Chapter 20

Jayce

After Shay’s confession, my feelings are on overload.

My heart might shatter if making love to her ever caused her any pain—physically or emotionally.

When she’s ready to try, I’m certain she’ll be terrified that all the work she’s put into healing her body will have been for nothing. Hell, I’ll probably be just as afraid.

I want to know what she’s feeling. This secret she carries has to have taken an emotional toll on her wellbeing.

Can I get her to open up more?

While my soul hangs heavy with the knowledge of what she’s been through, I smile. It can’t be a coincidence that she sought help not long after meeting me. Is she doing this for us and not just herself?

I’ll have to work harder to convince her that a physical relationship isn’t the most important thing to me. I’m sure with my history, anyone would doubt my sincerity.

It matters not to me what anyone else believes about me. Only Shay’s opinion and trust in me matters.

Yeah, I have a serious case of blue balls. My bull too. And I’ll spend the next fourteen weeks emptying the bullets until callouses form on the skin between my thumb and finger. I haven’t had to use my hand since I discovered the free pussy in the herd anytime I wanted it.

My bull took me by surprise at the news of her pain. His need to procreate is always bubbling at the surface. Yet, his love for her and his need to never cause her pain brought out a side of him I didn’t know existed. Empathy toward her overrules his nature.

Despite the challenges we face with lovemaking, I choose to hold on to hope. The fact that Shay is getting help and there’s a possibility that it could improve her experience with sexual intercourse tells me the Fates will intervene if necessary.

I’m sure the three of them are laughing, pairing a borderline sex addict with a female who can’t make love.

Helios help me help her. I never want to say the wrong thing and make her feel less than.

The ride on the bench seat of Damian’s tow truck we both spend in contemplation, I imagine.

Damian tried to start up a few conversations in the beginning, but when neither of us engaged, he sat back and just drove.

It encourages me she allowed me to hold her hand the whole way back to Chackbay.

We’re both more nervous than we’ve ever been in each other’s presence when we enter my house. Shay’s scent reeks of her feelings.

I shove my hand through my hair. “What is it I need to do? Can you show me?”

“Do you have any coconut oil?”

I shake my head.

“I’ll go get mine.”

“Can’t you just bring all your things here?”

Shay turns around before she makes it to the door. “What are you saying?”

I shrug. “I don’t want you to keep going next door every night. Stay with me. Whether in my bed or in the guest bedroom—you belong here.”

“I’ll think about it,” she promises under her breath.

This stubborn woman might cause my death. A fitting ending to the selfish life I’ve led.

Neither of us has eaten. While I wait for her return, I make us some ham sandwiches.

My heart nearly explodes when she walks through the door without ringing the bell, carrying bags and a pillow.

“Is that everything?” I say through a giant grin.

“Don’t read too much into it. I’m tired of listening to those two go at it like rabbits. For beings with supernatural hearing, you’d think the room would have better insulation. Especially in the home they plan to raise children in.”

I chuckle. Of course, I’m reading into her being here. “You didn’t answer my question. Is there anything else I need to get from next door for you?”

“Oh, no. One day soon, I should probably pack up my apartment, so I don’t have to keep paying rent for a place I’m not staying in.”

I twirl her around in my arms and kiss her with just as much passion and fervor as our last kiss.

“I’ll take your spare bedroom,” she says after I let her go.

That’s enough for me for now.

“Show me to my room, and I’ll teach you what to do. Or would you mind watching Dr. Lanny’s instructional video?”

“Sure, I can look at it while you settle in.”

I watch the twelve-minute tutorial and eat my sandwich.

I look up from the computer screen Shay set up for me, and my mouth drops. She stands in the hall entry wearing a thin t-shirt that fits like a mini dress. It leaves nothing to the imagination. I can clearly see it’s the only thing she’s wearing.

“Woman, you’re killing me.” I groan.

She looks down at herself. “What?”

Is she really that clueless to what turns men on? It’s bad enough that I’m about to stick a finger inside of her hot pussy for a medical procedure and not to pleasure her.

“I’ll put some shorts on after we do this,” she promises.

Her crop tops are more modest. At least they aren’t translucent.

Shay grabs my hand and leads me to her bedroom. I swallow what feels like many lumps in my throat.

She positions herself on the bed with her back against the headboard. An air of vulnerability surrounds her.

Standing beside the bed, I mask my concern that I’ll get it wrong and hurt her, despite my determination to help her heal. The trust she’s putting in me means more to me at this moment than my need for her in my bed every night for the rest of our lives.

“Jayce, I’ll guide you through this. Just relax and breathe.”

I hadn’t realized I held my breath. I nod, trying to focus on her words rather than the flush of heat spreading over her body at my nearness.

I run my hands along her thigh. Going straight for her center seems too fast. Her legs fall open as if inviting me to come in. My head knows it’s not an invitation for sex, but my dick doesn’t see it that way.

My hand moves closer. Shay’s breath hitches. Our eyes meet .

“Just because it hurts doesn’t mean my libido is broken.”

That’s good to know.

“Do you want me to start at number six like in the lesson?”

She closes her eyes and nods.

“If I need to stop, press harder or softer, please tell me. Don’t act brave on my account.”

“I won’t.”

She hands me a pump bottle of coconut oil. After coating my finger, I slip it inside her very hot, very wet pussy.

I can be what she needs me to be. I have to.

I press down on what Dr. Lanny numbered as position six. It’s the part of the pelvic floor in front of her colon.

“Is this right?” I ask.

Shay nods. I count for thirty seconds while she takes a deep inhale. On her exhale, her pussy squeezes my finger. Even though I knew it was coming from watching the video, I hadn’t prepared enough for the vice grip on my finger instead of my cock.

She repeats the move three times in those thirty seconds. I move to her left and press on number seven.

This is going to be the longest three and a half minutes of my day every day for the next fourteen weeks.

I pull my finger out of the place that I’m dying to bury myself inside of. I can’t help myself when I ask her while holding my wet finger in front of my lips, “May I?”

“May you what?”

I close my eyes and suck my finger inside of my mouth to taste her.

Shay jumps up on her knees while giggling. “Thank you, Jayce. That was more comfortable than the wand I’ve been using.”

“Would you tell me if I hurt you?”

“I’ll never lie to you.”

Technically, I would smell any lies, but my insecurity in this situation needed added reassurance.

This woman holds my heart. She has the power to crush it or to bring it overflowing joy.