5. Maxim

5

MAXIM

E li is not driving fast enough.

"Pull over. We'll get there faster if I drive," I say, reaching for the steering wheel.

Eli bats me away with his T-Rex gloves. "You are not driving. Maybe it would help if you'd let me take off these damn gloves. They're slippery."

The gloves do seem to be causing problems. I suppose T-Rex arms are known for being ineffectual.

"You can take off the gloves if you drive faster. And if you agree to roar at King George in your full T-Rex costume when we get there. I don't know how a King got into Heller's place, but we have to be on the offensive."

Eli does a cough that looks suspiciously like a laugh.

"This isn't funny. Our egg could be in peril."

He pulls off his gloves and puts his hands back on the steering wheel. "I promise to roar at King George in my costume if you promise to keep your hands off the steering wheel. You keep getting grabby."

I look at the speedometer. We're still only going forty miles per hour.

"That's because you're driving too slow." I reach for the steering wheel again.

Eli shoves my hands away. "This is not making us go faster. I am literally going to park the car and tie your hands to your seat if you don't stop."

"You can try, but I've been welding every night. I don't think you could take me. Drive faster."

"Oh, for Ice's sake. This is why nesting fog involves a nest. As in, one location. Clearly travelling is a bad idea."

I try to grab the steering wheel and Eli roars at me. Actually roars.

"Wow, that was pretty good. But you may want to go for a lower pitch with King George. Now if you would just pull over so I could drive?—"

"Max, I swear on the Eternal Ice that if you put your hands on this steering wheel one more time I will not suck your dick for a whole week. No, a month. This mouth will not be going anywhere near your nether regions for a full thirty-one days."

I consider the situation carefully. "Can I suck your dick, or is this just a one-sided ban? Because I could probably get by with frotting and anal if?—"

"Fine! I'm going faster. We're going to get pulled over for speeding, but that's better than this." Eli's fingers are white as he finally picks up speed.

As I predicted, we are not stopped by the police. We get all the way to Heller's place, and at a much quicker rate. When Eli parks and gets out of the car, he starts unzipping his T-Rex suit.

"Eli, you have to scare off King George," I remind him.

"No. King George is not real. He's just a police officer Heller tried to bedazzle with stolen jewelry."

"Um, I don't think Heller would call him that if he wasn't real. Also, Heller offered to do a private striptease. You know how expensive he is per hour."

Eli rolls his eyes, then turns on the inflators of his suit. "Fine. But I am not keeping this thing on for the egg-laying."

He pulls the hood over his head, and the T-Rex begins to take shape. I grab his gloves from the car, and we head into Heller's condominium complex. It's very expensive, so there's a doorman who waves at us both with a smile on his face.

"You are very needed," the doorman tells us. "'King George' has tried to get me to come relieve him three times already. Best of luck."

"See?" I say as Eli ducks down to get his T-Rex head into the elevator. "He called him King George too."

"I'll roar at King George for you, Max. I'm wearing the damn suit, aren't I? But after that we're going to let the man go home to his family."

We ride the elevator to the second floor and race down the hall as fast as Eli can go in his T-Rex suit. Once we get to the door, Eli tries to knock, but I stop him.

"Shhh, we need the element of surprise if we're going to scare King George away."

I can't see his face through the costume, but I can hear his loud sigh. King George might be able to hear it too. Best go in now before we're discovered.

I throw open the door. Inside Heller is completely nude and coyly looking over his shoulder at a man in a police uniform. The man is well into his fifties and covering his eyes.

Right on cue, Eli lets out a loud roar.

Heller flees to his bedroom in a panic, and King George leaps out of his seat. "What in the devil?"

Just when I think we've scared him off, Eli unzips his suit and pulls the hood off. "I apologize, sir. I'm Eli Warner, the hired fist. My mate is taking Prexeliatrin, and he insisted that I scare you."

The man holds up his hands. "I don't need to know all the details. If you're the guy coming to relieve me, that's good enough for me." He beelines for the front door.

Mission accomplished.

"Sir?" Eli says.

King George looks back at him. "What?"

"Thanks for keeping him safe."

King George shakes his head and escapes Heller's apartment, shutting the door behind him.

Eli peels off the T-Rex suit. "We need to go check on Heller. I think I scared him."

But Heller emerges from his bedroom. "I should have known it was the two of you. Come along. We haven't got all day."

He walks back into his bedroom. I follow him, pulling out Eli's phone with the recording to add it to the nest. Heller's collection has grown larger since we were last here. The new pieces are lovely.

"I need pillows," Heller says to Eli just before he gets into the room. "Six or seven should be fine."

Then he shuts the door.