Chapter 9

Rowan didn't seem to be able to stop shivering, much as he tried. Daddy Gabriel had wrapped him up in the softest fleece and given him hot chocolate, but he could barely hold it for shaking.

"I'm going to run you a bath," Daddy Gabriel said decisively and stood. Rowan didn't seem to be able to articulate the words to stop him. But did he want to? A bath sounded kind of nice. Mother only had showers, and while Father had bathtubs, Rowan could never seem to dare on a weekend to just soak. Daddy Gabriel came back after a moment and held the mug steady so Rowan could sip it.

"Does your mom know where you are?"

Rowan froze, and if Daddy hadn't used his thumb to encourage Rowan to tilt his head up, he would have kept his gaze firmly on the floor. "She's away," he whispered. "They both are."

Daddy Gabriel sat on the couch next to him. "Is it that you don't like staying there on your own, or is it that you aren't able to?"

Rowan tried not to squirm. He sounded so pathetic. "Father is having the carpets cleaned."

"And your mom?" Daddy Gabriel asked.

"She's away, but she worries." Rowan chewed his lip.

"You mean if she knew you weren't going to your dad's, she would have insisted you stay with her? Possibly cancel her trip?"

Rowan nodded. He knew he should say more, but the tight ball of anxiety in his chest seemed to be getting bigger. Daddy Gabriel stood and put the mug down, then went into the bathroom. Rowan could hear him move around, then after a couple of minutes he turned the water off and came back out. Rowan hadn't moved. He barely breathed.

Daddy Gabriel came over to him and took both his hands that were clutching the blanket. "This is what we're going to do. I'm going to help you get in the bath and get warm. Then you're going to get a good night's sleep in the spare bedroom. Then tomorrow, we're going to talk all this out. So, you need to stop worrying, okay?"

That was easier said than done, but Rowan agreed. He let Daddy Gabriel lead him into the bathroom, then before Rowan could make a move, Daddy was sliding the blanket off him and started unbuttoning Rowan's chunky cardigan. Then he hesitated. "Sorry, I forgot. It's automatic."

Rowan didn't move. He wanted Daddy Gabriel to continue. Daddy met his gaze. "Rowan, we don't have a contract or a relationship except one where I hope we can be good friends, but that definitely doesn't mean I have the right to invade your privacy. I want you to feel safe here. You staying here tonight doesn't come with any strings." Daddy Gabriel smiled gently. "Shout out when you're in the tub and I'll go grab your pajamas." Then he left. He'd brought his best pajamas with him. They were plain blue, but soft and the top was almost like a long-sleeved tee, so they weren't babyish but also didn't make him look like an old man.

Rowan carried on getting undressed. He took off his pull-ups as well, and they were dry, so he wrapped them up in his shirt to hide them and placed his clothes on the stool. He had some spare pads and a special waterproof bag inside his small case, so he could get rid of the old one easily when he went to put his pajamas on. Then he gazed at the very large tub. Daddy Gabriel had filled it with bubbles and Rowan got in, sinking down and letting out a huge, contented sigh. He heard the knock on the door and answered, "Come in."

Daddy Gabriel came in with Rowan's cup. "I warmed your hot chocolate again." He put it on the small ledge that ran around the bath, then hummed to himself and left. Rowan picked up the Toy Story cup and sipped.

"You can't have a bubble bath without these."

Rowan looked over in surprise as Daddy Gabriel came back in with a net bag full of toys. He gaped. Toys? Like actual toys? Daddy hesitated when he saw Rowan's reaction. "Is this okay?"

Rowan smiled so wide his face hurt. For him? They were for him? "For me?" Rowan whispered.

Daddy chuckled. "I picked them up when I got the bedding for my spare room. I want you to be comfortable." They were plastic Toy Story bath toys and Rowan smiled again. Daddy opened the bag and shook everything into the water.

"Are you hungry?" He headed for the door. Rowan was. He never ate before coming to the club. Daddy Gabriel smiled. "I've got some snacks. I won't be a moment."

Rowan picked up Woody. He knew Dash would love them, but he felt safer playing with puzzles at the club, and he loved coloring. But the fact that Daddy Gabriel had bothered to buy him anything made Rowan feel all warm inside.

