Chapter Twenty-Nine

Justin

"OH MY GOD , I love you so much," Justin groaned as Ethan massaged his neck and shoulders, rubbing in muscle cream and massaging everything that hurt, which was everything. "Name anything you want that I can afford, and I swear I'll go buy it for you tomorrow if you promise to do this every Friday night when I get home."

Ethan laughed. "Okay, I want this super expensive rug for the living room I talked myself out of. I want this organizer thing for the laundry room that requires assembly, so I talked myself out of that. And I want two flowerpots for the pool deck, but I can't lift them, and neither could you, so it's a delivery thing, and I didn't want to do that while I was home alone. So that's more of I need you to be the big boss man when they bring them."

"And," Justin groaned, "right there, feel that knot? Break it down so I can understand what you want, Ethan. My brain barely works right now. Take it down to…around the third-grade level."

"I got you, baby. Let's see, the pricy rug, the organizer you'd have to assemble, the big-ass pots, hmm, that was really it."

"How was the week with your mom? Sorry, I wasn't up for much phone time."

"No, I know. I get the crash and burn. It was great. We did so many things. I do have some big news. But first, I finished the painting in the living room."

"It looks good; I saw it when I came in," Justin mumbled. "I like the blue swatch in the kitchen too."

"See, I'm not sure about that one. Look at it in the sunlight tomorrow; give it a day. Roll over, let me do the front."

Justin rolled with a groan. "So it looks different in the sun?"

"Yeah, at night with the house lights on, I love it, but then it looks two shades lighter in the daytime. It's so strange."

"What if we got two shades darker of the same color and added a little more light in the kitchen? Then you'd have the color you wanted in the daytime. I like the color now."

"Yeah, we'll see," Ethan said. "I'm not rushing to get everything done. I'm just taking it one project at a time."

"You've got a whole lifetime to get this house how you want it." Justin yawned so big his jaw cracked. "Stop avoiding; what's the big news?"

"Hear me out," Ethan warned.

"Oh boy," Justin groaned.

"So, I signed up for this self-defense class. It's three days a week and one private lesson. I really like the group, and I'm already learning a lot. It's really hard though."

Justin was quiet, and Ethan rubbed sore muscles, avoiding a few bruised places.

"What do you think?"

"I think I'm really proud of you, Ethan. What do you mean ‘it's really hard'?" Justin pulled his arm away and put both behind his head, his full attention on Ethan.

"Well. We practice getting out of holds. How to not panic and be able to react, to think straight in scary situations."

Justin lifted a brow and then narrowed both at him. Ethan held up a finger.

"I never want it to happen to me again. You wouldn't be happy about some of the methods. They are somewhat realistic. For example, a choke hold or a pinning down hold. And we are learning how to get out of those situations to run. There is a second class that teaches fighting back, but I wanted to talk to you about it first. This class's focus is more on getting away and getting help. It's for beginners."

"Who's pinning you down?" Justin said, and Ethan seemed prepared for his reaction.

"My instructor. Her name is Jessie. My other instructor is Danny. They both perform the holds; they co-teach. And at the end of the month, I want you to come to support day and see what I've learned."

Justin's entire body relaxed, and he lifted his foot and nudged Ethan's hand with it.

"Foot or calf?"

"Calf, and the front of my thigh."

Ethan repositioned and waited, then returned to work on sore muscles and knots.

"All right," Justin said, "but I want you to take the second class too. Do you have to finish the first, or how does that work?"

"I have to finish the first class. So you agree?"

"Yes. What date is the day I can come?"

"Saturday, the first, at six," Ethan answered.

"I'll be there. What else?"

And Ethan told him about Markus, his buddy, and Micha, and all the ladies. He explained everything, about the safety of the gym and all the safe-space protocols, and Justin listened to every word, not interrupting once. By the time he was done, Justin had relaxed and felt more on board with Ethan's plan.

"Who fucked with Markus?"

"I just told you; we aren't allowed to discuss or ask about each other's trauma. Why? Going to go rough up some middle school kids?"

"The thought crossed my mind," Justin said, and Ethan kissed him.

"You can't, but I love that about you, that you want to. Sleep, tough guy," Ethan said but kept working Justin's sore muscles until he lost the battle, fighting to stay awake to spend time with Ethan.

*

JUSTIN SLEPT IN late and felt better as he made his way into the kitchen. He smiled at the covered plate and loaded coffee pod and cup beneath, ready to go. Justin pushed the lever down and looked around. Ethan was outside cleaning the pool. They still had no pool furniture, but Justin decided to go with Ethan's one project-at-a-time concept, to go at his man's pace.

He'd noticed a new miniature painting in the bathroom, one Ethan had sent him a picture of with a text message about finding it at some art fair and how cute it was. Justin poured himself a glass of water as he watched Ethan scoop leaves out and dump them into a trashcan.

He looked up and waved, then lay the pole down and came inside.

"Yeah, you're up," Ethan said and hugged him.

"Thank you so much for healing me." Justin kissed his forehead. "Now feed me and then put me to work."

"I'll heat up your plate. I was worried you'd be up super early."

Justin sat at the barstool, and Ethan brought his coffee to him. "I see what you mean." He nodded at the swatch of paint.

"So weird, right?" Ethan took his plate from the overhead oven and brought it over. He sat beside him, chin in hand, staring at the blue spot.

