Chapter 12

What the fuck?

Mid piss, the door opened, and there stood Duke. I might have known. It seemed lately, everywhere I turned, there was his face.

Mouth open, he was momentarily lost for words.

“I, erm. I’ll just let you finish.”

“My eyes are up here,” I said, laughing. Poor guy couldn’t take his eyes off my arse.

I could have dressed, put some clothes on, but considering what I’d be doing tomorrow, I didn’t see the point.

My dick would be on show for everyone to see.

I finished peeing and shook it before washing my hands, and he was still there, gaping like a goldfish, not having moved a muscle.

I turned to face him, amused when he almost choked seeing that I was indeed as naked as the day I was born.

“What’s up? You never seen a dick before?”

“I’m gonna go,” he said, indicating the door with his thumb.

“No need. I’m about done.”

I sauntered out of the large bathroom, patting his cheek as I passed him.

I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone as shocked as he was. Funny, as he hadn’t struck me as being a goody two shoes.

I encountered no one else on the way back to my room, but honestly, that had made my night.

The following morning, I was up bright and early. I’d spotted a pool the previous evening and was headed down for a swim when I saw Barbara sitting on the terrace, grasping a mug of coffee. It might have been warm during the day, but mornings were fresh, a light covering of dew on the furniture.

“Good morning, Barbara. What an absolutely gorgeous start to the day.” The sky was coloured: pink, yellow, orange, and blue, like paint on a canvas. The sun slowly climbing.

“It’s going to be a hot one today. I can tell. Here, join me, let’s take in the morning together.”

Not wishing to seem rude, I put my towel on the chair and sat down next to her.

As had happened the night before, a cup of coffee miraculously appeared.

“Thanks.” I nodded to the petite girl who quickly scurried away. “How many staff do you have here?”

“A handful. Not many, really. Enough to keep things running smoothly. Me and Cyril aren’t getting any younger, and it helps to have someone around to help with cooking and cleaning. I’m not up to much these days. It’s why we’ve invited Duke over. He does wonders, you know.”

I didn’t but nodded anyway. She obviously put great stock in his talent. Hopefully later today, I’d be able to say the same.

“It’s a beautiful house. You’re very lucky living here.”

“Well, we spend a lot of time here and a few months back in the UK. I much prefer it here, but we have family back home we like to visit. I’m Cyril’s second wife. He has children and grandchildren in London.”

“No children of your own? I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” I realised as soon as I said it how insensitive my question was.

“It’s fine, and no, I had no children. An incident many years ago took that choice away from me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need to be. You weren’t to know. But enough of me, tell me a little about you, Simon. I’ll admit I don’t know much about you, only what I’ve seen in your movies.”

“There’s not an awful lot to tell. You know what I do for a living. There’s not much more to me than that.”

“Well, I don’t believe that for one moment. I saw you brought a camera bag with you. Is that something you like to do? I’ve promised Duke I’d take him sightseeing. Perhaps you’d like to come as well? There’s so many hidden jewels around here. I know all the best places to visit.”

That actually sounded like a good idea. A few months ago, spending time with Duke would have been unthinkable, but after our conversation last night, I’d felt my hatred for him lessen. I could never forgive him, but perhaps I could be a little more considerate.

He didn’t seem too bad of a person. He’d at least asked after Robbie and had seemed genuinely upset when I’d told him.

“You know, I’d like that. I don’t always get the chance to take many pictures. I brought it with me for just that reason. Let me know when you’re going, and I’ll make sure I’m free.”

“Considering it’s my movie, I think I can arrange for some free time. Now go get your swim before anyone else turns up. I’ll see you later, Simon.”

She continued to sip her coffee, looking out over the sea, her oversized sunglasses hiding most of her face.

There was definitely more to her than met the eye.

I knocked back my coffee and made my way to the pool, dipping my toe in. Fuck but it was cold.

Not caring a jot, I dived in and swam my fifty lengths. I felt alive, invigorated and ready to face the day and whatever it had in store.

I didn’t see Duke at breakfast but shared a table with my co-stars. They were a nice enough couple, and we made small talk. If I was going to wank while they fucked, it was nice not to be strangers.

“So, Simon. How long have you been in the business?”

“Too fucking long.” It was my stock answer because I honestly felt like I’d done it all of my life. I didn’t count the years, just knew that I’d done it for Robbie. “Ten years? Maybe less. I’ve lost count.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of men to fuck. Didn’t I see you in some straight porn?” Finn asked.

