15. Liam

Liam

Chapter fifteen

The last place I wanted to be was surrounded by people, but I needed to talk to someone tonight. And Maeve had already gone over to Theo’s place, which was why I ended up pulling in front of the big house in Chadds Ford that had been transformed into something infinitely better once Theo started dating Lex, who knew how to handle the heap of repairs needed. The gorgeous Victorian front porch with the picturesque awnings and white railings looked right at home amid the historical spots scattered through the area.

My phone had been blowing up for a while now—all calls from Ollie—and I was so damn tempted to pick up and answer. However, that wouldn’t be guarding my heart. The moment he asked me to come over or turned those big, brown puppy dog eyes on me, I’d cave faster than a theater kid trying not to belt out every line of a musical.

My heart ached from this morning, and every time I thought back to the way Ollie had looked at me in the bedroom, the apology in his eyes, the pain slashed deeper. I couldn’t fucking handle it. So yeah, I was running and hiding.

I still wore Ollie’s clothes, even after I’d stopped at home. Because as much as I wanted to protect myself, the clothes smelled like him—tinges of metal and patchouli—and I couldn’t bear to rip my whole heart out quite yet. When I cracked the car door open, I glared on back at the bracing sunshine, which was irritatingly cheery while I was most definitely not.

My mood fit more with bitter rainfall and blasting sad acoustic in the background, but instead, I was making myself talk to other people. Overrated, in my opinion. My heart had hopped in the driver’s seat, and I couldn’t reason out this situation without an external view. I strode up the walkway to the front door and knocked.

The door swung open, and the scent of cinnamon wafted my way as Theo poked his head through.

“Hey, if you’re hungry, I’ve got some coffee cake left,” Theo said, gesturing me to follow him inside. He gave me a quick scan-over, concern flickering in his blue eyes. Clearly, I looked as shitty as I felt.

“I’m not going to turn down your baking.” My stomach rumbled, betraying how hungry I was. I should’ve been at Ollie’s house, having orgasms and a late breakfast, but the illusion had gotten shattered when I realized he wasn’t telling his family about me. And I’d been through the drill often enough to know what his questioning look meant.

“I might not start the interrogation, but Maeve’s going to,” Theo said as we entered the kitchen.

“I’m going to what?” Maeve asked. She and Lex were sitting at the breakfast nook in the expansive kitchen, one of the highlights of Theo’s house. He should be the one hosting parties more often with how huge his place was, but he’d needed to do so many repairs on the house that his home remained a work in progress.

I swallowed hard as Maeve locked her gaze on me, the scrutinizing ”can’t escape” one. “Nothing, nothing, tra-la-la,” I said, even though my delivery sounded half-assed with how broken up I was. The hollowness in my chest just wouldn’t abate.

“Okay, asking to hang out instead of being forced through the door and whatever that”—she gestured at my face—“is means something’s going on. Spill.”

“Let the man sit down at least,” Lex said, dragging a white barstool out for me. Theo had cut a slice of coffee cake and put the plate in front of me. He settled into the one beside his boyfriend, which left me between Maeve and Theo. Great.

I sat, wanting to slump over onto the counter and forget the whole plan of trying to find reason by talking to friends. Reason could suck a ten-inch dildo. Theo’s coffee cake taunted me, and my stomach rumbled again. I used the fork to nab a small bite. Cinnamon and sugar exploded on my tongue, along with the rich, buttery flavor of the cake. I savored the brief burst of something good before the weight of this morning descended again.

“You know you’re not getting out of here without talking.” Maeve leaned against the counter, head propped in her hand, her stare burning like a thousand fiery suns. “You’ve got breakup written all over your face.”

I sucked in a sharp breath and kept my gaze trained on the pretty crumb of Theo’s coffee cake. The man knew how to bake. “It’s only breakup face if there was a relationship.”

“Not like you’ve ever been forthcoming with the guys you hook up with, but I can make an educated guess that a hookup didn’t put that slump in your shoulders,” Theo said.

I peeked up at him, then averted my gaze again. The awareness in those hazel eyes pierced right through me.

“Okay, for the dumbass in the room who’s not reading all the wink, wink, nudge, nudge, what’s going on?” Lex asked, barreling through the way he normally did. I didn’t mind. The stark directness reminded me of Ollie, except right now, that made my throat tighten up.

I squeezed my nape. “I can’t be blunt about it.” Ollie wasn’t out, and we hadn’t even had the conversation. I wouldn’t spill. This was one of the many red flags I should’ve heeded before I decided to sleep with my best friend, but past me had lost hold of his sanity for a spell.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Maeve said, her impatience getting the better of her. “So there’s a friend you’ve been crushing on forever, and I presume he finally turned those doe eyes your way?”

I loved and hated my best friend. One of these days, she would be the death of me.

“Fine, yes,” I muttered. “We fucked, and he’s perfect.”

“That was a long time coming,” Theo said, his tone soft. My insides squeezed so hard they hurt at Maeve and Theo’s expressions, the relief mingled with excitement there. I was about to burst.

“So, what’s the problem?” Maeve asked, arching a brow.

“He’s straight. It’s so new, and he’s not out, and I refuse to be in the closet.”

