Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The crisp morning air filled Jessica’s lungs as she stood beside the stables, trying to ignore the flutter of nerves dancing in her stomach. The snowfall from the night before had stopped, leaving a perfect day for the promised horseback ride. She had never gone riding since arriving at the Ranch, even though she’d been here for almost a year. The idea of lessons with one of the ranch hands had always been too daunting. Most of them were big men—intimidating in their own right—and their presence triggered memories she’d worked hard to bury. The Ranch had been a sanctuary, but there were still parts of it she hadn’t explored because of the fear they stirred in her.

Now, though, with Sebastian, Rowan and Forrest standing next to her, she felt a little braver. Still nervous, but... curious.

“Have you ever ridden before?” Rowan asked, holding the reins of his own horse as he smiled down at her, his dark skin glowing in the morning light. There was always that spark of energy in him, like he was ready to turn any moment into an adventure.

Jessica bit her lip, casting a glance at the horses lined up for them. “Not really,” she admitted, her voice barely a whisper. “I’ve wanted to... just never felt like the right time.” She’d considered telling them it didn’t feel safe enough, but at the last minute chickened out. Still, from the looks the men were giving her, she thought they probably got what she meant.

Sebastian, standing on her other side, offered her a reassuring smile. “We’ll take it slow. No pressure. If you don’t want to go far, that’s fine.”

His calm presence made her feel a little more grounded, and she appreciated how he always seemed to know the right thing to say to put her at ease. Forrest, meanwhile, stood quietly to the side, his laid-back vibe unmistakable even in the chilly weather. He gave her a soft smile, but his eyes watched her carefully, always attentive, always tuned into the emotions of those around him.

The horse in front of her shifted slightly, and Jessica felt her heart speed up. It was a beautiful creature, tall and sleek, its black coat gleaming in the sunlight. But even as she admired it, her nerves tightened in her chest. What if something went wrong? What if she couldn’t handle it?

“It’s okay,” Forrest said, stepping forward, sensing her unease. His voice was steady, gentle. “I’ll walk beside you the whole time if you want. I used to help train beginners back in the day... although less horseback riding and more... pony training.”

Jessica blinked at him curiously. “You did?”

He nodded, adjusting the reins of his own horse. “Yeah, just not here. I was a kink instructor for a while—trained a lot of new Doms for clubs and private groups.”

She tilted her head, genuinely intrigued. “A kink instructor?”

Forrest chuckled softly. “It’s not as glamorous as it sounds, but yeah. I worked with a lot of people just getting started in the lifestyle. Taught them how to handle themselves, how to communicate properly, how to make sure everything and everyone was safe at all times.”

Jessica stared at him, surprised. When they’d played last night, there hadn’t been a lot of time for get-to-know-you discussions, but she hadn’t figured these out-of-town guests to be as into the lifestyle as having been actual instructors.

But she enjoyed knowing this new thing about him. “Why did you stop?” she asked before she could think better of it.

The question seemed to shift something in him. Forrest’s easy smile faded, and his eyes grew distant, as if a memory had slid into his mind uninvited. His jaw clenched and for a long moment, he said nothing.

Jessica’s stomach twisted. The change in his demeanor was sudden, like a door slamming shut, and she felt the familiar pang of anxiety grip her. It was the same way her father used to react—shutting down before exploding in rage. Her breath hitched, and suddenly, all the safety and warmth of the morning felt like it was slipping away.

The other men seemed to notice the shift, too. Sebastian’s brow furrowed as he glanced at Forrest, and Rowan, usually so animated, grew quiet, his eyes flicking between Jessica and Forrest, as if trying to gauge what was happening.

Forrest exhaled slowly, his shoulders tensing. “I just... it was time for a change,” he muttered, but his voice had lost all its warmth.

Jessica’s pulse quickened. The way he said it reminded her too much of her father’s unpredictable moods—the way he would withdraw and grow silent before unleashing his temper on her or her mother. Her chest tightened, and panic clawed at the edges of her thoughts. She took a small step back, suddenly wanting to flee.

“Jessie?” Rowan’s voice was soft, but it still made her flinch. “Are you okay?”

Her eyes darted to Rowan, then to Forrest. Her breath came faster now, the memory of her father looming too large in her mind. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t be around a man who shut down like that, who might snap at any moment. It was time to leave, to get away before?—

“Hey, it’s alright.” Sebastian’s deep voice broke through her spiraling thoughts. He stepped closer, his hand hovering just near her shoulder—not touching, but offering. “You’re safe. You’re here, with us.”

Safe.

The word was like a lifeline in the storm. She knew Forrest wasn’t her father. He wasn’t a big asshole bully, ready to beat her to a pulp. He was just a man dealing with something difficult. Something he wasn’t ready to share with her. Jessica forced herself to breathe, to focus on Sebastian’s calm presence. He wasn’t her father. None of them were.

Forrest, sensing what had happened, shook his head and took a step back from her. His eyes, filled with guilt, softened as he met hers. “I’m sorry, Jessica,” he said, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to?—”

“It’s not... it’s not you,” she whispered. “ I just... I got scared.”

Forrest’s face fell, but he didn’t push her for more. Instead, he simply nodded, taking another step back to give her space. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“No!” Jessica cried out. “No... it wasn’t you. Just...” She ran her hand over her face, before resting it on the horse’s velvet coat. “My father... he wasn’t a very nice man. And he would sometimes shut down and get quiet just before he had a very violent outburst.”

The men were really quiet, none of them saying a word, before a hand appeared on the horse right next to hers but not touching. When she looked up her gaze met Forrest’s soft expression.

“I’m sorry I triggered you, babygirl. I’ll do my very best to not shut down like that again.”

Jessica’s chest still felt tight, but the tension in the air began to ease as the men gave her the room and time she needed. With time and space came an overwhelming sense of shame at her slight panic attack. It was clear Forrest wasn’t her father. He didn’t have the same dark edge lurking beneath his surface. But that moment had still triggered something deep inside her, something she hadn’t expected because she hadn’t had an episode like this in a few months. And now, for the first time, they’d seen it too. They saw how fragile she still was, how much she carried with her from her past.

“Do you want to take a break?” Sebastian asked gently. “We don’t have to ride today if it’s too much.”

Jessica looked down at the snow, still feeling the weight of the moment. Part of her wanted to run back to her room and hide under the covers. But another part—the part that had come here to heal—knew that avoiding this wouldn’t make it better. She had to face it.

“No,” she said, her voice small but firm. “I want to ride.”

Rowan’s grin returned, though it was gentler this time. “You sure? We can take it slow, no pressure.”

Jessica nodded, though her heart still beat a smidge too fast. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Sebastian and Forrest exchanged a look, and then Forrest nodded, sending a timid smile her way. “I’ll be right here the whole time,” he whispered. “If you need anything, just tell me. We won’t push you.”

“Okay,” she whispered, meeting his gaze. There was no anger in his eyes, only concern. And in that moment, she knew she could trust him. She had to try.

With shaky hands, Jessica reached for the reins of her horse. The men stayed closer, offering quiet encouragement as she mounted. As they began their slow ride out into the snow- covered fields, she felt a flicker of something deep inside her—something fragile but important.

Maybe this was the start of her learning to trust again. One small step at a time.