Epilogue

EPILOGUE

MAKE CHANGE EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE REVIEW

First Name: Liam

Last Name: Fieldstone

Title: CEO, boss, owner, founder, boyfriend

Attitude: Mr. Fieldstone brings energy and positivity into the workspace, inspiring his employee(s) and presenting an excellent (and handsome) face of the company.

Timeliness: Mr. Fieldstone only struggles with arriving or completing tasks in a timely manner when he is distracted by personal matters. For example, kissing.

Initiative: Mr. Fieldstone shows great initiative and has excellent ideas for moving the company forward. He is also very good at planning creative dates, even though he should know it’s totally fine to stay in sometimes and watch movies on the couch.

Creativity: In the office, Mr. Fieldstone fosters a contagious commitment to creativity. No idea is too small or out of the box. The same is true for his personal life, namely in the number of places he has suggested as locations for kissing.

Greatest Strengths: Mr. Fieldstone makes it a personal goal to know as much as possible about any relevant topic. From accounting and nonprofit grants to hockey stats and kissing techniques, he will not rest until he has full mastery and knowledge.

Areas needing improvement: If anything, Mr. Fieldstone cares too much. About his job, about other people, and especially about his only full-time employee. He tends to get hangry at eleven a.m., but giving him a protein-based snack seems to help. Mr. Fieldstone is also excellent at paying compliments to others, but he should be kinder to himself. He’s amazing in every possible way, even when he’s rambling about dinosaurs or spreadsheet formulas. Especially when he’s rambling about dinosaurs and spreadsheet formulas.

Overall Performance: Mr. Fieldstone is easy to work with, genuine in his interactions, and incredibly thorough. He has a unique combination of brilliance and patience that allows him to teach others without patronizing them. He is also particularly adept at kissing in stairwells, which is foundational to his company’s success.

Reviewer’s Personal Notes: I love you, Mr. Fieldstone. You’re the best boss I’ve ever had, the best boyfriend, and my best friend. Which may make this entire review biased. In fact, you should probably toss it out. But I’m guessing instead, you’ll commit it to memory AND hang it on the fridge in a laminated cover.

Summary: I wouldn’t change a thing about you.