Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

“ T he quiet but inexorable breaking down of self-esteem is much more sinister—it’s a violation of the soul.”

—Rachel Abbott

Bella

“I have the perfect idea,” Esme said as she lifted her glass of wine. “I’ll hire a dude to run him over with a Hummer.”

I almost choked on my merlot. I’d been thinking about similar methods of offing my ex. Each one a much more painful death than the idea before. “Not a bad idea, but messy.”

“Maybe, but it would be fun. Even better if you were behind the wheel. There must be fifty plus a million ways to kill your lover,” she continued, belting out the old country tune with updated phrasing.

“Yes, there definitely is.” I knew that well. I could never count the number of poisons Joel could ingest where no one would be the wiser. I’d easily be able to get away with murder given my current profession. What physician didn’t know about poisons? Although I was beginning to wonder how long I’d have my medical license so I could gain access to any toxic concoction.

I dug my fingernails into my palms, reminding myself I was escaping his tyranny.

“How about you bring him by the restaurant and I’ll add the poison to his food.” She was pleased with herself, shifting back and forth on the floor in a happy dance. “I’m also very good with a filet knife, remember.”

Bloody images filled my mind.

“I don’t think that’s the best thing for your successful career as a chef. Do you?” At least she could make me laugh.

“Party pooper,” she hissed and shook her head. Suddenly, it was like a light bulb went off inside that wacky brain of hers. “Why don’t I cut to the chase? My cousin knows some people. You know what I mean. People . They don’t necessarily follow the letter of the law. With a single phone call and a little bit of cash, your issue will vanish. Unless you’d prefer it like in The Sopranos series where the bloodied, chopped-up body washes up on the shore. Oh, I know, his body could be sent to his asshole father via Fed-Ex. That should do the trick.”

It would do the trick alright, including landing our asses in jail.

The woman was not only my best friend but my cheerleader through this… disaster of a life I currently had. As soon as my best friend leaned over, she sloshed wine on her pants and didn’t even seem to notice. I had to steady her with her arm to keep her from falling over. “You’re drunk, girl. I love you for all your magnificent thoughts, but I honestly don’t think I’d do well in prison.”

She snorted. “I beg to differ. You’d be the belle of the ball and it would be worth it to carve Joel up into teensy-tiny pieces. He’s a bastard. He hurt you.”

“Yeah, I know.” My knight in shining armor had turned into a gaslighting prick with a God complex. That was being kind.

That had been established even before I’d walked into my bedroom finding him in bed with my former friend, a woman from work I’d thought I could trust. Susie had been doing nothing more than playing a game with me while fucking my husband. Another wave of anger boiled my blood. “You haven’t even mentioned Susie’s demise.”

Her laugh was filled with an evil tone. “Oh, girl. I’ve written down on paper how that bitch will be terminated. Maybe thin razor wire.”

Now she sounded like Arnold in a famous sci-fi movie. After everything I’d been through, all the horrible threats and innuendoes as well as recent efforts to derail my career, at least I could count on Esme to make things seem less horrible. “I’m going to miss you, girl.”

“Then why are you going? Stand up for your rights!”

My rights were to get the hell out of Baltimore to somewhere I could start over without a rich dickhead breathing down my neck, acting as if he was going to take my daughter away from me. He wasn’t even her sperm donor, let alone her father. Granted, Joel had been the only father Cally had ever known, but he’d shown very little interest in her until I’d tossed him from the house.

“I’ve tried. You know that. I have a little girl and a career to try and salvage.” The video my ex had sent only a week before had reminded me quite painfully of the power and influence he had in Baltimore. His family was rich and could easily ruin me by making a few phone calls.

“Why is that bastard rearing his ugly head after you filed for divorce almost six months ago?” Esme scoffed. She tossed her hair in my direction, another highlight of her contempt for the man.

“Because he fucked up on a surgery and I was asked to take over. He blames me.” He was even reprimanded by the hospital administrator. The man didn’t like my ex very much and made it quite apparent whose corner he was in. That’s when things had gotten really ugly, his last visit leaving bruises. I couldn’t tell Esme the worst of it or I had no what she would do.

“Take him down. Go to the press. Make it known how he treated you and baby Cally.”

I shifted against the couch, avoiding another round of tears like the plague. I’d cried enough over the loss of my marriage. I’d thought it a fairytale, not a nightmare. “I just can’t do that to Cally.” My daughter was the best thing that had ever happened in my life. I was determined to provide her with a better life.

“I get it, but this isn’t like you. Running away?”

Maybe I was, but after going through all the scenarios, I knew there was no other chance at finding happiness. “What other choice do I have?”

Not that her influence over a man who had ties to some pretty bad people didn’t sound appealing.

She huffed and jerked up, her body swaying from the amount of wine we’d consumed. “More wine and ice cream. That’s what the doctor ordered.”

“I need to go home.”

“Cally is already asleep and I refuse to allow you to drive. Besides, with you determined to leave in the morning, I need to spend as much time with my bestie as possible. Where the hell are you going again?”

“Just someplace special.” I’d thrown a dart at a map of the surrounding states, hoping to land somewhere I’d find happiness.

If that was possible.

“Well, you’ve got guts, lady. I’ll give you that, but my offer to have him taken out like the bastard he is still stands.”

“And I love you for it.”

After she walked from the room, I pulled my phone from my jeans pocket. I’d watched the ugly video at least fifty times and every time pulled me further into darkness and hatred. If he released the raunchy video to the press or the hospital administrators, my career would be over anyway. I’d been so stupid to trust him. I’d been blinded by his wealth and good looks, falling into the predator’s lair.

The only thing I could do was to start a new life.

And pray my past wouldn’t follow.