8. Heller

8

HELLER

M ax is wonderfully soft in his bear form. If things were different, I might want to stay in bed all day with these two men.

But I didn't find these men for me, I found them for my perfect little egg.

The other omegas who had given their eggs up for adoption warned me that today would be hard. They said no matter how sure I was about what I wanted for the egg, I would still feel a sense of loss.

While that may be true, I also feel at peace.

When I was eighteen years old, I got in a fight with my alpha father. That wasn't unusual. I was an opinionated omega in a Gentoo family. Of course we fought. But the last time was different. He told me that my "smart mouth" wasn't welcome in his house anymore.

My omega father didn't even argue with him. He just sat there silently while my alpha father told me to leave with nothing other than the clothes on my back.

I wish I could say that I strutted out with my head held high, but I was scared. I didn't have a high school education, and the only skills I had were of the babysitting or housekeeping variety. I knew what would happen to me if I ended up on the streets. So I apologized. I promised that I would keep my mouth shut and do whatever he said. He agreed to let me stay if I didn't "run my mouth" again.

Later than night, my omega grandmother asked me to come to her room. She was living with us at the time, and she overheard the fight with my alpha father.

She unwrapped a golden necklace that I had never seen before. It was studded with large rubies and wound together with intricate metal detailing unlike anything I had ever seen.

"When I was young, I was very much like you," she said. "I had a fire in my soul I believed no one could douse."

She handed me the necklace. When my fingers touched the metal, a vibration hummed through me. It made me feel a little giddy.

"This is called a happiness necklace. The wearer enjoys a sense of euphoria for the first few hours. They're very rare. It was a gift from a polar bear shifter I loved once upon a time."

"You loved a polar bear shifter?" I asked.

"Yes. But I had an alpha father much like yours, and he told me that she would love me and leave me. So I went through my Pebble Gifting Season, and my mate gave me a necklace of a different kind."

Like all of the omegas in my family, she wore a fidelity necklace.

She undid the clasp of the happiness necklace and wound it around my neck. When she fastened it, a warm glow bloomed in my chest.

"It only works once. That's the thing about happiness. It's fleeting unless you run after it. Take this necklace to the jewelry district on the polar bear shifter side of town and tell them what it is. Don't accept anything less than twenty thousand for it. And then you run, my sweet boy. You run like hell is on your heels. That fire inside of you is in danger, and I won't watch your alpha father stamp it out."

Armed with the happiness of the necklace, I did exactly as she said. I took it to a polar bear shifter jeweler who gave me far more for it than my grandmother told me I should demand.

That night I wandered around the jewelry district, watching the fires in the forges from the windows. I eventually ended up on Merchant Avenue where there was color everywhere. Even the streetlamps were green, purple, and pink. The whole time I kept wondering how different my grandmother's life would have been if she had run away with her polar bear shifter lover. The people all around me were vibrant with life—bursting with creativity.

The fire in my soul would probably be safe in a place like this.

The problem, of course, was how I fit in the new world I found myself in. I was barely literate, and the money from my grandmother's necklace wouldn't last forever. I explored the polar bear shifter side of town for weeks before a sign was posted on the wall of the Ice Bear Pub. It read: "Hired hearts needed. Apply within."

I didn't know what that meant, so I asked. I was shocked to find out that selling sex was legal in Anchorage and that there were people who were proud of doing it. Luckily, the owner of the pub took pity on me, and gave me a job bussing tables instead. That gave me a chance to watch the way the hired hearts flirted with their clients. They were so confident and sexy. I wanted to be like that someday. At that point, I'd invited a few polar bear shifters into my bed. I knew I liked sex. But I wasn't confident enough to strut across the pub with a red heart embroidered onto my back pocket, demanding money for the privilege of being in my bed.

I was still the scared boy who never would have run away without help from my grandmother.

Then I saw Valentine's Row. My polar bear shifter friends explained that only the very best hired hearts got to live there. I used to walk that street every day, hoping to get a glimpse of the glamorous people who lived there. The few times I saw them walking to their mailbox or sitting on their porches, I was enchanted by how sophisticated they were.

I wanted to be one of them. I wanted it so badly, the desire that burned within me became more important than my fear.

The next few years were exactly like the hours I had with the happiness necklace. The work I did as a hired heart was satisfying in a way I'd never experienced before, and I was good at it. Very good at it. After only a few short years, I had earned my place on Valentine's Row, and I was entertaining clients from all over the world. They looked at me like I was more precious than that happiness necklace. They paid more for my company too.

I never would have experienced any of that without my grandmother's necklace. She gave me a priceless treasure.

