Chapter 15

The morning after Allegra had sex with Jordan, she woke up at six o'clock, rolled gently off the bed, tiptoed to her bathroom, and put on a white satin robe. She couldn't even call what they'd done making love. It was pure raw, unbridled sex, of a kind she'd never had before with anyone. He was a skilled lover and she had felt and done things she'd never done before.

She was coming out of the bathroom when she saw him standing naked in her bedroom, looking at her. The healthy youthful beauty of his body was hard to ignore. And she didn't want to, but she knew she was in over her head. She had never dealt with anyone like him before. She had only slept with two men in her life, Henry and Shep, and she had married both of them. Jordan was not the kind of man one married, nor was he easy to resist.

"Don't run away," he whispered gently. "Come back to bed," and she followed him and sat on her bed. He had always wanted to be there, and now he was.

"We need to talk," Allegra said seriously. "I don't know what happened last night. I went nuts."

"I know what happened last night," Jordan said, confidently stretched out on her bed in all his naked splendor. He looked totally at ease. "I've been in love with you for nine years and I couldn't stop myself. And you can't live like a recluse forever. You're young, you need to live and get out of this house and do more of what you did last night."

"Henry's been gone for nine months. I acted like a slut," she said, mortified and feeling guilty. She felt as though she had cheated on her husband.

"Your body can't tell time, Allegra. You were married to a man nearly forty years older than you. You need to rewind the film now, and be your age, with someone closer to your age. You didn't do anything wrong."

"And then what? I'm the flavor of the month? Jordan, I know you. You've never been with a woman for longer than six weeks in your life, maybe seven. That's not who I am, or what I want."

"That's because I couldn't have you, and thought I never could. This is a game-changer. You're free now."

"I'm not free. And this isn't a game, not to me. I loved Henry. It'll be years before I want to be with someone else, maybe never. I don't want some insane fling, or to be your sex slave." He smiled.

"Excuse me, Miss Prim and Proper, Mrs. Proper, that was me in bed with you last night. I didn't notice any hesitation, and if there's going to be a sex slave around here, after last night it's more likely to be me."

"We need to think this thing through," she insisted. "I want to wait another three months, until Henry's anniversary, and if you're serious, we can discuss it, and take things slowly. I'm not rushing into anything. I don't want to do anything crazy or make a terrible mistake."

"I agree with you completely," he said in a velvet tone, as he ran his fingers between her thighs and kissed her and gently laid her back on the bed. Within minutes, they were doing it again and didn't stop until he had made her come so many times she was seeing stars. When she could see clearly again, she got out of bed.

"This has to stop!" she said to him, standing next to her bed and glaring at him, and he laughed.

"Are you talking to me or yourself?" he asked her.

"Both of us," she said, but she didn't even feel guilty this time, which made it even worse. She wanted more. "Clearly, I've lost my mind."

"Maybe you've found it. Henry was right for you for the years you shared with him. But he's been gone for almost a year. You're alive. You have a right to be. You need a life, Allegra. You need to get out of this house. You're turning it into a tomb, for you. Why can't we be together? I've waited years for you. We have a right to be young and in love. It's our time now."

"I'm not so sure this is love," she said, still talking to him from several feet away. In fact, she strongly doubted it. It was nothing like what she and Henry had shared and she missed so much. Jordan wasn't the answer.

"Then let's find out. Let's have fun. Let's take this out for a spin and try it. So far, it seems pretty damn good to me. And the chemistry side of it is definitely working. I haven't had sex that many times in one night in years. I'm forty-five for chrissakes, not twenty-two. You make me feel like a kid again." He made her feel that way too. She had enjoyed it, more than she wanted to admit. That was the problem. It all felt too good. But was it right? She didn't want to rush into anything, and she already had.

"This doesn't feel real to me," she said. "I didn't sleep with Henry for a year after we met, we didn't even think of it." And it had been two years before she slept with Shep. "We jumped into this last night like two irresponsible kids."

