused and said, "Pfft. Gender doesn't mean anything to me."

The mom, slightly baffled, just went with it.

Twenty years ago, the world was a very different place. I keep hoping more people are like the mom and kid in the future. Where things like that don't matter. When who you are as a person is what matters.

However, that doesn't change my comfort level about the entire thing. I'm left alone as I am now. Cowardice, privilege, whatever—I don't want to change that. I want to play hockey and when I'm done and have faded into history, then I'll find a partner.

Hopefully.

Someone who looks at me the way Ethan, Creed, and Jakub look at each other. Say what you want, but I don't believe for a second that you can fake that kind of love. Not all the time without slipping up.

"Now boarding Flight A135 to Miami. Now boarding Flight A135 to Miami. We will begin with those who need extra assistance and families with children under two. You may now board."

I stuff my burger wrapper into the bag and get to my feet with the Bozik household. Yes, we call them the Boziks. I'm not sure why, but I think we all feel that it's Jakub who's in charge and takes care of shit.

We hover where we are until the call for priority boarding is announced and make our way through the line. One of my favorite things about this phase of my life is the upgrade in seating. I'm not a huge guy, but whoever thought such little leg space was healthy should be stuffed into a coach seat for three or more hours. Nope. I will only ever fly business or first class. Call me snobby or stuck up if you like; comfort is important.

Besides, I can guarantee that no matter who sits next to me, my seat is my own. There is no invasion of personal space. No touching strangers. It's worth every damn penny.

I have the window seat with Creed beside me. Across the aisle are Jakub and Ethan. As the plane continues to board, I watch the people working on the tarmac. Driving around in different vehicles, de-icing planes, and loading luggage.

Glancing at the sky, I'm thankful that the weather looks good today. The skies are clear, a crisp blue February day.

"You ready?" Creed asks and I turn my attention to him, reminded of why we're on the plane to begin with.

When I was invited to the All-Star Games, I nearly declined the invitation. I get that it's a huge honor and recognition, but I'm slightly spoiled by having been with the same team my entire career. Guys come and go, sure, but this is my home. This is my team. These are the only guys I've played with.

The idea of being on another team for even one game is a little intimidating. Okay, it's a lot intimidating. I'm not entirely sure I really want to do this, even having my friends with me and Ethan being one of the fan-voted players for the event. However, I would have definitely declined had Ethan not been invited too.

"Sure," I say.

He laughs and shoves me a little. "It's going to be fine. Promise. You're going to kick ass and it's going to be awesome."

I give him a smile as Jakub reaches across the aisle to hand Creed something. Two square tins. He hands me one with a smirk and opens his. Even though he just ate a burger, there's another lunch in the tin. Sandwich and chips and even a cookie for dessert.

Mine is the same.

"Jakub doesn't want us to starve," Creed says. "Ethan could eat every hour."

"I'm a growing boy," Ethan defends, already halfway through the sandwich.

Creed shakes his head as he pulls out half of his. "I'm surprised he isn't as big as a house."

I snort and lean forward to look at Jakub. "Thank you," I tell him when he meets my eyes.

He smiles in return. "You're welcome."

Creed leans in. "He's going to keep you under his wing this whole trip because he knows you're nervous. The only time you'll have to be on your own is at night. There's not enough room in our bed."

My cheeks flush as I look at him with narrowed eyes. He happily chews his bite, giving me a smirk.

I'm used to his teasing. It's subtle and definitely just him teasing. Not Creed hinting that he knows my secret. I'm pretty confident I've done well to appear as the straight guy who occasionally hooks up when we go to Sceptre or whatever.

If Creed knew, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I know I could trust him to keep it to himself. Even from his husbands. But… I can't bring myself to confide in anyone. Ever. Not until I retire, and I don't have plans for that right now.

Glancing across the aisle, Jakub and Ethan are talking quietly. Their heads bent together, with the sweetest smiles on their faces. Jakub's fingers touch Ethan's jaw and I swear I can see Ethan melt a little.

With a sigh, I tear my eyes away, forcing them out the window. I want to be looked at like that. To be that person for someone. I'm not even sure if I have a preference to be the Jakub or the Ethan of a relationship. I just… want.

The flight is short. We're offered ‘premium' snacks, which I'm far too stuffed to eat, so I add them to my paper bag that Creed brought back for me at the airport. I'm thankful that the flight is so short; I'm far too restless for a longer flight.

I'm stupidly jittery as we wait for our luggage. If someone didn't know better and saw me this bouncy, they'd think this was my first time flying. It's clearly not. Just the unknown that lies ahead. Playing with a brand-new team of guys who are the best of the best.

The honor of being invited is huge. I know that. But damn. I could do without this feeling of ants under my skin.

