Chapter Seventeen

Justin

JUSTIN'S COACH HELPED him as much as he could, but Justin was currently working on another plan. He had something burning a hole in his pocket, sort of. He at least had a plan for Sunday when he and Ethan stayed in, gaming together. A lazy day for both of them.

"Did you get those Hot Tamales my mom put in here?" Ethan asked as he dug around in the snack basket.

"Nope," Justin said as Ethan fished them out with a victorious whoop . Justin started the game, and they played with Ethan's hand in the box every few minutes as he ate his favorite hot candy and battled it out on-screen, defeating the equally warped youths of the gaming world.

Justin grew increasingly nervous each time those fingers went into the box. He thought hard about what he'd practiced saying while trying to focus on the game and not sweating his ass off with that old nervous feeling he always used to have around Ethan.

"What the hell?" Ethan said and paused their play.

This was it.

And Justin set his controller down and slid off the couch onto the floor, facing Ethan. Ethan's eyes widened as he looked at Justin and then at what he held in his fingers.

"This isn't a Hot Tamale, Justin," Ethan whispered.

Justin shook his head. "No, but I promise to buy you Hot Tamales for the rest of our lives." Ethan's mouth fell open as Justin took a breath and Ethan's other hand.

"Ethan Andrews," Justin said.

"Yes," Ethan blurted out. "A million yeses. But, shit, go on."

"Would you do the honor of spending the rest of your life with me?"

"You totally asked my dad, too, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did," Justin said and waited.

"Yes," Ethan finally answered, and Justin took the ring and slid it onto his finger. "Holy shit," Ethan whispered and then was over him on the floor, kissing him. "Married." Ethan breathed the word with cinnamon breath and kissed him again, shaking his head.

"We may need to be engaged for a while until we know the plan," Justin said, getting his words out between Ethan's panting Hot Tamale-flavored mouth on his.

"I know. I don't care. In my Hot Tamales!" Ethan was dumbfounded. "Good one."

"Right?"

"You had to think so long to come up with that. What—did you superglue the bottom back or something?"

Justin nodded.

"What were the other options?"

"It was always going to be in the candy."

"I have to call my mom." Ethan kissed him once more and then was off him and dashing for his phone.

Justin lay on the floor on his back, over the moon as Ethan returned and tugged him to get up. He sat on the couch with Ethan sprawled over his lap and his phone to his ear. Justin had sent the text to his dad that morning, and he bit his lip as he listened to Bethany trying to play it cool on speaker and failing miserably.

"Oh, hi Ethan. What a lovely surprise," she said.

"Damn it, you totally already know." Ethan groaned.

"Well, yes, honey, but go on and tell me, and we'll pretend like I don't," Bethany said as John lost it in the background.

Ethan told his mom and dad exactly how it had happened and then got the scoop on how Justin had asked his dad during the summer. Ethan gaped at him, shocked, unable to believe Justin had the ring for nearly two months, waiting for their official date on the essay to roll around and mark their anniversary.

Ethan cried, passing the phone to Justin. He talked to Ethan's parents for a few more minutes before saying goodbye and then lay down with Ethan so he could process the high and work through his complex feelings and insecurities.

"And I still love you." Justin answered the following question as Ethan cited all the reasons he wasn't good enough, and they went through some of his anxiety exercises together until he finally settled and fell asleep. When Ethan woke from their unexpected nap, he was much better and could only gaze at Justin, then at the ring on his hand, and nod.

"You love me," he whispered, and Justin would confirm it again.

Justin never failed to confirm it, no matter how many times Ethan struggled or doubted.

*

BY MIDSEASON, THEIR winning record brought in the media and the scouts. The assistant coaches told them there were guests on campus and to be on their best behavior. This was it. Justin played with more determination, knowing Ethan was in the stands supporting him as he fought for their future by winning every game and beating his own stats as well as those of other high-ranking players who would also be declaring as early as he was.

At halftime, Coach pulled him aside. "Just be brief, courteous, and professional. I can't get you out of this one. They hit me up before the game and named you specifically."

Justin nodded and headed for Shawn, his suitemate and dreaded defensive tackle. Quarterbacks throughout their division loathed Shawn and his unprecedented sack record.

They were tied at the half, and it was a dogfight as Justin and the other receivers battled to score. It seemed as if they just couldn't get a break; this game was down to the wire, and they were looking at overtime if a miracle didn't happen in the next two minutes. And then, it happened.

The pass was way too high, but Justin went for it and bobbled it with the tips of his fingers, half caught it on the way down with another bobble, and finally got a grip on the ball. Then, he thanked God and Ethan for all that summer running because, with a firm hold on the leather, he took off…and was gone.

The crowd went crazy, and the coaches had to pull everyone back off the field for the field goal. Coach pointed at the trainer, and then Justin was escorted to the locker room as the crowd screamed. Justin knew the field goal was good, and the game was more than won.

"Holy shit," their trainer yelled over the insane win, and then looked at Justin. "What's wrong?"

Justin motioned to the training room. "I have no idea why he sent me down here."

"Did you pull something? Jesus, that was a hell of a run," he said.

"No. Go on back. I'm going to hit the showers before the chaos begins."

He stripped out of his uniform and had finished showering when everyone began to burst through the door. Justin laughed as Shawn hugged him, and then the other guys followed. His shower had been a waste as he embraced his sweaty team and celebrated with them. He showered again, put on his suit slacks, and buttoned up his dress shirt.

"Coach wants to see you."

Justin draped his tie around his neck and tied it as he headed for the office. Coach waved him in, and Justin didn't fail to notice several familiar faces in the room. Big-time familiar.

