11. Grant

CHAPTER 11

Grant

101.4

G od, I’m such an asshole. I pulled Elsie into the snow—knowing she’s sick and now here she is with a fever. Okay, she had a fever beforehand but still.

“What can I do?” I ask softly while running my hand over her scalding head as she lies on my couch with Holly resting by her face.

“Stop mothering me?” she says weakly and I roll my eyes.

“I’m not mother—okay, I might be mothering you, but you need to be!” She waves her hand and shakes her head.

“Watch a movie with me,” she sniffles and I’m nodding before I can even sit down. I don’t know how it happened but after the rage room, it’s as though I can’t pretend anymore. Seeing her so raw, it broke me and drew me in. I felt oddly comforted by the sight of her breaking. It was like looking in a mirror. I hide my pain behind grunts and a shitty attitude. Elsie is the same—except she chose to be overly positive and happy.

“What do you want to watch?” I ask, turning the television on and shifting to get comfortable.

“Does your leg hurt?” Her question takes me by surprise. I don’t like talking about my leg with her. I don’t want her to see me as someone with limitations.

“No,” I lie and apparently by her sigh, she can tell. “Fine, yes. But no more than normal.”

“Normal? Why does it hurt normally? It’s been years.”

I give her a shrug. “I’m missing a leg, Els. I try to stay active which irritates it sometimes. Plus, I don’t always take care of it the way I should when I’m having a rough time. Having the prosthetic allows me to walk, but it comes at a price.”

“So, take it off and relax,” she says casually. “We’re not doing anything else tonight.” I feel the anxiety creep in. This was one of the reasons I never pursued Elsie after the accident. I didn’t want to have these difficult conversations and I don’t want her to see me without the prosthetic.

“That’s alright,” I grunt while focusing on the television. “It’s best I leave it on in case I need to do something or take Holly outside.” I can see out of the corner of my eye she’s staring at me.

“Grant, I’ve seen you without your prosthetic before, why are you acting so shy?” she says the words cautiously and I take a deep breath while trying to not snap at her. She has a right to ask, and if I want her in my life, I’m going to have to be open.

“I’m aware,” I state slowly. “But you’re sick, if you need something and the prosthetic is off, it’s going to be swollen and twice as painful to put back on if you need me.”

“I’m a grown woman, I don’t need you to do anything. But if I did, I know you have crutches.” She gestures to my pair of crutches leaning on the wall.

“I’d rather not,” I mutter.

“Grant—”

“Are we watching a movie or not?” It comes out a little harsher than I mean and I instantly feel like a prick when I hear the cracking of her knuckles.

“Y-Yeah—”

“Stop,” I interrupt her. I know she’s about to put on her mask and I can’t handle it. “I’m sorry. I’m just self conscious, alright?”

She furrows her brows while staring at me with her sick, red-rimmed eyes. “Self-conscious? Why?”

I can’t help the surprised laugh that escapes me. “Els, I’m missing my leg. I have a stump, and compression socks and gel, there’s nothing sexy about what goes on with this.”

“Wow,” she whispers. “What a shitty thing to think about yourself.” She turns to look at the television. “I think you’re very sexy, just so you know. And your leg has no bearing on it.”

“You say that now,” I mutter while turning on the Grinch. I watch her wince. “Stop acting like you didn’t want to watch this,” I state as she huffs.

“I don’t know how else to tell you that I’m not in the Christmas spirit anymore.”

“The fact that you say things like ‘Christmas spirit’ tells me that you are at least a little bit.” She glares at me but once the opening credits end, her eyes are locked on the screen.

I’m not paying any attention to the movie. I can’t stop staring at the gorgeous woman sitting next to me. Fuck, she’s so pretty, even with her red-rimmed eyes, stuffy nose and horrible cough. She’s heart stopping.

And she thinks I’m sexy.

It’s weird hearing that coming from her. I’m not sure why, obviously she likes me but to hear her say it out loud…

I run my hand over my jeans—feeling the prosthetic and inwardly groaning. She is the only one I’ve felt less-than over this damn thing, and I don’t know why. Any other woman these past years, it’s been nothing to tell them and move on. It was never a big deal. But for her, for Elsie… What if she needs something from me and this fucking thing stops me? Like when I couldn’t carry her through the snow. I mean, I would've tried. Fuck, I was more than willing to have this thing snap and shatter while trying to carry her. But she wouldn’t let me. She wouldn’t let me and she deserves a man that doesn’t have these types of limitat—

My breath catches as Elsie’s head rests on my shoulder. She’s asleep. She lets out a small whimper and nuzzles into the crook of my neck. I can’t fight the small smile forming as I grab her hand in mine. I may have physical limitations, but my love for Elsie—it’s limitless and I think it’s time I show that to her.