Chapter 26

Twenty-Six

E than stepped out of the limo in front of Ambrosia and dropped his travel case at his feet.

He’d thrown himself back into business since Tam had walked out on him four days ago, making flying visits to Sydney, Brisbane, and Cairns. Facilitating meetings, presenting figures, convincing investors, he’d done it all in a non-stop, back-to-back, whirl of meetings but he was done, drained, running on empty.

Earlier that week he’d landed back in the country, lost the woman he loved on the same day, and buried his head in business as usual to cope; little wonder he could barely summon the energy to step inside.

He stood still for a moment, the slight chill of a brisk autumn evening momentarily clearing his head as he watched patrons pack his restaurant to the rafters.

Intimate tables for two where couples with secretive smiles held hands, tables filled with happy families squabbling over the biggest serve of sticky date pudding, tables where businessmen like himself absentmindedly forked the delicious crispy salt and pepper calamari into their mouths while shuffling papers and making annotations.

He loved this place, had always loved it.

It was his baby, his home.

Then why the awful hollowness that some of the gloss had worn off?

He should be punching the air. He’d had a lucky escape. Tam had made her true feelings clear before he was in too deep.

Though what could be deeper than falling in love with a woman he could never have?

With a shake of his head, he picked up his bag and headed in, the warmth from the open fire instantly hitting him as the fragrant aromas of sizzling garlic, bread fresh from the oven, and wok-sizzled beef, enveloped him.

He was home and the sooner he banished thoughts of his failed relationship with Tam the better.

“Hey, boss, how was the trip?”

He mustered a tired smile for Fritz, his enthusiastic barman. “Busy.”

“I bet. Want a drink?”

“A double shot espresso would be great.” He patted his case. “Help me get through these projections. I’ll take it upstairs.”

Fritz saluted. “No worries.”

As he turned away, Fritz called out. “Almost forgot. Tamara’s popping in soon. She came in earlier, asked when you’d be back, and I told her. She said she’d come back.”

His heart bucked and he carefully blanked his expression before nodding. “Thanks. Give me a buzz when that coffee’s ready. And throw in a hot chocolate for her.”

“Shall do, boss.”

He trudged up the stairs to his office, too weary for this confrontation. If it had happened a few days earlier, when he hadn’t had time to mull his foolishness, he might’ve been more receptive to hearing what she had to say.

But now? What could she say that would change any of this?

She was still in love with her dead husband.

He was in love with her.

A no-win situation, something he never dwelled on in business and he’d be damned if he wasted time wishing things were different now.

After flinging his bag down and bumping the door shut with his hip, he headed to his desk and sunk into the chair, rubbing his temples.

They’d both been angry that day she’d walked out. Hell, they’d probably had a case of mild jet-lag, but that didn’t explain her reaction to that baby. Strange thing was, she’d been more upset by the baby than her husband’s infidelity.

Unless…he sat bolt upright and slammed his palms on the desk.

She must’ve known about the affair.

But for how long? Surely a woman of Tam’s calibre wouldn’t put up with that?

Something niggled at the edge of his thoughts, something she’d said in India… another bolt of enlightenment struck as he remembered her saying something about wives putting up with their husbands to keep the peace or some such thing.

The ache behind his temples intensified as the impact of what he was contemplating hit him. He thought he’d known Richard: capable, gregarious, master in the kitchen. But while Richard may have been a talented chef it looked like he’d had a whole other side to him.

A tentative knock had him striding to the door and yanking it open, all his logical self-talk from the last few days fleeing as he stared at Tamara, looking cool and composed in a simple black dress, her eyes wide and wary as they met his.

“I need to see you.”

Stepping back, he gritted his teeth against the overpowering urge to sweep her into his arms. “Come in.”

“How have you been?”

He gestured at the stack of paperwork on his desk. “Busy. Business as usual.”

She didn’t glance at the desk, her wide-eyed gaze fixed on him. “Yeah, Fritz told me you’d been away since the day we got back.”

Shrugging, he indicated she take a seat. “Duty calls.”

“I admire that about you.”

He searched her face for an indication she was anything but sincere and came up lacking. But there was something in her tone, as if she was judging him for his work ethic.

“Especially your ability to slot back into the groove as if nothing has happened.”

“Plenty has happened, Tam. I think I’m better suited to business than figuring out what went wrong with us.”

