10. Felix

10

FELIX

T he party is loud on the upper level as Toby and I watch our chicks hatch. Not an annoying kind of loud. More a hum of activity. I thought once I found a mate, I'd be all alone except for him. That's what the Gentoo community promised. Shunning was something I never let myself think about, because it was so scary.

But Toby and I aren't alone. There are a lot of people up there who care about us.

Our chicks peck for hours. Toby and I watch them, cuddled up in our new bed. Eventually, the hum upstairs grows silent, and all we can hear are the footsteps of people cleaning. That's when a little hole appears in the first egg. Toby leans forward, eager to get a look. It's a long time before the second and third egg also get a hole. Our little ones start cheeping very quietly. Then one of the eggs cracks right in half.

A very wet, tiny chick emerges from the bottom half of the shell. Toby crawls closer to our little one until his face is only inches from them. Happiness radiates off him. I've never seen him look at anyone like that except for me.

I hold my breath as Toby shrinks. We've never taken our penguin shifter forms together before. We agreed we would wait until our children hatched. We wanted their births to be our version of an official bond. Neither of us have a pebble to put on a necklace for each other, but we had eggs growing in our wombs, and children seemed like a better symbol of our bond anyway. Toby's skin sprouts feathers, and his nose narrows into a beak. He climbs out of his shirt and hops toward our little one.

His penguin form is shiny and sleek, but mostly, it's very cute, exactly like his human form. He's a little chonky in this form, which makes him even cuter when he waddles over to our little one.

He's still self-conscious about the baby weight he hasn't lost, but I think it suits him.

"That's Lou," I say. After Louisa.

Toby nods and nuzzles Lou's head. My heart is so full watching them together.

I shift next. Taking my penguin form is a little difficult, because it's something Gentoos are supposed to do frequently with their families after a significant loss. My alpha dad should have shifted with me after my omega dad died, but he didn't. I never got to have comfort in this form. I once shifted on my own to see if it would help, but only made me feel more lonely.

My skinny frame is a lot more awkward as a penguin. I look like a wild animal on the brink of starvation or something. I'm a little nervous to waddle out of the cover of my shirt. I want Toby to love me in this form too so we can comfort each other this way when we need to. Toby peers over at me with his black eyes. He lifts his beak and flaps his wings like Lark does when they're excited.

My waddle is more of a sway from side to side because I'm so skinny. Toby doesn't seem to mind. When I get closer, he nuzzles me with his beak the way he nuzzled Lou.

We both look down at our chick, who is resting in the bottom of their shell. They must be so tired after all that work.

The second shell cracks—?not as dramatically as the first. A little head emerges from the side of the shell. We agreed to name our second chick Vi, after Silvia Tatro. That's why she dared to come today.

Maybe someday I can convince her to leave Vos. It's hard to know if she ever will. She feels responsible for the omegas like me who end up on the list.

Toby waddles over to Vi, touching his forehead to theirs. Lou and Vi both leave their shells completely before the third shell cracks. This egg is the smallest and was laid by me. That's why Toby and I decided to name them Len after my omega dad, Lenard.

Toby and I watch Len struggle out of their shell. They end up huddled in the bottom half, gasping for air. I walk toward them and nibble at their wet feathers. They look up at me, still disoriented.

Maybe I was born awkward too. That would explain a lot.

Len manages to stand up and shake their feathers. Toby nuzzles them affectionately. Len wobbles over to Vi and Lou, who are already huddled together. They let Len join their huddle and tuck their beaks into one another's feathers.

Toby inches closer to me and spreads his wing across my back. It seems strange that we ever got pregnant to escape the Belaya Smert, because our children are so obviously meant to be. I don't think I believe in fate anymore, but as I stand here next to Toby, looking on as our children cuddle, I wonder if there really is some higher being out there watching over us.

Or maybe that's the wrong way to look at it. A higher being didn't watch over us, Louisa and our new friends did. I shouldn't give some inanimate hunk of ice credit for their kindness. Even if Toby and I weren't meant to be in some supernatural way, what we have in this moment is worth more than destiny. It's something we chose.

After what happened with my omega dad, that choice is precious. And it's a choice we get to pass down to our kids, regardless of their secondary gender. We've saved them from all that.

Maybe I'm not such a screw up after all.