There's a shuttle waiting for us once we have our luggage. Which exclusively consists of hockey gear; since all my clothing and other necessities fit into my carry on. It's easy to pick out the hockey players on the shuttle. I recognize several, and I swear, Ethan knows everyone.

"It's like he's long-time friends with everyone," Creed murmurs to me when Ethan's moved to the other end of the shuttle to talk to someone. "I don't even know who that is."

"Menlo Dexter," Jakub tells us. "New York Lights."

"Ah," I say, giving him another look. Maybe he dyed his hair or something. I remember him differently.

"Some people are hard to recognize outside of their gear," Creed comments.

"Because their names are on their backs?" Jakub asks, amused.

I laugh.

"Yeah, maybe," Creed admits, shrugging.

When we're sitting in Miami traffic, I'm suddenly grateful for the smaller population of Buffalo. It's not a small city, but it's not Miami. Then again, Miami doesn't get seven feet of snow in one measly storm. I suppose there are tradeoffs.

The hotel is just as crowded as everywhere else. I try to remember if this is normal when we fly to Florida, especially in the middle of winter. I understand there are snow birds and shit, but they live here somewhere. They're not all flocking to the hotels. This is wild.

"Is everyone here for the All-Star Games?" I ask.

"Yes," Ethan says, smiling as he looks around. "Maybe something else too." He nods toward a group of what appear to be high school girls. A very large group. And only one of a couple groups like them.

"Cheer competition?" Creed suggests. "Are we in the right time of year for that?"

I shrug. Hockey doesn't have cheerleaders so for that, and obvious only to me other reasons, I've never paid them much attention. "Dunno."

Ethan checks in first. It sounds like he added Jakub and Creed onto his room beforehand, so he gets through quickly. To keep the line moving, it looks like there are four receptionists working. The one at the far end sounds like she's being yelled at, which is a little concerning because that person I recognize as a hockey player from the New York Gulls. Then again, they're always a little hostile.

I'm at the counter and give the woman my name as soon as Ethan steps away.

"All right, Mr. Haines. We have you on the same floor as your teammate. Will your partner be arriving separately, or do you want to hang on to his card?"

I freeze and stare at her as if I didn't hear her correctly. "What?" I ask. There's no way I heard her correctly. I couldn't have.

"Your partner?" she questions, and I can hear the wariness in her voice as she turns back to the screen. "A Mr. Duval?"

No words come out as dread settles through me. Ethan steps back up to the counter and I can feel Creed crowd in on my other side. "What's wrong?" Ethan asks.

"She says that I'm sharing a room," I say.

A man steps up behind our lady and gives me a sympathetic smile. But I don't miss the way his shoulders are tense. "I'm sorry, sir. There's been a mix-up and some rooms have been doubled up. We're completely sold out for the night and we're terribly sorry for the inconvenience this poses."

"Sorry?" I ask, feeling myself become a little shrill. "You're sorry that you've got me sharing a room with a stranger? That's your answer?"

"If there's anything we can do?—"

"Yes, there's something you can do. The league pays for rooms for each individual player. That means me and this Duval are required one room each. Not one room together. Make it right."

"I'm sorry, sir," he says again. "We're overbooked."

"That's not my problem," I snap.

Ethan pulls me away from the counter as Jakub steps up in my place. "Easy, Caulder. Take a breath."

My hands are shaking. They're making me share a fucking room!

Jakub comes back with a key card, and I look at him, expecting miracles. But by the way his lips are pressed together, I don't think he succeeded.

"Come on," he says, picking up my bag along with his.

There's a bank of elevators and we get in line with the crowd. "We can make a scene but it's not going to change the fact that they're out of rooms. Apparently, this entire city is. The game this weekend and then there are three other big events in town," Jakub says.

"I can't?—"

Ethan wraps his arm around my shoulders and squeezes me.

Once we're in the elevator, Jakub turns to look at me. "I know Lo. He's a good guy. I promise. Just pretend you're back in college and are traveling with a new team again. He's a hockey professional, just as you are. It's going to be fine."

"Can I sue them?" I ask, grumpily. Honestly, it would be far too much energy to do that.

Ethan chuckles, but he doesn't let me go. I'm thankful for his hug, though. It's keeping me grounded.

The elevator opens to our floor and the guys drop me at my door.

"We'll grab you on the way to dinner," Jakub says.

I nod. Creed squeezes my wrist as they continue further down the hall. Not too much further. Two more doors and across the hall.

Knowing they're close gives me the courage to open the door and step into the room. It's a nice room. Thankfully. But as I move further in, I see that there's just one king bed.

Seriously?! Fuck, I want to cry in frustration right now.