Chapter 15

"You coming?" Jep said after they reached Em's apartment building when she didn't get out of the car.

She'd been so focused on her sister, she'd forgotten for a moment about the man she'd killed. The reality of what she'd done washed over her again.

When the shooting had started, all she had thought to do was drop to the ground and cover her head. But then that man had pulled his gun, and Jep was there. She couldn't even remember taking the weapon out of the holster. But she remembered pulling the trigger.

She'd killed a man, and her sister was a terrorist, prepared to blow herself up in order to kill innocent people. Her life had spun into chaos in seconds.

"Em?"

She swallowed. "Yeah, sorry." Her fingers fumbled with the door. When she finally climbed out onto the sidewalk, her legs wobbled, and she leaned against the car for support.

"Maybe this isn't the best place for you right now," Jep said, taking her arm to steady her as she attempted to stand again. "Are you going to be okay on your own? Is there somewhere else I can take you?"

She thought of her aunt, but Carla would fuss over her, and Em didn't think she could handle that when she wasn't allowed to share what had happened.

"I'll be fine." It wasn't true, but what other option did she have? Maybe space was what she needed to make sense of the crazy turn life had taken. Or maybe it would be the thing to pull her into a deeper pit of confusion and despair.

"I'll take you up," he said, leading her inside.

She could feel him watching her as the elevator rose but couldn't lift her eyes off the floor.

When the door opened, it took her a moment to get up the courage to step off. Then, at her door to her apartment, she struggled to get the key into the lock.

Jep rested his hand over her shaking one. "Let me do it." He slid her hand off the key and unlocked the door.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." She stumbled down the short hallway into the main living area.

"There's nothing wrong with you. Your reaction is perfectly natural."

"Oh yeah? Is this how you acted the first time you killed someone?"

"I grew up pretty rough," he said, tossing the keys on a small round dining table with a bowl of fruit in the middle of it. "I saw someone die when I was eleven. I was in a bad part of town, and a guy got knifed in the street."

"That's horrible."

"It shook me up bad. I didn't leave the house for a few days."

"No kid should—" The blood drain from her face, and her stomach turned. "I don't feel good."

"You don't look—" He caught her before she fell to the ground. "—so good."

The words were an echo as the blackness swallowed her.

As awareness returned, relief washed over her. She'd had a bad dream. A very bad dream. Maybe Carla was right. Maybe she hadn't fully forgiven her sister. Why else would she dream that her sister was a terrorist?

"Em?"

The male voice startled her. Where was she? At work?

"Em. You back with me?"

She blinked awake as pieces of the world slipped back into place, and an icy chill threatened to pull her back into the darkness. "It wasn't a dream," she whispered.

"You fainted."

"How long?"

"Long enough for me to lay you on the couch, but not more than that. I'll get you a drink of water."

He pushed himself up off his knees, but panic tightened in her chest.

"No." She shot up and grabbed hold of the sleeve of his shirt, her fingernails stabbing into her palm through the soft fabric. The room spun again, and she laid back, pulling him with her.

"Hey, shh." Jep leaned closer, whispering into her hair. "It's going to be okay." The weight of his presence so close held her together as tears pricked at her eyes. His scent of mint and pine took her back to the first time they'd met. Before everything had capsized.

"I thought it was a dream," she said. "I was relieved. I wish I could have stayed asleep."

"I'm so sorry." The resonance of his voice purred through her body, easing the pins and needles.

"Why?"

"I shouldn't have brought you to the park." He leaned back so he could look at her, but he was still close enough that she could see the stubble beginning to show on his jaw. The fear slid away, but what took its place was alarming as well. The moment carried too much intensity, adding weight to an unspoken attraction between them. She needed to stop it. This couldn't happen. They couldn't happen.

"You need a shave," she said.

He let out a light, breathy laugh and rubbed his jaw as he leaned away to give her more distance.

"Yeah. Another reason for you to give me up as a partner. I'm too grubby."

"Maybe. But you're still the only one who believes in me."

"And where'd that get you? Look at you. You're falling apart, and that's my fault."

"You give yourself too much credit. And I'm feeling better." She did feel better. Stronger. So she pushed herself up to sitting. It helped diminish her sense of vulnerability.

"I'm not comfortable leaving you on your own like this," he said.

