Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

J agger

I’d put my foot into my mouth plenty of times in my life until I’d mostly stopped talking altogether.

With Bella, I’d betrayed the limited trust she’d placed in me, which hadn’t been my intent, but her stonewalling had broken through some barrier. I couldn’t understand completely my level of determination to break through her barriers, yet I felt more compelled to do so than I had with almost anything in my life.

She hadn’t uttered a single word after returning to the diner to have lunch. After I’d questioned her real identity, she’d remained unblinking for thirty seconds before turning around and returning inside. She’d found an empty booth before I’d gotten back inside.

While she had chitchatted with Poppy, Lois, and a few of the others, she’d purposely not bothered to address me at all. Fortunately, Cally hadn’t noticed since she’d been enjoying her new puppy as a little girl should.

Poppy had noticed, I could tell, but for once she kept her mouth shut.

I’d struck the kind of nerve I wasn’t certain could be fixed.

Even when we’d gone back to the cabin to grab the groceries and pack up her things, she’d acted as if I wasn’t in the room.

At least she hadn’t driven in the opposite direction, returning to my house at the same time. Little did she know if she’d chosen to do that, I would have hunted her down.

We were safely tucked away in my cabin, Bella standing out on the deck in the snow with only a single outside light on with a glass of wine in her hand. She’d been there for almost a half hour. For all the quiet times I preferred, I’d grown used to our conversations and her lilting voice. I couldn’t stand not hearing her laughter.

With Cally safely in bed with Xena, logs just added to the fire, and the kitchen cleaned up after dinner, I could either go to bed and leave things this way, or act like a goddamn man for a change. Apologizing wasn’t in my nature, but I knew no other way of trying to get her to open up once again.

If that was even possible.

I grabbed my jacket and glass of bourbon, heading outside. She’d turned on the outdoor heater that had come with the house, even brushing the snow off one of the chairs so she could sit down. I moved to the other end of the expansive deck where the hot tub was located. It was the one thing I’d enjoyed about being forced to move here.

A goddamn hot tub to soothe my aching muscles.

It also was therapeutic enough to yank the anger from me for a limited time.

My parents had spared no expense when purchasing the various cabins, adding to the resort’s footprint. I couldn’t say I’d spent much time here, but I knew other people would love being backed up to the mountains, a lake only fifty yards away.

Tonight, I had a different feeling about being here than I had the entire time since moving to Danger Falls. It felt almost right. How strange was that?

“Why did you move here? I know you mentioned your parents and what’s going on with your dad, but your two brothers seem quite capable of handling the resort between the two of them.” she asked. She’d returned to having no emotion in her voice whatsoever.

“Because it was the right thing to do for my family.”

“But you’re not close, especially with your brothers.”

“Not really. We all went our separate ways.”

“Each into the military.”

“Yes,” I told her. “We’d been preparing for it our entire lives, our father basically insisting. We weren’t given a choice like normal kids. He was an ex-Marine and told us at an early age college could wait until we’d done our time.”

“A hard man.”

“You really have no idea. But he taught us to respect our country. I’ll give him that. Just too bad it didn’t last.”

“Because of everything you were forced to do and what you witnessed.”

“Yep.” I took a gulp of my drink.

She shifted in her seat, but said nothing for a couple of minutes. “That’s very sad. Let me guess. You couldn’t leave the job in the Army you had, at least not in your mind. You found one similar to follow that one, but the tasks became more dangerous, more volatile until you couldn’t take it any longer. Now the nightmares are tearing you apart.”

Why lie to her? “You’re psychoanalyzing me again. Yeah, something like that.” In order for her to trust me enough to tell me the truth about herself, she needed something from me. I wanted to tell her to be careful what she was asking for, but what was the point? “I was hired by another military organization to handle covert operations throughout the world. They made it appear seamless. Instead, the missions were complicated as fuck.”

“Top secret?”

She was asking the questions in a matter-of-fact way, acting as if my choices were normal. “Yes.”

“Cleaning up their messes no doubt.”

I hadn’t really looked at it that way, but she was right. “In a manner of speaking.”