"I've waited nine years for you," he said, and he looked like he meant it, which touched her. Maybe he was for real. He'd have to prove it. If they could stay out of bed for long enough to talk to each other.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said, "and then I'll make you breakfast." Louise was off, and they were alone in the house, which was a good thing. Allegra didn't want her to know that Jordan had spent the night, let alone what they'd done. Louise would have been shocked, justifiably. Allegra was shocked herself.

Allegra went to take a shower, letting the water pelt down on her while she tried to figure out what she was doing, and as she stood there with her eyes closed, she felt Jordan behind her, and he gently turned her around.

"You're not going to get rid of me, Allegra. I've waited too long for you. I'm in love with you. Give me a chance and I'll prove it to you." She put her arms around him then, and they made love again, in the shower. It took them another hour to get downstairs to the kitchen. He had a towel around his waist, and she was wearing her white satin robe. She made him breakfast and set it down in front of him. She felt like she had taken a trip to the moon and had just landed back on Earth.

"Don't rush me, Jordan. I really do need time to think about it. I don't want to make a big mess with you. If this is real, we'll know," she said, and he nodded.

"I promise. I don't want to blow it with you, it's too important to me. I think Henry would be happy for us."

"I don't. I think he'd think we're both nuts," and she knew Henry had no respect for how Jordan dealt with women, with a revolving door on his bedroom.

Jordan dressed and left finally after breakfast, wearing his tuxedo from the night before, with his shirt open and his tie sticking out of his pocket. Neither he nor Allegra had the energy to make love again.

He called her that night at midnight. She was lying in bed, thinking about what they'd done, and about him, wondering if he was being honest with her, and himself.

"Can I come over?" he asked in a deep, sensual voice.

"No. The housekeeper will be here too early in the morning." She felt like a schoolteacher as she said it, scolding a little boy. He sounded disappointed. "Besides, calling at midnight is a booty call."

"You are not a booty call, Allegra," he said.

"I hope not. You've got some bad habits, Jordan," she said sternly, and then softened, "and some very good ones."

"Will you have dinner with me one night?" he asked her.

"Yes."

"Tomorrow?"

"Okay." When Allegra hung up, she found she was looking forward to it. More than she wanted to. She realized how lonely she had been without Henry, and Jordan had tapped into that, and she couldn't resist him. She wanted to try, to test the waters and see if he was for real or if she was just another passing fancy. She knew she wasn't ready to move on, even if she had behaved like a maniac with Jordan. His whole seduction scene had been done so well. Was it an act or was it real? Time would tell.

—

Their dinner the following night was perfect. He took her to a little Italian restaurant in Santa Monica with fantastic pasta. They talked like normal people and he made her laugh. It felt good to be out and to talk. She told him about her progress on the book. When he was serious, and not acting like a playboy, she always liked him. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to be together. After Henry, Jordan seemed immature to her. But no one measured up to Henry. And probably never would again.

They did wind up in bed that night after dinner, but Allegra made him leave afterward, because she knew she'd never get him out in the morning before Louise arrived. She liked to get to work early, at six. But the evening had been more normal, and so was the sex. Jordan texted her when he got home and said he loved her. She didn't know why, but she didn't believe him. It sounded more like something he knew he should say. It didn't feel real or honest. And she didn't love him. She liked him, but she wasn't in love with him. Yet. It was happening too fast.

—

For the next month, Jordan took Allegra out to dinner and lunch, and it was nice getting out again and having someone to talk to. He took the edge off her loneliness and how much she missed Henry. She continued to work on the book, though not quite as much. They went to the movies, and she went to Palm Springs with him for a weekend. They'd been dating for just over a month. It still seemed too fast after Henry, but Jordan made her feel young and alive, and Allegra had decided to accept the theory that you didn't have to be madly in love to have sex, you could enjoy it for what it was. She had never done that before, and liked her old theories better, about only sleeping with a man if she truly loved him, but she was trying to give it a chance.

