8. Nick

Nick

"I kissed him,"Nick said without preamble.

He'd been a wreck when he'd arrived back home from the barbecue, kicking himself for running off like he had. But after an hour of pacing the house, agonizing over the guilt that had crashed into him over kissing another man for the first time—wanting to kiss that man again and again—and distressing Roo in the process, he called Sabrina.

Deafening silence greeted him from the other end of the line. Shit. He shouldn't have called. Shouldn't be bothering her with his problems.

"This was a bad idea." He scrubbed a hand down his face, retracing his steps from one end of the living room to the other. "I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare hang up," Sabrina ordered. He heard shuffling hushed voices in the background, followed by the familiar squeak of the patio screen door Jenny was always on her to repair. He pictured Sabrina pulling up a rocking chair on the veranda. "Okay. You kissed Hamilton. Start at the beginning and tell me everything."

He huffed, annoyed but also not surprised. "How do you know who I kissed?"

"Please." She snorted. "Haven't we already been over this?"

"Okay, fine," he acquiesced. "I kissed Hamilton."

Just saying the words sent a fresh rush of adrenaline snaking through his veins. Keeping his voice even, he told her everything from spending half the afternoon talking with him and how fast time had passed, to the moment their mouths met, and how his world had tipped on its axis, followed by his embarrassing freakout and mad dash for home. As though admitting how much he loved kissing Rayne and wanted to kiss him again, now more than ever, meant he was over Geoff.

"And was it amazing?" she asked when he was done.

Right to the point, as always, which was why she was his best friend and he'd always taken her advice and insight to heart.

"It was everything."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I think you know," he whispered. "How can something feel so right and so wrong at the same time?"

"Ask yourself which feeling is stronger."

He closed his eyes and tried to settle into his emotions. He'd calmed since word-vomiting to her, but he still felt like his insides were quivering.

"Be honest," she added.

He took a deep breath and stopped in front of the couch. Was he so amped up because of the fear of doing the wrong thing? Or was it excitement? That thrill of discovering that a crush felt the same way, urging a person to—

"—break out in song."

"I'm sorry." Sabrina snorted. "What?"

Nick surprised himself by chuckling. "I was thinking. Didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Okaaay. I'm going to take that to mean the right feeling is stronger."

He sighed. "Yes, but—"

"No buts." Sabrina was quiet for a moment. Her voice softer as she continued, "You deserve to be happy again, honey. To find love again. And to tell you the truth, I think he's perfect for you. Jenny loves him too and she only just met him today. You have nothing to lose by giving him a chance."

The turmoil that had been riding him since he'd run earlier dissipated, leaving him so exhausted he couldn't stand on his own two feet anymore. He dropped onto the couch and let his head fall back. Roo followed and sat beside him, leaning against his legs and resting her head on his thigh.

"Do you really think this is okay?"

"I do," she answered quickly. "And I'm always right."

He huffed, not having enough energy to form a full laugh. "What do I do now?"

"Now, you go to sleep," she said with a yawn. "Tomorrow, you call him."

He closed his eyes, and because they were contagious even when you didn't see them, a yawn of his own stretched his jaw so wide he thought it might crack.

"Thank you, Rina."

But tomorrow had turned into the day after, and the day after that, until a week had passed since the barbecue at óscar and Raquel's.

A week since he'd actively had to keep his jaw from hitting the ground when Rayne climbed out of the pool, water sluicing down his muscular torso, his shorts clinging to him provocatively, and sparkling droplets hanging onto his long eyelashes. The iconic scene with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy emerging from Pemberly Lake in his see-through white shirt had nothing on Rayne Hamilton.

A week had passed since the unexpected but oh-so life-changing kiss he'd shared with Rayne in front of óscar's house. A kiss that a full week later still lingered on his lips, as if it had happened just moments ago.

But today was the day.

He sat down on the couch, rubbing suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans as he stared at his phone, where it rested innocuously on the coffee table. Silent but deadly, as though it was a sleeping cobra that would wake up and strike out at any second.

