Chapter Thirty-Six

Ethan

RECLINING IN THE new poolside lounger, Ethan flipped the magazine open, showing Justin the picture of him yelling like a madman: "I love this game!"

"You look crazed." Ethan turned his attention to the other page and read out loud:

How I Scored the Most Sought-after Interview in the NFL, by Shelly Marksman.

I had just been hired at Newsweek, straight out of college, and my editor came rushing in. ‘Stop what you're working on and get over to the stadium'. Our senior sports writer, Gary Moreland, had been in an accident. She pointed to my press pass, and I threw it over my head. My assignment is politics. I know embarrassingly little about sports. ‘Get a statement from Justin Halstead, the new quarterback,' she yelled at me before leaving the building to follow up on Gary's condition. The only thing I knew about the team's new quarterback was that he hated the media, refused to do interviews, and was a starting rookie. That was it.

Ethan looked over and grinned at Justin, who rolled his hand, so he continued:

The game was intense. There are no other clever words to describe the immediate long pass and out-of-the-gate first score, nor the Bay's new hand signal, adopted over two more touchdowns, and the sheer presence of Justin Halstead and his team on the field. Like me, if you were there or watched on TV, it was as if we were all under his spell. And it only got better as he ensured that every rookie starter went home with a ball for their first NFL touchdown in their first NFL game. That is a new record established and set by Justin Halstead, who was awarded the team game ball for all his MVP firsts.

Five balls.

Halstead told a referee on the field to call Wilson—that the NFL would need more footballs. Just before the end of the game, I knew I needed to find the press conference room and get a seat, but I could not stop watching the game, the madness, the celebration. Like everyone else, I heard Justin Halstead yelling, "I love this game!" and his team's answering oorah before he called the play. Everyone heard it. You've seen the picture. That was the moment. And Justin has had other incredible moments: this, an impossible catch that won his college game, or this, the high school Hail Mary that won the state championship. For me, my incredible moment came as a brand-new reporter trying to hang on to my first job. I jumped up and asked the winning quarterback why he hated the media. And he knew. He knew I was new, inexperienced, a first-time player on an unfamiliar field, and Halstead threw me a pass.

He talked about less than favorable behavior by the media in the past, being hounded after a college class when student schedules are supposed to be confidential. Or when he was chased through a parking lot to his vehicle when he was trying to buy groceries. Or journalists showing up at his dorm asking for an interview when he'd just played a rough game and was trying to sleep through the chaos of a college football dorm. So, he refused. He wanted to play ball and be left alone.

But I asked, and he answered, threw me that pass, and then let me score the only interview he's given. I thanked him, and he shrugged with a, "Hey, I'm new too," and we had a laugh.

"Who's your girlfriend?" I asked him, and he said her name was Wilson, and they'd been together since peewee league. At my confused look, he threw his head back, and his laughter is loud, like him. "Wilson, football manufacturer," he said, leaving the room still chuckling. He came back and handed me a football. "Shelly, meet Wilson, Wilson, Shelly." And I understood. He's funny, and he's cocky. He's extremely confident and has openly challenged all opponents that he's taking his team to the Super Bowl as a rookie quarterback. "We are number one. The number one team," he said. And I'm a believer.

Then he asked me if I wouldn't mind giving a shout-out to a high school team he worked with over the summer, to all the guys. He named every single one off the top of his head; they are listed here. What do you do in your spare time? I asked. He said he plays catch and is trying to learn how to breathe in a tropical climate. Who is your hero? And he chewed on his lip and thought for a moment. "My mom. She's a high school English and literature teacher who instilled a love for reading that has never left me. I own more books than any other possessions." Is there a charity you plan to work with? And he said he hoped to promote literacy, then added, "That ought to make my mom proud." I found myself out of questions, unprepared as I was.

"What made you want to be a reporter?" he asked me, and I told him I hoped the media could improve its reputation with fair and honest reporting. That's why I applied at Newsweek, wanting to work for an outlet that held and stuck to those standards. He nodded as if he approved. "Is Gary okay?" Yes, he's going to be fine. "Who's your boyfriend?" And I winked at him. "His name is Webster; maybe you've met him."

Then Justin Halstead stood, shook my hand, and autographed the ball, telling me it was his first NFL autograph. He handed the ball to me, then pointed at it. "That makes ball six in the firsts. Now go be number one, Shelly Marksman, with Newsweek. And I'll see you at the Super Bowl."

"Oh," Ethan said and nodded. "That was good."

Justin leaned over and shook his head. "I do look crazy."