“You would have done, yes. I started my career doing straight. But once I had dick…”

“You never looked back.” Troy gazed at his husband. “I can’t imagine ever fucking a woman.”

“Eh, it’s okay. Not done it for years though, now. How long have you guys been doing this?”

I took a bite from a buttery croissant and moaned as it melted on my tongue.

“Five years now. We met on set, were engaged within a few months and married shortly after. We don’t do movies with anyone but each other now.”

“Does that not get boring?”

“Not at all. I think our movies show the love we have for each other. It’s endless…perfect even.”

I mean, I kind of got it. I suppose that’s what it’d be like to be in a relationship with one man and one man only. It just wasn’t something I’d experienced.

Didn’t they say variety was the spice of life? It was for me anyway.

Fortunately for me, Cyril announced that filming would begin shortly and could we make our way to the studio they had set up in an outbuilding not far from the main house.

The building was amazing, not at all like an old barn. Pristine and cool, an air-conditioning unit kept it an even temperature.

The set was dressed as a Victorian-style bedroom, a huge four-poster bed taking centre stage, crisp white sheets covering it.

I’d worked in some dire places before, but this was palatial in comparison to most.

Several cameras were placed at strategic points around the bed, designed to capture the action from every angle.

A large red upholstered chair sat to the side, facing the bed. I gathered this was where I’d be sitting, giving me an unimpeded view of where Troy and Finn would be.

A woman approached me. “I’m here to do your make-up.”

“I don’t need any. I’m good.”

“It’ll be a light covering, I promise, just to hide any blemishes, that kind of thing. Please, monsieur. Cyril says it must be done.”

I didn’t see the point. I’d be sweating it off anyway if all went to plan, but if Cyril wanted it, he was the one paying the big bucks.

I hated this time before filming. All the plans, directions and camera angles needed to be gone over. Very little was spontaneous, or rarely. Most were choreographed precisely, everyone and everything having a place.

It was a job, and jobs had guidelines. The porn industry was no exception.

However, Cyril did a fabulous job of directing, forcing nothing until we were all relaxed.

The scene went beautifully, and I could feel the love that Troy and Finn had for each other as they acted out their part of Master and squire.

Not usually one to feel the emotions or sensual nature of a scene, they were erotic without being hardcore, despite having to break several times because the light wasn’t right or Troy was so into his role he was about to come.

All this hanging around, though, and doubts were beginning to creep in. What if I couldn’t perform?

How would that play out? I had an image to uphold.

If it got out that Simon Stroker couldn’t get the job done. It’d ruin my career.

Admittedly, I was stepping back, but I wanted to go out on a high, not in disgrace. The shame would follow me forever. The internet could be cruel at the best of times. They’d have a field day with this one.

What I needed was to fill my mind with seductive images to get me in the mood. It had never been a problem before, and why it was happening now, I didn’t know.

All this anxiety and stress over my condition was now making matters worse, and despite the pills they’d handed out, nothing was working.

I was fucking panicking, my time to perform fast approaching.

What the fuck was I going to do?

Sensing my mounting stress, or maybe it was the look of abject terror on my face, Cyril took me to one side.

“Is everything alright, son?”

“Yep. Why wouldn’t it be?” My guts were churning. It was a wonder he couldn’t hear them.

“You’re looking a little worried there, and I can’t help but notice you’re still fully dressed.”

“I’m not on yet, am I?”

“You will be very soon. Can I get you anything?” He looked over at a guy standing off to the side and called him over. “Phillipe here will be only too happy to help you out, if you need it.”

I swallowed, hard. Was it that obvious?

“I’m good, honestly. I’ll be ready to go as soon as you need me.”

“Okay. Clothes off then. Almost time to rock and roll.” He slapped me on the back and walked away.

I forced a smile, all the while a raging panic ensued inside me. I felt like a deer in the headlights, not knowing which way to run to escape.

And I needed to escape. I could fucking kill Dexter. He’d encouraged me to do this one last gig when I knew it was impossible.

I should have put my foot down, told him no.

Faded into obscurity on a high. Simon Stroker—award-winning porn star.

Not Simon Fletcher, who couldn’t get it up, even on a good day.

Instead of letting Phillipe work his magic, I bolted for the door, puking in some bushes as I stepped out into the sunlight.