“How bad are the nightmares?”

“How did you know?”

“Because you flailed last night, mumbling in your sleep. I stayed awake to make certain you were okay. Did you know that?”

Fuck. My throat almost closed up.

I shifted around, leaning against the railing. She was sitting in the dark, but I could almost read her mind. “No, I didn’t. I’m sorry. I hope to God I didn’t hurt you.”

“Of course not. I was terrified you were going to hurt yourself.”

“Why would you think that?”

Her sigh was deep and long. “Because the one decent foster family I was in, the husband had been in the military. He came back a different man. His nightmares were controlled at first. But they manifested themselves into violence. Finally, after a horrible incident where he nearly destroyed the house, he killed himself. As you might imagine, I was shipped out of there very quickly.”

“Jesus. You’ve been through hell and back.”

“What I’ve been through is nothing in comparison to what I imagine you have. Yes, I had difficult and very lonely times, but I was lucky in that none of the homes took away my spirit. All ten of them.”

Holy shit. “The nightmares are bad at times, but not always.”

“All because you couldn’t save someone.”

“And because I’m a bad man.”

“Meaning what, Jagger? What makes you such a terrible man that you refuse to allow anyone in your life? The life you led was honorable.”

“You’re wrong, city girl. It was anything but. In my mind, what I was doing was nothing but being given a license to murder people.” She might as well know who she was sleeping with.

“Then you condemn every soldier in every military organization.”

“Not at all,” I told her.

“You can’t have it both ways, Jagger. I have a strong sense that the organization you worked for after your military career ended didn’t necessarily follow all the rules. But you did. Their rules.”

It was like telling me if I was a mafia hitman told to take out an entire restaurant then I got a pass. “More complicated than that.”

“So is just about everyone’s life. I know your surly moods aren’t just about hating people or feeling sorry for yourself. You’re terrified you’re going to hurt them. So what makes you such a terrible man?”

A strangled sound erupted from my throat. “Because I’ve killed enough people to fill up this house. Don’t you get it?”

I wasn’t certain if I expected her to run or to laugh. When she stood, I accepted that learning the truth was too much for her to take. But she surprised me as she’d done so many times, moving to the railing only inches away. “Did you enjoy the kills?”

“No.”

“Did you kill women?”

“Hell, no. Women are meant to be cherished. I would have refused a direct order and left the organization had they asked.”

She seemed relieved at my answer. That put up additional red flags. The bastard had hurt her more than once.

“Do you want to kill again?”

“Only if I felt it was honorable, and I’m no longer certain that’s possible. Maybe now you get what I was trying to tell you.”

“You came to Danger Falls because your father is dying. You didn’t really have to. You were off touring the world, I would imagine in your endeavor to keep democracy intact. But you did. Don’t kid yourself that you’re doing someone a favor other than yourself. And you’re not a bad man, Jagger. You’re one of the best men I’ve ever met in my life.”

Her words sent a chill down my spine. “Then you don’t know me.”

“Not as much as I’d like to.” She tilted her head. “Not nearly as much.”

“You might not like what you find.”

“What if I already do?”

We had a way of communicating even when silence seemed to be the main objective. She was struggling with telling me anything, but I sensed her need. The same damn need I had. Two strangers had found each other, coming together during a period in both our lives that anyone might run from. Only she was about the strongest woman I’d ever met. I’d been able to see that within her more every day.

“The crossbow was something a foster father showed me how to use. It was the single Christmas gift I ever received until later in life when I had friends. I wasn’t around long enough in any single home to enjoy holiday celebrations. He made certain I respected it as a weapon, providing invaluable lessons. I was even on a crossbow team in high school. I kept it throughout college and when I went to medical school, maybe for sentimental reasons, but I do know how to use it and I won’t hesitate to do so if I need to.”

“To keep your daughter safe.”

“To keep anyone I care about safe, which only accounts for two people.”

“Including her father,” I said.

“Hell, no. He’s dead to me and has been since he refused to acknowledge he was the biological father. I mean my daughter and you.”

