Chapter Eight

Tonight, I"m in my own home, instead of over at Daisy"s. I"ve never been the type of person who needed to be around others, but after being with her last night, I"m feeling the loneliness. It"s as if she"s shown me what I"ve been missing, and like every other dumb bastard, I want that feeling again. She"d laughed and smiled at me while I"d tried to act too tough. I want that again right now. Yesterday, I was happy to be with Daisy, even though I was trying hard to pretend like it didn"t really matter, tonight her absence is like a fist through my chest.

There"s a pounding on the wall that separates my half of the duplex from Barrett"s half. Knowing exactly what that means, I go over to the fridge. Pulling on the door, I prop it open with my hip, shaking my head. If I"m going to have a woman move in here I"m gonna need to get more food. The only thing in there are some condiments and two six-packs of beer. I grab one of the six-packs and move away from the door, letting it slam shut.

Heading to the front door, I step out onto the front porch, and take the few steps over to Barrett"s. His side is already open, and I walk through without even knocking. "You rang?"

He laughs, from where he stands beside his fridge. "I did. Want some dinner? I don"t want to eat alone, and I know you"re alone for now, at least. You"re considered fancy free until we move in the little missus over the weekend."

"You sound like a fuckin" idiot." I open my beer, putting the rest of them into his fridge. "Little misses What century are you living in? Regardless of if she"s moving in with me or not, doesn"t mean I"m not going to be alone. You do realize we aren"t in love with one another, right?"

Barrett tsks. "But there"s nothing in this world that says you can"t be."

Most guys would feel weird discussing this with his friends, but Barrett"s always been the guy who"s comfortable discussing his feelings. He"s got four sisters, and he was raised by his mom. If there"s anyone who"s going to make our group of friends discuss their emotions, it"s going to be him. I clear my throat and sigh heavily. "This isn"t going to turn into anything other than what it is, Barrett. I need a wife, I need a child, and she somehow sees herself as my savior."

"How do you know she sees herself as your savior? Has she said that to you?" He raises an eyebrow, looking like he"s having an aha moment where he"s going to trip me up into saying something that"ll reveal my true feelings.

I blow out a breath. "Barrett, everyone sees themselves as my savior, don"t you know that by now? The poor little orphan, the boy who grew into a man with no heart. I"ve heard the bullshit around town. I"d have to be deaf not to hear it. I"m everyone"s passion project."

He takes a drink of his beer. "You think way too highly of yourself if you believe that. Not everybody in Broken Falls is trying to figure out how to break through your tough facade."

"Oh yeah." I take another drink, before swallowing and rolling my lips together. "Then tell me why Joyce down at the grocery store asked me the other day if she could get a smile? Apparently because I never smile. She asked me who hurt me."

"That"s her. She"s nosy." He waves a hand. "That doesn"t mean she wants you to be her passion project."

He doesn"t get it. He doesn"t live in the body I do, in the memories I do. His entire present isn"t wrapped up in the past, and truthfully future. It would be so much easier if I had moved away from the place I was born, from where my life had started and effectively ended. But this is also where all my memories are, and I just can"t seem to let them go. "You can believe what you want, and I"ll live the life I"ve been living."

"Wanna know what I think?" Barrett purses his lips, obviously not wanting to wait for me to answer. He just steam rolls ahead. "You"re looking for any reason not to believe you deserve good things. You should talk to someone about that, Jas. I mean look at how hot your wife is. Because you do deserve it, and you"re gonna have it." He looks at me with a shit eating grin, making movements with his hands that are supposed to mimic her curves. "Daisy has a tight ass, and she"s stacked."

My grip around the neck of the bottle tightens and my jaw works hard as I grind my back teeth.

Barrett laughs. "Look at you, you can"t even take me joking about how hot she is. If you think you"re going to keep this just business, you"re fucking kiddin" yourself, J."

I drain the rest of my beer, and wonder what in the fuck I"ve gotten myself into. As I"m about to tell him to leave, there"s another knock on the door. "Did you invite someone?"

"Nolan. He didn"t have anyone to eat dinner with tonight, and he brought us some Chinese."

"The way the two of you have decided what my night is going to look like without consulting me really pisses me off." I get up, walking across the room and open the door. "C"mon in. Join us, please."

Nolan smirks. "Guess he just now told you I was coming over, huh?"

"He would"ve said no," Barrett defends himself.

"For good fuckin" reason. I wanted to be alone with my irritated thoughts."

"It"s rare I get an evening away from my daughter, although y"all like to act like I"m at Monroe"s all the time. My mom took her for the night. I just wanna hang out with some guys and eat some Chinese. Weston is who knows where, Boone and Abel are with their ladies. That leaves you two. If you don"t want the food I"ve brought, then I"ll leave."

I frown, folding my arms across my chest. Sniffing, I close my eyes. "Is that sesame chicken?"

"Damn right. Am I allowed to stay now?"

Reluctantly, I lift my arm toward the kitchen table. "Sure. Why the fuck not."

The three of us get everything set out and take seats around the table. We divvy out the food, and my stomach growls loudly when the savory scent wafts over to my nose. I pull out a pair of chopsticks and dive on in.

"How"s married life treating you?" Nolan asks, as he looks around. "Don"t see any evidence that you have a woman living here."

"She"s moving in this weekend. It was a fast wedding." He knows all of this, I don"t know why he"s asking these questions. "Actually, if you"re free, you can come help us move her in."

"Got plans." He grimaces as he takes a drink of his Coke. "Just so I understand. You"re for real married? I can"t keep hitting on Daisy, right?"

"She"s my wife. You hit on her, I"ll hit on you."

Barrett and Nolan eye me, I hold their gaze before dropping it and taking another bite of my food.

"Understood." Nolan chuckles. "But you better treat her the way she deserves."

"I will. Not that it"s any of your business."

Silence overtakes us, and I"m left with my own thoughts as I hope I"ve made all the right decisions.