Chapter Twenty-Five

Justin

JUSTIN SAT AT a long table with the other new additions to the team in the media room full of reporters and journalists. The team owner stood at the podium. McReedy sat next to Justin. The owner talked about how pleased he was with the results of this year's draft and his hopes for the season. He turned it over to his head coach, who began the official introductions of his new players, giving stats and brief bios on each one.

Justin had agreed to this press conference because there was no getting around it. The media coordinator told him most of the questions would likely be geared around his QB time.

"So, as you all know, I went looking for a receiver and a quarterback—" Coach Nellis paused as they all laughed. He scratched his head, playing it up. "—and we got a great receiver. Nick Chastain." Coach nodded down at him. He gave a bio on Nick and his stats.

"Then, I needed a center." He gave McReedy's spiel.

"But I hadn't prepared for the quarterback we found," he said into the microphone, then waited as flashes went off and news cameras rolled.

"Justin Halstead surprised us all. I'm sure you've all seen the footage of the Combine, but what you might not have seen, and I admittedly lost a bet and have to show you—" He paused, hamming it up. "—is this clip." He turned to watch it again.

Justin had already seen it, and it was damn funny. The coaching staff at the Combine was looking bored. An assistant pointed out to the gridiron, read off a name from his clipboard, and then they were all suddenly watching the player on the field throwing the ball. Coach's mouth opened, and he dropped his drink when he also pointed, shaking his head. His offensive coordinator hustled down the aisle to get a closer look, and then the six scrambled to get down to the field.

"Yeah, you won't see that reaction often," Coach said as the clip ended. "But we were as shocked as everyone else that day. So, I'll introduce Justin and give you two sets of stats." He went through Justin's high school QB stats and then his college TE stats. He spoke briefly, confirming they had no doubts about Justin's ability as QB and the three-year gap out of the position. Coach moved on to the new defensive players, and then it was question time.

Justin got the first one about McReedy and starting a new team with a new QB and a new center. He answered it fine, praising McReedy and saying he was confident they would work well together. The reporters asked each player questions, all pretty standard stuff, nothing stressful. Justin was pleased with the media event as they posed for pictures, and then it wrapped up.

They all had meetings after the press was gone: paperwork with legal, additional contracts, and any insurance changes. The new players would return in the morning for the equipment managers, which would fill the rest of the day as they were loaded down, shown to their locker room, and went through the ID card and security process.

Justin had to be back the next morning for an offensive line and special teams meeting and to get his official playbook. Then, he would return in two weeks to start training.

*

ETHAN HELD HIS hands up to the giant whiteboard and wiggled his fingers at the marker holder he'd also managed to mount to the wall in their shared office while Justin had been gone.

"What have you done?" Justin asked with pride and amusement as he sat on the small couch next to their shared desk.

"We're learning plays. You have to learn that book, and if I seriously want to consider sports reporting, this helps me too. And for more selfish reasons, so I understand what you're doing down there."

"Good idea, then. I have two weeks to memorize these plays like they are my social."

"We are on this," Ethan said, plucking up a marker and glancing over his shoulder.

Justin opened the binder and called out the name of the first play. By the next afternoon, Ethan had a television and VCR/DVD combo set up, and they were studying discs of the plays the OC had sent. Justin had wanted the combo to view older game tapes; somehow, Ethan had found one.

Ethan was great, quizzing Justin and learning along with him. They practiced out on the lawn, Ethan moving into a position he'd learned as Justin called out the plays, walking through them. Then they were back in their little classroom, going through the playbook each day and watching the films until they had it.

Justin practiced in the backyard with his passing nets, and he'd been right that Ethan did enjoy the new challenge. He enjoyed it until Justin snatched the ball and ran into the house with it. Justin stripped down in the bathroom with the shower already on, knowing Ethan would follow him.

"Sneaky," Ethan praised.

"Hopeful," Justin agreed.

"You're on."

And Ethan eagerly lost his clothes, joining Justin.

