Chapter 17

Shay

I should leave with everyone else, but I can’t bring myself to move.

“Do you want to watch another episode?” Jayce asks, sitting in the seat Nikolaos vacated.

“What about everyone else?”

“This is ours—not theirs. They can continue watching on their own if they want.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.

He slides his hand underneath mine and laces our fingers together. “Push play.”

I wanted to anger him when I showed up with everyone else in tow. Only my plan backfired. He used it to his advantage.

I’ve fallen so hard. Like I stood on a cliff looking at the ocean, begging me to jump in. I jumped. The waves crashed over me and pulled me under. I’m lost in the depths of that ocean, and I’m never coming back up again.

After two more episodes, the yawns take over.

“Let me walk you home this time, please,” Jayce insists.

“Okay,” I whisper. He never let go of my hand. Even now, as he helps me to my feet for the walk next door.

On Anjal’s doorstep, I face him with my back pressed against the door.

“Your books arrive tomorrow. Do you want to come over and read them to me?” he suggests instead of leaning in for a kiss.

Speechless at the thought of baring my soul to him through my writing, all I can do is nod.

Jayce smiles before leaning down to press his lips against mine. Silk. His beard feels soft against the edges of my mouth.

I nearly whimper when he pulls away. “See you tomorrow, Shay.”

I nod again.

His long legs carry him to his house. He turns back to me before I open the door. “Next time I text you, don’t leave me hanging.”

My clit is going to suffer hell tonight before I give into sleep.

After Jayce’s command last night, I expected him to text me before bed, but nothing. Again, I checked my phone all day while trying to write a scene in my book. I toss my phone on the bed when I give up. Assuming he doesn’t intend to text me before our plans to meet up for the night.

I can’t figure him out.

Without a text, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to show up at his place or wait for him to pick me up.

Should I eat first? Or will he have food?

I’m too stubborn to text him first.

Yeah, I saved his number after his text the other night. I allowed myself a naughty moment and added him as “my demigod.”

Halfway through the day, I made Alexa play David Kushner’s, “Daylight , ” on repeat while I tried writing. I barely got in two hundred words all day as I resonated with the words of the chorus.

The song isn’t about a romantic relationship, but it feels like what I’m going through. I can’t pretend that I don’t already love him, but I hate I feel this way for a man who’s destined to leave me for another.

When Jayce doesn’t show up on my doorstep by seven, I drag my feet to bring myself to him.

I know I should stay away, but I can’t.

No matter how unwise it is, I’m addicted to him. The look in his eyes, the curve of his lips when he smiles, the tussle of his hair after he’s run his fingers through it, his woodsy scent, the way he always knows what to say.

Why aren’t I his one?

Maybe I could have at least one brat if it meant I could keep him. I need to ask Dr. Lanny when she might recommend me trying sex again.

How am I going to sneak away for my appointment tomorrow when Jayce and Anjal have put Priscilla and me under their watch with orders not to go anywhere without them?

My frustration takes over as I ring the doorbell. I push my way past Jayce when he opens the door. I spill my guts before anything else. “I have to see my therapist tomorrow. I need you to drop me off, no questions asked. You can’t come inside. Just sit in your truck and wait for me to finish.” I sigh after the words fall like vomit.

Jayce wraps his arms around me. “One day you’re going to tell me what’s going on, but neither today nor tomorrow. When you’re ready. Just tell me what time, and I’ll get you there.”

How is it possible that one man can be everything I’ve ever needed, but destiny hasn’t paired us together?

I’ve never been more confused.

It took me a second to reciprocate the embrace. I give in and sink into his arms while wrapping mine around his back. His comforting aroma fills my nostrils. I’ll never understand the power of scents. Some can send me running. While others feel like a warm bundle of care that I want to lean into.

I pull away from Jayce before I’m ready. My heart warning me I don’t have the right.

“I marinated a couple of steaks. Are you ready for me to toss them on the grill?”

I lick my lips. I may not look like it, but I can always tear into a steak and I’m starving.

After I had Covid, I ventured into the ED, asking for help. I’m so thin, and whenever I eat during the day, I feel sick.

Instead of giving me answers, they wrote “anorexic” in my charts. My trust in doctors had already been hanging by a thread. Their failure to listen or help me snapped that thread.

I took matters into my own hands and began experimenting with waiting to eat until dinner. Since consuming one hearty meal a day, my stomach pains have disappeared. I’ve even put on a few pounds. Screw the know-it-all doctors., Their pride keeps them from helping anyone. I’ll do me.