CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

JOSH

I’m an asshole. What I did this morning was inexcusable. Sneaking out makes me the world’s biggest asshole.

I watched her sleep for a while, debating whether I should leave or not. I never had this problem before, second-guessing myself. This is the first time I didn’t want to leave. But I did. And like a jerk, I left without waking her up or leaving a note.

I grabbed my stuff and got dressed as quietly as possible so as not to wake her. Didn’t want to see the look in her eyes when she realized I was leaving with no plans of ever seeing her again. It bothers me more than it should.

Now, sitting on my terrace with a cup of coffee in my hand, thinking about the events of last night, I come to the conclusion that I still want her in the worst way. I knew we would be good together. But not that good. It was undeniably the best sex I’ve ever had, hands down. Our bodies were made for each other. I’m getting hard again thinking about her. I don’t know what I’ll say when I see her again. If I see her again.

I shake my head to clear the images of her naked in the bed. I can’t go down that road. Have to be strong. It’s not worth it to allow myself to want more. Look what happened to Tom.

It doesn’t matter if I want her anyway. She’s going to hate me now. She’ll understand that it was a one-and-done thing. I don’t sleep with the same woman twice.

My doorbell buzzes. I’m not expecting anybody today. I get up and walk to my door. Through the peephole, I see my two brothers. Great. That’s all I need.

I open the door. “What do you two want?”

I stand in the doorway, hoping to keep them out of my place. I don’t feel like company.

“Nothing,” Brent says, pushing his way by me. “Just came to check to see how you were.”

Dillon slaps my shoulder as he passes. “What happened to you last night? You disappeared.”

Great, they don’t know. I plan on keeping it that way. I’ll never tell them about me and Kim.

“I had enough.”

“Yeah, I know,” Dillon says, and trails Brent to my living room. “Weddings. Once Ryder and Zoey left, I was out of there,”

I shut the door and follow them. Guess they’re staying a while.

“Why are you guys here?”

“Football.”

They both longingly look at my big screen. The one big investment I’ve made besides buying this place. I also have the ESPN sports package.

“You guys are buying the food this time.”

Last time they came, they hogged the TV and I paid for the food.

“Okay.” Brent pulls his phone out and hits buttons. “How does pizza and beer sound?”

“That’ll work,” I say, and flip through channels until we find a game we can all agree on.

During halftime, I need their opinions.

“You guys ever think of getting married and settling down like Ryder?”

He was the last person I thought would ever get married. He was a womanizer. I always believed he and I would be bachelors forever. Now he’s married and happy as fuck with Zoey. I can’t get Kim out of my mind, especially after last night. It’s not even possible.

“Yeah,” Dillon answers right away.

“Sometimes,” Brent replies.

“Why?” Dillon asks. “You thinking about giving up bachelorhood?”

“No,” I proclaim. “Just surprised about Ryder getting married, I guess.”

Before it gets any more uncomfortable, the game starts up again. My brothers forget about the subject, but I don’t. I’ve never wanted to settle down before. If I did, Kim would be my obvious choice. No, that’s stupid. I don’t want a relationship. Don’t need one, either. Just not for me.

Once the game is over, my brothers leave, and I have my peace back. Which isn’t a good thing, because now all I can think of is last night and the mistake I made. There is no way to fix it.

God. What an idiot.