He knew littles were supposed to like this sort of thing, but if Rowan was really honest he'd rather have a squirty fish or a little boat. He didn't know what to do with this.

He held Woody again and just stared.

"I made an assumption, didn't I?"

Rowan looked up and his face heated. "No, I love it," he assured him, then bit his lip because Daddy Gabriel didn't look at all convinced. And it wasn't that he hated it, he just didn't know what to do with it.

He leaned back against the counter and folded his arms. "Did you just tell a lie?"

Rowan swallowed his sudden panic down, but before he could think of anything to say, Daddy Gabriel grinned again. "I know better. Of everyone, I should know that communication is one of the most important things. Honest communication. Now, I'm going to let that slide because, one, you're not my sub, and two, I know you were being polite." He shook his head. "It's a good thing you're not my sub, or you'd be out of that bath and over my knee."

Rowan's lips parted, but no sound came out. Spanking. He meant spanking. Rowan had seen it dozens of times and it usually made him feel ill, but the image in his head of Rowan leaning over Daddy's lap while he reddened Rowan's ass didn't make him feel sick. It…well, he wasn't sure how it made him feel, but definitely not sick. Rowan glanced down at himself as another sort of feeling spread through him.

It was a good thing Daddy Gabriel straightened up and turned so he missed Rowan's reaction, but then Rowan's gaze fell on Daddy's outstretched arm, and he realized what he was going to do a second before Rowan could say anything to stop him. Daddy Gabriel reached for Rowan's pile of clothes to move it, obviously to sit down, and, of course, Rowan's huge pad slid out and onto the floor.

Rowan wanted to die.

Actually, that was a possibility because his lungs seemed to have stopped working.

"I put your bag in the bedroom." Daddy Gabriel bent and picked the pad up, putting it on the side of the sink next to Rowan's clothes. "I've got a heating pad in there for cold feet as well." He sat on the stool, looked up, then he focused on Rowan and seemed to take in his look of panic. "What's wrong?" Daddy stood. "Rowan, what's the matter?"

But Rowan couldn't take his eyes off the pad. He couldn't breathe. He wanted to throw up. He seemed to blink as Daddy Gabriel reached for his hands to help him stand. The bath water was draining and Rowan, half-frozen with panic, obeyed Daddy's firm instructions until he was wrapped in a big blue towel and sitting on the same stool Daddy had moved his clothes from.

"Rowan, look at me."

Rowan obeyed. He didn't want to, but it was almost like he had no choice. "Take a deep breath and let it out. Make my hand move." Daddy spread his fingers, opened the towel, and pressed his hand on Rowan's bare chest. "Watch my hand and breathe in." Rowan did. It was mesmerizing, really. Watching the long fingers move every time Rowan took a breath.

"Good boy, and again."

Rowan did as he was asked. It was easy to follow directions. Daddy kept repeating the instructions while he bent down and dried Rowan's feet. He left briefly but was back quickly with Rowan's pajamas and a clean pad Rowan tried really hard not to look at. By this time Rowan was breathing on his own, so once Daddy seemed satisfied, he pushed a bottle of water into Rowan's hands and encouraged him to take a few sips before taking it away and putting it next to the sink. Rowan didn't even know where it had come from, but it was nice because he was thirsty.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you a little about me, and what I see as a Dom, then you're going to tell me why you panicked. I think I know, but I want to understand." He took a breath and tucked Rowan's towel around him some more.

"As a Dom, I'm used to seeing grown men and women at their most vulnerable. That's normal for me, but I don't take that level of trust lightly. It's a gift and any Dom worth the name understands that. It's one of the best parts as far as I'm concerned. I think you were embarrassed because I know you wear pads and I saw the one you had."

Rowan closed his eyes as if he could pretend he wasn't hearing what Daddy Gabriel was saying. Could pretend it wasn't true. He opened them when a large hand covered both his that were clutching the towel in such a death grip. "Then let me ask you something. Why did you come here tonight? And I don't mean because I saw your car. I mean, why did you drive here in the first place?"