“Is everything okay?”

What was it with this guy popping up everywhere I went?

“No, Duke. It fucking isn’t okay,” I said, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Tears threatened. What the fuck should I do?

“Is it Robbie? Is he alright?”

“It’s not Robbie. He’s fine as far as I know.”

He handed me a tissue and led me by the arm to a nearby wall.

“Sit here. You’ll feel better. I’ll grab you some water.”

I took a deep breath and cleaned off my hand, aware that I could hurl again at any moment. The anxiety and panic I felt left me nauseous.

He handed me a bottle and sat next to me.

“Is there anything I can do? Shouldn’t you be in there?”

“Yes, I fucking should.” I turned away from him and took a sip of water. “I can’t do it. I fucking told Dex, but he insisted.”

“Can’t do what? I don’t get it.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me. I might be able to help.”

“Can you make my dick hard and keep it like that? Cos I’m damn sure I can’t.”

There, I’d said it. Told the most unlikely person the problem I was having.

Again, he was struck dumb.

“Go ahead. Laugh all you want. The famous Simon Stroker can’t even get an erection.”

I looked down at my feet, waiting for him to say something. Instead, he placed a comforting hand on my back.

“I understand this is difficult for you to talk about.” He moved his hand higher, rubbing circles, inching closer to my neck.

It felt good, and I felt myself relax a little.

“That feels good.” I stretched out my neck, moving it from side to side, hearing the tendons and sinews creaking.

“Come over here. Let me try something. I’d prefer a bed, but this will have to do.”

“I’m not having sex with you, Duke. I just told you I can’t get hard.”

He tutted. “That’s not what I meant. Sit here.”

He led me to a chair and stood behind me before removing my shirt.

“I don’t have my oils with me, so this will have to do.”

He picked up a bottle of olive oil from the table, put some in his palm and rubbed his hands together.

“Lean forward and relax.”

I did as he asked and groaned as his hands worked their magic on my back and shoulders, releasing all the tension that had built there.

Unsure if it was his hands or the fact that Duke Anders was touching me, but once again, my cock came to life, the fickle bastard that it was.

Seemed it only responded to him.

I hoped that the pills I’d taken would keep my cock hard, at least until I’d done what I needed to do.

“How’s that?”

I moaned in response. “So fucking good. I didn’t believe Barbara when she said you had magic hands. I do now.”

He chuckled, his mouth next to my ear. “You only had to ask.”

“You should come in there with me. I might need you again.”

“No, no. I couldn’t do that.”

“Yes, you could and you will.”

At that moment, Cyril stepped out of the studio.

“Simon! You’re up.”

I certainly was and ready for action.

“Please, Duke. I’m begging you.”

He pressed his lips together. He was wavering, but I needed him on my side.

“It won’t be for long. I promise, but I need you, Duke.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Relief flooded my body, and I strolled back into the studio, ready to do my part.

I was positioned on the chair, my legs spread. Troy and Finn were set and ready to go again, and for once, I looked down gratefully at my now very erect dick and prayed to all the gods it didn’t let me down.

I saw Duke out of the corner of my eye, watching me as I jerked off.

It spurred me on, and I put everything I had into it. Previously, the sight of a man being railed by another would do it for me, but now the only thought that ran through my head was that Duke Anders was watching me wank.

If I wasn’t careful, I’d come before I should, but I managed to edge myself to perfection, coming at just the right moment.

Gobs of spunk flew into the air. Some landed on the chair, some on the floor and an errant strand ended up in my hair. They’d paid for a cum shot, and they’d got one.

Most times, it felt clinical. A job to be done, but I knew Duke’s eyes were on me. I knew that he was the reason I’d been able to perform.

Because of him, I was able to come on cue and fulfil the role I’d been employed to do.

The cameras stopped rolling, and the cloths were handed out. I wiped myself down and stood. I needed to thank him. Without him, it wouldn’t have been possible, but he was nowhere to be found.

“Did you see Duke?” I asked Cyril as I slipped into my shorts.

“Sorry, son. I didn’t realise he was in here.”

I thanked him and walked out into the burning sun, thankful for the air conditioning. Duke was heading to the house at a quick pace.

“Duke,” I shouted, expecting him to turn around, but he broke into a run, changing course and heading to the front gate, away from the house.

I had no idea where he was going; I only knew I had to thank him. It’d just have to wait.