Chapter Sixteen

Daisy and I haven"t discussed the kiss at Monroe"s. We"ve been tiptoeing around one another, and we haven"t talked about it. I"m not sure what"s going to make us actually speak on it, but I"m waiting. I made the move with the kiss, she"s going to have to make the next one.

I"m sitting on the couch, trying to decompress from my workday, when my phone buzzes in my hand. A text message from my grandfather"s assistant. I have him in my phone as a name that cracks me up every single time.

ASS: Hello, Jasper, your grandfather requests your presence, along with that of your wife at dinner tomorrow night. Be here at six pm sharp and dress accordingly.

My back teeth grind together, as I think of all the things I might say to him. Then I realize he"s just doing his job, and if he weren"t, then someone else would.

J: We"ll be there, but don"t expect me to be happy about it.

ASS: I"ll let your grandfather know.

Sighing heavily, I look up at the door as it opens and Daisy comes through like a breath of fresh air.

"Hey." She smiles, walking over to the kitchen table and dropping her lunchbox on it. "How was your day?"

This is us, being polite to one another, like we"ve been since the night we kissed. "Not too bad. Once it started raining, we started doing inside maintenance at the road department, so at least I didn"t have to be out in the elements."

She grabs a can of Coke from the fridge and pops the tab. "Good for you, we had to keep the kids in today since it was raining so hard. They acted like they"ve never been to school before." She groans, taking a seat on the other end of the couch.

"Cabin fever, huh?"

"Yeah, bad. All I want is a long bath and some really good food." She leans her head back against the couch.

"Well, I can help with both of those things, but I do have some news." I decide to go on and let her know about the message I received. "We"re expected to be at my grandfather"s tomorrow night. Do you have a dress? He wants us to be properly attired. Which means I need to wear a suit, and you need to wear a dress."

"Should I be worried?" She plays with the tab on the can. "I"ve never met him before, ya know."

"I know, it"s because I"ve wanted to keep you away from him. He"s the reason I am the way I am. The reason I can never fully give myself to someone. I"m terrified that shit is always going to be ripped away from me." I"ve said more than I meant to. Inwardly I cringe, annoyed that I've given away too much.

"You can trust me, Jasper. If I know what you"re hiding, I can help you."

I want to trust her, have tried to trust people at different times in my life. At one point my grandfather even got me to actually think he cared, and I let him in. I believed for a brief moment that he wanted to help me cope with the death of my parents. That he had my best interest at heart, and he wanted to see me live a productive and wonderful life.

How wrong I was.

"I can"t trust you yet," I admit. "I want to, but I"ve been burned too many times. Not by you, I realize that. I know that you"ve never hurt me either intentionally or unintentionally, but making yourself understand that one person is different from all others is hard. I want to believe you, Daisy Mae. I wanna open myself up to you and tell you all the things that are going on up here." I point to my head. "But I"m so used to keeping all of that to myself. I hope you understand."

She rolls her lips together, and while her face is sweet, her eyes show hurt. "I do, and I"ll be as patient as you need me to be. If you don"t mind, I"m gonna go take that bath right now."

As much as I don"t want to be vulnerable in front of her, I also don"t want to be left alone. I reach out with an offer I"m sure she"ll say no to, but very hopeful she"ll take up. "Can I take a bath with you? That tub is big enough. Might be a tight fit, but I"d like to join you, if you"d let me."

Her hazel eyes widen. "Jasper, what are you playing at here?"

"I"m not. I just don"t want to be alone. I want to be close to you, but I don"t know how to do that anymore. Not like I used to be. I haven"t been close to anyone since we were together. Haven"t cared for another woman, haven"t slept with another one since we split..." I admit softly.

She looks down at her hands, picking at the chipped nail polish on her thumb. "Have you kissed anyone else since me?" Her question is whispered so low I have to strain to hear it.

"No." The word is like a mic drop in the silence of the room.

"I don"t even have to ask if you"re being honest, because I know you. You could"ve easily lied and said yes, you"ve kissed a hundred girls since you and I broke up. There"s no way you"d pick the harder answer to try and impress me. That"s not who you are."

Daisy has me pegged, and she knows me much better than I ever gave her credit for. "It"s not. If you don"t want me to join you, I understand. I don"t deserve for you to make exceptions for me. I"ve never made them for you." I swallow hard.

"No." She shakes her head. "I guess you haven"t, but I"ve always been the one between us that gives you much more grace than you"ve ever given me. There"s no way I"m gonna stop that now. I want this to work between us, I don"t plan to spend the rest of my life wondering what you"re doing when you aren"t around me. You may not be in love with me now, Jasper, but you"re gonna be." Her eyes blaze hot in the light coming from the kitchen. "You can try to deny it, but you won"t be able to do it forever. Not to mention part of our deal is that we do have to have kids. You"re gonna give in..."

I bark out a chuckle. This is the woman I knew, the woman I fell in love with back then. The one I couldn"t stop thinking about. She may have hidden herself away for a while, but here she is pushing that woman right back to the surface when I tried to push her down. "You think so? You don"t think I"m capable of keeping myself from falling in love with you?"

"I think you can try, I know you"re going to try, but I"m way more patient than you are. Honestly, I have a lot more to lose than you," she taunts, getting up and presenting her back to me. When she walks toward the bathroom, I follow like she"s leading me by an invisible string.

"How do you feel as if you have more to lose than me? My whole legacy is tied up in this." Which I don"t think I need to remind her is the most important thing for me and why I"ve put myself into this situation.

We get to the bathroom, and she turns to face me again. I walk over to the tub and start the water, making sure it"s the correct lukewarm temperature that we both like. One of the things we loved in college, besides lying in bed listening to music, was lounging in a bathtub when we'd have enough money to rent a hotel room. I still keep the same bath salt we used. Sometimes I hop in a bath with that salt, just so I can remember what it was like to have her in my life. I pull it out and put a scoop in. Then I turn back to face her.

She has her hands on her hips, and her lips pressed into a thin line. "You have the legacy, but I have the rest of my life, Jasper. It"s not like we"re going to be able to amicably split in the next couple of years. I agreed to do this with you, and when I agreed to do it, I knew it would be the rest of my life, and my heart. Your heart isn"t in this."

I walk slowly over to her, using my thumb to run along her lips. It gets caught on her lower one. When I pull it down, her eyes close and she inhales deeply. It"s the look I remember she used to have when she was very close to coming. "Make no mistake, I"m invested."

Her eyes pop open. "But are you invested the same way I am?"

I can"t say the words, can"t put my feeling into what and how she wants to hear it. I"m not there yet, not sure I ever will be. "I still have the same oatmeal and honey bath salts we used in college. If you look around at what I have, and see what I haven"t given up, I think you"ll be able to see what I can"t say."

She reaches her tongue out and licks her lip, catching part of my thumb with it. The goosebumps run through my body, and I shudder. It"s been so long since I"ve had the touch of anyone, much less her. This is enough to set me on edge.

"Consider me looking then, Hamilton."