Rowan knew he had to answer, and truthfully. "Because Mother would have cancelled her trip if she'd known Father was away."

"Yes, you explained that. What I mean is, why did you come here? To me? Why not stay at a friend's or a hotel?" Rowan looked up. What could he say? "Was it because you didn't want to be on your own?" Rowan nodded. It sounded ridiculous. Daddy was going to think him pathetic. "Did you have any other choices?"

Rowan frowned a little. "You mean like a hotel?"

"No, Rowan, I mean, did you ask one of your friends from the club, or even from college?"

Rowan bit his lip. He hadn't asked them.

"Did you choose to come here because you knew you would be safe, but then you were worried about just turning up?" Daddy waited patiently for Rowan to answer.

"Yes," he admitted.

"So, you trust me?" Daddy pushed a little.

"Yes," Rowan said, even quieter.

"Then trust me when I say nothing you say, nothing you wear, and nothing I see would ever make me change my mind about being your friend. I want to be someone you can talk to."

Rowan gazed into Daddy's brown eyes and took a huge risk. "I don't wear them because I want to."

Daddy Gabriel nodded encouragingly.

"I know some littles do, but that's their thing, not mine." He could feel the blush start in his neck.

"Good boy for telling me," Daddy Gabriel praised him, and it gave Rowan some more courage.

"I got cancer—down there," Rowan waved a hand in the general direction of his groin, "When I was thirteen. It's rare that young, and I had to have radiotherapy and take lots of hormones. One of the side effects is that sometimes I leak." His cheeks were on fire.

"Thank you for telling me," Daddy Gabriel murmured. "Are you okay now, the cancer, I mean?"

"Yes. I just got a checkup, but I might always have that problem. And I'm fat," Rowan whispered, hanging his head.

Daddy Gabriel seemed to pause before he replied, long enough for Rowan to wish he were somewhere else, anywhere else.

"Rowan, who told you that?"

He was so surprised at the question, Rowan lifted his head. "Told me what?"

"That you're fat?"

His face heated again. "I didn't used to be. The hormone therapy did it at first, but then…" He'd just seemed to be in an endless cycle. Always hungry at Mother's because of her special diet. Father was always trying to get him to eat more, but he heard his Mother's voice in his head with every bite he ate. Then when he'd started college, it got out of hand. He had to inspect his car every night to make sure he'd gotten rid of the candy wrappers.

"Rowan, have you ever had the chance to talk to someone about how you feel?"

Rowan shook his head, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Look, I'm no therapist, but when I lifted you off the floor, I was surprised at how little you weighed. I honestly think your image of yourself isn't what other people see, but even if it was, people that only see the outside aren't worth getting to know.

"I understand your hesitance to speak with a therapist, especially with what you've been through, but you do know the club has many professionals that come in? Daddy Patrick would know someone that could be trusted."

"But Mother—"

Daddy Gabriel rested a hand on Rowan's leg and it shocked him enough that he didn't finish the sentence.

"You're an adult, Rowan. I know your mom loves you, but a little extra support wouldn't hurt, surely?"

Rowan blinked quickly because suddenly Daddy Gabriel was all blurry

"Maybe you need someone private to talk to?"

Rowan knew Daddy Gabriel was right. He felt better just talking to him.

Daddy Gabriel looked up at the sound of a cell phone and frowned. Rowan didn't know how late it was, but it had to be after eleven.

Daddy Gabriel stood up and smiled. "How about you get your pajamas on and finish up in here? I'll go see who wants me at this hour." The phone stopped and Daddy Gabriel chuckled. "Can't have been that important."

He brushed his knuckles down the side of Rowan's face and stood. Then his cell phone started ringing again, and Daddy Gabriel left the bathroom.

Rowan quickly finished drying himself, fixed his pad, but just as he was going to pull on his pajamas, Daddy Gabriel came back into the bathroom. The expression on his face instantly made Rowan still.

"Sorry Rowan, you're going to have to get dressed. That was Charlie, and your dad's trying to get a hold of you as well. I'm not sure what's going on except your dad called Charlie expecting you to be with him. The cops are looking for you as your mom's next of kin. I'm sorry, but she seems to have been arrested."