"I'll be okay. All I needed was time to settle in. But if you don't mind waiting, I could use another couple of minutes. To make sure. But I think the worst has passed."

She knew she couldn't keep him there forever, no matter how much she wanted to. He wasn't hers. He never would be, and she'd be okay with that. There was someone else God had for her. She wouldn't compromise on that. Not when her faith was such an integral part of her life. If her future husband couldn't share that part of who she was at her core, it would be too much to bear for a lifetime.

"You going to be okay if I get you that drink now?" Jep said.

"Yeah."

When he got up, he left a cold wall next to her. She knew when he returned, it would still be there. The moment had passed, and they'd both survived unscathed.

Jep fumbled through cupboards, opening every door that looked like it wouldn't have a cup just to make it take longer. He had been a breath away from kissing her. It would have meant he'd taken advantage of her in her weakest moment. Maybe he was as bad as everyone thought. As bad as she'd thought he was from the start, and she didn't deserve that.

He took his time filling the glass once he'd found it, then brought it to her and sat in a chair across the coffee table.

"You sure you don't want to call your aunt before I go?" he said.

"No. I'll call her if I need to." She took a sip. "I don't want you to leave thinking you've done anything wrong," she said, and immediately he thought of the almost kiss. "Knowing that my sister was at the park," she continued. "Even after what happened, I'm glad I was there. Who knows what would have happened otherwise?"

His fingers rubbed on the arm of the chair while he battled what remained of his protective instinct for her. He wanted to be near her and hold her, whether she needed it or not.

"I should go," he blurted. Standing. "If you think you'll be okay."

"I'm much better. Thanks for everything. I'm glad you were here."

His lips flattened into a frown. "I wish today had gone differently." In more ways than he would ever admit. "Give me a call if you need anything. Even if you need to talk stuff through."

"I will."

Jep headed for the door when Em added, "Jep—" He turned. "Just because something's hard doesn't mean it's wrong."

"What?" He couldn't find his breath.

"Everyone is worried about me. You think I shouldn't have been at the park because it was hard to take, but that doesn't mean it's wrong."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't have brought me, okay? I'm tired of you all deciding what I can and can't handle."

Jep's phone buzzed, and he checked it. "It's from Pearce. They've got Jade in custody. I'll head in now and see how everything's going. Make sure they're treating her okay."

"They have every right to do what they please. If she's responsible for—" She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "I wouldn't blame them for being rough."

"That doesn't mean they should be. We have laws in this country about that."

"Do you know what kind of time she'll face if she's convic— when she's convicted."

"That depends on a lot of factors. If she cooperates and the information she gives us helps us apprehend whoever is leading this, that will work highly in her favor. Also, because she didn't pull a weapon on us, and she didn't have the trigger armed, they'll take all of that into consideration."

"Maybe she didn't want to do it. Maybe she was coerced somehow."

"Maybe."

"You don't think so?"

"We won't know until we talk to her. But whether or not she changed her mind in the end, she was there. She was part of it, and there wasn't a lot of remorse that I saw besides her frustration with you being present. She said it messed up their plans."

"I don't remember."

"You were pretty out of it."

"Make sure Lawson knows that. That it was because I was there that more people weren't hurt."

"I don't know he'll see it that way."

"He has to. If I hadn't been there, you could all be dead."

"Don't worry about Lawson. I can handle him. You rest, but call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you."

Jep went back to his car, frustrated by the sense of disappointment he carried with him. He had no doubt he'd done the right thing in stopping any kind of intimacy between them, but that didn't erase the feelings that lingered. She'd needed him there to comfort her while she was shaky, but that was it. It was her vulnerability that had presented the opportunity for more.

After starting the car, he sat and stared at nothing. He'd never let anything like this happen before. But he'd never felt anything like this before. He'd thought partnering with Em was a masterstroke at the start, but it had backfired on him in ways he never could have imagined. Lawson had been right, and he was prepared to take a hit to his pride and do what he was asked. He'd take Pearce on as a partner and finish the job. It was the perfect time for it. Em wouldn't be allowed close to the investigation anyway, not with her sister was in the picture.

With the decision made, he pulled into traffic, feeling a sense of relief that he could get himself back on track and finish the job he'd been brought here for.