Today I'm doing the same thing for Eli and Max. Even if I feel an affection for the egg in their arms, I know I don't want to keep it. Not really.

But it makes one hell of a gift.

I crawl off the bed and find a satin robe in my closet. Then I run like hell is on my heels. Or I walk, because I just gave birth to an egg, and my ass isn't ready to run yet. I only get to the living room, but this moment still feels a lot like that night that changed my life twelve years ago.

The fire in my heart rages each and every day. My grandmother saved it. And it isn't burning to raise a kid. I want to travel. I'm working with Francis to create a foundation to help Gentoo runaways like us. I also love the burlesque shows I have time to perform in now that my career as a sex worker has slowed down. Nothing about my life needs to change.

I sit gingerly on my couch where my phone is waiting. First, I text Francis who has messaged me ten times since I started sending him texts about "King George."

I laid the egg.

He messages me back immediately.

How are you?

The nice thing about Francis is that I can always be honest with him.

A little sad. But those guys are going to be great dads.

I switch to another text window. My omega grandmother is still alive. With some strategic secret meetings, we've managed to swap numbers.

She doesn't know that I got pregnant or laid an egg for an alpha/alpha couple. But she knows about the sex work and everything else. I scroll through our texts to one she sent me last week.

I'm happy for you, my little fire. You make your grandma proud.

I love that she calls me that: her little fire. Apparently, the alpha polar bear shifter she loved had fire in her heart too. According to my grandmother, that's where their magic comes from. I like to think that the fight in me is its own kind of magic.

Francis texts me back.

You can always visit the chick. Eli and Max are open to you having a role in the kid's life.

He's right, of course. It's not the same as being the chick's dad, but the more I think about going in there and telling them I've changed my mind, the more certain I become that I haven't changed my mind at all. I don't want them to leave the egg here.

I get another text from Francis.

I'm coming over.

Oh, for Ice's sake. He can't come over. He lives on Valentine's Row. If he works every night this year, he'll have enough money to last him for the rest of his life.

I text him back:

You can bring me coffee tomorrow morning.

I have plenty of friends. I don't have to be alone tonight if I don't want to be. But being alone isn't scary to me. It feels important to spend some time by myself to sort through all the feelings in my heart.

Eventually Max and Eli emerge from my bedroom clothed and with the egg in Eli's arms.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I smile and nod. "Or I will be. Are you two heading out?"

Max glances at the TV. "We could. Or if you want, we could watch a movie with you."

That sounds nice.

"Are you sure? Don't you want to be at home with the egg? You don't need to stay," I say.

Eli sits next to me and Max snuggles in close to him.

"We like you, though," Eli says. "It feels like you're family."

It does feel like we're a family of sorts. Not the kind of family I grew up in, of course. But I never wanted a family like that anyway.

"Then you'll really let me visit the egg," I say.

"Yeah. And us. We're fun too, you know," Max teases.

"But no sex," Eli clarifies. "That was a one-time thing."

We all laugh. I'm sure Eli is exhausted. I definitely am.

"I'd like that. I mean, the platonic family thing. I'm not saying I want to move to your place or anything, but I want to be friends."

In a way, I've always known that I didn't want a mate. I'm not a one-alpha kind of guy. But what Eli and Max are offering is something I think I could handle: family, friendship, and a freedom that will allow my fire to keep on burning.

"What should we watch?" Eli asks.

"Don't they have some kind of show where they appraise jewelry or something?" Max says. "Since Heller has resorted to a life of crime. We might as well figure out where to sell his loot."

Oh God. The jewelry. I don't even remember where I stole it all from.

Eli elbows him. "You're one to judge. I just wore a T-Rex costume because you were worried your magic was ‘too sharp.'"

"Oooo, I have to hear about this," I say. "I can't bear the brunt of nesting embarrassment alone."

"I didn't do anything nearly as amazing as performing a strip tease for ‘King George.'"

I groan. Poor Bruce. I can't believe I stripped in front of him.

Eli kisses Max. "Yes you did, baby. You figured out a spell to reverse the magic of a fidelity necklace."

Max clearly forgot this temporarily, because he looks as shocked as I am. "I… did. Didn't I?"

Eli strokes the side of the egg. "Yeah. For this little one right here."

Max breaks down crying, and I can't help but get a little teary-eyed myself. I knew Max was welding again. I just didn't know what he was working on.

I can't imagine what this will mean to the Gentoo omegas who have been abandoned by their mates or the ones who want to leave, but can't. Or even to the kids who are growing up, dreading the day someone will put a tag of ownership around their throat.

I've given my egg to the best hired fist in Anchorage and the man who figured out how to remove a fidelity necklace.

This little fire did pretty damn good.