Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

B ella

With Jagger’s touch and close inspection of bruises, I’d swallowed another reminder of why I’d run.

“You’re not going anywhere, Bella. You belong right here. Unless you never want to see your daughter again.”

I slapped him with everything I had, keeping the hate-filled glare I’d had since he’d barged his way inside. “You son of a bitch. If you ever threaten me, I will do everything in my power to have you prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.” I spun around, prepared to walk out.

The brutal snap of Joel’s hand around my lower arm brought instant agony. Using horrific force, he jerked me around to face him. “You will never talk to me that way again.” As he bent my wrist, I realized he was trying to break it.

“You’re hurting me, you son of a bitch.”

He twisted my arm, bending it at an awkward angle. Stars floated in front of my eyes. “You seem to forget how much worse I could do to you, Bella. Don’t test me.”

Horrible memories and images slammed against the thick armor I’d sheltered around my mind, the steel plates cracking under the pressure. The image of Joel’s face as he’d laughed from my pain was almost worse than the anguish he’d forced me to endure.

I could still feel the tightness in my chest, including the ache from when he’d tossed me into the wall, watching me fall as he’d laughed. But the moment he’d kicked me in the ribs I’d almost passed out. At least he’d had his fill, leaving after that, not caring in the least if I was curled up in sheer agony.

I stood outside on the front porch in the frigid temperatures, watching the snow fall and trying to clear my mind. The sky was dark from the heavy snowfall, making the once bright atmosphere appear as if twilight had fallen when it was only two in the afternoon.

With every deep breath I took of the cold air, the tendrils of panic slowly began to fade away. My little tyke was taking her usual afternoon nap and I had a feeling with the excitement of the day and her tummy filled with chicken noodle soup and a peanut butter sandwich, she’d be out for a long time.

That was fine. She’d been my company and my reason for making it through the long, difficult nights, but right now I needed the solace both Danger Falls and the snowstorm had provided.

With a cup of hot coffee in my hand, I continued to try to process the events of the last few days.

Jagger had been on the phone when I’d walked out. He hadn’t paid much attention to me since bringing me back. I could tell he was still angry that I hadn’t followed his rules without question. I should have. Then again, I wasn’t particularly good with taking anyone’s advice. If I had been, I wouldn’t be lost in a sea of hopelessness.

The bruises would eventually fade just like the ache in my arm had, but the ones in my soul would take a lot longer. Taking it out on Jagger wasn’t like me. I could be opinionated, even caustic when the need arose, but I’d never been so spiteful to someone who’d done little more than try to help me.

With steam rising from the mug, I inhaled the rich aroma of the dark roast and tried to relax. There was something so peaceful about a snowfall, especially when it was fresh. I leaned my head against the column, staring out at the snow as if the delicate flakes would provide answers. Only I could do that, but at least while stuck in an insanely nice house with a gorgeous yet surly man, I could forget all about who I was for a little while.

The door was opened and a part of me hoped it was Jagger and not Cally, who’d bugged me about reading to her from almost the moment we’d returned to the cabin. With new books and toys, her little mind was already working overtime. I couldn’t lie to myself. I wanted to find more out about Jagger.

Everyone had a story. I sensed his was a doozy, and not in a good way. He’d finally gotten comfortable enough to roll up his sleeves late in the morning. That’s when I’d noticed a series of tattoos on both arms. He’d caught me looking at them, immediately turning away. My personality was such that his attempt at hiding them away only made me want to learn more.

Every piece of body ink told a story just like a brooding man’s eyes did.

His scent of testosterone and the forest hit me first as it almost always did. He was by far the most masculine man I’d ever spent any time with. He looked even more so standing on my front porch without his parka on. His usual glare was filtered toward the covered driveway. With his hands in his pockets and leaning against the railing, he appeared almost approachable.

He was anything but.

We’d had tension between us before, but what I was feeling right now was much worse. He must hate me. “Have you lived here your entire life?” I asked for no other reason than that the quiet was starting to become suffocating.

His chuckle was filled with his usual animosity. How dare I ask such a question? I could almost read his mind. “Does it look like this is my kind of place?”

“I think almost anyone can adjust to their surroundings if they want to.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to.”

“Why? Because the townspeople are boring? Because they’re beneath you?” I hated that around him I easily turned sarcastic or worse.