Maeve blinked at me and then placed both hands on her thighs. “Liam, Liam, Liam. My sweet, na?ve, foolish little munchkin.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Please do me a favor and never call me that again.”

“If he’s fucking you, he’s not straight. And besides, he was never straight to begin with. The boy’s been giving you heart eyes for as long as I’ve known him.”

I shook my head. “Wrong. He was married—”

Maeve placed a hand up. “And loyal, yes. That doesn’t mean attraction just shuts off, and he’s always been attracted to you.”

“None of this matters anyway,” I said, scrubbing my face with my palms. “I don’t do relationships.”

“What a load of bullshit.” Maeve’s voice heated in the intense way she got when she was passionate about something. I just wished I wasn’t the subject. “You were unavailable because you’ve been in love with the same man for most of your life.”

“She’s not wrong there,” Theo said, his tone a lot less aggressive, like this was some shit game of good cop, bad cop.

“Man, I should’ve made popcorn.” Lex leaned forward and rested his arms on the counter. “It’s always the quiet ones that have the most going on.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad my drama amuses you.”

Lex flashed me a grin. “Look, I’m not about to step in while Maeve’s on a roll. She might murder me.”

“Maeve isn’t done,” she said, jabbing a finger at me.

“Ugh, don’t speak in third person,” I muttered. “It’s just douchey.”

“You’re not derailing this conversation. I’ve been waiting a long time to see a certain friend of yours get his head out of his ass, and I’m not letting either of you sabotage this. So you’re both into each other, but he’s not out. Have you asked him what his plans are regarding that?”

My tongue dried, and a wave of embarrassment flushed through me. No, I hadn’t. Hell, I hadn’t even told him I wanted this to be more. That I’d been in love with him for over a decade. That being together was a long-held dream I never thought would be realized.

I’d jumped to the worst and rushed out the door to protect my heart. And based on the texts, calls, and messages Ollie had left me, he clearly was concerned about what had happened. He’d never been the cruel type, but the moment I saw the apology in his eyes, I started catastrophizing—because I could barely believe any of this had happened in the first place.

“By your lack of response, I’m assuming you two have been fucking like bunnies and not communicating?” Maeve said in her trademarked judgy tone.

“Oh, hey, just like us,” Lex said, wrapping an arm around Theo’s shoulder and drew him in.

“To be fair, your communication was finding ways to irritate me.” Theo cast Lex a knowing look.

“You’re the sucker who decided to date me.” Lex’s grin widened.

Maeve waved her hand. “You guys are passé. We’re on Liam pulling his head out of his ass right now.”

“Ouch, cruel,” Lex said, clapping a hand to his chest.

I shook my head. Thank god for Lex’s lightness and how it dragged the attention off me. All the hurt I’d been shouldering today, the steady urge to bolt that had been rising by the second had deflated when Maeve brought up the exact logic I’d been hoping to find in talking to her. After I’d genuinely tried with Hal, I’d been operating in self-preservation mode, and Ollie was the biggest risk to my heart I’d ever encountered.

However, if anyone on the planet was worth the risk, it was him.

I looked up to meet Maeve’s eyes, and her lips tilted with a smirk.

“You figured it out, right?” she asked, because my best friend knew me better than I knew myself.

“I might’ve leaped to assumptions without a conversation,” I murmured, taking another stab at the coffee cake. I chewed on a delicious bite, and whether it was having something in my system or the realization that I might’ve drawn my own conclusions, the ache in my chest began to subside the slightest bit.

Ollie might not feel the same way. He might not want a relationship with me. He might not want to come out.

However, I’d never find out the answer to any of those questions by running away.

“Wait, it’s over that quickly?” Lex asked, wrinkling his nose. “Where’s the screaming? I thought there’d be at least one plate thrown.”

“Okay, but those are one-of-a-kind plates.” Theo put his hand on my plate as if I prepared to fling it.

“For fuck’s sake, it’s a plate,” Lex said, and Maeve rolled her eyes. “If it cost more than five dollars, what are you even doing?”

“Where are you getting your plates? Walmart?” Theo shot back.

I met Maeve’s eyes and grinned. Those two would be at it for a while. For the first time since I burst out of Ollie’s house this morning, the fist in my chest began to unclench.

“Thank you,” I mouthed.

She lifted her coffee in Theo’s one-of-a-kind blue-and-white mugs in salute.

“What would you do if I jizzed on one of your fancy plates?” Lex asked.

“Probably make you sleep outside,” Theo said.

I snorted as I rummaged in my pocket for my phone. The number of missed calls and texts were staggering—all from Ollie.

I opened the first text.

Please, can we talk? I know I messed up, and you’re too important to me to let this drop.

I swallowed around the ball that had formed there. Of course he’d be so damn considerate.

Let’s talk, I typed back. Your place in a few hours?

I didn’t put my phone down, and the dots danced almost immediately.

Please. Yes. I’ll be here.

My chest tightened, and a sense of the inevitable swept over me, like the feeling of waking up on graduation day.

Maeve stared at me with a reflective expression she only ever wore when she was teaching yoga. “Gonna go get the guy?” she asked as we ignored Lex and Theo who still fought over the plates.

“I’m going to try.”

Tonight would determine whether or not I had a future with Ollie, but I wasn’t going to run—no matter the outcome.