5. Heller

5

HELLER

T he weeks go by too fast. One week, two weeks, three. Sergey helps me hide how late our little one is. We stage a picture of an egg, even though I'm still pregnant, and he gets a doctor to see me on the sly. He also has friends stay with me full-time, so I can't go out and steal jewelry when I want to. It's horrible in some ways. The urge is overwhelming. But I make do with the chains Grandma has braided into beautiful jewelry.

Sergey makes sure Grandma has everything she needs. Max and Eli allow Lark more time at our house so she can tell Lark stories and sing them songs. He moves our furniture to the new house, including the board games Grandma and I used to play when I was younger. I play Backgammon with her on my fancy board and watch movies she never got to see because TV is forbidden for the Gentoo. I only give her the forbidden things she wants. We don't talk about her religion. I don't think it ever meant much to her. It was more of a prison than a choice. We talk about her younger years, and about the years we've been apart.

When the egg is two weeks overdue, Sergey gets fake papers for me, and we drive to Canada, where a doctor gives me a C-section. I worry that the egg is late because I faked my nest, but Sergey isn't angry with me. He just tells me that everything will be okay. That my grief for my grandmother's shortened life might be more powerful than my hormones.

The doctors cut into my abdomen—my beautiful, strong abdomen that will forever have a scar—and they pull out the prettiest cream egg.

The drugs they gave me make my hands shake as I try to hold the egg. It isn't fun like it was with Eli or something we'll laugh about later because of my silly antics. But it's still a birth. It still counts. There's still a chick waiting inside the egg for us.

The doctors say the chick is healthy. None of them ask me uncomfortable questions. Sergey gives them money instead of paperwork. He gives people in Anchorage money, too, and a birth certificate with the wrong date magically arrives in our home. It's all different than it was before, but that's okay. It's all okay.

It only takes three weeks before the egg starts to twitch. I know Ansel wants me to call everyone and have a big party. But Grandma is getting weaker every day, and I worry about inviting too many people over. If only one of them has a cold or the flu, we could lose the precious few months we have left with her.

I'm also still recovering from the surgery—a surgery I supposedly didn't have.

Instead of calling all our friends, I just call Eli and Max. They bring Lark over, and we all crowd into the secret room to watch the egg hatch. I can't believe how lucky I am to have Grandma next to me as the egg moves back and forth. Sergey holds me in his arms on the bed. I'm wrapped up in his warmth. Lark is bouncing around the room, so excited to get a sibling, and Max is dancing around with them (probably in the hopes that he'll get to be Fun Daddy instead of Dirty Daddy at some point). It's a moment I wish I could freeze in time.

These people mean so much to me.

The egg cracks quite suddenly. One minute the egg is whole, and then the next it's two pieces. A little black head pokes out. We all watch in awe as the chick wriggles out of the egg—even Lark. They're so little and fragile in that egg. I want to go help them, but I know I have to let them struggle. When they've finally crawled their way out, Lark is the first one to shift. They turn into a penguin, probably to match their sibling, but they don't factor in that they're on the floor, and the chick is on the bed, so they have to transform back into a human, climb on the bed, and then shrink into their penguin form a second time. Sergey and I laugh.

Grandma is still here, which doesn't bother me. I'm comfortable shifting in front of her. I'm also comfortable shifting in front of Eli and Max. They're my family too. But I look back at Sergey, not sure how he feels.

His body is already expanding into a huge, gray bear. Grandma smiles at him appreciatively. She gets to witness this moment because he's willing to shift in front of her. I love him so much. I shift next and waddle over to our little one.

To my surprise, Eli and Max shift too. Max carries Eli over to the bed and plops his penguin form right next to me. Eli glares at Max for manhandling him. Grandma laughs at the two of them, not the least bit uncomfortable.

I think she understands what Max and Eli are to me, and that makes her family, by extension. Or maybe she's just too old to care about things like social norms.

Sergey picks the little chick up in his paws and licks each of their wings, then each of their feet. It takes me a moment to realize he's kissing their fingers and toes, the way we do with Lark. It makes my heart so full.

This is perfect. It's not what we planned, with the absence of a party, and our family may not look like everyone else's. But it's exactly right in every way. Sergey lifts Lark and me in his arms too, and holds us close. I've never felt more loved in my entire life. I inhale the scent of our chick's feathers and savor this moment, surrounded by my family of blood and choice.

Tears slide down Grandma's cheeks. "Now that's something beautiful."

THE END