Jagger didn’t resort to his usual nasty retort. “When you’ve been stuck in small towns without running water and people dying because they don’t have enough food, you learn to hate the cities and towns prospering pretty quickly. Decorations. Happy people. Laughter. Quaint little shops. The townsfolk take it for granted. They have no idea their entire life could be stripped away from them in a matter of seconds.”

He’d offered so little in the way of words that I was struck by how profound they were. They were also a direct reflection of the pain he’d suffered. “Maybe so, but big cities highlight every day the amount of suffering just like any small town could. So many hurry about their day-to-day tasks in their expensive clothes and fancy watches, even walking by the homeless or those begging for food, choosing not to look or care. Their complacency and lack of empathy takes almost as many lives. Unfortunately, not their own.”

He seemed surprised at what I’d said, a strange tightness occurring in the thick cords of his neck. When he slowly looked down at the watch I was wearing, I’d never felt so self-conscious in my life.

I twisted it around my wrist, forcing the metal band to dig into my skin. “I’m not going to apologize for who I was up until a few days ago. I worked hard to get where I was.”

“I don’t know you, Bella. What I do know is that you’re running and hiding from someone, not something.”

“Aren’t you doing the same thing?”

Now would be about the time he’d become extremely angry, his tantrums much better than mine.

“Maybe so, but up until recently, I served my country with what I thought was honor.”

His choice of words seemed odd. “You were military.”

“Army ranger.”

“Then that is serving with honor. Why would you think otherwise?”

“When you witness unparalleled acts of brutality, you learn that often what’s disguised as honor is nothing but a lie.”

“Betrayal is very difficult.”

He chuckled. Where I had coffee, he’d poured himself a drink, slowly sipping on whatever he was having as he returned his stare toward the front yard. “Yeah, very true.”

“Losing trust in someone you thought you knew can be the worst feeling in the world.”

“One hell of a wake-up call, but sometimes that’s what all of us need.” He threw back his glass and I felt certain he was going to suck down the entire thing.

He didn’t.

“Living with ghosts isn’t good for anyone,” I whispered. It was something I’d tried to tell myself to keep from falling into a vacuum of depression. As with everything else I’d touched lately, I’d failed.

“Then don’t.”

Invisible claws continued to slice at my chest almost every time I started to drift into panic mode. Grief and rage were usually close behind, but at least on this peaceful day I managed to curb any outburst of sadness. I must have made a noise of some kind because I sensed Jagger was studying me.

“That ink on your arm. Military?”

“Some, not all. Just reminding myself I’m alive.”

“They’re very attractive on you.”

“You should see the scars.”

I tilted my head. “I’m sorry, Jagger. I really am.”

“Lady, don’t feel sorry for me. I deserved what I got. I’m not good company and I’ll never be confused for caring too much about anyone. But what you went through pisses me off. Whoever hurt you needs a world of hurt coming in return.” He started to turn away and I just wasn’t ready to let him go.

Maybe I needed the company or the heavy, almost sexual bantering. It was better than the agonizing soul searching I’d been doing.

“He’s not worth it. The worry. The anger. It’s just tough to put it into perspective when I thought he was something else entirely. I just was stupid enough to find that out the hard way.” I looked down, forced to watch the single tear plop into my coffee. How many times had I promised myself I wouldn’t cry? How many nights had I done my best to avoid the nightmares?

What little I knew about Jagger was enough to know my tiny emotional outburst would be too much for his hard-hearted soul to accept. He’d walk away just like he obviously did with most people and anything difficult drifting into his world.

He was still standing there staring at me. When he shifted directions, closing the distance between us, my heart hammered in my chest. Blood rushed to my ears from the ringing that instantly occurred. The moment he touched me, I was struck with a blinding jolt of electricity rushing straight to my core.

I couldn’t like him. I didn’t want to. I certainly had no business thinking of him in the way I was, but the fire within was too significant.

“What, Jagger? Are you going to make fun of the weak woman who hides behind false bravado? Well, go ahead. I’ve done so several dozen times to no avail.” There was a snap of annoyance in my voice. Butterflies had overtaken my stomach while my legs were shaking and not from the cold.

For a man who I sensed could be brutal and even violent when necessary, his touch was tender as he cupped my chin. He forced me to look into his eyes. The hard shell encasing them had cracked just a little, fading away some of his own hatred and mistrust of everyone around him.