"You'll work it out," Justin said and took a sip, seeing a few other minor changes—another night-light plugged in and a small plant by the window. Little things and that was something Justin loved about Ethan.

"Okay, I want to hear all about it, every detail," Ethan said. "How are you and your center? Is the super nice guy still there? You know I'm rooting for him to make it. Who got cut? How's the apartment?"

Justin smiled as he chewed.

Ethan was Justin's world, but it was a nice feeling to be someone else's. Justin told him all about it, about everyone and everything. He reassured Ethan that Miller had made it through the first cuts. They talked about how hard it was for him to breathe and get used to the humidity.

After his late breakfast, Justin took Ethan to purchase and arrange delivery for the pots. Then, Justin took him to a nursery because he wanted plants. Ethan loved Justin's hat, pulled low, his sunglasses, and his chore clothes. There was one good thing about the past mask debacle as Justin wore one of those too. They held hands as they walked the grounds of the large nursery together, with Ethan adding things to the cart, picking out plants and several large palms for his pots. He would make Justin choose between something when he couldn't decide, and they'd move on.

"Look," Justin said, stopping. "I want that."

Ethan stood next to him, sighing like the weight of the world was on him. "Where would we put it?"

"Right at the end of the pool deck," Justin said. " Ethan , I want this."

"We'll think about it." Ethan snapped a picture of the fishpond and waterfall feature with his phone. He shook his head and snapped a photo of Justin squatting down and looking at all the fish. Justin pointed at the koi, and Ethan nodded.

"Yeah, I see them," he said.

"Come on. I never ask for anything."

Ethan just laughed and laughed over that as he dragged Justin away. With all the plants wrapped and loaded in the back of the truck, they headed home, which included a stop as Justin ran in and got them cones for the drive back.

"That's where my classes are," Ethan said, pointing at a building.

"Damn, that's, like, right down the street."

"Yeah, can you believe it?" Ethan said and licked his cone.

"It doesn't look like a gym."

"Nope, it's not supposed to, and I like that about it. You only know it's there and what they do if you're a member. I had to do an interview and everything. Even you couldn't get in."

" Good , that makes me feel better," Justin admitted, happy to know no one could just walk in the place. It made him like the idea even more.

*

AFTER UNLOADING AND hauling the monster plants to the back, Ethan sent him to the hardware store with a list of his jobs for the weekend. These included all the more difficult jobs, but Justin liked this, being helpful, and Ethan needing him with things. Maybe it was a strange dynamic, but Justin felt a sense of pride as he shopped for items on the list to complete Ethan's few chores for him. He wanted a security light put up and the old doorbell replaced with the camera kind.

Justin was on board with that as he picked out the system. The house had an alarm, but Justin added a few other items to the cart and spent time in the outdoor lighting area. Then, Justin shook his head as he lifted bags of dirt and mulch, loading them on the flat cart. It was a hell of a workout as he finished up in the parking lot.

"You know, it's like three workouts in one day," Justin said when he finished moving all the bags.

"I know; I'm so lucky you're a badass," Ethan said, his new garden gloves on as he planted the new pots at the end of pool deck. The huge concrete urns now had palms and tropical plants in them.

"I like those red and green ones." Justin stretched out on the concrete pool deck, listening to Ethan tell him what kind they were.

Ethan looked over at him and frowned. "You're right; we do need patio furniture soon."

"Actually, this feels good on my back. You want to come to the apartment this week? I mean, all I do is sleep my ass off and get right back up and go again, but you know…" Justin sighed as Ethan shook his head.

"Right," Justin said. "You're right." He sighed again and rolled over, then pushed himself up.

"What happened to the break?" Ethan frowned at him.

"I forgot something I bought for you in the truck, and I want a smoothie. You want one?"

"What is it?"

"A surprise," Justin said with a laugh and headed inside. Ethan had made blender containers full of iced smoothies, and Justin pulled one from the freezer and gave it a whirl. He poured two, then headed out, to set them by the pool. He then grabbed the shopping bags and box out of his truck and set it all down. Stretching out again, he let the heat from the pool deck seep into his back.

Ethan pulled off his gloves, took a sip, and peeked into the first bag. "Aw, those are cute." And on it went for each thing that Justin had bought, thinking of Ethan. One of the boxes included wood for the chiminea, which was ridiculous, but Justin had bought the box because it would make Ethan happy.

"They do make the patio look better," Justin agreed, eyeing Ethan's monster pots after they were all planted. He then got up and finished with the lights at the ends of the house and the doorbell.

They cleaned up, Ethan ordered pizzas, and Justin's big reward followed—they gamed. Justin decided to at least take his system down to the apartment so they could play online when he got to a point he didn't feel like face-planting the bed the second he got home.

"I'd like that."

Justin shared more about Jones, Miller, and Hernandez as he and Ethan moved as a two-man soldier team, shooting enemies and finding more ammo and lives on screen. Ethan laughed his ass off every time they won. It was almost perfect, and Justin blinked a few times at their life together.

"Don't," Ethan elbowed him, "I can feel what you're thinking."

"What."

"I wouldn't even want that kind of life anyway. I'm good. I feel good and loved and safe, and I don't want what you think I do."

"No, I know, me neither. But if you wanted to come to the apartment, I'd want you to feel like you could, not like you can't."

"I know, but we have a plan, and that's what we are sticking to," Ethan said, and Justin leaned in and kissed him.