The closeness we shared was still strained yet I craved touching her. As I cupped her face, the warmth I felt in my hand tingled my fingers. “That means a lot to me, but as you might imagine, I can take pretty good care of myself.”

“I’ve noticed that.” She nuzzled into my hand. “As far as why you couldn’t find my graduation certificate, it’s because I’m using my maiden name. Well, my mother’s name. I never formally used it until I had to.”

“Does anyone else know?” Including whoever had beaten her.

“No. It was something I knew I had to keep to myself. I was forced to use every last name in a foster family when enrolled in school. I don’t know if it was a requirement of the agency who farmed me out to people or not. Maybe since they hadn’t bothered to look for family, they thought the choice better than giving me a fake name like Smith or Jones. I just went with it. I had almost nothing of my mother’s, except for a letter she’d written me about why she’d dropped me off in a hospital trashcan. No name. I had it safely stored in plastic and had a friend who was able to get DNA off it. One thing led to another and I was given her information.”

“I’m sure that gave you relief.”

“I don’t know, Jagger. She didn’t want me. She preferred sticking a needle in her arm. But she had a name and I had a connection to someone who had my blood. So after all the shit with my ex, I adopted it when I left Baltimore. I do have my diploma. I locked it away in a safe box inside the Mercedes, a vehicle you hate.”

“I didn’t say I hated it.” I knew she was teasing me, but I was far too angry with circumstances to feel anything but fury.

“Yes, you did,” she retorted, her laugh returning. “But that’s okay. I don’t blame you. I hate it too.”

“Then we’ll get you a new one.”

“With all that money you earn?”

Now I laughed. “You’d be surprised what a hired mercenary earns, sweet lady. I didn’t need much either so I’m worth a pretty penny.”

She inched closer. “I’ll keep that in mind. Maybe I’ll marry you for your money.”

“I don’t think I’d mind.”

“Don’t tempt me.” She even rested her head on my chest.

I stroked her hair, feeling her entire body shivering. “Why are you running, baby? Why is this asshole texting you with threats?”

It took her a full minute to lift her head. “I’m married, Jagger.”

I immediately pushed myself away. “Married?”

“Separated, the divorce final any day. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just wasn’t certain what this was or if I could trust you. You don’t know how powerful my ex is.”

“What’s your married name?”

She hesitated before telling me. “Bella Brockford.”

Brockford. The name sounded vaguely familiar.

“You couldn’t trust me with sharing you were married?” Something was very off about this.

“With telling you he’s a monster.”

“What do you mean, a monster?” The tension immediately shifted into every joint in my body. I fisted my hands even though I made certain to keep her close.

“He wants custody of Cally and he didn’t adopt her, but he’s threatening to force the adoption papers through without me being there to sign them.”

“He was the one who hurt you, wasn’t he?”

She looked away.

“Bella. Tell me the truth. Did he hurt you? The bruises. The pain you had. He did that. Didn’t he?” I couldn’t even recognize my own voice. I held her face again, forcing her to look in my direction. “Didn’t he?”

“Yes, Jagger. He did. And he’s still contacting me. That’s why I can’t stay here. That’s why I can’t care about you. If I do and he finds out, he’ll kill you too.”

Kill.

Some snot-nosed lily-white surgeon thought they would take the life of such an incredible woman? And try to take me out in the process for standing in his way? The fucker had another think coming. “Fuck that. He’ll get a bullet in his brain.”

“Don’t do this. This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” Bella said sharply.

“I won’t let him hurt you or Cally. Not a chance on this fucking earth.” I wasn’t certain if I’d ever been so angry in my life. I was pacing the deck, already on another glass of bourbon. All I could see was blood in my eyes.

“Please, Jagger. Just calm down. Joel is in Baltimore.”

“But you think he’ll manage to find you so he can ruin your life? Let him come here.”

“You just don’t know what he’s capable of or what his father is capable of. Plus, they have police and even members of the FBI in their back pockets. I won’t be safe anywhere.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, lady. You’re safe here. With me.” Yeah, I had plenty of guns in the house, all of which I’d need to ensure were locked up because of Cally.