Why the hell was he so nervous?

He stood and crossed the living room, stopping in front of the fireplace where a framed photo of him and Geoff sat on the mantle, taken on their honeymoon in Hawaii. He picked it up and slid his finger along the outline of Geoff's face.

Sabina was right. If it had been Nick whose life had been cut short, he would never have wanted Geoff to spend the rest of his life feeling like Nick had been feeling for the last two years. He wouldn't have wanted Geoff to forget him, but he'd have wanted him to move on.

"If you can hear me," Nick said to the image of Geoff. "I will love you for the rest of my life. I will never forget you. But I think there's room in my heart to share it with another."

Resolved, he replaced the photo, went back to the couch, and sat down. He snatched the phone off the table without the hesitation that had gripped him all week, took a deep breath, and tapped Rayne's number.

Rayne answered in that deep, gruff timbre that made Nick's belly flutter, and he knew then that this was right.

"Hi, Rayne," he said, his pulse quickening. "This is Lieutenant Nick Seavers."

Rayne chuckled. "Hi, Lieutenant Nick Seavers."

Oh, my god. You could have just said Nick. Like a cooler person would.

Nick groaned inwardly. Why was it so hard not to make a fool of himself?

"I'm glad you called," Rayne said before the silence got weird. "Took you long enough, though."

Nick laughed and, just like that, the ice broke.

"Yeah," he replied. "I've been busy." Freaking out about having feelings for someone other than his husband. "How about you? What have you been doing since graduating from the program?"

"Getting lots of ice time," Rayne said. "And applying for positions at some local fire stations."

"That's good," Nick said absently, the sound of Rayne's voice doing funny things to his insides and making it hard to concentrate. "Any station would be lucky to have you."

Rayne fell silent for a minute. His voice low when he asked, "Would you be happy to have me?"

Nick swallowed thickly, but he answered honestly. "Yes."

Silence took over the line again, broken when Rayne cleared his throat.

"So," Rayne said. "Now that my lusting after you isn't inappropriate anymore, want to meet me for dinner?"

Nick didn't even need a second to ponder. "Yes," he said. "How's tonight?"

Rayne laughed. "Eager, aren't we?"

"Well," Nick replied. "It has been a week."

"And whose fault is that?" Rayne teased.

The two hoursNick had to wait for their dinner date were the most excruciating two hours of his life. He changed a half dozen times before settling on a pair of tan chinos, a burgundy button-down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and white deck shoes.

Ready to go but too soon to leave, he sat in a chair at the kitchen table, his knee bobbing up and down a mile-a-minute while Roo watched him curiously. He checked the clock for the millionth time. Ten minutes. He jumped to his feet. It was only a five-minute walk, if that, from his house to the rooftop restaurant on Pearl Street that he'd chosen for them to meet at.

"Gotta go, Roo." He gave her a quick pet before heading to the front door. He grabbed a lightweight bomber jacket from the front coat closet but didn't put it on. He didn't need it yet, but later, when the sun was fully down, the temps would drop to the fifties. "Behave yourself."

He was still going to be early, but he'd rather wait in front of the restaurant than pace the house. At least he had more distractions to pass the time on the sidewalk, where he could people watch. He was only there a minute or two when Rayne came sauntering around the corner, and Nick's pulse kicked into high gear.

Rayne was wearing a racer style black leather jacket over a heather-colored Henley with a button neck that made his piercing blue eyes pop, a pair of soft-looking denim jeans that hugged all of Rayne's assets just right, and a pair of checkered high-top Chucks with rainbow laces. His smile when he spotted Nick weakened Nick's knees, and he wondered why the hell it had taken him so long to call.

"You look good," Nick said, his voice breathy, when Rayne stopped in front of him.

Rayne beamed as he waved his arm to encompass the length of Nick's body. "You too."