"I'm first," Justin said, lowering himself to the tile floor.

"Pretend like you don't know what you're doing," Ethan challenged. "You've gotten too good at this, and I'm going to go off like a teenager on prom night."

"You did that when I sucked at this," Justin reminded him.

"Nice choice of words."

Justin laughed, then got serious. He loved doing this to Ethan, loved his reactions, the faces and sounds he made, and how his legs would begin to shake as things intensified—when that constant tension abandoned Ethan's face, and he was just Ethan, just his .

Justin pulled his mouth away, and Ethan panted the answer before he could even ask it.

"Yes, I'm yours."

Justin returned his mouth, resuming until Ethan shuddered and gripped his shoulders to stay upright.

"Bedroom," Ethan said as he gasped for breath.

They rinsed and raced to bed, barely drying off and diving in. Ethan was on him, taking him down, his hand eager and exploring. He'd recently begun exploring other regions of Justin's body since Justin had expressed his sexual desire. Justin fumbled into the bedside drawer and tossed the tube down the bed. He loved this, Ethan's slick fingers exploring inside him until he found that place that made Justin beg.

When Ethan paused, Justin looked down to Ethan staring at where his fingers were buried, and then he gazed up at Justin.

"Ethan, you won't hurt me. You would never hurt me."

"I wouldn't."

"You can stop. Or you can try," Justin said quietly.

Ethan swallowed and repeated, "I would never hurt you."

"I want you, all of you, but not until you're ready."

Ethan grabbed the tube, slicked his fingers again, and lay over Justin, kissing him. Justin thrilled at Ethan's fingers returning, first one, then two. With the new pressure of an unfamiliar third, Ethan slowed, stretching Justin's body carefully. Justin relaxed as he adjusted. Ethan shifted, his fingers withdrawing and replaced by hot slick skin pressing in.

Justin shuddered at the wild, unexpected thrill of Ethan breaching him for the first time, but the pressure was intense. The bare heat of Ethan as he pushed past and paused, breathing hard against Justin's chest, was a new milestone. The burn and stretch subsided as Justin willed himself to relax, and Ethan groaned as Justin's body seemed to pull him in more. Ethan's hips pressed forward, following the pull, and he looked up at Justin, pausing again.

Justin used his hands at Ethan's waist to encourage him deeper, his body stretching as Ethan pressed in further.

"We're almost there," Ethan said through pants of restraint.

"I'm okay, keep going," Justin said, not in pain but figuring out how he felt about this strange and new experience he'd wanted so much, whether he wanted Ethan all the way in or entirely out.

"This is strange," Justin admitted, trying to widen his legs as he sought out something other than discomfort and immense pressure.

Ethan pushed Justin's knee back with his hand and moved in and stilled.

Justin breathed hard, a sheen of sweat blooming. "Okay, I need a second."

Ethan lay quiet, his free hand gripping Justin's shoulder tightly as Justin struggled through acceptance and the resistance within his body. Justin finally eased, and Ethan sucked in a breath, and then Justin moved, a timid rocking as Ethan began to shake.

The strange tension left Justin as Ethan lifted up, and he had a clear line of sight as Ethan's hips slowly withdrew from between his legs. Justin reached down and pulled his other knee up as Ethan's eyes rolled back, and he pushed back in with one careful thrust and disappeared inside Justin completely.

"Okay, yeah, that's better," Justin decided as it became increasingly easier, and Ethan began a steadier push and pull, slick, hot, and gliding as his hips moved. The sight and sensation started turning Justin on—Ethan's hips, his bare skin and tight muscles above him, feeling so much more of him than ever before. Ethan was strong, hard, and soft at the same time, and it was clear how careful Ethan was being with him. Justin had an unfamiliar sense of being owned and loved simultaneously. He found the new dynamic insanely appealing.

"Still okay?" Ethan asked.

"Don't you dare stop. That first part was rough, but this is starting to get better."