“What I was going to say was that the kind of man who did that to you shouldn’t be taking up space on this earth. He hurt you and that’s just unacceptable. But you don’t need him. You’re the most beautiful and beguiling woman I’ve ever met. Don’t allow yourself to think otherwise because if you do even for a second, then the pain he caused you will fester like a vile illness and may never be cured.”

There was a shared look between us that words could never explain. I found myself leaning into him. The words he’d said meant more than I could make him understand. “Jagger. I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything. But I will tell you this. Whoever the jerk is, he better not come around here.”

My throat tightened as much as it seemed my heart was doing. While there was a distinct flutter, my nipples hardening into little pebbles, my mind was telling me this was a very bad idea.

But he wasn’t giving me the option of making that selection. As soon as he slid his hand to cup my cheek, he lowered his head. The first crush of his lips over mine was something I’d remember for a long time to come. He held our lips together, taking his time to open and close them as I pressed my hand against his chest. I struggled between clenching my fist around his shirt and pushing him away.

The scent of timber and citrus tickled my nose while the light taste of whiskey infused my senses. I was tingling all over from the moment, including the way his thick beard scratched against my skin. So much of me wanted to keep him at arm’s length, but I couldn’t do that.

In the last eighteen hours I’d felt more alive than I had in months. The foolish girl inside of me wanted to experience more. There was almost a strange sense of familiarity with being in his arms.

As the passion rose from deep within my system, he pressed his tongue past my lips. I was already lightheaded, the kiss something out of a romance novel. The dichotomy of his roughness and such a tender kiss continued to throw me.

A perfect snowstorm as a backdrop to a romantic setting.

A rugged man in faded jeans and a corduroy shirt.

A warm cabin filled with the scent of a roaring fire.

And strong arms holding me telling me I was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Even if he was lying to me, I’d needed someone like him to remind me there was more out there than jerks. He swept his tongue into my mouth as if he owned me. His possessiveness was comforting for the moment although it had nothing to do with my personality.

Jagger pulled me closer, rocking me onto my toes. I hadn’t remembered the coffee mug was in my hand until I felt his body stiffen. When he pulled away, the single look of agony on his face drove a squeal to my lips.

“Oh, shit.” I jumped back, slapping one hand over my mouth as my other remained slightly tipped. The rest of the blazing hot coffee trickled down to the porch, instantly melting the snow the wind had blown in from the overhang.

I’d managed to pour more than half down his back.

He didn’t miss a beat, yanking off the soiled shirt from the back of the neck. The moment he exposed his chest, I bit back a moan. This thick material had hidden a chiseled body underneath. His shoulders were so broad, as if he was wearing football uniform shoulder pads. His chest was perfectly symmetrical, his carved abdomen a true work of art. And his arms? Not only did the gorgeous ink extend all the way to just underneath his beard, but the veins on the sides were a clear indication of how physically fit he’d become.

Not from days spent in the gym. I knew better. He was the kind of man who chopped wood as exercise, preferring hard work to steel leg presses.

My mouth had to be open just slightly since he gathered an expression of amusement just before his eyes darkened all over again.

Not from anger.

From a deep, dark craving.

“I’m so sorry. Let me see if I burned you,” I insisted.

His chest was rising and falling.

“Turn around. Don’t be stubborn. The coffee was really hot.”

He did as I asked, but kept his actions slow and methodical, barely taking his eyes off me until he was fully turned around. I gently touched the area, thankful I hadn’t managed to cause even a little bit of redness. As I stroked the area, tiny vibrations drifted all the way to my inner core.

The man was a magnificent specimen.

“I think your shirt saved you. Maybe I have a tee shirt that will fit you. Then I can wash that.”

As he’d done before, he shifted around to face me, taking the cup from my hand and placing it on the porch. When he pulled me into his arms, he slid one arm under my legs, lifting me against his chest.

“What are you doing?” I asked, more breathless than I had been.

“Where’s Cally?” His voice was rougher than before, deep in a husky vibe that fluttered directly in my stomach.

“Napping.”

“Good.” He almost kicked in the door in his hurry to get inside.

“You didn’t answer my question. What are you doing?”

His heated gaze swept down to me. “What does it look like I’m doing, lady? I’m going to ravage every inch of you.”