Nick couldn't pull his eyes from Rayne, and Rayne didn't seem able to move, either. Laughter and the chatter of voices drifted from the restaurant. Someone rode past on a bicycle with a squeaky wheel. Birds chirped and trilled from the green ash trees that lined the pedestrian-only street.

The moment stretched and Rayne's smile widened. He tipped his head toward the restaurant. "Should we go in?"

"Yes!" Nick jumped into action and opened the door, holding it for Rayne to enter ahead of him.

Nick took advantage of the perspective to check out Rayne's ass, perfectly framed in his jeans, and when he looked up, Rayne was grinning over his shoulder at him. He raised an eyebrow as heat pooled in Nick's cheeks. He cleared his throat as the host approached and lead them to a rooftop table with a view of the Flatirons, the iconic sandstone formations that overlooked Boulder. The rooftop was cast in warm apricot and orange colors as the sun set, and string lights hanging from tall posts crisscrossing the patio added to the romantic ambiance.

"This is beautiful," Rayne said with a note of awe in his voice as they took their seats. "Nice choice."

"It's the first time I've been here," Nick said, unable to drag his gaze from Rayne, his blond hair glowing under the lights.

"Really?" Rayne's attention snapped to him, his stare piercing. "How long have you lived in Boulder?"

"All my life," Nick said.

"And you've never been here?"

Nick shrugged and said, "You know how it is. People don't often take the time to be a tourist in their own town, unless a tourist is visiting and they're showing them around."

Rayne laughed at that, but the light in his eyes changed. Dulled a little.

"What?" Nick worried he'd said something wrong already.

"I'm always a tourist," Rayne offered with a barely-there smile. "My last two years here in Boulder with the Blitz are the longest I've ever lived in one city since I was fourteen."

"How can you move that much?" Nick couldn't fathom moving cities so often, especially when he'd only lived in three homes his whole life—and all of them in the same town.

"Well, like I told you at the barbecue." Rayne flipped the menu open, giving it a cursory glance before looking back at Nick. "My parents were negligent. So, when I started playing hockey and turned out to be pretty good, my coach helped get me into the junior league. Because I was still a minor, I lived with billet families during hockey season. The first year was a tough transition because I was still pretty angry at life, and I didn't know how to act with a family that actually cared. I didn't know what a normal family was like before that."

"I'm sorry you didn't have that growing up," Nick said, part of him breaking for the little boy Rayne had been who'd never experienced so much of what made childhood special. "But I am glad you found it with that family."

"Yeah." Rayne looked away. "Just when it got good, it ended."

"What do you mean?"

"I got traded to another team. Moved in with a new billet family, but I never really clicked with them or that team. When I signed a contract with the NAPH and got sent to my first farm team, I thought things were going to change right away, but then I got traded almost every year until I got here."

"Wow." Nick couldn't imagine how rootless Rayne must have felt, continually having to start over, the only constant in his life being hockey.

"How many cities have you lived in?" Nick asked.

"We're haven't I lived?" Rayne laughed, but there was no humor in it. He shuffled the menu around. "Let's see . . . Chicago, where it all started. And then Saskatoon, Philadelphia, Madison, Toronto, Bakersfield, and Grand Rapids before here." He paused, his gaze going distant. "I think that's it."

Nick shook his head. Even though Rayne was young, albeit only five years younger than him, he had certainly lived more. Which was why, Nick guessed, Rayne seemed older than his years.

"Which city was your favorite?"

Rayne stared at him, his gaze heating as his grin widened. "Boulder."

Nick smiled back. "I'm kind of partial to Boulder myself."

The waiter came over then and took their orders. A large salad bowl with extra chicken breasts for Rayne and a bison burger for Nick with ethically raised buffalo from Colorado's own Haverstall Mountain Ranch.

"I know talking about past relationships is tacky on a first date," Rayne began. "But I would love to hear a little more about your husband."

Nick's throat constricted, and he looked toward the Flatirons, now just a silhouette against an indigo sky. He had talked about Geoff a lot with his therapist, and he talked to Roo all the time, but he didn't talk much with anybody else. Aside from his folks, and Sabrina and Jenny.

