Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Arm stretchedacross Rhys’s chest, I lie beside him in his bed, taking in the slow and steady rise and fall of his chest, while he sleeps. The cool air of the cavern mingles with the sweat on my skin, adding just enough chill for me to appreciate his warmth. For the first time in a long time, everything feels right. As if I’m where I’m supposed to be, for once in my life.

A twitch against my chest breaks my thoughts, and Rhys’s hands fist the sheets beside him. The hard clench of his jaw, and the rapid shift of his eyes beneath his lids, tell me he’s locked in another nightmare.

Dragging my knuckles gently across his stubbled cheek, I lean forward to kiss his lips, and his eyes flip open.

Snatching my wrist mid-stroke, he stares back at me with a disoriented expression on his face. He clamps his eyes shut and opens them again, as if to blink away whatever images are churning inside his head. Large dark pupils swallow the blue, and the fear claiming his face confesses his nightmares.

“You’re still trapped in that place, aren’t you? Every night when you close your eyes, you see it, don’t you?”

Swallowing a gulp, he nods and exhales an easy breath, releasing my arm. “I see Brenin sometimes. Strapped to a chair, just like they had me. Cutting him open, just to test his tolerance to pain. Abusing him in unspeakable ways.”

“What ways?”

He shakes his head. “What happened won’t change anything.”

He’s right. Just as I don’t want to tell him what happened to me there, I couldn’t bear to hear his stories, either. The scars tell me enough.

“Your pain is my pain.”

Casting his gaze from mine, he clenches his jaw. “I can’t think about that. Someone hurting you that way. I’d kill anyone who laid a hand on you again.”

“They’re still doing this. They view you as savages out here. Tainted and expendable. A poisonous race that could make them inferior. They think the second generation exposed to the organism is weaker. That we are weaker. It’s why they wanted to kill me. It’s why they kill all the women. To keep them from having more abominations. The people inside the walls have no idea this goes on. They don’t want to know. Ignoring it means they survive.” Propped up on my elbow beside him, I trace a finger down his hairline, gathering sweat from his skin. “There’s a sickness in this world, and it’s not the Dredge. We need to build our own community. Out here.”

“There aren’t enough resources. Whatever isn’t fire-gutted from the bombs has been destroyed by looters. And if we did, Legion would mount an army to attack us and take everything.”

“Then, we’ll leave this place. Go somewhere else.”

He shakes his head. “We’re all that stands between people out here and the Legion. If we leave, they’ll continue to raid and murder until all that’s left is their own perfect utopia. They’ll use us as guinea pigs and weapons.”

“Szolen isn’t going to just give up his empire. And the manpower he has is bigger than any army out there, including yours. You don’t have enough people. And I don’t think you want to sacrifice the ones you have.”

“What do you suggest I do? Stay holed up in some underground tunnel, collecting the remains of their raids?” There’s no aggression in his voice, no accusation. He’s genuinely asking. His hand cups my face, blue eyes smoldering with conflict, like turbulent waves. “What do you want?”

As if the decision to wage war is up to me.

In truth, I want to steal away with him. The selfish side of me wants to repeat the same words Papa said to me days ago, that survival means being alone, and the two of us surviving alone, together, would be so much easier. But I don’t tell him any of that. “I want to survive. With you. And the others. We don’t need Szolen to do that.”

“I’ve searched this desert for eight years, Wren. There’s nowhere else. Nothing can offer the safety and security these people are looking for.”

“Then let’s go beyond the desert. Papa says out east there’s another compound, just like Szolen. One that welcomes survivors.”

“And what if he’s wrong? What if there’s nothing? What if it’s overrun by hostiles?”

I sit up from him with a frown. “Why are you backing yourself into a corner?”

“Why are you so against taking over Szolen? You once hated the community.”

“I hate the disillusionment. Living in a fantasy.”

“Disillusionment? The world around you is dying, and you’re worried about being duped? You haven’t lived out here, where food is scarce and life is hard.”

My eye twitches at that, and I flex my fists to tamp down the anger stewing in my blood. “I’ve done all right out here.”

“For a day? Maybe a night? And when things get too frightening, you can go back to your safe wall.”

My fists tighten. “You have no idea what I’ve done. What I’ve been through. How I survived.”

“I don’t doubt you survived. You’d have to be a fool to starve during a feast, while the rest of us scrape in famine.”

“Fuck you. I came from the same place as you. At least you still have family. I have nothing. Nothing!”

He grips both sides of my face, yanking me to the mattress, and as he crawls over top of me and holds me there, he stares at me with the kind of fury that could destroy an army of formidable men. His body trembles, jaw shifting with his anger. “You have me. Me.” He slams his lips to mine, his mouth corking my fight, and my muscles soften with his kiss. “I’m sorry. For what I said.” Forehead pressed to mine, he holds my face, stroking his thumb across my lips. “My only objective from this day forward is to keep you alive and at my side. And I’ll kill a thousand men to do so.”

His words disarm me, just as his silence once had. The fury dissipates, settling with the sincerity in his eyes.

“Then, let me help you. I’ll get you access inside.”

“No. I’ll find another way.”

“I’m not the weak girl you knew. What I was is not what I am now.”

“You weren’t weak then.” He falls to the side of me, his arm wrapped possessively across my stomach. “But that doesn’t mean I’m willing to throw you to the wolves and see what happens. I’ll find another way.”

I trace the shell of his ear with my fingertip. “They fear you, you know. You could lead them.”

“Fear doesn’t lead. It enslaves.”

“Still, they would follow you. I would follow you.”

“I wasn’t designed to lead, Wren. I was designed to kill. And when the time comes, if it comes to that, I won’t hesitate, in order to survive.”