She moved away, holding her glass close to her face. Soon we’d perfect the art of silence. I was beginning to hate it with everything I had inside of me. “I don’t want you hurt. Your brothers either.”

“You don’t know my brothers very well. Maybe we’ll have to change that. There are things that can be done to ensure Joel won’t be able to find you and if he does, I assure you the sheriff will have his ass locked up.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Then you’re going to allow him to win by running.”

“Which is exactly what you did, right?”

Ouch. “I deserved that.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Yeah, I did. I closed my eyes, rubbing my hand through my beard. “I have friends who can help.”

“No one can help. No one.” When she turned around to face me, she tilted her head to the side. “Is the hot tub on because I’m freezing.” She took a purposeful step away, crossing her arms over her chest and making a ‘brr’ sound.

Lord, God above. We could go from having a frank, difficult conversation to overheated in the matter of seconds. That intrigued the fuck out of me. She had two distinct sides.

Just like I did.

And tonight, I planned on taking full advantage of this one. Who wouldn’t?

But after tonight, I would hunt the fucker down.

“Yeah, it’s on. And very hot. Just like someone standing in front of me.” To prove a point, I moved to the cover, flipping it off in two moves. Steam rose into the air.

She cocked her pretty little head, daring to fold her arms. I reached down to the controls, turning on the colorful lights and the jets. Within a few seconds, the water was bubbling.

“Do you think that’s hot enough for you, little lady?”

“Mmm… Let me think. I don’t have a swimsuit.” Her words were little more than a ragged whisper. If she was trying to arouse me, it was working.

“Who needs a swimsuit?” I tugged on her coat, yanking her against me with enough force that she smacked her hands against my chest.

“What are you doing?”

I tilted her into a slight arch. “Do we need to keep going over that? Taking you. Which is all I want or need right now. Say no and you’ll see what happens.”

“I think I’ll tell you no just to do exactly that.”

“So you’re telling me no?” I challenged.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, grumpy guy. Do I need to spell the word for you?”

Dropping my head, I blew across her face a few times. She moaned, but the sound was meant to tease me. My balls were already blue from the intense craving.

“Your actions and disobedience have consequences.”

“Oh, yeah?” Her two little words were nothing more than a purr.

“Oh. Yeah.”

Bella rose onto her toes, planting one hot kiss on my lips, her actions forceful enough she managed to open my mouth, driving her tongue deep inside. Why was it that the taste of her was somehow better in the frigid temperatures? I wasn’t usually the kind of man to enjoy all this taunting foreplay, but my mind needed the break from the dark craving.

I would handle Joel Brockford myself. She would never need to cower in fear or worry the bastard would ever touch her daughter again.

But there was nothing I could do right now.

It was time to play.

And show her who was boss.

I allowed her kiss, enjoying the way the light breeze whipped across my skin, the softness of her lips and the building excitement from both of us letting go. But as usual, my patience was waning.

She shoved me away, slip sliding on the snow immediately. Her laugh floated into the night sky, the sound sweeter than ever before. As soon as she started to rip off her clothes, her boots going first, I did the same.

We might be nuts doing something like this, but it almost felt like I was a young man again, experiencing the joy of tasting a woman for the first time. She had that kind of effect on me.

When she was completely naked, she jumped through the remaining snow in her attempt to get to the hot tub. I was having none of it. She was such a tiny thing in comparison to my big, bulking body that all I had to do was reach out with one arm, lifting her off her feet and crowding her against me.

I had a distinct advantage.

She was naked.

I still had my boots on.

No cold feet.

“Oh, no, you don’t!” she squealed softly so as not to wake the sleeping child.

“Oh, yes, I do.” I started humming, another first in my lonely world, and brushed snow off the railing of the deck. When I planted her over the edge, the look she gave me was a clear indication she would lay in wait.

But without a doubt she would get me back.

“You wouldn’t dare,” she hissed.

“Wouldn’t I? You’ll learn I’m a man of my word.”

With that, I brought down my hand on her naked bottom.