"It's on a billboard Justin. People are doing it, fans on social media. I love this game , arrrrh ," Ethan tried. "It's a thing now."

"So is our finger thing."

"Such a slick response."

"They hear what they want to hear. That's you and me."

"I know that," Ethan said. "But it's still convenient."

Justin grinned.

"Wilson," Ethan scoffed.

"I think we should rename the boat to Wilson ," Justin teased.

"No, she's The WAG . She'll always be The WAG ."

" The WAG ." Justin snorted. "What about one of those vanity license plates for your car?"

"Now you're trying to get caught." Ethan shook his head. "Nice answer though."

"I thought so," Justin said. "But you do sound a little jealous."

"I'm not. It wasn't your first NFL autograph, was it?" Ethan pouted.

"I signed yours right after the game on my game ball. Your ball. But, yes, that was my first official one, in public, recorded or whatever."

"Fine." Ethan sighed. "You totally helped her out."

"I don't know. I think she kind of helped me."

"True," Ethan said.

*

ETHAN GOT OUT of the shower, put a towel around his waist, and rummaged through the dresser drawer, searching for a pair of sleep pants. He turned around and eyed Justin, stretched out on their bed, his big arms behind his head, wearing nothing but a cocky grin.

"Funny."

Ethan leaned back on the dresser and lowered his fingers to the tuck of his towel. "So you think if you hide my clothes, what?"

Justin clearly liked this game by the look he wore, his eyes fixed on Ethan's fingers as he teased the corner of the towel.

"No clothes equals a naked Ethan," Justin quipped.

"Ah." Ethan released the corner, smirking as the towel hit the floor. He sauntered to the bed, watching as Justin's hand slid down, and he gripped himself. "That's for me?"

"Always," Justin promised as Ethan climbed across the bed and over Justin.

Ethan kissed his lips once and rolled off him, lying on his side of their big bed.

"What?" Justin asked of Ethan's abrupt shift.

"I think it's time for you to stop carrying around that essay," Ethan whispered, swallowing down his fears. He looked at Justin, hoping his eyes conveyed what he struggled to say.

Justin shifted over until his face was closer to Ethan's. "I do love you like that—more than you know."

"I do know it." Ethan admitted what he'd struggled so hard to accept. He knew it now. Justin loved him, truly loved him, and would never hurt him or leave him.

"Ethan…" Justin seemed to breathe his name as if it was the one word in the world that mattered. Then, he eased in even closer.

Ethan nodded slowly as his shaky hand touched Justin's cheek, and Justin leaned in with his eyes closed and pressed his dampened lips to Ethan's. Ethan responded, matching each move Justin made to deepen the kiss. He breathed through his nose and slid his hand to Justin's shoulder, pulling him in as a tongue dipped inside his mouth and met his own. Justin inhaled hard and then inched in against Ethan, gaining more access as his knee nestled between Ethan's legs and his tongue tangled with Ethan's.

They adjusted, crushing their bodies even more impossibly together as the kiss grew from a slow tempo to gradually more passionate, and the sound of their breathing filled the room. Ethan ran his hand down Justin's back, and Justin's hand slid across Ethan's bare side and squeezed there. This was the kiss Ethan had written about.

They were a tangle of heat and growing intensity. Ethan's need to fuse himself against Justin grew more demanding, and then a braver hand slid down to his ass and pulled. Pulled him in, encouraging the grind. Justin moaned, and Ethan finally accepted he could give himself to the man he loved.

They broke free, Justin panting, eyes lustful, and then they resumed, not missing a beat, skin to skin with hands exploring each other. The great weight of Justin on top of him settled in as they repositioned, and Justin's firm grip on Ethan's outer thigh as Justin ground into him made it clear Justin had an experienced sexual past, just not this version. Justin's mouth was against Ethan's ear, and he breathed hard as his hips rocked.

"This is going to be over fast," he panted when Ethan's hand joined them together and began to pump, gripping them tight against each other. Justin's mouth slid back to Ethan's, and the sounds he made into it had Ethan's hips bucking up as Justin thrust his hips, and they found a rhythm to match Ethan's hand.

Ethan released them, reached for the tube, and passed it to Justin, then spread his thighs wider. He smiled at a wide-eyed Justin, who stared momentarily at the tube and further down between them at Ethan's new position. Justin's hesitation was quickly forgotten as a slick finger searched for unfamiliar ground, pressed against Ethan, and rubbed a slow circle.

"I've dreamed about this so many times," Justin said, his words gruff with strain as his finger pushed inside.

Justin's eyes were locked on him, but Ethan's rolled back at the sensation of Justin easing in timidly deeper and then pulling back slightly before braving in again.