She winced and he thrust his hands into his pockets to stop from hitting himself in the head for letting that slip out.

What happened to his legendary control around this woman? Shot down, like his hopes of ever being anything more than a vacation fling for her.

“I over-reacted the other day,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“You had every right to over-react.” He paused, hating to dredge up pain for her but needing to know. “Did you know Rich was cheating on you?”

Her slow nod had his fists bunching, as he wondered for the hundredth time in the last few days what sort of a jerk would screw around on an amazing woman like Tam.

“I discovered the truth after he died, but I had no idea about the baby.”

“That must’ve hurt.”

To his surprise, she shrugged, as if it meant little. “It did at the time. Made me crazy for a while but I’m over it now. I’ve moved on.”

She perched on the edge of his desk, so close, so temptingly close. “Thanks to you.”

“Rebound guy.”

The words were out before he could stop them and she frowned, looking more formidable than he’d ever seen her.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“You think you’re my rebound guy?”

“Yeah.”

Her laughter shocked him as much as her quick swivel towards him, leaving her legs dangling precariously close to him, so close they brushed his arm.

“You’re not rebound guy. You’re the guy.”

He had no idea what she meant, was too confused by her nearness to ask. Was she deliberately trying to provoke him? Get him to touch her?

His palms tingled with the urge to do just that and he kept his hands firmly lodged in his pockets.

“The guy I want to have a future with. The guy who has helped me learn to trust again. The guy I’m in love with.”

His gaze zeroed in on hers, searching for some signal the stress of the last few days had sent her batty.

But all he saw were clear green eyes locked on his, eyes brimming with sincerity and tears and love, the latter enough to catapult him out of the chair and reaching for her before he could think twice.

“Say it again.”

She smiled, blinking several times. “I love you. Can’t believe I’m actually saying those words to a guy like you but there you go.”

He gripped her arms, his initial elation dimming. “A guy like me?”

“The ultimate playboy, remember? Serial dater? Guy voted most likely to break a woman’s heart?”

“Who said that?”

Her lips twitched and he itched to cover them with his. “Okay, so I made that last bit up. But I have to tell you, loving you is the ultimate risk for me.”

“Because of what Rich did to you?”

To her credit, she didn’t react when he mentioned the jerk’s name.

“Because I’d sworn never to trust another guy again.” She cupped his cheek. “But you’re not just any guy, are you?”

Hell, she’d put her heart on the line for him. The least he could do is give her a healthy dose of honesty in return.

“No, I’m the guy who doesn’t do emotion. I’m the guy who’s a control freak, who’s so damned scared of letting go that I almost messed up the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“What’s that?”

“You.”

He crushed his mouth to hers, devouring her, hungering for this kiss like a starving man being offered a Michelin starred buffet.

The kiss went on forever, a fiery union of two people who couldn’t get enough of each other.

How he wished that were true.

In reality, he was wary. While Tam thought she loved him, he couldn’t get the image of her reacting to Richard’s baby out of his head; the same head that warned him to tread carefully.

He’d had time to think, time to take back control of his uncharacteristically wavering emotions and whatever happened, he knew he couldn’t simply pick up where they’d left off.

As the kiss gentled, their lips reluctant to disengage, he hugged her, tight.

She’d fallen in love with him and whether it was on the rebound or not, he knew what it must’ve cost her to come here and tell him.

“I’ve got something to tell you,” she said, soft and hesitant.

He pulled back, searching her face for a clue to the somber edge in her voice.

“I’m going back to India.”

Fear ricocheted through him, a fear he’d long conquered. Fear that no matter how badly he wanted something, when he could almost taste it, it would be snatched out of his reach.

He’d battled the fear when on the streets, when first taken in by Arnaud, when he clawed his way to the top, expecting at every turn to have his goal taken away.

With success, he’d expected to lose the fear but here it was, rearing its ugly head and tormenting him again.

“For another trip?”

She gnawed at her bottom lip, shook her head. “I’ll never be free of the past as long as I stay here. I want to make a fresh start and I can do that over there.”

The fear coalesced, consolidated, pounding in his ears, yelling that he’d lost her before they’d really started.

“Come with me.”

His shocked gaze collided with hers, the depth of her feeling evident in the way she looked at him with stars in her eyes.

She honestly thought he’d consider relinquishing control of Ambrosia to follow her all the way to India.

While those wildly careening emotions of his would’ve leapt at it earlier this week, he was wiser now. Back in control, just the way he liked it and he’d be crazy to leave.