"Halstead, good game," Coach said. "Son, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"You and me both. For a second there, I didn't think I had it," Justin said as he turned his collar back down and glanced at the other men.

"It was a hell of a catch."

"It wasn't a pretty one," Justin admitted.

The men chuckled but said nothing more.

"That's all. Go on," Coach said.

Justin nodded at him, closed the door behind him, and headed to get his bag.

"Holy shit, dude." Shawn, wild-eyed, stopped him, and they stood together as their center was called in for the same unofficial non-meet-and-greet session.

"Yeah, holy shit," Justin agreed. "Do you know who that was?"

"Who doesn't."

"Man, I gotta get outta here without talking to the media," Justin said, stressing, and Shawn looked like a guy with a bad idea.

"What?" Justin asked.

"Not a fucking word, man. Come on," Shawn said, and Justin followed him.

"Unbelievable." Justin shook his head as he and Shawn sat on the bench in the back of an ambulance as it rolled through the parking lot to Shawn's truck.

"Here." Shawn handed him his keys, and a "give me a minute" wink told Justin what he needed to know about the blonde ambulance driver.

"You're crazy, but I owe you," Justin said before slipping through the side door and into Shawn's truck.

Ethan had the ESPN highlights on and bit his lip as Justin walked in. "I don't even know how you pulled that off," he said and imitated Justin's fingertips barely touching the ball as he had to jump to get it.

"I honestly don't know how I pulled it off either. But I remember being thankful for running cross country with you this summer."

"You smoked them," Ethan praised and set up the clip he'd recorded for Justin to watch when he got home. Ethan already had clothes laid out for Justin, and he changed quickly, sliding on the comfortable sleep pants while Ethan helped out and hung up his suit for him. Justin was exhausted after games, usually injured or at least hurting, and this had become their routine. Ethan taking care of him without question.

Justin sat down in a near daze, and Ethan slid a box of hot take-out delivery food in front of him. He shook three pills out of the pain relief bottle and set them next to a glass of ice water. Ethan unlatched the food lid and stuck a fork in Justin's hand as he could only stare at the TV, seeing for the first time what he had done.

"Eat, and I'll play it again. I've already seen it, like, twelve times. Dad called; Mom said he jumped around the house and yelled so loud the neighbor's dog started barking, and then Mr. Cole came over to make sure everything was okay. Of course, Dad recorded the game, and then he and Mr. Cole were both freaking out, and so that's where we currently are—with the entire neighborhood at my parents' house for the screaming fest. Eat, and I'll play it again for you," Ethan said again, then sighed as the phone rang.

"He just got here," Ethan said after answering it. "He's watching it now, but I think he's in a bit of shock."

Justin's phone rang next.

"That's not how to stay out of the spotlight," his dad said, but Justin could hear the pride in his tone.

Justin sat in awe, phone in hand, taking in the sports photographer's money shot of his insane leap and outstretched fingertip reach for the nearly impossible ball. The bobbles were worthy of held breaths, but they didn't look as bad as Justin had imagined.

"Holy shit, son," his dad kept saying, and Justin could hear the game on in the background.

"They were there tonight, Dad." Justin told him that Coach and two assistants had called him and one other offensive player in for a quick "good game" before dismissing them, all while a well-known scout and assistant coach from a major team sat in the office.

"Here we go." His dad breathed out the warning. "This is happening, Justin."

"I know." Justin stared at Ethan, who flipped his phone around to show him a social media post as the comments continued. The likes were rolling like a slot machine.

"Call me back when you calm down," his dad said. "Call me back when I calm down."

"I don't even know what we're going to do," Ethan was saying on his phone. "This is so good and so bad all at the same time, Dad."

Justin nodded as he picked up the remote, hit replay, and watched it again. The bad throw, the impossible catch, the run, and no one coming close to ever stopping him.

"I'll call you back," Ethan said and sat down. He closed the food box and took the fork from Justin, who was still mindlessly holding it. He took the remote, and they watched it once more.

"I'll never pass the character questions, Ethan. I mean, they aren't supposed to ask you about your sexual orientation anymore, but…" Justin just shook his head.

"We breathe," Ethan said calmly, "And then we find our calm and talk through what has triggered us."

Justin nodded and closed his eyes, using one of Ethan's techniques. "They are going to find out, and it's not about me. It's about them trying to get to you. It's about them bringing it all up again and throwing you back into the spotlight and what that would do to you." Justin said the thing that terrified him most out loud, the truth that was causing his anxiety.

"That is a realistic possibility, and I'm stronger now than I was a year and a half ago," Ethan said. "We have strong support systems. You love me, and I love you, and we have a plan. We know this isn't going to be easy. You had a good game, a great moment. We are going to be happy about that, and you are going to eat, and I'm going to turn off the TV and the phones."

Justin nodded. He did feel calmer, and the panic began to ebb as Ethan powered down the outside world, turned on the lamps, and turned off the overhead lights. He climbed back onto the couch and stretched out as Justin ate his dinner.

"I was thinking about renting an apartment off campus for the rest of the year," Ethan said. "We're right at that six-month lease mark. Dad said there are some outside of town that are gated and sort of like townhouses with garages. He found them and brought it up."

"Why didn't we think of that before?"

"Because we are idiots," Ethan said, and Justin could only agree.

"Do it," he said and looked around. "I mean, it would be a quick move."

"We'd need some furniture."

"Done." Justin tossed Ethan his wallet. "Just buy shit we can move again in six months when you transfer and stuff that can survive moving across the country. You aren't living on campus, wherever that is."

"Agreed."

"Come on, sleep," Justin said. "I'm tired and sore. It always hurts less when I'm next to you."