They bought food on Sunday night when they got back from Palm Springs and ate it in her kitchen. She was feeling more relaxed with him, and getting used to seeing him almost every day. Sometimes he would stop by on his way home from the gym, after Louise had left, and they would race up to her bedroom. And she was starting to believe that he loved her. Maybe it really was possible.

Allegra was clearing away the remains of dinner when she thought Jordan looked odd for a minute, as though he had something to say and wasn't sure when to say it, or how.

"What's up?" she asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"You looked like you were about to say something."

"I…well…I've been meaning to tell you. I'm starting preproduction on a film soon."

"That's nice. When?"

"I leave in a week, actually," he said, looking uncomfortable.

"To where?" She didn't see his answer coming, or even suspect it.

"London. We're shooting the picture in England."

"The whole picture?" She looked stunned.

"Yeah. The coproducers and investors are British."

"And you'll be gone, what, six months? Plus postproduction."

"Something like that." Jordan looked sheepish, and like a kid again.

"And you didn't tell me? You must have known for the last six months, or three at least. You knew when we started."

"I thought you wouldn't want to get involved if I told you."

"So you just didn't tell me? And now what?"

"I thought you could come over for a couple of weeks sometime this summer," he said.

"A couple of weeks, and you'll be gone six or eight months?" Jordan didn't know how to answer her. She had nailed him. She was too smart. "You supposedly waited nine years for the love of your life, and now you take off, with no warning, and I'm supposed to come over for a couple of weeks? Jordan, I know you. We've been friends for too long. Are you already bored? Did you just want to prove you could get me? Well, you did, and I was starting to believe you. Is this an invitation, or goodbye?"

"Maybe a time out to figure things out and decide if this is really what we want."

"Ahhh, right…time-out. Let me tell you something. You don't have to pretend that you've been dreaming of someone for nine years to get them into bed. Even me. You're good at this. Women want to go to bed with you, and they have a great time when they get there. You deliver the goods. You're incredible. You don't have to trick them, and then bullshit them when you run away. I had a terrific time. I probably won't ever do something like this again. Real is better. I think we've done it. And you know it too. Have a great time in England, and good luck with your film." Allegra stood up and waited for him to leave, and Jordan had the grace to be embarrassed. She felt like a fool. She had been one. And she'd fallen for his line, vulnerable because she was lonely and missed Henry so much.

"Allegra, don't be like that. This isn't me. This is heavy stuff, being together all the time. And it's true. I've wanted you since the day I met you."

"You wanted me because Henry had me, and you wanted to be him and have whatever he had. So you had to prove you could get me now. I get it. It's kind of a cheap shot to pull on an old friend. You didn't need to do this, except for your ego. You won. You got me. The sex was fabulous. The bullshit is not so hot. That's not fair. Have a nice trip."

"I'm sorry," he said, and hung his head for a minute. "I'll call you from London," he said hesitantly.

"Don't. I had a lifetime of that before I met Henry. People who make promises they don't keep, who lie, who don't call and don't come back, and don't mean what they say, or don't say anything, and don't care. I thought I was finished with all that, and I was, with Henry. With you, it's just more of the same. Go find someone who believes it, for a month or two. You've never had trouble finding them before." Jordan didn't say a word. Allegra understood him perfectly. There was nothing he could say. She knew the truth, and saw right through him.

He walked out of her kitchen, to the front door, and closed it quietly behind him. What she noticed was that he had forgotten to say goodbye, just like all the others. The good news was that she wasn't in love with him and never had been. She had made a mistake. But she'd get over it. She had to forgive herself, more than him. He was pathetic, and not worth the time, or the tears. She was finished crying over people like him. Henry had healed all those wounds. This had been a stumble, nothing more. Jordan had wasted her time for a month. He hadn't broken her heart. She had known a great love in her life. Jordan was a fraud, as Henry had always suspected. And now she was sure of it.