Other Ambrosia’s had taken at least five years to show a steady profit and the Melbourne restaurant had barely made it past its three year anniversary. How could he hand over the running to someone else at a time like this?

“Ethan? Say something.”

Releasing her, he turned away, needing breathing space, needing time to think.

What could he say?

That he was so damn insecure he was jealous of a dead guy?

That he loved her but didn’t want to give in to the guaranteed maelstrom being in a relationship would entail?

That until recently, being the number one restaurateur in the world was his dream but thanks to her, his dream had changed?

He could say any of those things. Instead, he had a sinking feeling his lifelong need to control everything, a fear of not being good enough, could eradicate his dream.

He’d fought long and hard to conquer the insecurities born from being dumped by a mother who didn’t love him, of enduring beatings from older step siblings, from sleeping in doorways and foraging for scraps of food to fill the ache ravaging his empty belly.

Nothing intimidated him anymore. In the business arena, he was king. Yet at this moment, with Tam’s invitation echoing through his head, haunting him, taunting him, he was catapulted back to a time when he felt sick to his stomach with fear.

Fear he’d lose total control and there’d be no coming back.

Dragging a hand through his hair, he turned back to face her, met her eyes, saw his fear reflected there.

“I’m not sure what you’re asking me.”

Her bottom lip wobbled, slugging him to his soul, before she squared her shoulders. “I’m asking you to spend some time with me, explore what we’ve already started.”

She pointed at the stack of paperwork on his desk. “I know you’ve got a business to run but if you can delegate for a while, take some time off, I’d really like to see if what we have is as special as I think it is.”

His heart almost burst with pride as she stood in front of him, confident in what she wanted, in stark contrast to the fragile woman of a few months ago. She’d come so far, had put herself on the line for him.

Considering what Richard had done to her, for her to trust him enough with her love let alone be honest about it, blew him away.

Ethan wanted to say yes. He wanted to throw caution to the wind and follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked.

But could he really let go?

Dogged by the insecurities of a lifetime, he dragged in a breath, another, wishing he could change, but all too aware wishes were futile.

Reaching out, he took hold of her hands and tugged her closer.

“Tam, I think you’re amazing and that’s one hell of an offer—”

“But you can’t.” Her voice quivered and he hauled her into his arms.

“I need some time to think,” he murmured, knowing deep down that all the time in the world wouldn’t help him.

She settled into his embrace for a moment before placing her palms against his chest and pushing away.

“I guess there’s my answer.”

He frowned, tipped her chin up, hating the hint of defeat in her voice.

Swatting his hand away, she stepped out of his embrace.

“If you need time to think, you’re not ready for this. Not ready for us.”

He opened his mouth to respond, to tell her how difficult it was for him to shrug off the doubts of a lifetime, but she held up her hand.

“While you’re thinking, I’ll be rebuilding my life over there. I’ll be at the Taj Mahal in two weeks from today. If you’re there, I’ll have my answer. If you’re not…” She shrugged, the pain in her shimmering gaze taking his breath away. “I guess I’ll have my answer too.”

Before he could move she plastered her lips to his, a swift, impassioned kiss filled with the yearning clambering at his soul, but breaking the kiss when he tried to hold her.

“Tam—”

“You’ve got two weeks.”

She stalked from his office, head held high, and he stifled the urge to chase her, the dull ache in his chest spreading, gutting him.

He rubbed at his chest, pacing his office like one of the tigers they’d seen at a National Park. The ache gnawed at him, eating away a large hole that soon flooded with a sickening mix of regret and frustration and fear.

Fear he’d lost her, for good.

The thought alone made a mockery of his need for time.

Time for what? Time to second-guess himself at every turn? Time to dredge up every reason why he couldn’t do this? Time to distance himself from the wild, out of control feeling that loving Tam fostered?

The way he saw it, he was all out of time.

She’d had the guts to lay it all on the line for him.

So what was he going to do about it?

Real life was far from rosy and happy endings usually required a hell of a lot of hard work and compromise. He knew that better than anyone else.

But damn it, he wanted that happy ending, craved it with every ravenous cell in his body.

His gaze landed on the phone. He had the resources and the contacts worldwide to make anything happen.

How hard could it be to organise his life for the next month in order to follow the woman he loved?

He snatched up the phone.

Only one way to find out.