"Too much?"

"No, keep going," Ethan said, finding it easier to relax than he'd thought he would.

"It's so hot inside you." Justin groaned as he found more confidence.

"More," Ethan decided; Justin's finger began to feel electrifying as it pumped with an undeniable rhythm.

And Justin was eagerly back with two fingers, patiently exploring as Ethan accepted the change. "I'm not sure I'm going to make it," he said, deadly serious. "I'm so close already, Ethan. It feels too good. You're like an inferno." He buried his face against Ethan's neck and groaned.

"Don't you dare," Ethan warned as Justin's body tensed.

"I can't help it." Justin lifted up and leaned back, jerking himself off, his eyes glued to his fingers pushing and pulling in and out of Ethan's body.

Ethan watched, mesmerized as Justin lost it so quickly, the way he did early on in their relationship, and reached down. His hand was knocked away; Justin settled in, replacing it with his lips, fingers still exploring as his mouth consumed Ethan.

"Okay," Ethan agreed, letting himself relax. This would work, too.

Justin seemed content to get lost in what his fingers were finally exploring. Ethan sensed the change in him as it became easier, with less resistance. Ethan absently searched for the tube and passed it down, whispering for Justin to add another finger. Ethan doubted he could come like this, his anxiety beginning to build. But Justin found that magic button inside him, and Ethan began to quiver as Justin moaned around him, and those two fingers massaged the switch that had Ethan firing off like Justin.

Justin leaned back, a satisfied victory on his face as he grabbed the tube, and then Ethan felt a slow expanding pressure as he was stretched. Justin checked on him, and Ethan confirmed he was good. He was more than good after the orgasm, and his anxiety faded as Justin took his time, got him ready, and was clearly rising to the occasion once more.

"I love you, Ethan," Justin said as he shifted up, kissed Ethan, and rubbed himself across Ethan's entrance. "I want you."

"Yes," Ethan whispered as Justin guided himself, rubbing again and pressing against him with uncertainty. Ethan exhaled hard and bore down at the stretch as Justin braved forward.

Like some raging restrained bull, Justin breathed hard as he pushed in, tested against the tight ring, backed off, and tried again. And while Ethan knew he should appreciate the snail's pace, he and his body searched for more as Justin danced around the pushing past. Ethan slid his hand down, helped Justin past the resistance, and went still as he allowed him some time.

"Fuuck." Justin forced out the word, and Ethan knew what he was feeling at that very moment. He'd experienced that overwhelming sensation himself the first time he'd been inside Justin.

Ethan withdrew his hand and pulled Justin's mouth to his, nodding slightly as they kissed. Justin tested with tiny pumps and sank in a little deeper as Ethan's body accepted him. It was easier than Ethan thought it would be, but it remained something to adjust and adapt to. He couldn't have asked for a more patient partner as their bodies were finally wholly joined.

"Ethan," Justin whispered, trembling above him, strong arms shaking with restraint, and glassy-eyed as he stared down at him.

"I know," Ethan agreed, just as choked up that they'd finally gotten here.

"I'm going to love you for the rest of my life," Justin said, and his hips pulled away, and he slid back in, slick, hot, and smooth like satin, tender inside Ethan's body.

Ethan slipped into a flashback; he struggled to stay with Justin, but his mind took him to his past, to a horrible, vile memory. The trauma would live with him for the rest of his life. But as Justin gently wiped away the tears, his body calmed, and he breathed to a count with Ethan as Ethan returned to the present.

"You are beautiful," Ethan whispered. "This is love."

Justin only nodded. Ethan knew Justin was too overcome with emotion to speak, his heart in his eyes.

"Don't stop," Ethan said, easing his hands down to Justin's hips, sinking his fingers into his flesh, and guiding him to move again.

"Are you with me?" Justin choked out.

"Yes." And Ethan was. Despite the flashback, he was with him.

"Stay with me." Justin kissed Ethan again, easily following the physical direction of Ethan's hands.

He'd known this wouldn't be easy, but he also knew how safe he was with Justin. Here was a man who would try to move mountains for him if Ethan wanted it, a partner who replaced horror with love as they struggled together through this first time, this impossible hurdle, a beautiful and simultaneously tragic milestone in their life together. Ethan knew after this, with his fear now diminishing, it would get easier.

Later, Justin's lazy hand stroked up and down Ethan's back as he held him. Ethan fought the urge to apologize.

"Shh," Justin soothed and laced his fingers through Ethan's, holding his hand.

"I'm okay."

"You are, and we are," Justin assured him.