3. Krampus

S anta pulls out the bright red stamp and pushes it down on my paperwork.

The bold capital letters stare at me like a brand, and I blink at my boss.

“Retired?” I say in shock.

For centuries, I’ve been terrifying children into behaving during the Christmas season. It’s always been my purpose, what I’ve lived for. I’m not exactly sure where the rumor got started that I eat them, but I can promise you it’s all just bad/good press. I’ve never consumed human flesh, and I’d testify to that in front of every being.

“I thought you would be excited,” the large, smiling man says, handing me my pink slip.

“This is all I know. It’s who I am.”

“You’ve done your job. You’re a legend. They hold parades in your honor. Children fear the tales of Krampus.”

“Right. That means that I need to keep up appearances so their fear stays alive.”

Santa sighs and rubs his belly. “Listen, Krampus, we’re going in a different direction. You know the North Pole appreciates all your hard work.”

“But you’re firing me?”

“No, Krampus. Retirement. No one is replacing you. I thought you’d be excited? Now you can go live your life.”

My heavy brows furrow, and I unconsciously scratch a horn on the top of my head.

“This is my life.”

Santa smiles, his cheeks full and as pink as the mortals draw him.

“Consider it an early Christmas gift,” he says, handing me a bright pink envelope.

It smells like candy canes, and as soon as I open it, a mix of pink confetti and glitter falls out.

It’s a portaling device that will take me to Cupidale for their holiday party tonight. I look up at Santa, and he grins.

“Merry Christmas, Krampus. Go enjoy retirement.” I blink at him, and he gives me a rumbling laugh. “Oh, and the elves made you a suit to wear. Go visit Calanis.”

“Kris…” I say his real name and his eyes crinkle as he smiles at me.

“None of that. Enjoy the party, enjoy your afterlife.”

I have to hold back a heavy, unfamiliar emotion in my chest. I only told Calanis about the Love in the Veil mixer. So then how did Santa know? Did that sneaky little elf rat me out?

He laughs again.

“I see everything. Now don’t keep Calanis waiting. She’s nearly rattling with excitement.”

I look at the ancient man one last time before leaving his office and heading to the elf village. Right now I’m mostly man, minus the horns. No amount of magic can make them disappear. My footprints press into the snow as I open the workshop doors, I head down the hall to Calanis’ workspace.

When I knock on her door, it immediately opens with a whoosh.

“Oh! Claw, come here!” she says, using her nickname for me. “Come see what Calanis has made for you.” All the elves talk about themselves in the third person, it’s only slightly endearing.

“Did you tell Santa about the mixer?” I look down at her.

She’s a tiny little thing, and she uses a step ladder to match my height.

“Calanis doesn’t know what Claw is talking about,” she says with bright pink cheeks. “Calanis just knows Santa decided Christmas is under a new marketing plan and that Calanis’ bestest friend, Claw, can now pursue the pretty pink cupid, and maybe others?”

This time heat hits my face.

“You told Santa-fucking-Claus about Mortem?”

She pokes me with a pin and shakes her head. “Bad, Claw. We do not use naughty language in the workshop. It’s rule seven hundred and eighty-four.”

“Calanis…”

“Hush. Does the big bad Claw want to see his suit or not?” she says, as a flamboyant suit flies out of the closet, hanging in front of me. “Calanis assumed you would be in your man form for the night.”

I let out a heavy sigh and nod.

“Though, it would be most festive to tinsel your horns.”

“No tinsel.”

She narrows her bright green eyes. “Ladies love tinsel.”

“No.”

“This upsets Calanis dearly.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “It is all Calanis wishes for this Christmas. For bestest friend Claw to wear tinsel and find his lady love. You’ll still come visit Calanis at the North Pole even after you find your loves, yes?”

“Calanis, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.”

“No. Calanis knows all about Christmas magic.”

“I haven’t spoken to her or Mortem in months. In fact, I all but ran away from the mixer and never looked back. They’re probably together and want nothing to do with me.”

She grabs one of my horns, bringing us face to face.

“Then you will just need to try to win their affections. Perhaps a Christmas Miracle?”

“I think I’m going to need it for them to forgive me.”

Calanis smiles, wrapping red tinsel on my horns against my will.

“Despite the rumors, you’re quite easy to love, Claw.”

“I’m a monster, Calanis.”

I look away and the tiny elf grabs me by my tinsel-adorned horns, forcing me to look at her.

“Calanis doesn’t see a monster. Calanis sees a man who dedicated his life to Christmas, to helping children get on the nice list. Calanis sees a man who has worked hard for centuries and deserves something good.”

“I don’t deserve you, Calanis.”

The elf grins, her small face flushed with excitement.

“This is true. But you are Calanis’ best friend, anyway. Now, get changed and go to your party, Claw. Go win their hearts back.”