Chapter Seven

Justin

JUSTIN TURNED ON the hot water and stepped under the shower. "Thanks for that," he said to Shawn and Cliff as they all lathered up.

"Yeah, man," they both said.

"He's doing good. He looks better," Cliff pointed out.

Justin nodded, recalling how gaunt Ethan had been when he returned to school. He still wasn't back to his old self, but it seemed he was slowly getting there, at least physically. Justin dried off, dressed, and walked back with Shawn to their dorm. Cliff was off to see his girlfriend.

"So," Shawn said, sounding suspicious.

"What?" Justin narrowed his eyes.

"I mean… You know what. It's none of my business," Shawn said.

"Right."

"It's just an odd friendship."

Justin sighed. "He's cool. I like hanging out with him. Don't make a big deal out of it."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Fine, I am," Shawn said, "but I'm not the only one who's noticed." He held up his hands. "No girlfriend this year. You don't seem interested in Holly anymore. She's been asking about you, and what's the deal? Man, you're always with Ethan."

"It's not like that," Justin said and realized how like that it must all look to his friends, to his team, to the girl he'd dated off and on last year and then dropped like an asshole.

"If it was… I'm just saying." Shawn gave Justin a light punch. "It's cool, man."

"It's not, though." Justin shook his head. "Talk about something else, and tell the guys to shut the fuck up. Holly knew she was a regular hookup and didn't complain."

"Fine," Shawn said, retreating.

*

JUSTIN YAWNED AND then glanced at Ethan as he stretched. Though he'd tried hard to talk himself out of it, he was back at Ethan's and crashing there another night. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd stayed over by this point, but it had been after every home game and every Sunday night between when he could get away with it and not violate the weekday curfew. There had already been one very risky Friday night spent at Ethan's as well.

But it was Tuesday, and their dorm monitor had been sick, assigning a player to make the rounds for him. With the promise of a case of beer and covering for him if Justin got busted, he was back at Ethan's with a food delivery for their dinner and another night of intense trash-talking and strategy planning on how they would take out their opponents in their game. They'd been playing these same kids for over a week now, and Justin had to admit, the juvie crew was crushing it.

But Ethan was dying less and less, getting a game mentality of always being on the lookout for hidden supplies, more ammunition, and first aid. Tonight, he'd even gotten to Justin's character in time to save him, and they were back in the fight together. Then, they'd watched some sports highlights, and Ethan had convinced Justin to eat a bowl of ice cream from the colossal carton his mom had slipped into the freezer for them.

It had been a good night.

Ethan exited the bathroom after his shower and shut off the lights. Justin rolled over and got comfortable but froze as his bed dipped, and Ethan sat down behind him.

Justin rolled back over. "What's wrong?"

"I want to talk to you about something," Ethan said quietly.

"All right. In the dark?"

"Yeah, I don't think I have the nerve to talk to you about it any other way."

"Oh, that conversation." Justin sat up, propping himself. He could still see Ethan's form in the ambient light from the small plug-in night-light. Ethan never slept in complete darkness.

Ethan swallowed hard. " That conversation, which one is that? Because there is more than one of those."

"The one you want to have now. Go on," Justin said.

Ethan nodded as if reassuring himself. "I'm glad we're friends. I don't want that to change. But I think it's fair for you to know. I mean, I feel like I need to be honest with you. Justin, I'm sure you already know, but I'm gay, and your friends are starting to notice how much we hang out together. Your friendship is something I don't want to lose, but I feel like you need to know I'm interested in more than friendship if that were ever an option. And we never have to have this conversation again, but friends are honest with each other."

Justin blew out a frustrated breath. "I can't, Ethan."

Ethan nodded. "I know. It's because of football."

"Football," he confirmed.

"But if it wasn't for football?"

Justin was quiet for several long minutes. "Look. I've had a thing for you since freshman year in comp class. But this, our friendship, that's all I can do about it. It doesn't matter how I feel."

"I understand. So will this make it weird between us?"

"No."

"Good." Ethan got up and headed across the room.

Justin lay there in the dark, a million questions racing in his mind, answers he wanted. He knew he didn't want to use Ethan either. And he never would. But damn, it was driving him crazy, especially now with the knowledge that Ethan was interested in more, interested in him too.