Ethan lowered his upper body, only his hips pumping as he rocked in and out carefully as Justin got more accustomed to the sensation of his body being filled, the emptiness, then the fullness again each time Ethan's groin was flush with his.

"Yeah, okay, really starting to feel good," Justin babbled, lifting his hips to seek Ethan's thrusts. "Kiss me."

And Ethan did. A slow, sweet kiss quickly morphed into something more intense as Ethan thrust against that undefinable place, sending shocking jolts through Justin as he gripped Ethan harder and begged him not to stop. Ethan picked up the pace, but Justin could tell he still held back. Ethan was focused and quiet, and Justin prayed that was all that was on his mind as Ethan kissed his chest and touched his skin.

Then, Ethan shocked him.

"You are mine, Justin Fucking Halstead, and I will be the man you deserve," Ethan said, and then he lifted Justin's leg over his shoulder, shifted in closer, and lifted Justin's other leg over. Something seemed to release its crippling grip on Ethan as he got lost in making love to Justin. Then, he owned Justin's body as it seemed all the fear left Ethan, and their bodies filled the room with a steady slapping sound. Ethan's hips pounded into him. The hot, slick, pistoning grew faster until Justin vibrated with the electric shock and greedy sensation, demanding Ethan never stop. He felt so connected to Ethan and didn't take for granted what a monumental milestone this was, not only for Justin but more so for Ethan.

Justin panted, stomach streaked, sheets soaked. Heat like he'd never known filled him as Ethan flopped down next to him, his hair sweat-slicked to his forehead and tiny perspiration dots above his lip as he stared at the ceiling for only a second before turning his head to the side and then crushing himself to Justin.

Justin wrapped his arms around Ethan and squeezed him tight. "Thank you," he whispered, "for giving yourself to me, for trusting me."

"I never knew it could be something beautiful. I mean, I knew it was supposed to be like this, but…" Justin felt Ethan swallow against his skin. "…that was my first time making love like that."

And sadly, Justin knew what was coming next as Ethan began to cry.

"Shh," Justin soothed as he stroked Ethan's back.

"They hurt me so bad," Ethan sobbed.

"I know; let it out, baby. Give me your demons, and we'll fight them together."

"It's so unfair—what they took. It should have been yours, my choice. It should have been something beautiful like you, and it shouldn't have ever happened."

"I've got you. No one will ever hurt you again, Ethan."

Justin soothed as Ethan cried through a ragged bout, then slowly subsided. As Ethan sniffled and clung to him, Justin's chest was wet with his tears.

"You are my rock," Justin whispered. "My everything. You are stronger than you even know. This was a big step for you." Justin winced a little. "And for me."

Ethan lifted his head, looking worried. "I hurt you?"

"Not hurt, but that was a first for me. I'm okay. I think a little sore maybe."

"Come on." Ethan roughly wiped his face and tugged at Justin's hand as he got up.

Justin eased out of bed and, feeling not only the absence of Ethan inside him but the ache of the new experience. Ethan led him to their bathroom and filled the large jacuzzi tub they'd never used. Justin handled his business in the bathroom, then climbed in and eased down with Ethan behind him. He leaned back as Ethan quietly washed him, then rubbed his shoulders and arms and massaged his thighs until Justin was mush. Tenderness forgotten, Justin closed his eyes and enjoyed Ethan taking care of him.

"I'm sorry for that breakdown," Ethan whispered.

"Don't you ever apologize. I was prepared for it."

"You were?"

"I met with your therapist when we began trying new things. I wanted to be sure I didn't do something wrong. She said it might be difficult for you if we decided to have penetrative sex. It helped to understand what emotions you might experience and how intimacy could bring back unwanted memories. She warned me not to overreact or take it personally if you got upset."

"I love you," Ethan said, and Justin knew it, but it never lost its effect when Ethan said it first. "I want a do-over."

Justin smiled. "No, but you can do it again. I want everything with you, Ethan—the good, the bad, the difficult. All of it. No do-overs. We just keep making new memories together."