Nick cleared his throat. "I told you he was my high school sweetheart?"

Rayne nodded.

"We met when we joined the same soccer team. He was like no one I'd ever known before. I'd been questioning why I felt so different from all the other kids at school. Why they all teased me so much, but from the very first day I saw Geoff, everything fell into place." Nick straightened his silverware. "I knew the moment we met that we'd be together forever. The two of us were inseparable. Always looking out for each other. After high school, he went to law school at UC Boulder. I started training for the fire service."

"We got married, bought a house together, adopted Roo." Nick trailed off, looking down at the table. Rayne's large hand entered his line of vision and came to rest on his hand, the touch immediately soothing.

"And one morning he went for a bicycle ride and never came home," Nick continued, the words like broken glass in his throat. "A reckless driver sideswiped him. It was quick."

Nick's throat seized. He couldn't say anymore.

Rayne squeezed his hand. His gruff voice was a low rumble when he said, "I'm so sorry."

"Thank you."

Nick turned his hand and threaded their fingers, grateful that Rayne had asked, had wanted to know, making it so Geoff didn't become the unspoken thing in whatever relationship might develop between the two of them from this point.

"And so." Nick took a breath that seemed easier, the weight he carried not as heavy anymore. "I've spent the last two years in a fog, I guess you could say." He paused and looked at Rayne straight on. "Until you."

The smile that spread across Rayne's face was slow and felt like the sun breaking through storm clouds.

Nick reluctantly released Rayne's hand when the waiter arrived with their meals. The rest of their dinner conversation was lighter in topic as they ate, but after getting the heavy stuff out of the way, it felt deeper, more intimate somehow, now that they knew each other's deepest hurts.

When they were done with their dinner and the two of them declined dessert, Nick picked up the tab before Rayne had a chance to retrieve his wallet. Then they were back on the sidewalk, where the night had started, only it was quieter now, with the shops closed-up after the day's business and the tourists off to other points of interest.

Nick knew what he wanted, but once again, a wave of uncertainty gripped him. He sucked at this dating thing.

"Thank you for dinner, Nick," Rayne said, his voice low and seductive just by its very timbre. "I'm glad you finally called me."

"It sounds like you're saying goodnight already." But Nick was not at all ready to walk away from Rayne yet. So, he took a step closer.

Rayne tipped his head down ever-so-slightly, looking at Nick through his long lashes. "Only if you want it to be."

"No. I don't want." Nick shuffled a half step closer. "I was thinking dessert."

Rayne's eyebrows furrowed in slow motion. "You still want food?"

Another half step shuffle. "I was thinking . . . a different kind of dessert."

"Hmm . . ." Rayne's brows relaxed, and the biggest smile Nick had seen yet lit Rayne's handsome face. "I love dessert."

This time Rayne moved, closing the distance between, heat radiating off his muscular body and making Nick shudder with anticipation. The second their lips touched, it was like the heavens opened and the angels sang. Nick never thought he'd ever find anyone again after Geoff, but right now, in this moment, he knew a second chance at love was possible. And Rayne Hamilton was the man he wanted that chance with.

He wrapped his arms around Rayne's solid torso, molding their bodies, and pressed his tongue to the seam of Rayne's mouth. Rayne opened for him and Nick dove in, drawing a sexy groan from Rayne that spurred him on. In the back of his mind, he knew this kiss was getting a little too erotic for public display, but at that moment he couldn't care less.

Until a throat cleared and a disembodied voice said, "Hot. But get a room, perhaps?"

Rayne broke the kiss and leaned back. He sounded as breathless as Nick felt. His lips were wet and glittering and the look in his eyes was wild and intense.

"I live four blocks away," Nick said, his voice sounding needy to his ears.

Rayne was quiet long enough for Nick to wonder if he was going too fast, given that he was the one who'd told Rayne more than once that he wasn't ready for anything yet.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Rayne asked.

"Never been more ready."

"Then what are we waiting for?"